Repentance
by AllorNothingKR
Summary: All Human B/E-After becoming victim to a horrible college initiation ritual, Bella drops out of school to deal with the consequences of that night. How will she react when she learns the one she loved had been keeping a very dark secret from her?
1. Chapter 1

*****NOTE: This is an All Human Bella/Edward story. It is rated NC-17 for adult content. There is also a rape scene described in this chapter. It's not extremely graphic, but you've been warned!**

Chapter 1:

This was never easy, but it was becoming manageable. I think I had gone an entire week without crying this time. That was the longest stretch of time since it happened.

I was a content honor's student in college before everything changed. I didn't lead a privileged life by any means, but I had good friends and I was on my way to being an English Professor, which is what I always wanted. I never partied much, never skipped class, and I never accepted candy from strangers. I did everything my mom and dad taught me, but I never knew things like this happened to girls like me.

I had heard the rumors going around about one of the fraternities initiation rituals - raping unsuspecting girls. I assumed this only happened at the out of control frat parties held off campus, after a lot of alcohol. Girls were stupid for being there anyways, they were asking for it, or so I thought.

It all happened so fast, I never saw it coming. I had been to the library late one night cramming for a history exam. At 1:00 a.m. I decided I should head back to my dorm to get some rest.

It was dark, cold and pouring rain that night. Typical weather for Washington. To make matters worse, I had forgotten my umbrella. I pulled my rain coat tight across my body and pulled the hood over my head before throwing my bag on my back and heading out into the rain. I couldn't run for the weight of my bag. All I could hear was the rain hitting metal roofs nearby and mixing with the soiled grass. I never heard him coming. When I hit the ground, I initially thought I had tripped. When I was forcefully turned on my back and drug a few feet behind some bushes, I realized that wasn't the case at all.

The man that towered over me stuffed a rain soaked cloth in my mouth to muffle my cries. He had a black ski mask on and he tried desperately to avoid my eyes. I could smell the liquor on his breath, even through the mask. I tried to fight him off, but when I heard guys laughing nearby, I knew there was no hope. I had become the victim of an initiation ritual.

His hands were shaking violently and he struggled to undo my belt and the button on my jeans. After several encouraging remarks from the guys watching nearby, he managed to get my jeans down to my ankles. He only used one hand to rip the delicate fabric of my panties away from my skin. I pleaded with him through my eyes not to do it as he got into position on top of me. My sobs were causing me to hyperventilate and I thought I would surely choke on the cloth in my mouth.

He hesitated for a moment before he plunged into me with full force. The pain was unreal. I felt like I had been ripped open. I gasped for air and screamed in pain, the cloth only slightly concealing my loud cries then. I heard the other guys clapping and offering congratulations.

It only lasted a few minutes and he was done. He collapsed on top of me momentarily before he heard the footsteps of his friends getting closer. He shifted his weight off of me, looked me in the eyes and in barely a whisper, he said, "I'm sorry." His friends pulled him to his feet and they all disappeared into the darkness between two buildings nearby.

I laid there for hours praying to die. Somehow I felt like the rain was cleaning me, so I didn't move. Someone must have found me the next morning. I spent the next two days in the hospital recovering from hypothermia and telling the police everything I knew, but it wasn't enough.

I dropped out of school and moved back to Forks, with my dad. He was the one who made me go to the doctor when I got sick. I knew what was wrong. I didn't need a doctor to tell me. I was pregnant.

Everyone around town seemed to know what happened. Word travels fast in a small town. I got a job at the diner and made pretty good money off tips because people felt sorry for the Chief's daughter. I had never felt more ashamed of myself, especially when I started showing. I wasn't wild about the idea of an abortion, and Charlie was totally against it. I couldn't afford it in time anyway. I was going to give the baby up for adoption as soon as it was born. With any luck, I would be back in school the following year. That was the plan.

Things didn't go as planned. The only people in the room with me when he was born were the doctors, my mom and Alice. Thank God for Alice. She was the only one I could depend on, besides my parents. The nurse mistakenly put him in my arms after he was born. I wasn't supposed to see him. I saw my mom and Alice exchange nervous looks. The nurse realized her mistake and rushed to take him away, but I wouldn't let her. I couldn't stop staring at him. I thought he was going to look like a monster, but he was beautiful. I held him for four hours before I officially made up my mind. I wasn't giving him up. I had no idea what I would do with him, but I couldn't live with myself not knowing where he was or how he was.

My mom stayed in town longer than was planned and Alice became a life saver. I didn't have much. Alice bought me a bassinet as a gift and several outfits for him. Charlie and mom went in together and bought a few months worth of diapers and formula. By the time my mom went home to Jacksonville, I had everything I would need.

I named him Masen. Masen Charles Swan. Fortunately, he was born during the summer and school wasn't in session, so Alice stayed with me the entire time. She kept Masen while I went to work at the diner. I insisted on moving back to Seattle before the next semester started.

I had been so busy over the summer, working as much as possible and sleeping very little, that I hadn't really taken time to think about what happened. I needed to stay busy, to forget.

Charlie was sad to see us go. It took some time, but he grew to love Masen. Alice and I followed Charlie in the U-Haul to Seattle. I was so glad he let me take my bedroom furniture. I had nothing else and didn't want to waste the money. I sold my truck for extra cash. I got a tiny apartment in the city so I wouldn't really need it. Charlie promised he would come get us whenever I wanted to come home.

It was dark by the time we had my stuff moved into the tiny apartment. It was time for Alice and Charlie to go. Fortunately, Alice was staying just across town with her boyfriend, Jasper.

I could tell Charlie was worried about me. "Bella, are you sure this is what you want? This isn't the best part of town."

I shrugged my shoulders. "It's fine, and it's close to the library. We'll be okay."

Charlie handed me a check. "I put some money back for both of you. It's not much, but its all I could do in the short time."

The check was for a thousand dollars. I hugged him tightly. "Thanks, Dad. It means a lot."

"I did too." Alice chimed in, with tears in her eyes. She handed me a check.

I didn't even look at it. "Alice, no. I can't. You don't even work!"

"Please, Bella. Take it. I'm going to get a job when school starts. It's from my trust fund."

"Alice, I can't."

"Stop being too proud, Bella. Take it. He's growing so fast, he'll need new clothes soon. And who knows when you'll be able to find a job."

I looked at it. Three thousand dollars. I shook my head. "No way, Alice. This is way too much. Why don't you hold on to it and if I need it, I'll let you know."

"Nice try. I will not accept no for an answer." She kissed my forehead. "Sleep tight, Bella. Call me if you need anything at all."

I gave in and nodded my head in agreement. They both headed to the door. Alice hugged me goodbye. Charlie hugged me too. "Bye, Bells. I love you. Call me, everyday. Okay? I'm going to be worried about you."

"I'll be fine, Dad. Really, don't worry."

I closed the door behind them. I took a deep breath. Who was I kidding? I was scared to death. I had never been alone since it happened. I locked my door and re-checked it several times. I even went so far as to push my couch partially in front of the door. Just in case. I checked on Masen to make sure he was still asleep before I got in the shower.

After I got in bed, I realized I only had enough formula for Masen in the morning, and nothing for me. I sighed and went to bed hungry. I had planned the following day to go see about getting the help that single mom's got. Food stamps, free milk, whatever, I didn't care. Every little bit helped. I had stashed a fair bit of cash, and Charlie's and Alice's contributions definitely helped, but the fear was still in the back of my mind that I wouldn't be able to succeed.

That was the first night I had nightmares, when I was alone in that tiny apartment. I woke up screaming, which caused Masen to scream. I heard an angry woman knocking on the wall in the apartment next to mine.

The nightmares never let up. I wasn't sure if it was being alone, or being back in Seattle. The anxiety of knowing that the man that did this to me was walking around somewhere in this city was getting harder and harder to deal with. I wondered if he would recognize me. I certainly had no idea what he looked like. I knew Masen must look like him, because he barely resembled me. I spent many sleepless nights wondering if Masen would turn into a monster, like his father.

I found a job just before school started. I was a receptionist at a moderately sized law firm across town. It wasn't hard, and I could do my homework and study during the day and attend a few classes at night. It would take me forever to finish school at that rate, but I would eventually.

Masen stayed at a government controlled daycare while I was at work. It wouldn't have been my first choice of places for him, but it was close by and I got a discount through the state. Alice kept him the three nights of the week I had class. I felt like I never saw him anymore.

***

After a year back in Seattle, I was almost feeling normal again. I had settled into my routine and so had Masen. It was still hard. I still cried, a lot. There were many times when I felt like I couldn't do this anymore. I wanted to give up.

I had massive anxiety when it was dark and raining outside. I skipped a few classes because I was afraid to navigate the campus alone after dark in the rain. Fortunately, I had confided in my professors and they were very grateful to send me the assignments via email if I missed class.

The first time I met him, it had been a horrible day. I was really busy at work and didn't get to work on school stuff. I was late picking up Msaen and had to pay a dollar for every minute I was late. It was only ten dollars, but that was a lot to me. I just wanted to get home. I had Masen in my arms along with my purse, backpack, and two bags of groceries. It was cold outside and I was still two blocks away from my building.

One of my plastic bags caught on a vendor's display rack on the street and cans of soup and spaghetti o's went rolling down the sidewalk. As tears stung my eyes, and Masen cried, I followed the cans with my eyes. They were stopped a few feet ahead of me by a pair of brown leather loafers. I stood up straight and looked at the man who stopped them. He was dressed nicely for this part of town. He had on khaki pants and a dark green cashmere sweater with a button up shirt under it. He must have been at the public library up the street. He had a satchel slung across his chest. As my eyes found his face I noticed he looked shocked and scared. He was making me nervous.

"Are you alright?" I asked, noticing the color fading from his face.

He fumbled for words. "Um, yes. I'm alright. Let me help you," he finally said, picking up the cans at his feet. "Are you going far? I'll walk with you."

"Um, just a few blocks. I think I'll be okay."

"No, please," he said, as he put the cans in his satchel and took the other plastic bag of groceries from me. "It's no problem."

I finally agreed, as I felt the weight of Masen making my arm cramp. We walked silently to my apartment. He took the elevator up to the 5th floor with me. I unlocked my door and let everything fall from my arms as soon as I was across the threshold. I put Masen in his playpen in the corner. He was almost 16 months old now and he got into trouble every chance he got.

The nicely dressed man unloaded the cans on to my kitchen counter and then stood by the door. I noticed he was looking around my apartment, he was probably disgusted. He had probably never seen government housing before.

"It's all I can afford," I finally said.

He glanced at me quickly. "No, I wasn't..."

"It's fine. It's not easy being a single mom. I'm doing the best I can." It was one of those days where I just wanted to feel sorry for myself and I wanted people to stop judging me.

He stood there speechless. He fumbled for words again. "I didn't...I wasn't..."

I cut him off. "Thank you for helping us." I opened the door and held it open, waiting for him to leave. He didn't move. His attention was focused on Masen who was standing up in his playpen, staring back at him. "Sorry about him, he's never seen a guy in here before." I laughed.

"No, no. It's okay. I'm sorry," he darted out the door quickly.

"Awkward," I said to myself as I closed the door and locked it. "You scared him, Masen!"

Masen laughed loudly and bounced up and down in his playpen, begging for my attention.

A couple weeks passed before I saw him again. They had been a few good weeks. The nightmares had let up, and I was getting a little more sleep. I was in the library getting some reference books for my English mid-term when I noticed him asleep at a table nearby. His hair was unmistakable and recognizable anywhere. It was a big bronze disheveled mess.

"What are you studying?" I asked, startling him. He picked his head up from the desk quickly and his face lost color again.

"Um, contracts and torts," he replied.

"That's exciting," I said sarcastically. "You in law school?"

"Yes, thank you for waking me. I didn't realize I had fallen asleep."

"No problem. Hey, thanks again for the other day. It was a bad day."

That was the first time I saw him smile. It seemed familiar. He was beautiful when he smiled. "Your welcome. What are you studying?" he asked.

"Oh, I'm just getting some reference material for my English paper," I said, holding up the books in my arms. "I better get going, it's getting late." In fact, it was getting dark and it was raining and I didn't want to get caught outside in the rain and the dark.

"I was just leaving. Let me walk you home?" he asked, as he gathered his books up.

I turned around and glanced out the large glass windows that faced the street. Rain was coming down in sheets and there was no trace of the sun. "Okay." I agreed. "Let me check these out real quick and I'll meet you out front."

He shook his head in agreement and I headed downstairs to the checkout counter. When I finished, I turned around to see him standing near the exit doors with a large umbrella that must have been under the table upstairs.

"I never caught your name," he said as he pushed open the door for me.

"Bella."

"Bella," he repeated. "I'm Edward. Edward Cullen."

"Nice to meet you, again."

He smiled that crooked smile again and we headed outside and he held the umbrella over us the entire way back to my apartment. He stayed with me all the way up to the apartment, stopping at my door.

"Thank you for walking me home. You can't come in though. My best friend is inside with Masen and she'll flip out if she knew I let some strange guy walk me home." I laughed.

He laughed too. "Just some strange guy, huh?"

I felt my cheeks flush. "You know what I mean," I said, looking down.

"His name is Masen?"

I looked up quickly. "Oh, yes. My son. Masen."

"That's nice."

I smiled. "Thanks, I better get inside."

He shook his head and started to walk back towards the elevators. He stopped and turned around. "Bella?"

I looked up from the door handle where I had inserted my key. My eyes met his. "Hmm?"

"Would you like to go to dinner sometime?"

I was at a loss for words. Why would he want to take me to dinner? I looked down at myself, trying to remember what I had worn that day. I was still in my work clothes, a pair of black slacks and a red sweater. Nothing fancy. I probably smelled like diapers.

"Um..." I hesitated. My door flew open and startled me.

Alice popped her head out. "She would love to!" She disappeared behind the door almost as quickly as she had appeared. She must have had her ear glued to the door. I was so embarrassed.

Edward and I both laughed. "I'm sorry," I said, apologizing for Alice's behavior.

"It's quite alright. I hope she's right," he said.

"Right?" I asked.

"I hope she's right, that you would love to go to dinner sometime."

"Oh." I blushed again. I took a deep breath. "Okay. After mid-terms though. I'm so busy."

He smiled. "That's perfect." He took a few steps towards me and handed me his cell phone. I looked at him with a confused look on my face.

"Put your number in there," he laughed. "I'll call you next week, after mid-terms."

"Oh, right. I'm sorry, I'm not used to..."

He cut me off. "It's okay."

My fingers shook as I typed in my cell phone number. I handed it back to him.

"Thank you. Goodnight, Bella." He turned back towards the elevators.

"Goodnight, Edward." I walked into my apartment, not yet ready to deal with the wrath of Alice.

*****Author's Note: Thanks for reading! I hope you all enjoyed it. There's much much more to come! **

**Follow me on Twitter! AllOrNothingKR**


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2:

"Mama!" Masen ran to me and I picked him up.

"Tell me everything!" Alice squealed.

I walked past her and set my things down next to the coffee table. "Has he eaten?" I asked, trying to avoid her question.

"He has eaten, been bathed, and I read him a bedtime story. Stop stalling!"

I laughed. "Let me put him to bed first, okay?"

Alice shook her head and sat down on the couch and waited patiently.

I took Masen and placed him in his crib, which was next to my bed. His eye lids were already heavy. They always were when Alice kept him. She was exhausting, even to a child. I covered him up and gave him his favorite stuffed monkey.

"Goodnight sweet boy." I kissed his forehead and waited for him to fall asleep. It never took long. He was a good baby, always had been.

I went back into the living room to see Alice with eager eyes. "We have to make this quick; I have a paper to write," I said.

Alice ignored my statement. "So, where did you meet him? He's really handsome, Bella!"

"I ran into him at the library. He's the strange guy that helped me home a few weeks ago."

"That's him?? There is nothing strange about that man, Bella! He's gorgeous and nicely dressed!"

I laughed. "He's in law school. I don't get it. What on earth would he want to do with me?? He knows I have Masen, he knows I live in this dump. I don't get why he is at all interested in me."

"Who cares, Bella! At least it's a free meal, right? You can always use those!"

I shook my head. "I guess. He'll probably never call anyway."

"If he does, you're going and I'm dressing you!"

I started to protest and then I remembered all the wonderful things Alice had done for me, like watching Masen all the time and expecting nothing in return. It was the least I could do. "Okay, I'll let you. It will be a one time thing though!"

Alice squealed. "Wonderful! I can't wait! You better call me the second you hear from him!"

I laughed. "Okay, Alice. I promise, but don't get your hopes up. I'm not," I joked as I walked her to the door. "Thanks again for watching Masen."

"It was my pleasure!" She gave me a hug and left.

I tried to put Edward out of my mind and focus on my paper, but I couldn't get his wicked smile to disappear from the back of my eye lids. I was secretly hoping he would call.

***

The last day of mid-terms finally arrived and I was beyond relieved. It had been a really rough week. Masen had been sick, I missed a few days at work and trying to keep my grades up was becoming very challenging.

I put Masen to bed and sat on the couch with a cup of hot tea. After taking a sip of my tea, I rested my head on the back of the couch and closed my eyes and enjoyed the absolute silence around me. Silence was rare these days.

I don't know how long I had been asleep. My phone ringing woke me. I didn't recognize the number on the caller id and my heart pounded in my chest momentarily.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Bella. It's Edward, from the library."

I smiled. "Oh, hi. How are you?"

"I'm doing well, glad mid-terms are over! Did you survive yours?"

"Just barely! It has been a long week to say the least."

"I can imagine. I don't know how you do it!"

I sighed. "Me either."

"Well, perhaps to celebrate the end of mid-terms, you'll let me take you to dinner this weekend."

"Sure, that would be nice."

"Great, when is a good time for you?"

"Um..." I hesitated. "You know, I'll have to get back to you. I will have to check with Alice, to see if she can keep Masen."

"Okay, well, you have my number now."

"Okay, I'll give her a call tonight and get back to you, okay?"

"That sounds good, Bella. I look forward to hearing from you."

"Goodnight." I hung up and leaned back into the couch, wondering again why he wanted anything to do with my crazy life.

After making arrangements with Alice and Edward, our date was set for the following evening. I was a nervous wreck by the time Alice arrived late Saturday afternoon. I was sort of glad she was helping me get ready. It felt nice to be pampered for a change and let someone else do my hair. I couldn't remember the last time I left the house with my hair down. I always only had time to sweep it up into a pony tail. It was just easier that way and it kept Masen from getting strange substances stuck in my hair.

Alice and I went back and forth several times trying to decide on my wardrobe and we finally settled on two different outfits. We let Masen choose.

The first option was a pair of gray dress slacks with a black turtle neck sweater and black boots. That was my choice. Alice preferred a cream colored sweater dress with a black belt at the waist and black pumps.

We laid the outfits out on the bed and told Masen to pick which one he liked best.

"I like dis one!" he said, as he reached forward for the cream colored dress.

Alice was quicker than Masen and she grabbed his eager hands before he could touch the dress. "Don't you touch that dress with those dirty hands!" she warned.

Masen laughed at her and so did I. I guess I was wearing the dress.

Once I was fully dressed and my hair and make-up were done, I must say, I was pretty impressed with myself. I was actually looking forward to my date with Edward now. I couldn't remember the last time I had an adult conversation that lasted longer than a few minutes.

Alice made her final observations of me, circling me to make sure everything was perfect. I stopped her when she came back in front of me. I grabbed her hand. "Alice, thank you. Really. It's been a long time since I felt pretty."

Alice's smile reached from ear to ear. She embraced me quickly. "You're welcome. I'm so glad I could help. You deserve a night out. Promise me you won't worry about Masen, or school or anything! Just have a good time and stay out as long as you want!"

I laughed. "I'm sure he'll be sick of me by the end of dinner!"

"Nonsense, Bella!"

A knock at the door interrupted us. I took a deep breath and went to answer it.

"Hi," I said. He looked so gorgeous. His smile absolutely made my knees shake. He was wearing a pair of black dress slacks with a gray sweater. The thought of sex vaguely entered my mind before I instantly recalled my last encounter with the subject. I forced the images from my mind. Nobody had ever made me desire sex, since I was raped.

"Hi," he smiled. "Are you ready to go?"

"Uh, yea. Let me tell Masen goodbye and grab my purse. You can come in."

Edward stepped into my small apartment and stood by the door while I did what I needed to do. I took Masen from Alice while she officially introduced herself to Edward.

"I'm Alice. I don't think we actually met last time."

Edward shook her hand. "I'm Edward. It's nice to meet you, Alice. Thank you for allowing Bella to go to dinner with me this evening."

"It's my pleasure, Edward! The girl never gets to have fun!"

"Alice!" I reprimanded. I didn't want him to think I was a total loser. She heeded my warning and came to take Masen from me.

"Hand him over before your dress is covered in slobber and who knows what else," Alice said.

I hugged Masen before handing him over. "Be good for Ms. Alice," I said, kissing him on the forehead. "I love you."

"Love Mama!" he said, waving goodbye to me.

I turned to see Edward's eyes fixed on the scene playing out in front of him. "I'm ready now," I finally said.

"Oh, of course. I'm sorry; I zoned out," he responded.

I laughed to myself momentarily. It was as if he had never seen a child before.

We made our way outside. "I'm parked just down here," he said, directing me to the left. It was easy to spot his car. There weren't cars like his that often made it to this side of town. He opened the passenger door of the shiny volvo for me.

I slid in gracefully. "Thank you."

He smiled and made his way around the car. We talked mostly about school on the way to the restaurant. He was a first year law student and was doing pretty well, much to his surprise.

We arrived to a little Italian restaurant I had never seen before. Actually, I couldn't remember the last time I ate out. It was probably in Forks. Edward parked the car and as I reached up to open my door he said, "Let me get that for you." He got out of the car quickly and opened my door for me, holding out a hand to help me out.

We went inside the restaurant and I was surprised to see that he actually made reservations for us. The small restaurant was packed full of people. The host led us to a small table in the back of the restaurant. It was a very intimate setting. There were warm colors, lots of greenery and beautiful portraits of Italian villages.

"This place is really nice," I said.

"I'm glad you like it. The food is amazing. It's one of my favorite restaurants in Seattle. Would you like a glass of wine? The house riesling is really good, if you like white wine."

_*Wine? I've never drank wine. I don't drink. Maybe this could be an exception. _"Sure, that sounds good."

Edward ordered our drinks for us and we discussed various things on the menu before both placing our orders with the waiter. I ordered the tortellini and he ordered the veal parmesan.

"I meant to tell you earlier, you look really beautiful tonight. I've never seen you with your hair down," he said.

I felt the blood rushing to my cheeks. "Thank you." I concentrated on taking a sip of my wine to avoid his gaze.

"So, are you originally from Seattle?" I asked.

"I grew up in Portland. I've been out here since I was 18 though. My parents still live in Portland. My father is a doctor there."

"Oh, wow. A doctor and a lawyer in the same family. You guys are all set." I laughed. "What does your mother do?"

"She was a stay at home mom. I honestly have no idea what she does all day now. She is involved with several different charities and youth organizations."

"That's nice. Do you have siblings?"

"Yes, an older sister. Her name is Rosalie. We're pretty different though. She works at an advertising agency in Portland."

"Are you close with your family?" I asked.

"Um, I was. Not so much lately. You see, my dad wanted me to be a doctor like him. I had planned on it, and um, I just changed my mind during undergrad. He wasn't happy. He'll get over it one day. He just thinks I'm making a big mistake. He just doesn't understand."

"Oh, sorry for all the questions," I said, feeling like I was intruding.

"No, its alright. So, what's your family like?"

"Well, my parents divorced when I was little. I pretty much grew up with my mom in Phoenix until I was 16. I went to live with my dad in Forks, Washington when my mom went on the road with her boyfriend. He's the Police Chief there. I didn't really like Forks, but I like Seattle."

"Police Chief, huh?" He laughed. "I guess I better make sure to treat his daughter right."

I laughed. "Yea, he's pretty protective. But, I think you're doing a pretty good job so far."

He smiled that crooked smile and I felt a million butterflies flutter up in my stomach.

"So, do you work, or just go to school and take girls out on fancy dates?" I joked.

He laughed. "Well, I work part time at the law library on campus. Everyone knows me there, so I find it hard to get any studying done. I always go to the public library up from your place to study. And, to be honest, you're the first girl I've taken out on a date in almost two years."

"Oh," I said, not knowing what to say.

Our food arrived just then and while we ate we talked about our likes and dislikes in music and books. He loved to read as much as I did and we had some great conversation regarding some of our previous reads.

"How is it?" I asked, referring to his veal.

"It's really good. You should try it. Would you like a bite?"

"I've never had veal," I responded.

"It's sort of like chicken, but better," he laughed.

"Okay, I'll try it."

He cut a small portion of the veal parmesan and held his fork up to my mouth. I was a bit surprised at first that he was feeding me, but I quickly parted my lips.

"Mmm," I said, as my lips left the fork. "That is really good."

He smiled. "I told you so."

Dinner continued with ease. I increasingly became more and more comfortable around him. I was extremely grateful he never asked about Masen, although I wondered what he thought. We shared many of the same interests, the largest differences being our families' financial backgrounds. It amazed me how down to earth he was.

We took a long walk along the waterfront before heading back to the car. It got chilly after the sun went down, but it wasn't too bad. It was a clear night and I was surprised at how familiar Edward was with astrology.

After we got back to my place, he walked me up to my apartment.

"I had a really wonderful time, Bella. I hope we can do this again soon."

I smiled. "I had a good time too. It's been a really long time since I've gotten to do anything like that."

He leaned down and kissed my cheek. "I'll call you tomorrow."

I was frozen from his touch. I got a whiff of his cologne when he leaned in to kiss me and it absolutely intoxicated me. I finally made the word, "okay," come out of my mouth before disappearing inside.

*****Author's Note: Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed! I'm glad you like the story so far and I hope you continue to like it! Reviews are VERY much appreciated! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, there is more to come soon! **

**Follow me on Twitter for the scoop on updates (to all my stories). AllOrNothingKR**


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3:

It was late when I got in and Alice was asleep on the couch. She woke up when I closed the door behind me.

"Hey," she yawned. "How did it go?"

I grinned from ear to ear. "It went really well."

She laughed and patted the spot next to her on the couch. "Tell me everything!"

We sat on the couch for over an hour and I told her every little detail. She was really excited for me.

"He's so gorgeous, Alice. I just don't get what he sees in me! We're from two different worlds."

"Stop being so hard on yourself, Bella. Any man would be lucky to have you!"

I sighed. "Well, I guess we'll see if he calls tomorrow. I don't want to like him, but I do."

Alice laughed. "Why don't you want to like him? What isn't to like! He's gorgeous, rich and smart!"

"I don't know. I just don't want to get hurt."

"You have to learn to take risks, Bella. No pain, no gain."

"Yea, in case you haven't noticed, Alice, I'm not much of a risk taker," I laughed.

"Maybe it's time for change, Bella," Alice said seriously.

"Maybe, but it's still early. What do I tell him if he asks about Masen?"

"I don't know. I was wondering about that too."

I sighed. "I'm not telling him the truth, I can't."

Alice shook her head in agreement. "How about your high school sweetheart? When you got pregnant, he left. That sounds good, right?"

I laughed. "I guess."

"I've got to get going. See you next week!"

"Okay, thanks again."

She smiled and let herself out.

I didn't sleep much that night. I couldn't help but see Edward's striking features when I closed my eyes. I found myself wondering what he looked like without clothes on. Those thoughts especially scared me.

I was grateful when the sun finally rose and I could get out of bed. I used the few hours Masen slept in to get some homework and cleaning done. It was shortly before noon when I heard my cell ringing. I tripped over one of Masen's toys while running to the kitchen to find my purse.

"Hello?" I answered, breathless. Masen was still laughing loudly at my clumsiness.

Edward laughed. "What's got him so tickled?"

I laughed too. "He's laughing at me. I tripped trying to get to the phone."

"I wish I could've seen that!"

"No, really, it was quite embarrassing, even if he's the only one who saw it."

Edward laughed again. "Well, I hope it's not too soon, but I wanted to see if you'd like to go to dinner again, tonight perhaps?"

"Um...," I hesitated. "Well, I'd like to, but I don't think I am able to."

"You can say no, if you want."

I laughed. "No, I mean, no, I want to." I fumbled my words. "Its just that, I can't ask Alice to keep Masen again. The weekends are the only time she and Jasper really get together and I kept her from him last night."

"Is Jasper her boyfriend?"

"Oh, yea, sorry."

He laughed. "That's alright. Well, you can say no, but what if I make you and Masen dinner, at my place. I really like you, Bella. I know our schedules are insanely busy during the week, so I guess I'm being greedy by wanting to see you again tonight."

I giggled and my heart raced. "Are you sure? I mean, dealing with me is one thing, but dealing with me and Masen will be a handful."

Edward laughed. "I'm sure I can handle it. Does Masen require any sort of special diet?"

"No, he can eat whatever we eat. Whether he will or not, is another story. But I'll take care of him, you just worry about us."

"I can do that. How does 6 o'clock sound?"

"That's fine, but there's one other problem."

"What is that?" Edward asked.

"Um, I don't have a car and I don't like to take the bus after dark with Masen."

"I'll pick you both up at 5:30 p.m. then, you'll just have to help me cook."

I smiled. "You've got yourself a deal."

As soon as I got off the phone with him I started frantically running around the house wondering what Masen and I were going to wear. I called Alice for suggestions and between the two of us we figured it out. She also suggested I bring desert, which was a good idea.

Masen and I ran to the store and got the necessary ingredients. I spent the majority of the afternoon making sure my homemade apple pie turned out perfectly.

As soon as I got Masen down for his nap, I hit the shower and began the never ending task of my hair. I wanted to wear it down, for Edward. I tried to mimic what Alice had done to it the previous evening, but I wasn't exactly successful. I clipped some of it back from my face and left the majority of it down and slightly wavy. I decided on a v-neck, fitted, dark crimson imitation cashmere sweater with a nice pair of dark wash skinny jeans. A black belt and black ballet flats finished the look. I wanted to be casual, but still look nice. I dressed Masen in blue jeans and a dark blue sweater and then I gave him a talk.

"Masen, we're going to visit a friend for dinner tonight, okay?"

Masen eagerly shook his head. "Ms. Alwice?" he asked.

"No, not Ms. Alice. We're going to see my friend, Edward. You have to be on your best behavior, okay?"

Masen laughed and shook his head in agreement. "Try not to have a stinky in your diaper, that's not cute," I joked.

Masen giggled. "tinky!" he exclaimed. Stinky was his newest word and he loved repeating it. I got all of our things together and set them by the door. Between my purse, Masen's diaper bag, a smaller bag full of things to entertain him and his car seat, Edward would think we were moving in. The site at the front door almost made me want to cry. It was such a production to go anywhere. Surely Edward wouldn't be expecting all this, but it was necessary with an 18 month old. I was making sure I had everything together when I heard a knock at the door.

I took a deep breath and opened the door. "Hi, Edward. Come on in."

Edward came inside and stood near the door while I went to grab Masen. He started screaming as soon as I told him we were leaving. "What's wrong? I told you we were leaving."

He started pointing behind me. "Unky!"

"You're monkey. Right. We'll get your monkey." I ran back to the bedroom and grabbed his stuffed monkey from his crib. I met Edward back at the front door. "Are you sure your ready for this?" I laughed.

Edward laughed too. "I'm sure."

"Okay, well, we have to get all of this stuff downstairs," I said, gesturing to the pile next to the door.

"Oh, wow. I didn't even think about a car seat!" Edward laughed.

"Yea, it's a big production to take us anywhere."

"Nonsense, Bella," Edward said, grabbing the car seat and the diaper bag. I took Masen and my purse. I couldn't believe how willing he was to jump in and help with Masen. We made it outside and down the street a little ways to Edward's car. He opened the passenger side door and scooted the seat up and placed the car seat in the back seat. "I have no idea how to install that thing," he laughed.

"I'll do it. Do you mind holding him for a second? If I put him down, he'll disappear."

Edward laughed. "I don't mind at all," he said as he took Masen from me. I struggled with the car seat for a few minutes. I was used to having a little more room in a four door car, unlike Edward's two door.

I was a little surprised when I turned around. Masen was asleep in Edward's arms, his head nuzzled into his neck. Edward was brushing a lock of hair back from Masen's eye. Our eyes met and Edward smiled at me. My heart melted. Edward stepped around me and placed Masen in the car seat. "I'll let you buckle him in. I'll probably screw it up."

I laughed at him and did as he suggested. It was a quiet ride to his apartment on the other side of town. He lived in a nice area, like Alice. We took the elevator to the 10th floor and entered his apartment. Masen was still asleep and I placed him on a blanket on the floor with some pillows around him from Edward's couch.

"You have an amazing waterfront view," I said, looking out the wall of windows in his living room.

"Yea, that's why I got this place. It's a little small, but it works, and you can't beat the view.

I continued to look around his apartment. "I didn't know you were musically inclined too," I said, noting his guitar and keyboard in the corner. "Is there anything you can't do?" I joked.

Edward laughed. "I can't instal car seats."

I laughed too and nudged him in the side.

We started working on dinner in the kitchen. He was making baked salmon, baked potatoes and a salad. I was cutting up tomatoes for the salad when we suddenly heard the guitar being played in the living room. I dropped what I was doing and ran in there. Masen was picking at the strings on the guitar. I started to go get him when I felt Edward's hand grab my wrist, pulling me back.

"It's okay. Let him," Edward said, staring at Masen.

"I don't want him to break anything."

"He won't. Has he seen a guitar before?"

"Never."

Edward laughed. "Amazing."

"What?"

He looked at me. "Oh, nothing. It's just that, I was about his age when I first became fascinated with the guitar." Edward left my side and went over and picked up the guitar. He sat down on the couch and Masen followed him, sitting directly in front of him on the floor. Edward started playing. Masen watched him; his eyes fixated on Edward's fingers strumming the acoustic guitar.

The site made me a little sad. I'd never be able to afford to give Masen a guitar, or lessons. I went back to the kitchen and continued preparing the salad. A few minutes later Edward joined me in the kitchen, carrying Masen.

"I want one doze mommy," Masen said, referring to the guitar.

I laughed. "Maybe when you're older."

Edward passed Masen off to me to finish dinner. "Here," he said, handing me a glass of wine. "Go have a seat, relax, I'll take care of this."

I smiled and went into the living room and sipped my wine while playing with Masen.

Edward popped his head in the living room about 45 minutes later. "Dinner's ready." I picked Masen up and went to the small dining area off of the kitchen.

"Wow, this looks really good," I said, as I sat down.

"I hope you like it."

I mashed a baked potato up for Masen and fed him some of my salmon. He liked it as much as I did.

The dinner conversation mainly focused around Masen being silly. It amazed me how enthralled Edward seemed to be with Masen. It was as if he had never been around a child before. Maybe he hadn't. Edward seemed amazed by everything Masen did, it was cute.

Edward stopped me when I tried to help with the dishes. "I'll take care of this," he insisted.

"Okay," I finally agreed. "Edward, is there somewhere I can put Masen down? I mean, he can stay in the living room with us, but we can't be noisy."

Edward laughed. "Noisy? What did you have in mind, Bella?"

I blushed. "I...that's not what I meant...never mind."

Edward laughed loudly. "I'm just messing with you. He can sleep on my bed. It's down the hall on the right."

"Okay, I have to read him a story first, so I may be a few minutes."

"Of course, take your time, Bella."

I smiled and got Masen and headed to Edward's bedroom. It felt kind of awkward being in there without him. It was perfectly spotless though. I changed Masen's diaper before I started his story. He was asleep before I finished. I put some pillows around him and joined Edward in the living room.

"He's out," I said, sitting next to Edward on the couch.

Edward smiled. "He's a great kid."

"Yea, he is. I keep waiting for him to turn into a monster," I laughed.

Edward laughed too. "Why would he do that?"

At that point, I realized what I had said. That was always my biggest fear, Masen becoming like his father. "Um...I don't know. Never mind."

Edward seemed to sense my uneasiness and he didn't ask anymore questions.

"Are you ready for dessert?" I asked, to break the awkward silence.

"Sure."

We both headed to the kitchen and I warmed up two slices of the apple pie.

"Apple pie is one of my favorites and I have just the thing to go with it!" he said, as he pulled a container of vanilla bean ice cream from the stainless steel freezer.

"Mmm! That will be good!" We made our plates and went back and sat on the couch.

"So, Edward, tell me something."

"What?" he asked.

"What do you want with a girl like me?"

He laughed. "What do you mean, a girl like you?"

"Well, I mean, we're obviously from two different worlds. I'm a single mom, I live in government housing and can barely pay the bills." I laughed.

His face turned serious. "Bella, none of that matters to me. I don't know why. I was initially just drawn to you. You're beautiful, and last night, I learned so much more about you, and I really like what I've seen of you so far. You're not pretentious like other girls. You're real and your passionate and you're smart and caring and you give 110 percent at everything you do."

I stared at him blankly. I couldn't remember the last time someone took the time to get to know me, instead of classifying me as a whore, or single mother on food stamps. He stared at my lips and he moved closer to me. His hand caressed my cheek. His lips were mere inches from mine and my heart was thundering inside my chest.

"Is it alright if I kiss you?" he whispered against my lips.

I shook my head and instantly felt his lips against mine. Time seemed to stop. I set my plate in my lap and my hands made there way around his neck and into his wild hair. Everything inside me was on fire. I couldn't help the way my body reacted when I was around him.

He pulled my bottom lip between his, sucking gently and pulling slightly away from me. "And you're an amazing kisser," he said, before lightly pressing his lips to mine again.

I smiled against his lips. He tasted incredible. I finally pulled away from him, grinning from ear to ear. "I should get going."

He shook his head in agreement. We got Masen and gathered my things together before heading to the car. Fortunately, it was parked in the garage. It was pouring rain. I momentarily had a flash back to that night when I looked out on to the street from the covered garage. I didn't realize I had stopped walking until Edward turned back and looked at me.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"Oh, yes. I'm sorry. I just don't like the rain."

He didn't say anything. He walked back over to me and put his arm around my waist and led me to his car.

When we arrived at my apartment it was still raining and we had too much to carry to deal with an umbrella, so we got wet. Edward came in and I put Masen to bed. I met him at the door.

"Thank you for dinner; it was wonderful."

He smiled. "Anytime. Maybe I'll catch you at the library sometime this week, otherwise, I hope to see you next weekend."

"Definitely," I grinned.

He grabbed my hands and pulled me closer to him, pressing his lips to mine. His hands left mine and his arms wrapped around me. His scent, again intoxicated me, and I wanted nothing more than to take him to bed with me. But I couldn't. Our lips finally parted.

"I can't get enough of you," he whispered against my lips.

I smiled against his lips before kissing him again momentarily and then pulling away. "Goodnight, Edward."

He laughed and kissed my forehead. "I'll call you. I hope you have good week."

"Thank you."

"Goodnight, Bella." He walked out the door and as I closed it behind him, I exhaled, feeling like I had been holding my breath all night. I couldn't help but to do a little happy dance around my living room before calling Alice and telling her everything.

*****Author's Note: Hey! Sorry this update took SOOOO long. This year has not been kind to me and it's taken me a while to get my brain functioning again. Things should move a long better from here, hopefully! I hope you all liked this chapter! Thanks reading and reviewing! **

**Follow me on Twitter! AllOrNothingKR**


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4:

The following two weeks were a complete whirlwind. I ended up seeing Edward several times at the library and we spent as much of the weekends together as we could. We couldn't get enough of each other. He made me feel like a princess and Masen adored him. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

It was Monday night before Thanksgiving when I found Edward asleep in the library. I went up behind him and wrapped my arms around him, kissing him on the cheek. He didn't open his eyes, he just grinned from ear to ear. "Bella."

I laughed. "How did you know it was me?"

He sat up and laughed too. "I'd know that smell anywhere."

"I smell?" I asked.

He laughed, "Yes, you smell incredible."

"Oh." I smiled and took the chair next to him. "How long have you been here? You look exhausted."

"A couple of hours. I have a test tomorrow."

"Alright, well, I'll let you get back to studying."

"I think I've done all I can. I'll wait around for you though, so I can walk you home."

I smiled. "Thank you, Edward. I'm going to sit over there. I shouldn't be long," I said, pointing across the room to a vacant table.

He shook his head and grabbed my hand and kissed it before I went to the other table. Edward and I learned right away that our trips to the library were highly unsuccessful if we tried to work at the same table.

I hurriedly did what I needed to do and went back to Edward's table. "You ready?"

He gathered his things and stood up. "Yea, let's get out of here."

We walked hand in hand back to my apartment. Alice was ready to go as soon as I walked through the door.

"Sorry I'm late, Alice."

"It's no problem. Jasper has dinner waiting for me, and probably dessert!" She winked at me. "It's good to you see again, Edward!"

"Likewise, Alice."

"Masen was an angel, as usual. He's sound asleep!"

I gave Alice a hug and walked her to the door. "Thank you."

She kissed my cheek and was gone.

I set my things down and checked on Masen before returning to the living room to Edward.

"Have you eaten, baby?" I asked him while I headed into the kitchen to find something to eat.

"Not since lunch," he said, coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around me. He kissed my cheek and I felt the butterflies erupt in my stomach.

I heated up some left over spaghetti for us and we both scarfed it down. Our busy schedules didn't allow a lot of time for eating.

"That was good," he said, as he took our plates back to the kitchen.

He caught me yawning when he came back into the living room.

"I guess I better let you get some rest," he said, grabbing his things near the door.

I shook my head and got up to meet him at the door. He kissed my lips gently. "What does the rest of your week look like? When are you leaving to go home?"

"Home?" I asked.

"Thanksgiving. You're going to spend it with your dad, right?"

"Oh, no. He has to work and I'm only off Thursday and Friday. Plus, he'd have to come get us and bring us back and it's just more trouble than it's worth. I'll see him at Christmas, when I have more time."

"Well you and Masen can't stay here by yourselves on Thanksgiving."

"Sure we can. We'll be fine."

"Absolutely not. Come with me," he said, as he grabbed my hands.

"To your parents' house?"

"Yea, Rose and I always bring someone. I'm sure she'll bring that big idiot she's dating."

I laughed, "Well, I bet her big idiot doesn't have an illegitimate child!"

"I wouldn't doubt it," Edward laughed.

I shook my head. "I don't know, Edward."

"Please? It will be better if I don't have to go through it all by myself. We'll make a weekend of it. I'll get us a nice hotel in Portland. I'll show you around and we can do fun stuff with Masen."

"What do you mean if you don't have to go through it by yourself? Is it bad?"

"Well, I mean, there's just been a lot of tension between my parents and I since I decided not to go to medical school."

"Oh, I see. I don't know, Edward. I don't want to impose, and besides, we've never even spent the night together. You have no idea how scary I am in the morning."

He laughed loudly. "It can't be that bad." He brushed his lips against mine. "I don't have class until 11:00 a.m. tomorrow. How about I spend the night tonight, and if I'm not scared of you in the morning, you agree to come with me for Thanksgiving."

I sighed when he made his adorable pouty face. "Fine." I gave in. "But don't try anything, you know I share a very small room with Masen."

"I wouldn't dare," he said as he sat his jacket and bag back down.

"Okay, well, I'm going to get ready for bed. Don't go in my room until I get back, just in case Masen wakes up. I don't want you to scare him."

Edward laughed. "Yes ma'am."

I went to my bedroom and tore through my dresser looking for something half decent to wear to bed. I couldn't wear an old spit up stained t-shirt as usual. I finally settled on a black tank top and gray sleep shorts. Short sleep shorts. I went to the bathroom and changed clothes and brushed my teeth. When I went to cross the hallway to go back into my bedroom, something caught my attention in the living room.

"Oh my," I said, noticing Edward standing in the living room in only a pair of plaid boxer shorts. My eyes went to his strong shoulders and I instantly wanted my hands on him. He wasn't huge, but he was toned and perfect, and his happy trail made my knees shake.

"Is this okay? I can wear my clothes, if you prefer."

I fumbled for words. "Um, no. I mean, yes. I mean, it's okay. It's okay. I may be the one who has the problem not trying anything."

He laughed. "You're so cute when you're flustered, Bella."

I blushed and reached my hand out for him to join me. I turned the light off and took his hand to lead him into my bedroom. "Be careful," I said. "There isn't a lot of space to walk."

He followed me blindly into the dark and crawled in bed next to me. He was messing with the covers. "Shh! Be quiet for a second," I said.

He froze and I listened intently for the soft sounds of Masen breathing.

"Okay," I said, content.

"What was that about?" he asked.

"Sorry, it's just an obsessive compulsive habit I have. I have to hear him breathing before I go to bed. I've been like that since the day he was born."

Edward curled up behind me and kissed my cheek. "Goodnight, Bella."

I smiled, enjoying his warmth next to me. "Goodnight." I laid there awake for a while, and I wondered if he really wasn't going to try anything. We had done nothing more than kiss and it was driving me crazy. Especially after seeing him in just boxers, I was dying to touch him. I realized he was asleep when I heard his breathing even out. I fell asleep wondering what his hands would feel like across my bare skin.

_I was walking down a dark alley in Seattle. I could tell by the way my hands rested on my overgrown stomach that I was very pregnant. It started pouring rain. It was cold. I didn't have an umbrella. I was lost. I couldn't find my way through the maze of alleys. It felt like someone was following me, but when I turned around, no one was there. I started hearing footsteps behind me. I walked faster, eventually starting to run, feeling the baby moving inside me. I was completely out of breath when I hit the ground, face first. I was forced on my back by a masked man. He had a large knife and cut my stomach open with one slice. I screamed out in pain and tried to cover my wound with my hands. It was of no use, he was much stronger than me. I felt an intense amount of pressure and then I suddenly felt empty. I heard the cries of a baby. The man cut the umbilical cord with his knife and he took the baby and disappeared in the dark alley. I screamed for help, but no one came, and I just kept screaming._

"Bella! Bella! Wake up!"

I sat straight up in bed screaming. I realized where I was and that it was another nightmare. I silenced myself until I felt a hand on my back. I gasped and turned around.

"Bella, are you alright?" Edward asked.

I felt tears sting my eyes. I forgot he was there. "I'm sorry. I should have told you."

"It's okay, Bella." He started to wrap his arms around me, but I pushed him away.

"Masen," I said, getting out of bed and walking around to the other side of the room where his crib was. He had slept through it. He had been sleeping through my nightmares lately, but I still had to hold him before I could go back to sleep. I picked him up and held him against me for a few minutes before I was content. I kissed his head and carefully put him back in his crib.

"I'm sorry," I said, as I got back in bed. I noticed the clock said 2:00 a.m. It was always around this time. "I have really bad nightmares sometimes. I should have warned you."

He wrapped his arms around me tightly and I felt myself relax into him. "It's okay, Bella. Would it help to talk about it?"

I turned from him quickly. "No. No. I can't. I don't want to talk about it," I said, getting under the covers and laying on my side, facing away from him.

He cuddled up behind me, his body tracing mine, and he wrapped his arms around me again. He held me tighter than before. I felt safe.

He kissed my cheek. "You don't have to talk about it."

I exhaled. "Thank you." I covered his hand that circled my waist with my own.

"Get some sleep, Bella."

I shook my head and drifted off to sleep in his arms.

It seemed as if only minutes had passed when I heard the alarm going off. I smacked it quickly and started to climb out of bed when I felt Edward pulling me back. I smiled to myself, remembering he had stayed the night.

He pulled me against him and kissed my cheek. "You're not even going to let me enjoy waking up next to you?" he teased.

I giggled and wrapped my arms around him. "Well, you are really warm."

He smiled and pressed his lips gently to mine. "There is absolutely nothing scary about you in the morning. You're beautiful," he said, pulling a piece of my hair behind my ear.

I felt the butterflies in my stomach start dancing. I just grinned at him, because I didn't know what else to do.

He laughed at me. "I can tell you're blushing, even though it's pitch black in here."

I playfully nudged him and started to get out of bed. "I have to get in the shower. Masen's still asleep, he should sleep until I get out."

Edward shook his head before rolling over and going back to sleep.

I spent nearly half an hour in the bathroom. My shower only took a few minutes, it was my hair that was the problem. Normally I just pulled it up wet and let it dry, but because Edward was here, I wanted to wear it down. I spent nearly twenty minutes blow drying it. I finally got concerned about my electric bill and turned the blow dryer off. It was still a little damp, but it would do.

_Crap!_ I thought to myself. _I didn't bring my clothes in here. I'm going to have to go out there in a towel!_ I made sure the white towel around me was secure before I opened the bathroom door and ventured across the hall into my bedroom. I was hoping Edward was still asleep and I could grab something out of my closet without waking him.

Needless to say, I was a little shocked by the sight that awaited me in my bedroom. Edward was sound asleep, and Masen was laying on his stomach, sleeping on Edward's bare chest. Edward had pulled a sheet over him and Masen and tucked it in between their bodies. Edward's hand rested lazily on Masen's back. It was the sweetest sight I'd ever seen. If I had a camera, I would've taken a picture.

I tiptoed to the other side of the room to find something to wear in my closet. As I opened the bifold doors, they squeaked loudly and I turned around to see if I woke Edward.

I was surprised to see him staring back at me, with his mouth hanging open.

"Definitely not scary," he laughed.

I laughed too. "I meant to take some clothes with me to the bathroom."

"Well, I'm glad you forgot."

I shot him a warning glare and he laughed. "You two look cozy," I said, referring to him and Masen, who was still asleep on his chest.

Edward looked down at Masen and then back to me. "Yea, he woke up when you started drying your hair. He was crying, so I didn't know what to do. I picked him up and he went right back to sleep, and then so did I," he laughed.

"Thanks for getting him." I smiled as I took a change of clothes to the bathroom. I got dressed and put on a little bit of make-up before heading out to the kitchen to make breakfast. I got Masen's cereal ready and my pop-tart when I thought about Edward. _I don't have anything decent to eat here! _

I went back to the bedroom when I heard Masen laughing.

Edward was making funny faces at Masen and Masen was loving it. "Okay kiddies, it's time for breakfast!" I laughed.

Masen reached for me, "Mamma!"

I picked him up and kissed him. "Morning sweet boy! Edward, I'd make you breakfast, but I'm kind of overdue on a trip to the grocery store. I do have pop-tarts though," I laughed. "Unless you want to stay in bed. You can sleep if you want, just lock the door behind you when you leave."

Edward grinned. "I love pop-tarts! And don't be silly, I'll take you to work so you don't have to take the bus."

I shook my head at him. "You are seriously spoiling me."

"Nah, if I were spoiling you, I would have already bought you a car!"

I playfully rolled my eyes at him. He crawled out of bed and kissed me on the forehead and then kissed Masen. Every time he touched Masen it amazed me. It was like he actually cared about this kid that had nothing to do with him. Every time he did things like that, it melted my heart. It had only been a couple of months, but I constantly felt myself falling head over heels in love with Edward Cullen.

We ate our breakfast and Edward got dressed while I got Masen ready.

Once outside, I laughed when I remembered Masen's car seat was still in Edward's car, and had been since our second date.

As if reading my mind, "Might as well just keep it in here," he said as he put Masen in the car seat.

When he came out of the car, he was grinning at me with that crooked smile and it made me feel like I could fly. "Why? You planning on sticking around for a while?" I teased.

He wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me to him. He kissed me and whispered against my lips, "Yes, if it's alright with you."

All I could do was smile and shake my head.

We dropped Masen off at daycare and then Edward took me to work. He pulled up right outside the office and Jessica was outside smoking a cigarette.

"Oh God, you have to work with her?" he said, referring to Jessica.

I laughed. "Yea, you know her?"

"We had a class together last semester. She's so annoying."

I sighed. "She sure is. I'm pretty sure she's screwing the senior partner's son, so as soon as she passes the bar, she'll be our newest associate."

"Who isn't she screwing?" Edward joked.

I hit him playfully and leaned over to kiss him. "I have to go." His hand caressed my cheek. Our lips met again and stayed linked together a bit longer than usual.

"Mmm," he said against my mouth, slowly pulling away. "I won't be at the library this week, I have to work tonight and I have night class tomorrow."

I stuck my bottom lip out, pretending to pout.

He laughed at me. "I propose I pick you and Masen up Wednesday night and you can spend the night with me and we'll leave Thursday morning for Portland."

I smiled. "Okay." I kissed him again. And again. I couldn't get enough of him. I couldn't get the image of him in his boxers eating a pop tart out of my mind. I accidentally laughed out loud at the thought.

"What are you laughing at?" he asked.

"Nothing!" I grinned. "Be good; I'll miss you."

His face lit up when I said that. "Bye, Bella. I hope you have a good day."

"Thank you!" I got out of the car and went inside, Jessica Stanley was right on my heels.

"Okay, Swan. Spill it," Jessica barked.

"Spill what?" I asked as I sat down at my desk. She rolled her eyes and I smiled to myself.

"Um...you were just kissing Edward fucking Cullen."

"And?" I responded.

"And he's only the most wanted first year law student. Girls throw themselves at him daily, and you, Bella Swan! You're dating him?!"

I know, it was hard for me to believe too. "Yup," I said coyly, smiling.

"What the hell? I totally don't get that, and you have a kid."

"Well, I heard he doesn't like loose girls, like you."

I swear I heard her jaw hit the floor. "Wha...what do you mean?!" she scoffed.

"Matt." That's all I had to say. Nobody was supposed to know she was boinking the senior partner's son.

"Keep your mouth shut, Swan," she spat at me.

Oh, did I forget to mention, he's married? I held up my hands and silently acted as if I were zipping my lips and throwing away the key. She stomped off in a frenzy.

I smiled to myself momentarily before her words sank in. _He's the most wanted first year law student. Girls throw themselves at him daily. _

I sighed. _That's a little unnerving, _I thought. I made a mental note to ask him about it.

*****Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed this chapter. There should be another one coming soon! I really appreciate all of you who are reviewing! Thanks and keep them coming! **


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5:

The next two days seemed to creep by. I talked to Edward nightly, he always called promptly at 9:30, when he either got out of class, or off of work. I wasn't excited about meeting his family under the child out of wedlock circumstances, but I was looking forward to getting away with him and my little man.

Masen was so excited to be going on a trip. As soon as we got home Wednesday night we started packing our bags. I let Masen pick out what he wanted to bring and he was so freaking cute standing at his little dresser. He would pick something up and look at it quizzically, glance at his little suitcase, and either throw it in, or place it gently back in the drawer, moving onto the next item. He went through every single article of clothing in both of his drawers, and for a moment, I thought I might be raising a girl.

I was packed and just sitting on the edge of the bed, watching him do his thing. I heard a knock at the door.

"Edard!" Masen yelled.

I laughed; I always laughed when he tried to say Edward's name. I smiled at him and picked him up and carried him with me to the door. I opened it to see Edward standing there with a big grin on his face. It made me happy that he was so excited about the weekend.

"Hey, big guy!" Edward said, coming in and taking Masen from me. Edward held up his hand, palm facing towards Masen. Masen high-fived him instantly. That was there thing. Masen grinned wildly and laughed when Edward faked being hurt by Masen's hit.

"Well, hi to you too," I joked, as he hadn't acknowledged me yet.

He closed the door and put Masen down. Masen went running off to our room to finish packing. Edward wrapped his arms around me. He smiled that damn smile that made me weak in the knees and I couldn't help but grin.

"Hey, beautiful," he said as he kissed me. He pulled back to look at me, our foreheads touching. "I can't wait to spend the next four nights with you."

When he said that, all I could think about was sex. God, I wanted him so bad, and I shouldn't! I should have a problem with being touched, and I do, but when it's him doing the touching, I just loose all self control.

"Bella?" he asked, noticing I had drifted off.

I snapped back to reality and laughed. "I'm sorry. I can't wait to spend the next four nights with you either! That realization just sank in. I haven't had a break in so long."

He smiled and we went to check on Masen. Edward cracked up at his packing techniques, finally picking out a few outfits for him and putting them in the bag. Masen thought Edward hung the moon, so anything he did was perfectly okay.

"Not yet!" Masen screamed at Edward as he tried to zip up his suitcase.

"What else could we possibly need, Masen?"

"Unkey!" Masen yelled and ran to his crib jumping up and down and looking to Edward to go retrieve it for him. Edward picked up the stuffed monkey and carefully placed it in the suitcase before zipping it up.

We gathered all of our stuff at the door and Edward took two loads down to the car before coming back for us.

I looked around the tiny apartment to make sure I had every thing and when I was satisfied, I flipped the light switch and headed out. When we exited my building onto the street I was surprised when the lights on a Ford Explorer in front of us started blinking and Edward opened the passenger door for me.

"What is this?" I asked.

"You didn't think all of our stuff would fit in my car did you?" he laughed.

"Well, I guess I didn't think about it." He was right. With the three of us having luggage, Masen's Pack N' Play, stroller, and baby bag, it would have been nearly impossible.

"I rented it for the weekend. It will give us more room."

I shook my head at him and buckled Masen into his awaiting car seat. We headed to the other side of town to Edward's apartment.

Masen was sound asleep by the time we got there. Edward let us in and then went to get the necessary things from the car.

We set up Masen's Pack N' Play in the living room and put him to bed. Although it was still kind of early, we retired to Edward's room, not wanting to make noise in the living room and wake Masen.

I entered Edward's bedroom and plopped down on the bed after getting changed in the adjacent bathroom.

He was messing with the settings on the TV, standing in front of it with a white t-shirt and basketball shorts on. I love the way the shorts showed off the curve of his ass. _Yummy!_ I thought to myself.

"Do you want to watch a movie? Or turn in early?" he asked, without looking at me.

"What if I don't want to do either?" I asked, coyly.

Edward turned around to look at me. I wasn't in my usual shorts and t-shirt. It was nothing fancy, just a black silk-like spaghetti strapped night gown. It was v-cut and was dangerously low.

"That's different," he said, referring to my attire.

I shrugged my shoulders and played dumb. "Is it?"

He laughed, turned the TV off, and joined me in bed. I thought I would finally have a chance with him. I wanted to feel his warm skin against mine so badly. He reached over me and turned the light on the nightstand off. As he came back across me his hand stopped to caress my face and his lips found mine in the dark room. I felt the butterflies leap from their resting places in my stomach. I smiled against his lips and savored his taste. His lips trailed down my neck. He gently pushed my long hair behind my shoulder and explored my collar bone with his tongue.

I felt my center turn warm in anticipation of his tongue there. I had only really been with one guy, my high school sweet heart, Jake. I had never wanted Jake as bad as I wanted Edward. With Jake, it was just naturally the next progression, but it always seemed strange to me. It was like sleeping with my brother. It was never really that exciting, not like the excitement Edward caused. I guess that's why Jake and I didn't last very long after I left for college.

"Bella." Edward whispered my name and it was nearly my undoing. I felt his hand on my thigh, slowly moving upward, under the silky material of my gown. As his hand gripped my hip, his lips found mind again, kissing me passionately.

A throaty moan escaped me. "Edward..." I desperately pulled at the hem of his shirt, trying to remove it. He leaned back, putting one hand behind his back and removing his shirt over his head with ease. I only got to admire his stunning features for a moment before he was on top of me, smothering me again with delicate kisses along my jaw and neck. My hands assaulted his smooth back, pulling him closer to me. I felt like my body would explode if he didn't touch me where I so desperately wanted to be touched.

He finally settled between my legs and I felt his excitement press against me through his shorts. He definitely wasn't lacking in that department. I couldn't believe how turned on I was. I thought I'd never want sex again after what happened. I never thought I could desire something that caused me so much pain at one point.

I was surprised when Edward pressed his lips to mine briefly before moving off of me and rolling onto his back next to me. "We should stop," he said quietly.

I felt my entire body deflate. "Why?" I asked.

"I don't have any protection and we have to get up early."

I sighed. "There's a lot that can be done that doesn't require protection."

Edward laughed. "I didn't take you for the feisty type, Bella."

"I'm not usually. You just make me crazy."

Edward smiled. "I'm glad we have the same effect on each other." He leaned over me and placed a quick kiss on my lips. "Get some sleep, baby." He settled beside me, closing his eyes.

I couldn't make sense of what just happened. How could he just stop like that? I scoffed and rolled onto my side, away from him. I felt completely rejected.

I felt him move up behind me. "Bella?"

"Hmm?"

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"What's wrong, Edward? I just offered myself to you and you rejected me! You got me all turned on and then just rolled over to go to bed! If I had balls, they'd be blue!"

He laughed and wrapped his arm around my waist. "Bella, I wasn't rejecting you. I just don't want to rush you. I don't have any condoms, if I went any further, I don't know if I'd be able to stop myself. You're so enticing..." He trailed off and began kissing my shoulder.

I turned to face him and sighed. "Jessica Stanley said you're the most wanted guy in school, that girls throw themselves at you. You could have anyone, why would you want me?"

Edward sighed. "Do we really have to go over this again? I don't know why they like me. That's why I always go to the public library, the girls bug the shit out of me on campus. I don't want them. I want you."

I scoffed. "Then act like you want me."

"Have I not showed you?" he said seriously. "You're the woman in my bed. You're the woman I spoil. You're the woman I'm taking home for Thanksgiving. You. Not them."

I felt tears sting my eyes for being so stupid. He had shown me, plenty of times. I was just frustrated because I had wanted him so bad all this time, and now, we were finally alone, without Masen in the room. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Oh, Bella, don't apologize. You have no idea how badly I want you, physically. I just didn't want you to think that that's all I wanted."

"I don't think that."

He sighed in defeat. "I can't deny you anything. Anything at all...," he whispered before pressing his lips firmly to mine. Our tongues quickly found each other and danced sensually between our open mouths. I instantly felt my center heat up again. I felt his hand inching up my thigh, beneath my gown. His fingers pressed into the delicate skin around my hip and sent the most incredible wave of pleasure through me.

My hands fisted in his hair as our kiss grew even more reckless. His lips eventually trailed down neck. My back arched, desperately wanting to feel the pressure of his body against mine. "Edward..." I moaned.

He settled himself between my legs again, his lips trailed across my shoulder, sending the strap of my top falling down my arm. He followed suit on the other shoulder, fully exposing my upper half to him.

"God, you're beautiful," he said, before exploring my breasts with his tongue.

The sheer pleasure of his actions caused my eyes to roll back briefly. I could feel my pulse between my legs, I wanted him there, desperately. I gently pushed his head lower. I felt him smile against me and he did as I wished. He started at my knee, peppering gentle kisses along the inside of my thigh, lingering longer near my core. I felt his warm breath blow across my heated core as he repeated the process on my other thigh.

I finally felt his fingers slip beneath my black lace panties. He began to pull them down and I lifted my hips so he could easily remove them. He tossed them aside and admired me momentarily before finally pressing his mouth to me there. My fingers instantly tangled in his messy locks, pressing him to me more firmly. He pulled back, darting his tongue slowly over my bundle of nerves. He licked me there, gently moving up and down, ever so slowly. I was in heaven. I had never felt anything so incredible in my entire life, but I wanted more.

"Edward, please..." I cried as I rocked my hips against his face, begging him to stop teasing me and get on with it. I looked down at him, to see him staring back at me.

He grinned at me. "You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, and you taste exquisite." He went back to work and began moving his tongue over me quicker, applying just the right amount of pressure. I nearly lost it when I felt one of his fingers slip inside me and move in perfect rhythm with his tongue as it flicked my bundle of nerves. I felt everything inside me tense up. I could feel my muscles contracting around his finger, he moved his tongue faster in response to me.

"Oh, Edward!" I screamed his name as he sent me over the top and I pulled desperately on his beautiful bronze locks. As I began to feel my body relax I pulled his face up to mine and kissed him hungrily. I was pleased to feel his excitement pressed against me. "Thank you, Edward," I mumbled against his lips. "That was amazing." I felt him smiling against my lips.

"You're amazing," he whispered.

I smiled and pushed him off of me and on to his back. I straddled his waist and ran my hands from his shoulders down to his waist. I slid down between his legs and pulled his shorts far enough down to expose him. He was beautiful. He was a textbook example of a man, maybe a little bigger. I laughed to myself as I admired him.

"Okay, you're laughing. That's not good," he joked.

I looked up at him and giggled. "I'm sorry, I'm not laughing at you. I was just having naughty thoughts."

He smiled and I felt his hand run through my hair. "You don't have to do this you know."

"I want to, Edward."

He exhaled. "Okay."

He looked nervous. Why, I didn't know. I took him in my hand and then tasted him. He tasted amazing. I couldn't take all of him in my mouth, but together, my mouth and hand made a pretty good team. I loved to watch Edward's face scrunch up as I worked away. I loved the way he pulled my hair from my face to watch me. When our eyes met, I wasn't sure who was enjoying it more, me or him. The little sounds that escaped him encouraged me further. I felt him tense in my mouth and I worked harder.

"Bella...I'm fixing to..." he gasped.

I felt him pushing my head up, but I fought him. I wanted to taste him. I continued stroking him and the deep moan he released when he came was the sexiest thing I'd ever heard. His fingers fisted in my hair tighter as he wiggled beneath me. I drank every last drop of him before wiping my mouth with the back of my hand and settling next to him.

"Oh my God," he said, his eyes still closed.

I giggled. "Did you like that?"

"Did I?" He laughed. "You're incredible."

I smiled, proud of myself. I snuggled up to him and kissed his cheek. "Goodnight, baby."

His arms wrapped tightly around me as he kissed my forehead. I never remembered feeling so content. "Goodnight, Bella."

I didn't dream of horrible things that night. I woke up feeling amazing and super excited about the weekend with Edward. I let him sleep while I showered and got Masen ready.

When I decided to make breakfast, I was surprised to see how well stocked Edward's pantry and refrigerator were. I made scrambled eggs, bacon and toast. I left Masen at the table to eat and went to wake Edward.

He was sound asleep on his stomach, a faint smile across his lips. I got on the bed and straddled him, sitting just above his butt. I ran my hands down his smooth back and leaned down to kiss his cheek. His smile grew wider.

"Time to get up handsome! Breakfast is ready."

He smiled and rolled over on to his back. I felt his morning erection beneath me. We both laughed. "See what you do to me," he said, grinning.

I leaned down and placed a quick kiss on his lips. "When you have that under control, join us for breakfast, it's getting cold." I smiled and got off of him and left the room.

He joined Masen and I in the kitchen a few minutes later. I got everything packed up and ready to go while Edward showered. We were on our way to Portland by 9:00 a.m.

On the way there, Edward warned me about his sister, Rosalie.

"She's always sort of been a bitch," he said, whispering the word "bitch," so Masen couldn't hear. "Don't take anything she says personally. I don't know why, but she thinks everyone is out to get her, and she's determined to get them first. Her current boyfriend is Emmett. He's an okay guy, I guess. He seems a little dense to me. I don't know how he puts up with her."

I laughed. "What about your parents?"

Edward let out a deep breath. "It's complicated. I really don't know what to expect of them. They're still disappointed that I didn't go to med school. I haven't really spoken to them that much since then."

"How long has that been?"

"About a year and a half ago," he responded.

"You told them about Masen, right?"

"Yes."

I was suddenly very nervous about how they would perceive me. I didn't really know what to expect, except a lot of tension.

"Don't worry, Bella. If it gets ugly, we'll leave."

I nearly laughed. "Great. This is the Thanksgiving I just couldn't miss, huh?"

Edward looked at me seriously. "I just wanted you to know where I came from, to see if you could handle it."

That made me really nervous. I took a deep breath and exhaled sharply.

***Author's Note: Thanks for all the reviews!! I have this story written well beyond this chapter and I'm really enjoying it! Hope you all are too!


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6:

We arrived at the hotel a little after noon. It was insanely gorgeous. I had been wondering for far too long, and finally, I had to ask.

"Edward?" I asked, as I looked around the lavish suite at the Heathman Hotel in downtown Portland.

"Yes?"

"I know the law library isn't paying you this much."

Edward laughed. "No, not at all. I just work there to have something to put on my resume. Next year I'll probably intern somewhere."

"Okay, so...do your parents just throw money at you?"

"Sort of." He shrugged his shoulders. "They used to, when I was going to go to med school. They have since cut me off. Fortunately, I have a trust fund and a grandmother who would do anything for me. She'll be there today. She will love you."

"All you trust fund babies...I wish I had something like that to give Masen when he grows up."

Edward startled me when he grabbed my hand and spun me around to face him. He pulled me in his arms and briefly brushed his lips against mine. "He will. If you let me."

"Edward, no. You do too much as it is. Money is like trash to you. You just throw it away. I have worked so hard for what little Masen and I have. I want him to understand that money doesn't grow on trees." That didn't come out like I wanted it to. Edward looked hurt.

"You don't understand, Bella. You don't know anything." He turned and walked away from me. He carried our bags into the bedroom. I followed him.

"What don't I know, Edward?"

"Nothing. Forget it." He busied himself with unpacking some of the things from his bag.

"Edward, I'm sorry. That' didn't come out right. I've just never lived a privileged life like you have. I don't want to get used to all these things I've never had before."

He turned to look at me. "Why not? Do you think I'm going somewhere?"

I stumbled for words. "Well, no. I don't know. I hope not."

He blew a deep breath out and walked over to me, placing his hands on my shoulders. "Bella, I know things have progressed quickly with us. I know we've only been seeing each other a few months, but I'm completely and utterly fascinated by you. I want to be with you, for a long time. As long as you'll let me. If I want to spoil you and Masen, let me."

My heart melted. I just couldn't understand how he liked me so much. We came from opposite ends of the Earth. "Edward, I really like you. A lot. I just don't want to get hurt. I don't want Masen to hurt. He's crazy about you, we both are."

Edward's lips pressed against mine and lingered momentarily before leaving. "I don't ever want to hurt either of you. I would never intentionally hurt you, Bella."

I shook my head in understanding. "I'm going to get ready." I grabbed some clothes from my suitcase and headed into the bathroom to change. I had dressed casually for the three hour drive, but I wanted to look nicer going to Edward's for dinner.

I borrowed a dress from Alice for the occasion. It was a long sleeve wool jersey dress. It was a deep plum color. It was fitted and had a ruffle decoration that went over my left shoulder and down to my waist. It had a ballet neckline and was very conservative. It hit a few inches above my knees and I wore black tights to hide my pale white legs. I wore black pumps with it. I worked on making my hair look presentable and I freshened up my makeup. When I finally emerged from the bathroom I was surprised to see that Edward had already changed clothes. He was wearing a pair of black dress slacks and a burgundy sweater with a collared button up shirt underneath.

We both just starred at each other for a second. "You look lovely," he finally said.

I smiled. "So do you."

We found Masen in the sitting area just outside the main bedroom playing with some of his toys. I dressed him in a pair of khaki pants and a blue button up shirt.

We arrived at the Cullen home shortly before 5:00 p.m. The house was unbelievably gorgeous. It was huge and the grounds were immaculate. Cars lined the long driveway.

I gave Masen a little pep talk about behaving as I got him out of the car. Edward and I were walking up the driveway when I heard him start cursing to himself.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I'm going to kill her. My mother, she's crazy!"

I looked around, wondering where this was coming from. "What are you talking about?"

He sighed. "Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't know she was inviting them. My ex-girlfriend and her family are here. Her mother is my mom's best friend."

I realized he must have recognized their vehicles. It was then I noticed that almost all of them were either Jaguars, Mercedes, or BMWs.

I swallowed hard. I instantly wanted to leave. I had a really bad feeling about this.

Edward took a deep breath and we continued inside. I was too shocked to say anything. I wanted to cry.

I felt a little more at ease when the large door swung open before we reached it and a shorter plump woman with white hair emerged with open arms.

"There's my boy!" she exclaimed, giving Edward a large hug.

"Nanna Cullen!" They hugged and kissed each other. "Nanna, this is Bella and Masen."

The woman I presumed to be Edward's grandmother quickly embraced me and Masen. "Oh, Bella! It's so good to finally meet you. Edward has told me so much about you."

I looked to Edward and he just smiled at me.

Nanna Cullen stepped out of the doorway onto the large porch and pulled the door up behind her. "Now, Edward, I'm sure you saw who is here. You can thank your mother for that. I will try my best not to let her ruin this for you. Bella, you just stick with me and everything will be fine."

Edward kissed his grandmother again. "I love you, Nanna."

I guessed that "Nanna Cullen" was Edward's father's mother and that she wasn't all that fond of Mrs. Cullen.

We stepped inside and the beautifully decorated home took my breath away. A beautiful petite woman came running up the long foyer and threw her arms around Edward.

"It's so good to see you. It's been entirely too long." She stepped back and looked him over. "You look so much better than the last time I saw you. It looks like you're eating again."

"Mom, stop." He pushed her away. I wondered what she meant. Had he been sick?

"Well, honey, I just haven't seen you in so long. I've missed you."

Edward scoffed. I felt Nanna's hand on my arm.

"If you missed me so damn much, you wouldn't have invited them. I nearly left when I saw her car. Why would you do that? What is wrong with you!"

"Now, Edward. You know we're friends with the Denali's. I can't help it that you used to date their daughter."

Edward shook his head in disbelief. "Mom, this is my girlfriend, Bella, and her son, Masen."

I nearly choked when he said the word girlfriend. I mean, I figured as much, but I had just never heard him say it.

"Hello, dear. It's nice to meet you. I'm Esme Cullen. Hi, cutie!" She ruffled Masen's hair and he laughed.

"Hi, it's nice to meet you too," I responded.

We continued down the large open foyer. The huge dinning room was directly ahead of us and a designer kitchen was to the left of it, separated by two large columns. To the right of the dining room was a large family room, immaculately decorated.

"Dinner is almost ready, why don't you all go say hello to every one in the family room," Esme said.

We did as she suggested and I was quickly introduced to Edward's father, Carlisle, his sister, Rosalie, and her boyfriend Emmett. I could feel the tension between Edward and his father instantly. His father said a brief hello to me before leaving the room. I was introduced to a few other extended family members before I met Tanya, who I presumed was Edward's ex-girlfriend. I literally wanted to dig a hole and get in. She was the most beautiful creature I'd ever seen. She was tall with perfect pale skin and curly strawberry blonde hair. She had perfect facial features and exquisite blue eyes. She was curvy in all the right places. She greeted Edward and kissed his cheek. "You look so much better. It's good to see you."

I didn't understand why everyone said he looked better. What were they talking about?

"Tanya, this is my girlfriend, Bella."

She looked me up and down. "And who is this?" she asked, referring to Masen.

"This is Masen, her son."

"It's nice to meet you," I said.

"Her son?" Tanya asked Edward, practically ignoring me. "What has gotten into you, Edward? You're just not the same anymore." She stomped off towards the kitchen.

"I'm sorry, Bella. Things didn't end well for her and I. I never really cared for her, she couldn't handle the truth, she still can't."

"Okay." I didn't know what else to say. So much was going on around me; my brain was on overload. I gave Masen to Edward and excused myself to the bathroom. When I returned, I was surprised to see Edward wasn't where I left him, and Masen was in the arms of the big guy - Emmett.

Emmett and Rosalie were talking to him and laughing. Rosalie put her mean face back on when she saw me enter the room. She quickly grabbed Masen from Emmett and handed him back to me.

"Edward had to talk to Mom and Dad."

"That's alright. I don't mind if he visits with you."

"We were actually just heading to the table," Rosalie said, as she grabbed Emmett's arm and walked away with him.

I was starting to panic about being left in the room with Tanya and her parents when Nanna Cullen came to my rescue. She placed her hand on my arm. "Let's go to the other room, dear."

I quickly followed her into the foyer.

"Bella, don't let Rose and Tanya get to you. Edward really likes you, he tells me all the time."

"Really?" I asked. "Why does everyone keep saying he looks better? What are they talking about? Was he sick?"

She quickly diverted her eyes. "Oh, I don't know, dear. When he decided not to go to med school, he just sort of disappeared for a while. When he returned, he didn't look well. He looks back to his old self now, except happier.

I wondered why Edward never really mentioned that. Our conversation was interrupted by Esme's voice coming from the dinning room. "Dinner is about to be served! Everyone take your seats!"

Nanna Cullen and I headed into the huge dining room. There was a large cherry wood table with a beautiful holiday centerpiece. The table could sit 14. There were 12 of us. Edward sat to my left and Nanna Cullen to my right. I kept Masen in my lap for fear he would spill something on the nearly white material of the chair cushion. Rose was on the other side of her, followed by Emmett. Mr. and Mrs. Cullen were almost directly across the table from Edward and I and down from them were the Denalis.

I was a little confused as to why Mrs. Cullen was seated at the table with us and there was no food on the table.

_Are you serious?_ I thought to myself as I noticed the two small dark haired women, dressed all in white, enter the room. They placed a large plate in front of each of us, a little bit of everything already on the plate.

"You have a wait staff?" I whispered to Edward.

"Only on special occasions."

Once dinner was served Mr. Cullen said a blessing and we all began eating. Everyone chatted amongst themselves, but I mostly busied myself with making sure Masen didn't drop anything on Alice's dress. Edward's hand occasionally rested on my knee and it made me relax a little bit.

As everyone had nearly finished their dinner, I was relieved that I had made it through it. That is, until Masen ruined everything.

Edward was talking to Masen and joking around with him when, all of a sudden, Masen yelled, "Daddy!" Masen pointed at Edward. I heard forks hitting plates all around me. Everyone was looking at me.

"I...I'm sorry. He's never said that before." I turned my attention to Masen. "Where did you hear that word?"

Masen giggled and looked in Rosalie's direction. She had a smug smile on her face.

Esme stood quickly, her chair making a loud noise as it scooted across the hardwood floor. "Edward, don't you think it's a little soon to be a father?" She threw her napkin on the table and disappeared into the kitchen. Mr. Cullen followed after her.

My face felt like it was on fire. I was so embarrassed. I looked to Edward.

"It's okay. I don't mind. I'll be right back." He kissed my cheek and followed after his parents. I looked up to notice everyone's eyes still on me. I could read the judgment on their faces. I stood quickly to leave the room and took Masen with me.

I didn't know where to go. I stood just outside the kitchen, in the foyer. When my heart rate began to slow down, I realized I could hear Edward and his parents in the kitchen.

"Edward, this is ridiculous! You've known this girl a couple of months and you're allowing her son to call you daddy! What has gotten into you?" Esme demanded.

I could tell Edward was mad by the way he hesitated before responding to her. "Mother, it's not a big deal. He's never said it before."

"It is a big deal, Edward," his father chimed in.

"Edward, really, get yourself together, please. I'm sure she's a nice girl, but you don't need her baggage. We were very disappointed to hear your decision about med school, but even in law school, you don't need the pressures of what comes with a serious relationship and a child. Tanya has been asking about you. She really misses you. Why don't you give her another chance? At least she's in the same economic class as we are," Esme said.

Those words stung. I was on the edge of tears.

"I don't want her! I've never wanted her! You want us to be together, not me. You need to get your head out of your ass and go apologize to Bella and make Rose apologize too."

"Edward, don't talk to your Mother that way."

"Why on Earth should Rose have to apologize to her?" Esme asked.

"Did you not notice the cunning look on her face! She practically gave Masen a thumbs up! She put him up to it, just to embarrass Bella. She is a complete vulture!"

"I don't think your sister did that, Edward. That child thinks you are his father."

"Of course she didn't do it, Mother. Rose never does anything wrong. You always hold me to a higher standard. You give her an exception because of her situation. I mean, for god sakes, look at that idiot she's dating!"

"Emmett makes her happy, Edward."

"Bella makes me happy, Mother. I'm leaving. Until you apologize to her, consider me out of your lives."

I heard his steps coming closer and I hurried towards the front door. I saw Edward go back into the dining room to kiss his grandmother goodbye. He was at my side moments later.

"I'm so sorry, Bella."

I didn't know what to say. I just headed out to the car. Mr. and Mrs. Cullen came after us, begging Edward to wait. He ignored them.

The ride back to the hotel was in silence. Masen was sound asleep by the time we got back. Edward carried him for me. We made our way to our room and I kicked my shoes off. I quickly busied myself with changing Masen's clothes and diaper. He whined momentarily before he calmed down, once he was in his pajamas. I set up his Pack N' Play just outside the bedroom door. I settled in with him on the couch and read him a story before putting him down for bed. I put his monkey in the Pack N' Play with him and covered him with a blanket. I walked into the bedroom but didn't see Edward. The bathroom door was open and I went inside.

I saw Edward, only in his boxers, leaning over the jacuzzi tub, checking the water temperature. He heard me enter the room and he quickly turned around.

"I ran you a bath. I thought maybe it would help you relax."

I smiled gratefully and nodded my head. On the way back to the hotel I had decided I was mad at him for subjecting me to the wrath of his family, but it was impossible to stay mad at him when he was only wearing boxers.

He walked over to me and placed a kiss on my forehead before leaving me alone. I quickly slipped out of my dress and pulled my hair up so it didn't get wet. I slipped into the warm water and instantly felt better. I laid my head against the back of the tub.

I must have fallen asleep. I heard a light tapping on the bathroom door some time later. "Bella, are you alright? You've been in there for two hours."

I quickly glanced down at myself. My hands and toes had pruned. _Dammit!_ I thought to myself. It was then I noticed the water wasn't so warm anymore and I felt a chill rush through me.

"Bella?"

"Yea, I'm fine. I'll be right out." I got out of the tub and dried off. It was then that I realized I hadn't brought any clothes with me to change into. I glanced around the large bathroom and noticed Edward's clothes laying neatly in a pile next to the linen closet. I picked up the black button up shirt he had worn earlier. I smelled it and it smelt just like his cologne. I enjoyed his scent for a moment before deciding to put it on.

I let my hair down and exited the bathroom. Edward was in bed, watching TV. He looked up at me when I entered the room.

"Sorry, I fell asleep." I ran my hands down his shirt that I had on. "I didn't bring anything in there to change into. I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all. It looks better on you than it does me," he joked.

I blushed and crawled in bed under the covers next to him. He turned the TV off and wrapped his arms around me.

"Bella, I'm sorry." He kissed my cheek.

"Maybe their right, Edward. We're from two different worlds. You have so much potential, why bother yourself with me and Masen?"

"Stop asking me that. I don't care if you don't come from money. That means nothing to me. You're beautiful, smart and funny. You're a great mother, and you make me happy. I want to be with you." He titled my chin up so I was looking at him. He took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. "Bella, I think I'm falling in love with you."

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I was speechless.

"You don't have to say anything; I just wanted you to know." He kissed me.

I melted into him. I was falling in love with him too, I just wasn't brave enough to admit it. I couldn't believe this had become my life. It was like a fairy tale. Granted, his family had some issues, and there were a lot of things I was uncertain about, but when he kissed me like that, everything felt right.

Things heated up between us rather quickly. I wanted him so bad. As we kissed, I could feel his erection pressing through his boxers. I wanted to free it. I stroked him through his boxers and the little sound that he made was music to my ears. I sat on top of him, straddling his waist. My hands ran down his bare chest. His hands rested on my thighs. I bit my lip as I felt my body reacting to him.

He grinned at me. "What are you thinking?" he asked.

I blushed. "Just thinking about how badly I want you," I whispered.

"You couldn't possibly want me as badly as I want you."

"I beg to differ." I grinned at him.

He began unbuttoning his shirt that I was wearing. "I think I'd like my shirt back now."

I giggled and leaned down to kiss him. He quickly flipped me off of him and onto my back. He hovered over me and proceeded to unbutton the final button of my shirt. It was then he realized I wasn't wearing panties. I had planned to put a pair on when I got out of the bathroom, but I got distracted.

His eyes ran up and down my bare body. "Naughty girl."

I laughed. "No, I just didn't have them with me in the bathroom."

"Sure," he said sarcastically as he began to trail his tongue along my hip bone.

"Oh God, that feels amazing." I could feel him smile against my skin.

"You look amazing."

He worked his way back up to my lips and kissed me. My fingers tangled in his messy locks.

He pulled away and looked at me. "Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked.

I smiled. "I'm sure."

"I'll be right back." He rolled off of me and the bed and grabbed something from his suitcase. He came back and set a foil wrapper on the nightstand.

I took a deep breath as he crawled back in bed. "I came prepared this time," he said.

I smiled as he continued where he left off. We explored every inch of each other's body before there was really nothing left to do. My body was craving him. He grabbed the foil wrapper and did his thing before turning back to me. He settled himself between my legs. My knees were shaking.

"Are you sure, Bella? We don't have to..."

"I'm sure." I said it, but I suddenly I didn't believe it. My body wanted him, I wanted him, but I wasn't sure if my brain was ready for it.

I was lost in thought when I felt him at my entrance. He was pretty well endowed and it had been a long time since I had been with anyone, forcefully or otherwise. Things weren't going together quite as smoothly as I would've liked.

"Sorry, it's been a while," I said.

"It's okay, Bella. You're perfect."

That put me at ease and I exhaled a deep breath I had been holding. He penetrated me and then and I froze. I thought it would feel different. It felt exactly the same as it did that night. That night just kept replaying in my mind and I didn't want it too. I pushed him off me, just to know that I could, that I wasn't trapped there. I sat up and wiped at the tears I didn't realize had fallen. "I'm sorry, Edward. It's not you."

He didn't say anything. He just rubbed my back. I excused myself to the bathroom. I cleaned myself up and got myself together mentally. I had wanted this, and now I had it and I was screwing it all up. I needed to tell him. I didn't want him to think I was weird or crazy. I took a deep breath and re-entered the bedroom. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, back in his boxers. He looked up when he heard the bathroom door open.

"Are you okay?"

I nodded my head yes. I was still naked, he handed me his shirt. I slipped it on, but didn't bother with the buttons. I pulled it closed around me and sat down next to him on the bed. It was dark in the room, but the lights from the street highlighted his features perfectly. I turned to look at him. "Edward, I'm sorry. There are some things you don't know about me."

He was silent.

I took a deep breath. "Edward, I've been raped before. This was the first time since then. I thought I was ready."

He wouldn't look at me.

"Edward?"

"I'm sorry, Bella."

"It's okay. You didn't do anything wrong. You were perfect." I ran my hand along his smooth back.

He finally looked at me. "Let's go to bed."

He went to get under the covers, but I grabbed his hand. He turned to face me. "I want to try again."

He looked confused. "What?"

I stood up and placed my hands on his bare chest. "I want to try again."

"Why? I don't want to hurt you. You don't have to do this. I can wait. I'll wait forever if you need me to."

I almost laughed. "You're so sweet." I kissed his lips gently. "I want to, because you're the only person I've ever wanted to be with since it happened. It doesn't matter if it's tonight, or tomorrow, or next week, or next month! I just have to do it and get it over with. Now that you know, I think it will be easier."

He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead. "You're the most amazing woman I've ever met."

I smiled up at him. "Make love to me, Edward."

His lips crashed down upon mine. I kept telling myself that this was love, and this was different, this was consensual. He wasn't going to hurt me.

We had undressed and were on the bed in no time. He grabbed another foil wrapper and put on a condom. I took a deep breath as he positioned himself between my legs. I kept trying to imagine beautiful things in my mind, so those horrible thoughts couldn't intrude.

"Bella? Bella?"

"What? Sorry, I zoned out."

"Stay here, with me. When you get that glazed over look in your eyes, I can't do it."

I stroked his cheek. "I'm sorry. I'm here."

"Maybe it would be better if you got on top. So you can go at your own pace."

I thought about that for a moment. I wouldn't feel trapped. "Good idea." I smiled as he rolled over on to his back and his rock hard erection lay neatly on his stomach. I straddled him and kissed him briefly before positioning myself over him and letting him gently slip inside me. It was a little painful at first, but once he was all the way in, and I was still in the right frame of mind, I felt like celebrating.

I opened my eyes to see him watching me intently. A huge smile spread across my face as I gently rocked my hips against his. "I'm okay," I breathed. I leaned down, covering his body with my own as I kissed him.

"You feel amazing, Bella."

I sat back up as our hips worked in perfect rhythm. "So do you." His hands ran up my flat stomach, then gently explored each of my breasts before moving back to my thighs. He held me to him as he thrust inside me, causing my body to rub against his. In no time at all, I began to feel my muscles tightening up and all my blood rushing to the surface of my skin. I was flushed and I couldn't control the incredible sensations I was feeling.

"Edward..." I moaned.

He thrust deeper inside me and his fingers dug into my hips. I felt myself tightening around him as I came.

He was only seconds behind me, the sounds that escaped him as he came were the most erotic sounds I'd ever heard.

"Uhhh! Oh, Bellllllaaa!"

I fell against him, exhausted. His arms wrapped tightly around me. I smiled against his chest. I was proud of myself. I never thought I'd be able to do it, much less enjoy it.

A few moments later he excused himself to the bathroom and when our bodies were no longer one, I felt empty.

He returned to bed a few minutes later and I curled up next to him. "Thank you for being patient with me."

He kissed my forehead. "You were wonderful, Bella."

I smiled against his chest. Just before I had almost fallen asleep, a thought hit me.

"Edward?"

"Hm?"

"What did your family mean when they all said you looked so much better?"

Silence.

"Edward?"

"It was just a rough time in college. I was trying to figure out who I was. I had just lost a little weight and my hair had gotten longer. It wasn't a big deal, they just blow everything out of proportion."

That sounded about right, I thought.

He kissed me. "Get some sleep, Bella."

I nodded my head. "Goodnight, Edward."

*****Author's Note: Hi! This chapter was a little longer than usual, I hope you all enjoyed it! There's so much more to come! Thanks for the reviews and keep them coming! I also want to give a shoutout to Westosobear because she follows all my stories and always reviews :) Also, some of my favorite Twitter girls: Kharisma2; KSarno; xmissitzel; toriaGRIFFIN93; LizHartzog and BetsMissTitz! **

**Follow me on Twitter: AllOrNothingKR **


	7. Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7:

He wasn't in bed with me the following morning when I woke. I found his shirt on the floor and slipped it on before walking out of the room. Edward had ordered breakfast and he was helping Masen eat a pancake.

I laughed as Masen sucked syrup off his fingers. "Mamma!"

"Is that good, Masen?"

He eagerly nodded his head. He had never had pancakes before. Edward turned around to see me.

"Good morning, beautiful. I didn't want to wake you. There's plenty here if you're hungry." I sat down with them and ate breakfast. After we finished, Edward got up.

"I'm going to get in the shower. Masen, tell Mamma where we're going today!" Edward said.

Masen grinned from ear to ear. "We goin to da zoo, Mamma!!"

"The Zoo?? Really?" I looked at Edward.

He nodded his head. I wasn't sure if Masen was more excited, or I was. I hadn't been to the zoo since I was a little girl. "Thank you, Edward."

"Tank you, Daddy!" Masen yelled.

"Masen! Stop saying that! His name is Edward!" I scolded.

Edward laughed. "It's okay, Bella, really."

I sighed as Edward disappeared into the bathroom and we all began to get ready.

***

By the time we returned to Seattle a few days later, I was beyond exhausted. I had the most incredible time though. Edward made sure to show us a good time. The zoo was still my favorite part. Masen's favorite part were the monkeys at the zoo. I think we were at the monkey exhibit for a good two hours.

Edward helped me get everything inside my tiny apartment on Sunday night when we got home. Masen was asleep and we put him straight to bed. I sighed as I met Edward at my door.

"I don't want the weekend to end," I said to him.

He kissed my lips lightly. "Me either. I had a wonderful weekend, Bella."

I smiled. "Me too. What's your schedule like this week? When do I get to see you again?"

He sighed. "I'm pretty busy. I have to work a lot, so I'm not sure I'll be at the library much."

"Oh, okay." I couldn't hide my disappointment.

"I'll find time to see you though. I'll call you, okay?"

I nodded my head. We embraced momentarily and kissed each other before finally parting.

It was lonely and cold sleeping alone that night. It made me realize how much I liked Edward, and missed him when he wasn't around. I didn't see him at all throughout the week and by the time Friday came around, I was more than anxious to see him. He was supposed to be coming over after he got off work.

***Alice POV***

I was playing hide and seek with Masen when there was a knock at the door. I hesitated momentarily, not wanting to answer Bella's door. Not to mention, these apartments were pretty sketchy. When the person knocked a second time, I tip toed to the door to look out the peep hole. Edward!

I swung the door open. "Hey, stranger! Come in!"

Edward came in and Masen came out of his hiding spot. "Daddy!!" he screamed. I guess Bella couldn't get him to kick the habit. She had filled me in on the Thanksgiving nightmare.

Edward scooped Masen up. "Hey, big guy. How are you?"

Masen hugged Edward's neck. "Good, missed you."

Edward kissed his forehead. "I missed you too, buddy."

My heart melted. Bella was right, he is really good with Masen. "Edward, I think Bella was going to the library after class. I wasn't really expecting her until later."

"Well, Alice, I actually came to see you."

"Oh?"

Edward put Masen down. "Yes, do you know if Bella has a Christmas tree?"

I laughed. "She doesn't. Last year she got this little two foot joke of a tree. I tried to buy her one, she wouldn't let me."

Edward laughed. "That sounds like her."

"You know her well!"

"Well, I was thinking...I want to get her one, a nice one. But I wondered if you'd want to help me. I want to surprise her with it, so she can't object."

I started jumping up and down. "That's a great idea!! We'll get an artificial one so she can use it every year. It has to have multi-colored lights and a homey feel to it, not a fake feeling. Oh! And we could make home made ornaments with pictures of Masen and his little hand prints! This is a great idea, Edward!"

Edward laughed. "Slow down, Alice!"

I giggled. "I'm just so excited. When do we start?"

"Well, it will be difficult to keep it from her. We'll have to pre-plan and then throw it all together one evening when she's in class."

"Okay, well you get the tree. Masen and I can get started on the decorations every night when Bella isn't here. I'll have to find somewhere to hide them, but that shouldn't be a problem."

"Okay that sounds good. Let's aim for next Friday. I'll get the tree this weekend. Do you think that's enough time?"

"Yes, I can definitely get everything together by then!"

Edward and I sat down and made some notes about what we were going to do and we made Masen swear to keeping it a secret from Bella. Just as Edward was getting ready to leave, Bella came through the door.

***Bella POV***

I was tired after class and didn't feel like going to the library, although I really should have. I wanted to get home and freshen up a bit before Edward arrived.

Needless to say, I was surprised to see him when I walked in.

"Edward! What are you doing here?" He and Alice looked just as surprised to see me, and Masen had an evil grin on his face.

Edward grabbed my bags from me and kissed me. "I got off work early. I didn't realize you were going to the library."

"Oh, why does my son look like he has a big secret?"

Alice and Edward looked at Masen and they both shrugged their shoulders nonchalantly. Masen giggled. They were up to something.

"Well this has been fun, but I've get to get home. It was good to see you, Edward. Masen give me a hug and kiss!" Alice demanded.

Alice told Masen goodbye and she hugged me before heading out.

"I'm going to get him to bed, okay?" I said to Edward.

Edward nodded his head. "Have you eaten?"

"No, have you?"

"No, why don't I go pick up a pizza or chinese while you get him to bed?"

"That sounds great! Chinese please!"

Edward laughed. "Yes ma'am."

"Tell Daddy goodnight, Masen." The words came out of my mouth before I even realized what I'd said. I covered my eyes in embarrassment. "I'm sorry."

Edward pulled my hand away and laughed at me. "It's fine, Bella. I really don't mind." He kissed me and Masen before leaving to get the food.

Masen was more hyper than usual and it took me a while to get him to settle down. Once he did, I changed into my pajamas and let my hair down, brushing it out. I wore black, white, and light pink flannel pants with a black tank top. I cleaned up the apartment a little bit before Edward got back.

Not only did he come back with Chinese food, but also a case of beer and a bottle of wine.

"What is all this?" I asked.

"Well, I wanted a beer. I wasn't sure if you drank beer, so I brought a bottle of wine also."

I shook my head and took some of the things from him. "You're too much, Edward Cullen."

He laughed at me. We set the food down on the coffee table and settled behind it against the couch. It was so good.

"So are you going to tell me what you guys are up to?" I asked.

"What are you talking about?"

"You, Masen and Alice. I could tell you all were up to something when I came in."

He shook his head. "I don't know what you're talking about, Bella."

"Masen told me," I lied.

Edward turned to look at me quickly, eyes large. "Did he really?"

I laughed. "I knew it!"

Edward laughed. "That's not fair, you tricked me!"

"You've done entirely too much for me, please don't be doing anything crazy."

"It's nothing, really. I promise."

I didn't believe him, but I let it go. We continued eating and drinking until we were both stuffed and I was tipsy. Edward laughed at how much of a lightweight I was. I began unbuttoning his shirt as I kissed him. "You should get more comfortable."

He laughed, "Let's go to bed."

"We can't; Masen is in there. Neither one of us are exactly...quiet."

"True." Edward got up and went to the linen closet and grabbed several blankets from it. "Go get the pillows off the bed."

I did as he said, and when I came back into the living room, he had moved the coffee table, turned the lights off, and laid the blankets out on the floor. I added the pillows and we had a perfect little pallet.

"Come here," Edward pulled me down next to him. I immediately captured his lips, holding his bottom lip hostage between mine.

"I've missed you," I said, after finally breaking our kiss.

"I missed you too, Bella. More than you know."

I giggled and kissed him again, while peeling his clothes off of him. He was so incredibly sexy. Once I had him down to his boxers, I sat on his lap and ran my hands up and down his strong chest and along his shoulders. His hands were beneath my tank top, inching it up my stomach and eventually over my head. I wasn't wearing a bra. I shyly leaned against him.

His hand brushed against my bare shoulder, moving my hair behind it. "You're so beautiful, Bella."

I smiled as he kissed me. I was so hopelessly in love with him. He gently laid me on my back, never separating his lips from mine. He slipped his hand inside my flannel pants and I lifted my hips to help him shimmy them down my legs. I removed his boxers and then I straddled him. I liked the position we were in. Edward was sitting against the couch, I was in his lap. I liked being this close to him. He smelled delicious. I moved on top of him in a perfect rhythm. His tongue lazily trailed down my neck. I moved quicker on top of him, enjoying the increased friction. His finger tips dug into the skin at my hips and I nearly fell over the edge when he closed his eyes and threw his head back against the couch. His hands on my hips guided my pace. I felt a tingling sensation between my legs and my muscles began to tighten in my stomach.

"Edward..." I breathed.

He opened his eyes and they met mine. I latched on to his lips with my own as I moved faster on top of him, felling my orgasm race through my body.

He pulled away. "Bella!" He said my name loudly as he came and I couldn't help but smile. I loved hearing my name roll of his tongue as I made him fall over the edge.

We both clung to each other, breathless.

"Mommy!!" Masen cried.

Edward and I both laughed. "I guess we weren't quiet enough," I said. "I'll be right back." I crawled off of Edward and dressed quickly. I made my way into the bedroom where Masen was.

"What's wrong, buddy?" He was standing in his crib reaching for me. I picked him up.

He didn't say anything, he just wrapped his little arms around my neck and laid his head on my shoulder. I rubbed his back and rocked him until he was back to sleep. I put him back to bed and went back to Edward. He was under the covers with his eyes closed.

I crawled in next to him. "Did you fall asleep on me already?" I asked.

He opened his eyes. "No, just resting my eyes."

I laughed. "Sure!"

He laughed too. "You wore me out."

I smiled and kissed him. "Good!"

We stayed in the living room the entire night, snuggled up next to each other.

I was disappointed the following morning when, after breakfast, Edward said he had to get going.

"Where are you going? I haven't seen you all week."

He walked up to me and caressed my cheek with the palm of his hand. "I know, sweetheart. I'll be back tonight. I've got some errands to run and I need to do some studying."

I stuck out my bottom lip, pouting. "Okay." He kissed me, and I absolutely melted. I could feel the want in his kiss. I smiled when he finally pulled away.

"I'll see you soon."

I nodded my head and he gave Masen a hug and disappeared out the door. I sighed, and wondered what I'd do with the rest of my day.

Edward took me and Masen to dinner that evening. It was really fun. Masen had a great time. He never gets to go out like that, because I can't afford it. He was so excited to get a balloon tied to his wrist when we left the restaurant. It was a cute little family restaurant that was locally owned. A family next to us was celebrating a birthday and the waiter sang happy birthday to them and took a picture of the child blowing out the candle on the cupcake. The waiter was using a Polaroid camera. Edward talked the waiter into taking our picture. I had to laugh at him at first, but the picture turned out very cute. It was of all three of us. We looked happy, like a family. Anybody on the outside would think Edward was Masen's father. They even had the same stupid grin in the picture. I laugh every time I look at it. I've looked at it a lot.

The weekend was over before I knew it and it was back to our hectic schedules. It seemed like I rarely got to see Edward anymore. He wasn't at the library as much and I missed him. I had a long week and a big exam on Monday of the following week. It was Friday night and Edward was working. I decided I'd go to the library to study. Alice said it wouldn't be a problem. I was on the bus, on my to the library after work and as I passed my apartment building, I could've sworn I saw Edward's car outside down the street. I sent him a text message.

_Where are you? - B_

I received his response almost instantly. _Working, I thought I told you. - Edward_

I sighed. I was secretly hoping he wasn't working and was waiting on me at my apartment.

_You did. I thought I saw your car near my place. - B_

_Not mine. Are you going to the library or home? - Edward_

_Library. I miss you. :( - B_

_I miss you too. I'll be over a little after 9:00, get your studying done so I can have your undivided attention all weekend! - Edward _

_I like the sound of that ;) See you later. - B_

I threw my phone into my bag and rushed to the front of the bus as I had almost missed my stop.

***Alice POV***

"Whew! Thank God she didn't stop in here. I can't believe you parked your car right out front."

Edward laughed. "It's down the street a little ways. I wasn't even thinking. We have to hurry. Knowing her, she'll pop in at any moment."

Alice laughed. "I know, I know. I'm so excited!"

We had the tree up and we had just finished getting the lights on. Masen loved the lights, especially the twinkling ones. After we got the lights on we began adding the popcorn and cranberries. Masen and I had spent all week stringing popcorn and cranberries to use as garland. I saw the idea in a magazine, and I thought it was really cute.

"How did you ever find the time to get all this done?" Edward asked as he strung the popcorn garland around the top of the tree.

I laughed. "I'm fast! The most difficult part was trying to get Masen to stop eating all the popcorn!"

Edward and Masen both laughed. Masen and I hung ornaments while Edward continued with the popcorn and cranberry garland. When he was finished, he stepped back and looked at some of the ornaments. I made a lot of them myself. I had Masen's baby footprints in a little frame with glitter on it, and several more homemade ornaments with some of Bella's favorite baby pictures of him. There were also other homemade ornaments of her when she was a baby with her mom and dad, a picture of Masen and Mr. Swan, and of course regular Christmas ornaments with lots of sparkle! The entire tree was so colorful.

It struck me as strange to stand back and observe how much time Edward was spending looking at the photos of Bella, Masen and her family, especially the baby pictures of Masen. He almost looked like he was getting choked up.

"Um, Edward? Are you okay?" I asked hesitantly.

He looked back at me quickly, I startled him. He put down the ornament he was holding. "Yes, I'm sorry. I've never seen any of these."

I walked up to him and looked at the picture on the ornament he was previously holding. It was a picture of Masen and Bella, the day they went home from the hospital. "He had a cone head." I said.

Edward laughed. "Yes, he did, still cute though."

I laughed too. "Yea, he was really cute."

"Bella doesn't look happy."

I shrugged my shoulders. "She had mixed emotions at first. It was a really hard time for her, doing it on her own, you know?"

Edward nodded his head.

"Did she tell you about it?" I asked him.

Edward took a deep breath. "Not really. I mean, she told me she had been raped, I just assumed..."

I nodded my head. "Everyday since that day, I've wanted to kill the bastard that did it to her, but at the same time, I can't imagine life with out that little angel." I looked at Masen who was eating the popcorn off the left over garland.

I looked back up at Edward. He almost looked sick. "Are you okay?"

"Yea. I just really care about her."

"I know you do. I wish you could've met her before Masen. She was such a bright light, so happy, carefree, determined. Then everything changed. She was broken, shattered, scared. You bring back the old Bella in her."

Edward looked away from me quickly. I thought he was going to be sick. He took a deep breath before facing me again. "I'm sorry, Alice. It's just hard for me to imagine."

I nodded my head in understanding. He truly cared about Bella and that made me happy.

"Alice, I think I love her."

My head shot up and my smile surely reached from ear to ear. "That's wonderful! You should tell her!"

"You don't think it's too soon? What if she doesn't..."

I laughed loudly. "Are you kidding me? She's totally head over heels."

Edward laughed. "Okay, I'll tell her soon."

That made me happy. We continued getting all the ornaments on the tree and it was getting late by the time we finished. Bella would be home soon.

"So, Edward, are you ready to see the tree topper?"

Edward laughed. "Sure."

"I wanna put it up! I wanna put it up!" Masen screamed.

I pulled it out of the bag it was in. It was a gold sparkly three demential star with a picture of Edward, Masen and Bella from the restaurant in the center of the star. There was a boarder of red glitter framing the picture.

"Wow, Alice. That's great, she will love it!"

I jumped up and down. "I know! You have no idea how hard it was to get this picture from her! I had to make a copy of it and give it back to her, I was afraid she'd kill me if I used the original."

Edward laughed. "Okay, big guy, you want to put it on top of the tree?"

Masen reached for Edward to pick him up. "Yes, Daddy! I wanna do it!"

Edward picked up Masen and lifted him up so he could put the star on the tree. After Edward put him down, he straightened it up a bit and we both stood back admiring our work.

"It's beautiful, Alice. Thank you so much for all your help. I never could've made it mean so much."

I almost cried. "Your welcome. It was my pleasure, we had a lot of fun." I heard Bella turning her key in the door and Edward ran to the door, to prevent her from coming all the way in.

***Author's Note: *sigh* I love this story. lol There's much more to come, hope you all enjoyed it! I know many of you came from Twilighted to read the other chapters here and the response has been overwhelming! Thank you all so much for your reviews.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8:

***Bella POV***

As soon as I began to push my door open, out walks Edward. I knew that was his car. He had a big smile on his face and I couldn't help but laugh.

"What are you up to, mister?"

He took me in his arms and planted a kiss on me that I will never forget. It nearly made my knees shake. I was so glad to be in his presence again. He made my not so glamorous life seem very manageable.

"Wow." I said, when he finally pulled away. "Did you miss me?"

Edward laughed. "Of course I missed you."

"What are you doing here?"

"Alice, Masen and I have a surprise for you."

I sighed. "Oh God, what have you done?"

"Stop being so dreadful, you'll love it. I promise."

"If you say so..."

He took my hand and led me inside. _Oh my God. I have a Christmas tree!!! _ I thought to myself. "Oh my gosh, I love it!" I let go of Edward and walked across the room to get a better look at the tree. I almost instantly began crying when I saw the ornaments; especially the star, it nearly had me sobbing.

"Mommy, was wong? You don't like it?" Masen asked, coming up to me and hugging my leg.

I laughed and knelt down to him. "No, baby. I love it. These are happy tears." I said as I wiped at my soiled cheeks.

I turned to face Alice and Edward. "I can't believe you guys did this. I love it. Masen will have a Christmas tree this year!"

Alice jumped up and down and then gave me a hug. "I'm so glad you like it. It was Edward's idea."

"Well, I certainly can't take all the credit, Alice and Masen were the masterminds behind such thoughtful ornaments."

I stood there and cried as they both hugged me. "Thank you." It meant more to me than I realized. My little boy had never had a Christmas with a Christmas tree before. It was something I remember being so fond of as a child. I was actually excited about Christmas now, rather than dreading it.

Alice finally pulled away from me. "I've got to get going."

I nodded my head and walked her to the door. She hugged me again and whispered in my ear. "Call me when he's not around, we need to talk."

She pulled back and I gave her a quizzical look. "Is it bad? What's wrong?"

"It's not bad. It's very good."

That scared me even more. "Okay."

Alice left and I went back inside. Edward was in the kitchen starting a late dinner.

"Are you hungry?" he asked.

I just grinned at him and nodded my head. "I'm going to put Masen to bed and grab a shower, okay?"

"Sure. Dinner and a glass of wine will be waiting on you when you get back."

I smiled. I so desperately wanted to blurt out _I love you_, but I didn't want to freak him out. I put Masen to bed and went into the bathroom with my cell phone. I turned the shower on and called Alice before stepping in.

"Hello?" Her always chipper voice answered.

"Hey, Al. What's going on?" I asked softly.

"Oh, Bella! He loves you!"

I laughed. "What are you talking about?"

"He told me!"

My heart started racing. "What?"

"I wish you could've seen him. He actually got choked up looking at the pictures of you and Masen from when he was a baby."

"Really?" Edward never really seemed all that emotional to me.

"Yes, and then he said...Alice, I think I love her."

My heart stopped beating. She said it so theatrically, I had to laugh. I wanted to jump up and down like a little kid with candy. "Oh my God."

Alice squealed. "I know! Bella, he's so great! I'm so happy for you."

"Thanks, Alice. I have to go, I'm hiding in the shower."

Alice giggled. "Okay, I love you, see you Monday!"

"Kay, I love you too! Thanks again!"

Just as I pulled the phone from my ear, Edward walked in, butt naked.

I laughed. "What are you doing?" I was sitting, naked, on the edge of the sink with my legs crossed.

He closed the door. "What are you doing? I thought you were taking a shower, not sneaking away to use your phone."

"Alice called, I wasn't sneaking away." I uncrossed my legs and spread them slightly as he walked up to me, standing between my legs. His arms wrapped around my waist.

"What did she want?"

"Well..." I avoided his eyes. "She said that you thought you loved me." It came out barely as a whisper.

He tilted my chin, so I was looking at him. "I didn't want to tell you this way, sitting naked on a bathroom vanity..."

I giggled. He kissed me. "But, I don't think I love you."

My mouth fell open and I stared up at him.

"I know I do."

My heart resumed beating then and I kissed him. I pulled back and hugged his neck. "You're so good to me."

He smiled. "How about that shower?"

I nodded my head and jumped off the counter. "What about dinner?"

"It's in the oven. We had 17 minutes from the time I came in here."

I laughed. "You came in here looking for a quickie, huh?" I stepped into the shower and he playfully smacked my but.

I jumped and giggled. We actually just showered, and didn't go for the quickie. Neither one of us wanted to be quick. We wanted to savor each other.

When we got out of the shower, Edward left me to get dressed while he went to tend to dinner.

I heard his phone ring multiple times. He finally answered it.

"What?" he yelled.

I stopped what I was doing, and listened quietly.

"No, she's full of shit. I don't care. She knows what she has to do and so do you. You're such a bitch."

My eyes grew large. Who was he talking to like that? I've never heard him talk that before.

"No, I don't want to talk her. I don't care, Rose. I'm hanging up now. Goodbye."

His sister.

I cautiously stepped out of the bathroom. "Is everything okay?" I asked.

He looked up at me. "I'm sorry you had to hear that. Everything is fine."

He continued messing with dinner at the oven. He was wearing only his jeans, bare feet and chest. He looked good enough to eat.

I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around him, kissing his back. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

I let go of him and stood beside him against the counter, so I could see his face. "Edward, please don't feel like you have to ignore your family because of me."

"Don't worry about it, Bella. It's not a big deal."

"It's a big deal to me. Just because they don't like me, doesn't mean you have to disown them. They care about you."

"No, they don't. They care about social status."

"That's not true, Edward."

"You don't know everything, Bella!" He nearly yelled.

That took me by surprise. I backed off then. I went to my room and closed the door. He hurt my feelings. I sat on my bed quietly so I wouldn't wake Masen. I vehemently fought the tears that threatened me.

Edward quietly pushed the door open a few minutes later. "Dinner's ready," he whispered.

I took a deep breath and left the room. Dinner was on the small table adjacent to the kitchen. We both sat, silently. When I reached for my glass of wine, he intercepted, grabbing my hand.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. I don't come from a perfect family. It's a very touchy subject with me. I'd rather not talk about it. Please forgive me."

He looked very troubled. "I'm sorry, I was just trying to help."

"I know." He kissed the top of my hand. "You help by just being with me. I'll handle my family. Please, do not worry about it."

I took a deep breath and nodded my head. We ate mostly in silence. We both did the dishes afterwards. I couldn't help but wonder what the story was with his family. I was obviously missing something. It troubled me that he didn't want to talk about it with me, but I guess it was the same scenario with what happened to me in college. I certainly didn't want to share details with him.

I got over it, and we went to bed. We spent the rest of the weekend at his apartment. Late Saturday afternoon I was cleaning up Edward's apartment while he ran to the grocery store to pick up a few things for dinner. Masen was taking a nap in Edward's bed. There was a knock at the door. I looked through the peep hole. Edward's sister.

I hesitated momentarily, wondering if I should open the door. I finally decided I would.

"Is Edward here?" She asked.

"No, I'm sorry. He ran to the store."

"Do you live here now?" she asked.

"No. Would you like to come in and wait for him?"

"No, that's not necessary. You can just ask him to call me."

"Okay, I will."

She turned to leave, but she stopped, turning back to face me.

"Oh, and Bella...I'm sorry about Thanksgiving. Don't tell him I said that. I'm saying it because I mean it, not because he wants me to."

I was confused. "Okay. Thanks." She turned and disappeared down the hallway. I closed the door and just stood there momentarily trying to figure out what just happened. Why was she being nice to me now?

I busied myself around the apartment until Edward returned. After he returned, we were both in the kitchen putting the groceries away.

"Your sister stopped by."

He stopped what he was doing and turned to look at me. "What?"

"She stopped by while you were gone. She asked me to have you call her."

"Is that it?" he asked.

"Yes. Well..." I hesitated, wondering if I should tell him about her apologizing. "Yes."

He furrowed his brow at me. "What aren't you telling me?"

"She apologized to me."

"Really?" he asked, surprised.

I nodded my head. "But she said she was only doing it because she meant it, not because you told her to. And she told me not to tell you."

Edward looked confused. "What the hell? She's up to something. You can't believe anything she says."

"She looked sincere. You should call her."

Edward gave me a stern look, warning me.

"Okay, sorry." I backed off and continued putting the groceries away.

***

The next few weeks were extremely busy. Edward and I hardly got to see each other as we both had to prepare for finals. I was completely stressed out between work, school and Masen. Masen was really driving me nuts. Because I was having to study so much, he wasn't getting attention from me that he normally would. It was after 10:00 the night before my last final. I had to be up early for work and then go straight to class. I needed to study and Masen wouldn't go to bed. I was getting so frustrated. I went back into the room after listening to scream for half an hour.

"Masen, lay down. You're not getting out of bed. You need to go to sleep."

"I wan anover story!"

"I've read you two stories! Go to sleep!"

"I want Daddy! You are mean!" he screamed.

"If I let you talk to Daddy on the phone, will you go to bed?"

Masen stopped crying and nodded his head yes. He missed Edward. He looked up to him so much and he liked having a guy around. I think he misses Charlie, and Edward takes Charlie's place in his mind.

I sighed. "I'll be right back." I went to get the phone. I had already talked to Edward that evening and I knew he was studying.

"Hello?"

"Hey, baby. I'm sorry to bother you."

"It's alright, what's wrong?"

I sighed. "My son is throwing a massive temper-tantrum and he won't go to bed and I really need to study. He said I was mean and that he wanted to talk to you. He promised he'd go to bed if he could talk to you."

Edward laughed. "Of course I'll talk to him. I miss him. He's got you wrapped around his finger."

"Ugh, that's not a good thing!"

"Let me talk to him."

I went back into the room and held the phone to Masen's ear. I turned the volume up so I could hear.

"Daddy!" Masen yelled into the phone.

"Hey, buddy, why are you still awake?"

"I not sweepy!"

"Well maybe if you lay down and be quiet you will get sleepy. Mommy has to study, you have to be quiet for her, okay?"

Masen rolled his eyes and I had to laugh. "Okay, Daddy. When you comin over?"

"If you go to sleep like a good boy, I'll come see you tomorrow, okay?"

Masen jumped up and down in his crib. "Kay. Night, Daddy."

"Good night, Masen."

I took the phone back. I kissed Masen on the forehead. "Okay, go to sleep. I'll see you in the morning."

Masen nodded his head and laid back down with his monkey. I went back to the living room.

"Sorry about that. You're a life saver."

Edward laughed. "It's no problem. I can't wait to see you tomorrow, I feel like it's been forever."

"It feels like forever." I sighed.

"I know, baby. It's almost over. We'll have a nice long Christmas break together."

I smiled at the thought. Edward didn't even have to work at the library over the holiday break. "Okay, I've got to get back to studying. Good luck with your finals tomorrow. I love you."

"Thank you, Bella. Good luck with yours as well. I love you too."

I stayed up most of the night studying. I was really worried about this final. I didn't feel prepared for it at all. I was so tired when I got out of bed the next morning.

It was shortly after 7:00 p.m. when I finished my exam. I was walking across campus to the bus stop when someone grabbed me from behind.

I nearly had a heart attack until I realized it was Edward. I hit him in the chest. "Don't do that! You scared me!"

"Oh, right. I'm sorry, Bella. I forgot. I just saw you across campus and I was trying to catch up to you. I missed you."

He hugged me and I let my guard down. "What did you forget?" I asked, curiously.

"What?" he asked, confused.

"You said I'm sorry, Bella, I forgot."

He stuttered for a moment. "I don't know, I didn't mean anything by it. I just didn't mean to scare you."

"Okay." I exhaled a deep breath, pushing away the dark memories that were creeping back into my mind. "Let's go home." I grabbed his hand and we turned and walked in the opposite direction, towards his car.

"What time is Alice expecting you?"

"Not until after 9:00 p.m.; Why?"

"Well, I thought maybe we could go do some Christmas shopping for Masen."

"Edward, I don't have the money right now and you don't need to be buying him things."

Edward sighed. "You're so stubborn."

I gave him a warning look.

"You are! Why can't I spoil the girl that I love?"

"Edward! You know how I feel about you spending money on me. And besides, we were talking about Masen, not me."

"You, Masen, it's one in the same."

I shook my head. "You're too much."

"You know I'm going to do it anyway. You might as well come with me so you can pick him out some things he will like."

I sighed, giving in to him. "Fine."

We shopped until the mall closed that night. I got over Edward spending money on us when I realized how good of a Christmas Masen would have this year. I guess if I had a tree, there would need to be presents under it. Maybe I'd even be able to get Edward something. I sighed at the thought.

After we put Masen to bed that night we talked about our plans for Christmas. Edward insisted we spent Christmas with my dad, but I wanted it to just be the three of us here.

"Well let's at least spend Christmas eve with your father," he said.

"I'll agree to that. What about your family?"

"What about them?" he laughed.

"Ugh! Edward! You have to least go see them. It's Christmas!"

Edward's phone started ringing. Again.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I don't know what her problem is. She won't stop calling."

"Who?" I asked.

"My sister. Excuse me." I nodded my head and Edward stood and walked into the kitchen.

"What is it?" he answered.

"What? What are you talking about? Right now?"

"Ugh, Rose! I'm not even at home."

"Fine, I'll meet you there in half an hour."

Edward walked back into the living room and my heart plummeted. He was leaving. "Is everything okay?"

"I don't know. She is freaking out. She won't tell me over the phone. She said she has gotten into some trouble."

"Oh, that's strange. I hope everything is okay."

"Yea."

"So, you're leaving?" I asked.

He nodded his head. "Come with me. We'll stay at my place."

"I don't know. I don't want to get in the middle of whatever is going on with you and your sister."

"Just stay in my room, she shouldn't be there long."

I sighed. I'd have to get Masen up and move him and it was a lot of hassle, but God I missed sleeping in Edward's arms. "Okay," I agreed. I quickly packed Masen and I a bag and Edward took our things to his car before coming back to get Masen. I was surprised that Masen didn't even wake up.

I laid Masen down on Edward's bed after we arrived. His sister arrived a few minutes later and I excused myself to Edward's bedroom, but I purposely left the door cracked open.

"What is it?" he asked. "Why have you been crying?"

"Edward, I'm sorry. I don't have anyone else to turn to. It started a few weeks ago. I got a DUI on the way home from a bar after going out after work. I wasn't even drunk, I just hadn't eaten and I failed the breathalyzer test. I lost my job for missing two days of work and not notifying them, but I was in jail! I spent all my savings on getting out jail, I have court fees, I need an attorney. I lent Emmett some money. Edward I'm broke. I got an eviction notice today. Mom and Dad are so furious with me. They won't even talk to me, won't give me any money."

"What about your trust fund?"

I could hear her sobs increase dramatically. "It's gone."

"Gone?"

"Gone. You know mine wasn't as much as yours because Nanna Cullen wouldn't contribute to mine. Stupid wench."

"Watch it, Rose."

"Sorry, anyways, all of that isn't even the worse part! I found out last night that I'm pregnant."

Oh my. This was good, I thought.

"What?? What the hell is wrong with you? Is it that idiot's child?"

"He's not an idiot, and yes, it is."

"Wow, you've got yourself in a real pickle, huh?"

I guess she nodded her head because I didn't hear her respond.

"So what do you want? How much?"

"A couple thousand."

"What are you going to do to fix this?"

"There's not a lot available in Olympia, work wise. I've got a couple interviews lined up next week here in Seattle. I'll probably move out here if I can find something. Emmett is looking for a job out here too."

"He doesn't even have a job? God, Rose."

She just cried.

"I'll put some money in your account tomorrow. I'll find a good attorney for you in Olympia. This is the one and only time I'm helping you. Don't screw up again."

"Okay. Thank you, Edward. Seriously. I really appreciate it."

"You're welcome. What are you going to do about the baby?"

"What do you mean? I'm going to have it. Emmett and I are going to get married. I'm not having a child without a father like mom."

"You had a father."

"He was never my father and you know it."

"I'm not arguing about this with you. Your biological father was a monster."

"Okay, I'm sorry. I'll go." I heard her walking towards the door.

"Can I talk to you outside; so she can't hear us?"

"I doubt she's listening, Rose. What is it?"

"Trust me, you want this taken outside."

I heard Edward sigh.

I didn't hear her respond. I heard the door open and close and then there was silence. I peaked my head out the door, he went outside with her.

***

(Outside Edward's Apartment)

"I know what your hiding," Rose said.

"What are you talking about?" Edward asked.

"Her son, he looks just like you. Why didn't you just tell us you had a kid with some girl...instead of running away and going bat shit crazy."

"You don't know what you're talking about. Don't ever say anything like that around here again. Go back to wherever you came from."

"Look me in the eye and tell me that kid is not yours, Edward."

Edward looked down and then back up at Rosalie. "You don't understand. It's just not that easy."

"Why isn't it?"

Edward took a deep breath and blew it out. "I can't tell you. Nobody knows. Not even Bella."

Rosalie looked really confused. "What do you mean?"

"I told you, I can't tell you."

Rosalie sighed. "Okay, well you have my number if you decide you want to talk about it. I won't say anything to mom. Thanks again, really." Rosalie hugged Edward and he was taken back by it. They had never been close. He thought, perhaps, his sister did have emotions.

***Author's Note: Things are starting to get interesting! ;) Thanks for reading and thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews! As always, they're appreciated!


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9:

**Bella POV**

I was sitting anxiously on the couch waiting for Edward to come back inside. I wondered what Rose meant about her father. Was Mr. Cullen not Rose's father? I was so confused and I couldn't ask him about it because I didn't want him to know I was listening.

Edward came back inside a few moments later. He explained everything I already knew, except whatever was said outside. I told him the law firm I worked for had a satellite office in Olympia and maybe I could help her out. He told me to look into it.

The following morning, when Edward was in the shower, his cell rang. I saw from the caller id that it was Rosalie. I knew I shouldn't, but I answered it.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Bella?"

"Yes, I'm sorry, Edward is in the shower."

"Oh. Okay. Did he tell you what is going on?"

I wasn't sure what to say. "Yes, he did. I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time."

"Thanks. Well, I was just calling to tell him I got the money and thanks."

"I'll be sure to let him know."

"Thanks, Bella. Oh, and maybe we can do lunch sometime. You're familiar with this whole motherhood thing. I have no idea what I'm doing or what I'll need. It's really overwhelming."

I laughed. "I completely understand."

"Great, and you may not want to mention it to Edward. Somehow I think he wouldn't want us having girl time."

I laughed. "I think you're probably right. I'll get your number from his phone and I'll call you this week, we can set something up."

"Sound good, I'll talk to you then."

I hung up the phone and just stared at it blankly. I couldn't understand why she was suddenly being so nice to me. Maybe it was the baby thing.

I heard Edward come out of the bathroom and it startled me. I set his phone down quickly.

"Your sister called. She got the money and she says thank you, again."

"Hmm. Okay. Weird. She's being awfully nice."

"I think she's probably just grateful."

"I doubt it. She's just sucking up to get what she wants," Edward said.

"Edward!" I warned. "She's your sister. Cut her some slack."

He scoffed and went back to his bedroom to get dressed.

***

It was my last day of work before Christmas break. I was so frustrated that I hadn't got to have lunch with Rosalie yet. We had spoken a few times, but something always got in the way of us meeting up. It was usually Edward.

I was standing outside the office waiting for him to pick me up. He had kept Masen so Alice could head of town early with Jasper. It was freezing cold outside and Edward was late. That's not like him. I picked up my cell to call him.

"Hey, where are you?"

"I'm sorry, we're sitting in traffic. We did some Christmas shopping today," Edward said.

I laughed. "Oh, Lord. How did that go? Masen didn't throw a fit for everything in the store?"

Edward laughed. "Let's just say it wasn't his kind of store."

"Oh, no! Just hurry up, I'm freezing!"

"Alright, I'll see you in a bit."

I had no idea what Edward was up to. I don't think it really mattered what I said, I was pretty sure he was going to spend entirely too much money on me for Christmas.

They showed up a few minutes later and we headed back to Edward's apartment. We were driving out to Forks that night and spending the night at Charlie's.

It took us almost four hours to get there. Between Masen's attempts at singing and Edward laughing, my head was pounding. I wanted to crawl in bed and pass out.

I knocked on the door lightly before pushing it open. "Charlie? We're here," I yelled as we entered.

"Bells!" He got off the couch and came to greet us at the door.

"Papa!!" Masen yelled. I put Masen down and he ran to Charlie.

"Jesus, Bells! What are you feeding him? He's huge!" Charlie picked him up.

Edward and I laughed. "Yea, he's growing like a weed. Dad, this is Edward."

Charlie reached out to shake Edward's hand. "Hello, Edward."

"Mr. Swan. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"I hear you've been taking real good care of Bella and Masen."

"Dad..." I warned.

Edward laughed. "I try. Your daughter can be awfully stubborn at times."

I nudged Edward in the side. Charlie laughed. "Don't I know it!"

We got settled in and even though it was getting late, we were starving. I made chili and everyone was thoroughly stuffed before bed.

I was a little surprised when Charlie offered to let Masen sleep with him.

"Are you sure, Dad? I mean, we're pretty used to him sleeping in the same room with us." I thought about that for a moment. "I mean, not that we sleep in the same room all the time..." I blushed. I had never had a boy sleep in my childhood bed.

Charlie and Edward laughed. "I'm sure, I missed the little guy. But, that doesn't give you two the right to fool around in my house."

I hung my head, embarrassed. We all made our way upstairs. Charlie and Masen went to their room and Edward and I went to mine.

I sat on the bed while Edward inspected my room decor. "I haven't been here in a long time."

"It's interesting to see how you were."

He was looking at pictures of me and my friends from high school, some of me and Jake from the beach. There was one of us kissing.

"Who's this?"

I laughed. "My high school boyfriend, Jake."

Edward gave me a curious eye. "I've never heard about him."

"There's not much to tell. We were best friends. We were better off as friends. He never made me feel the way you do." I whispered.

"Is that right?" Edward asked, turning around.

I nodded my head and smiled innocently. He joined me on the bed. We both fell back, lost in a passionate kiss.

"God, I want you," I breathed.

Edward laughed. "I want you too, but I'm not being intimate with you in this room, in your father's house. I have manners."

I giggled. "Screw manners!"

"Not a chance, Ms. Swan."

I pouted as he got off of me and went to change clothes. I was exhausted. I changed into my pajamas too. I'm not sure who fell asleep first, but we were both out in a matter of minutes.

I had a nightmare that night. It had been a little while since I had one. It was like I was being raped all over again, except the cloth wasn't in my mouth. I could scream. In my dream I screamed and yelled, begging for my assailant to stop.

"Bella! Bella! Wake up!" Edward demanded.

I sat straight up in bed, struggling to catch my breath. Charlie burst through my door. "What's going on?"

"I'm sorry." I got off the bed and ran to the bathroom.

I could head Edward and Charlie talking.

"What was that about?" Charlie asked.

"She had a bad dream."

"That sounded like one hell of a dream," Charlie said.

"She has them all the time."

"She never had them when she lived here. I've never heard her wake up screaming like that."

I swung the bathroom door open. "Dad! I'm fine. Stop it. It was just a bad dream. I'm sorry I woke everyone. Go back to bed."

Charlie went back to his room, shutting the door. I went back into mine.

I sat on the bed next to Edward. "I'm sorry."

He pulled me down next to him. "It's okay, Bella. Don't worry about it."

He held me tighter than before. He fell back to sleep quickly. I never closed my eyes again. It scared me how much those dreams could seem so real. They brought everything back that I never wanted to remember.

Needless to say, I was up very early the next morning. I snuck into Charlie's room and grabbed Masen. I wanted some alone time with my boy for a change. We sat in the living room watching cartoons for a good hour before I decided to get up and make breakfast. Charlie woke up as soon as I started cooking. Edward would've slept right through it if I hadn't of made him get up. Charlie wanted to take Masen fishing. He invited Edward and I, but I didn't want to go. It was too cold. I bundled Masen up from head to toe and sent him off with Charlie. Edward and I went to Port Angeles to finish some Christmas shopping and we wrapped presents when we got back.

"I'm starting to get worried. I thought they would've been back by now," I said to Edward as I began getting dinner ready.

"I'm sure they're fine."

I continued with dinner. We had a full spread. I made a turkey, mashed potatoes, cornbread dressing, salad and rolls.

"Look who rolled in to town!" I heard Charlie say as he came through the door. I turned around to see my mom coming in behind him.

"Oh my gosh! Mom!" I ran to her gave her a big hug. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm only in town for the night. I wanted to surprise you. I missed you so much. Masen is getting so big."

"I missed you too." I stood back. "Mom, this is Edward."

"Hi, Edward. It's nice to meet you. I've heard so much about you."

Edward smiled and looked at me quizzically. I grinned back at him.

"It's nice to meet you as well, Renee."

"Bella was right, you sure are handsome!"

"Mom!" I hit her in the arm. "Cut it out."

We all laughed and got Renee settled in before we had dinner. It was the most perfect Christmas dinner I could ever remember. My mom and dad together, my son, and the perfect boyfriend. I couldn't ask for anything else. I was so happy.

We spent the night watching Christmas movies in front of the big screen and eating ice cream and cookies. I let Renee and Masen take my bedroom that night. Edward and I squeezed in together on the couch.

The following morning was Christmas eve. We had a big breakfast together and then headed back to Seattle. We dropped Renee off at the airport on the way.

I hadn't slept well at all while we were gone and I was so exhausted. Edward dropped me and Masen off at my apartment and he went back to his place to get Masen's presents.

Edward didn't come up with us. I was surprised to see a letter slipped between my door. I went inside, unpacked and started a load of a laundry. I read Masen a story and put him down for a nap. I laid down and slept for about an hour. I got up and finished my laundry before remembering the letter that was in the door.

I went back to the living room and opened the letter I had previously discarded on the coffee table. It was from my building manager. I was making too much money to keep my apartment. I had be out in 30 days, I no longer qualified to live here.

My head was spinning. What was I going to do? I knew with my raise I got a few months ago it would probably disqualify me, but that didn't mean I made enough to live anywhere else, not in the city anyways. I threw the letter across the room and cried. Why would they give this to me on Christmas eve! I was pacing back and forth across the room when Edward knocked on the door. I didn't even want to deal with him and his handouts.

I opened the door.

"Baby, what's wrong?" he asked, as he came in with arms full of wrapped gifts. He set them down by the tree, seeing the letter nearby on the floor. He picked it up and read it.

"Is this what you're upset about, Bella?"

I nodded my head. "How could they do this on Christmas eve! I can't afford anything else. I don't know what we'll do."

He came over to me and hugged me. "I know you don't want to hear it, but you know I wouldn't let you and Masen be out on the street."

"I know, you just do too much as it is, Edward!" I cried.

He was quiet for few moments.

"Well, what if I transfer to a two bedroom apartment in my building. You and Masen can move in with me. We're together most of the time anyway."

"No, that's such a burden on you."

"No, it's not. Stop being silly, Bella. I love you...and Masen."

I sighed. I really had no idea what else I would do. "Only if you let me pay half the rent."

Edward laughed and hugged me tighter. "You're so stubborn, Bella. How about a third of the rent? Half of the rent would probably be three times what you're paying here."

"A third of the rent and half of the utilities," I countered.

"Deal."

"So, we're moving in together?" I asked, not sure what I had just agreed to.

"We are." Edward smiled.

"That was fast. Are you sure about this?"

"Bella, I've never been more sure of anything."

I grinned and leaned up to kiss him. Although I hated him spending money on me, he made me so happy. I don't know what kind of shape I'd be in if I had never met him.

He grabbed my left hand and kissed my ring finger. "One day, I'm going to put a ring on this finger and give you everything you've ever dreamed of and you won't be allowed to say no."

I stopped breathing. Bella Cullen. I could get used to that. I laughed and kissed him. "You've already given me everything I've ever dreamed of. I love you."

We lingered a bit longer before Edward pulled away. "I've got to get more stuff from the car."

We hid Masen's gifts from Santa in the linen closet.

"So, if all of Masen's gifts are in the closet, what is all this under the tree?" I asked.

Edward laughed. "Don't worry about it, Bella. Santa was good to you this year."

"Edward Cullen! All of this better not be for me!"

"What if it is?" he asked.

"Then you're in trouble!"

He walked up to me, wrapping his arms around me. We fell into the wall behind us. "I like the sound of that," he said as he kissed me.

I laughed and pushed him away. Masen started yelling for me so I went to get him from his crib.

We spent the rest of the evening watching more movies and baking cookies for Santa. Masen was wired and we didn't get him to sleep until after 11:00 p.m. Edward and I had wine with our cookies instead of milk and we both had the giggles. We tried to quietly get Masen's presents from the closet but we kept dropping stuff and tripping over our selves. We were exhausted by the time we finished, shortly after 1:00 a.m. We sat against the couch eating Santa's cookies.

"Let's do our Christmas now, so we can be alone and focus on Masen in the morning," Edward suggested.

I laughed. "Why? Did you get me something that wasn't child friendly?"

"Maybe," Edward grinned.

I raised my eyebrows at him. "Where do I start?"

Edward laughed and we both ran over to the tree. I had several more gifts than he did. The room was dark, with the exception of the lights on the tree and it reminded me of being a child early on Christmas morning.

I got through the first several gifts. Edward had bought me some lovely pajamas from Victoria's Secret. There were two silk nightgowns and a pair of cute flannel pajamas. He got me a multitude of gift cards to various places around town. I had no idea when I'd have the time to do this much shopping. He also got me a digital camera which I was super excited about. I was so glad I'd have pictures of this Christmas with Masen.

I got Edward a few books I knew he was interested in as well some clothes. I couldn't afford much, but my favorite thing I gave him was a card I made. It wasn't so much the card, but what it said inside. He opened it last.

_Edward,_

_You came into my life when I felt like I had nothing. You're the most generous man I've ever met. You make me smile and laugh. You're always patient with me and always surprising me. You showed me what it was like to live again. You selflessly watch after my son as if he were your own. I'll never be able to give you all that you've given me, but please know how appreciated it is. I love you so much. Merry Christmas, Baby! _

_Love,_

_Your Bella_

"Bella, that's so sweet. Thank you. It means a lot."

He leaned over and hugged me. "I love you, Edward."

He smiled and kissed my cheek. "I love you, Bella. There's one more thing."

I pulled away. "What?" I asked.

He pulled out a square box, about the size of my hand from behind his back.

"Sorry it's not wrapped. I ran out of paper and I picked it up on the way here."

I smiled. "I don't care if it's not wrapped." When he put the box in my hand, I realized what I was holding. It was a blue box with a white ribbon that every girl dreams off. Tiffany & Co.

"Edward Cullen! I told you not to do this!"

Edward laughed. "Please, Bella. Let me, you deserve it."

I sighed and carefully opened the box. Inside was the most beautiful bracelet I'd ever seen. It was wrapped around a little black velvet pillow. I picked up the little pillow and examined it. It was a platinum bracelet with seven round diamonds set about an inch apart. It was beautiful. It shined, even in the dark.

"Edward, it's beautiful. I don't know what to say. It takes my breath away."

Edward smiled. "Good. That's how I feel every time I look at you, you take my breath away."

I nudged him playfully. "You're too much! Put it on me!" I eagerly handed him the little black pillow. He unhooked the clasp and fastened it around my wrist. I could've stared at it for hours. I've never owned anything so pretty and sparkly.

Edward and I ended up making a pallet by the tree and spending the night in the living room. Granted, there wasn't much sleeping involved.

I woke up Christmas morning when the sun started coming in. Edward was behind me. He kissed my cheek, so I knew he must have been awake. I stretched my arm out in front of me, admiring my new bracelet again. I laughed.

"What is so funny?" he asked.

"The fact that I'm only wearing this bracelet," I said as I rolled over and kissed him.

"You look damn good in that bracelet."

I giggled, kissing him again. I heard Masen yelling for me. Edward and I got up and got dressed.

"Mamma!! Santa come? Santa come?" he screamed from his crib.

Masen tore through his presents like an animal. It was so cute. He had more than he would ever know what to do with. I got him things he would need, like clothes and more books. Edward got him toys galore, including a little toy guitar and keyboard. The noise level was about to increase dramatically around here.

We spent the day playing with Masen and all of his new toys. When he finally had enough he went down for a nap, and so did we. We were exhausted.

***

Nearly a week later when I went back to work, Edward went into full force planning mode. He had a few days before he went back to class and work and he wanted to get everything squared away with our move.

Before I knew it, we were moving into our new apartment. It had two bedrooms and two bathrooms with a little den that Edward and I were going to use as a study. Edward hired movers and took care of every little detail. We put most of my furniture in Masen's room. Fortunately, our master bedroom had a large walk-in closet. Edward had a lot of clothes. I was most excited about the en-suite master bathroom. It had a large tub with jets! I've never had more than the standard shower/tub combo. I think I spent the first three nights we were there in that tub.

It was back to school and work for both of us and things were beyond hectic. I was glad that I was now closer to Alice. She could walk to my new place to keep Masen on the nights Edward had work and I had class.

Rosalie ended up moving into Edward's old apartment and I hooked her up with an attorney from our office in Olympia. He thought he had a good chance of keeping the DUI off her record with some community service and counseling. She found a job in the city, not far from my office. Emmett also found a job at a gym and he was doing personal training and teaching a few classes. He seemed to really be enjoying himself.

Now that we were getting back onto a schedule, I was ready to take Rosalie up on the offer for lunch. She was nearly three months pregnant but we had never gotten a chance to talk without Edward being around. Edward and Rose had gotten closer, although neither one of them were speaking to their parents, which I wasn't really comfortable with.

Rose and I met for lunch on a Thursday afternoon at a small cafe located conveniently between our office buildings. She was already there when I arrived.

"Bella! It's so good to see you." She stood and hugged me.

"It's good to see you too. You're starting to look pregnant!"

She laughed. "I know, I've been eating everything in sight!"

"I know how that goes!" Although, it seemed like the extra weight I put on melted away as soon as Masen entered the world.

We placed our orders and continued chatting about baby stuff. Rose and Emmett were getting married in two weeks. They were eloping and spending the weekend at the Alderbrook Resort and Spa just West of Seattle. Rose seemed really excited about the baby.

"So, Edward never really told me about Masen's father, do you still talk to him?" she asked.

I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. "He doesn't really know about it. No, I don't talk to him."

"Really? What happened?"

"I mean, Edward probably has his theories. I've hinted to as much, I've just never really gone into detail about it with him." I took a deep breath. "I was raped in college. I never really saw the guy that did it. It was some fraternity initiation ritual. Needless to say, I got pregnant and that's how Masen got here. I wasn't going to keep him. I had planned to give him up for adoption, but when I saw him, I couldn't." Tears started burning my eyes and I forced them away. "I thought he would look like a monster, you know? But he didn't. He looked angelic, sweet and innocent."

Rose almost spit her water out when I told her I was rapped. "I'm sorry, Bella. That's terrible. I just wasn't expecting something like that."

I nodded my head and picked at my food. "It's better though, now. I don't know where we'd be if I hadn't of met Edward."

Rose looked pale. "How did you meet Edward?"

"Just on the street outside my apartment one day. I dropped some things. He picked them up and helped me to my apartment. I ran into him a few weeks later at the library. We've practically been inseparable ever since."

I went on to ask her about how her and Emmett met. I was surprised that they had been together for so long. Edward made it sound like they just hooked up.

We were both late getting back to work and we made plans to go shopping that weekend. We would have to keep Edward out of the loop somehow.

It was the one night of the week Edward and I didn't have to work or go to class and we both got to be home in the evening. I got home before he did and I started dinner. Masen was playing with his little guitar when Edward came in, on the phone.

"What are you talking about?" he yelled.

Masen and I both looked up at him.

"No, no, you're not coming here. I'll come down there."

He hung up. I assumed he was talking to Rose since she lived three floors down from us now.

Edward came into the kitchen and kissed my cheek.

"Hey, babe. Everything okay?" I asked.

He nodded his head. "My sister is just driving me nuts. I'm going to run down and see what her deal is. I'll be back before dinner's ready, okay?"

"Okay." I wondered what was going on. I hoped Rose wasn't going to tell him about our lunch that afternoon. I didn't think she would.

*****Author's Note: Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing! I'm glad you all love this story as much as I do! :) **


	10. Chapter 10

**WARNING: This story/chapter contains the subject matter of rape and a rape victim unknowingly befriending her attacker. If you are sensitive to this type of subject matter in any way, shape, or form...DO NOT READ. If you decide to read anyway, please do not send me hate mail/reviews about what you think of me and how you think the subject matter is disturbing to you. They call it fiction for a reason. You've been warned.**

CHAPTER 10:

***EPOV***

I knocked on my old apartment door, which seemed odd. An angry Rosalie swung the door open. I knew what she wanted to talk about, which is why I insisted I would come to her.

"Edward fucking Cullen!" she screamed. I sat down on the couch.

"I had lunch with Bella today," she said angrily.

I quickly glanced up at her. _Oh no._ "And?" I asked.

"And she told me how Masen was conceived. Edward, please tell me she is lying or that you're not his father, or something."

I felt like I had been hit by a train. I had been keeping this secret for so long and it was eating me alive from the inside out.

"Edward!" Rose cried. "You didn't!"

I cried too. I put my head in my hands and sobbed. It was much easier to deal with when Bella was a stranger to me, when I didn't know the girl I did this to. But to know her, to love her, to love our son, it was more than I could handle. The regret and the guilt I felt were nearly killing me.

After I calmed down a bit, I began to tell Rose what happened.

"I wasn't doing well in school. I was under so much pressure from Dad to get into one of the best med schools. The fraternity had all the best connections. If I could have them on my med school application, I'd be way better off. Because I was already a junior, I had to perform one of the worst initiation rituals."

"How could you do that, knowing what you know about Mom and me?"

"It was the hardest thing I've ever done. You and Mom aside, I had the fear of Dad in me. Him being disappointed in me was just too much. All my life, that's all he wanted was for me to go to a prestigious medical school and be just like him. That's what I was supposed to do. I just wasn't cutting it, Rose. I hated Anatomy and Physiology. The smell of dead things made me sick. I wasn't as interested in medicine as he was. I was terrified of letting him down. They always held me to a much higher standard than they did you."

"That may be true, but it doesn't make what you did okay."

"I know, Rose!" I yelled at her. "Anyway, I got trashed. I had to. I was more than drunk. Bella was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I can never get the pleading look she gave me out of my mind. It haunted me. I got into the fraternity, but by the time I was sober enough to care, I was too disgusted with myself to even stay there. I left for about six months, I stopped eating, I had horrible dreams of her. I can't even describe them. She haunted me in my dreams. I'd never forget her face as long as I lived." My sobs grew louder. "She was like the most beautiful and innocent person. I wasn't expecting someone like her to be walking around campus at 1:00 a.m. I don't know what I expected. A sorority girl, a drunk girl...I don't know, it still wouldn't have made it right."

I took a deep breath before continuing. "I decided I didn't want to go to med school. I wanted to be an attorney. I wanted to prosecute people that did what I did. I deserve to sit in a jail cell and rot away! What I did, it's more common that you think. The way those guys treated girls, even their girlfriends and mothers, it was just disgusting and repulsive."

"You got that right," Rose commented.

"I broke it off with Tanya shortly after that. I couldn't even stand to be around her, or be intimate with her. I just kept seeing what I did to Bella in my mind. I never loved Tanya. She was just what Mom and Dad wanted for me. She was good to me, but I felt nothing for her. I eventually went back to school to finish up my classes and get prepared for law school. I'd walk the campus day and night looking for her. I wanted to know that I didn't destroy her, that she was okay. I just wanted to see her from a distance and see that she was happy, that she wasn't broken. But I never saw her. I never found her."

Rose wiped her tear stained cheeks.

"Then, a little over a year later, there she was. She was walking down the street towards me in Seattle. I stood there frozen. I knew from the moment I laid eyes on Masen that he was mine. It was like looking in a mirror. He was my son. She dropped a bag of groceries and some of her things rolled towards me, my foot stopped them. I helped her to her apartment. I couldn't even speak. I was a total idiot. I couldn't stop staring at Masen. You'll understand soon enough what it's like to see your child for the first time," I told her.

She nodded her head.

"Anyway, I ran into her at the library a few weeks later. I walked her home and asked her out to dinner. I just wanted to know more about her. I wanted to know she was okay. She was living in that nasty place, she was doing the best she could. I wanted to help her. I had never intended on seeing her again after that night, after I knew she was okay. But, damn it, Rose, I fell in love with her that first night I took her out. Her smile, her laugh...it was infectious. She made me feel like I could breathe again. I couldn't stop myself from wanting to see her again and again. What I did to her caused me so much pain and guilt and sleepless nights, but when I said something that made her laugh or smile, I felt whole again. Seeing her happy took all the pain away. And Masen, everything he did was like a wonderment to me. I see so much of myself in him. I couldn't stay away if I tried. She doesn't know. She has no idea. I had a mask on, she never saw me." I sobbed. "If she ever finds out, it will kill her, it will kill me. I can't lose her, Rose."

Rose was speechless at first. I sat there next to her and sobbed. It felt good to let it out, to get it off my chest.

"That is so fucked up, Edward. I just can't even comprehend it."

We sat in silence, lost in our own thoughts, for quite some time.

I must have been sitting there a while. I received a text message from Bella.

_Hey baby, dinner's almost ready. You can stay if you need to. I'll save you a plate. Love you - B. _

I tried to straighten myself up. _On my way. - Edward_

"Rose, please. You have to keep this between us," I begged.

"Are you kidding, Edward? You have to tell her! She thinks the father of her son is a monster! You may be fucking stupid, but you're not a monster."

I shook my head. "I can't. She'll never speak to me again. I'll never see Masen again."

"You have to. You can only live with this regret so long. The longer you wait, the worse it will be. If she really loves you, she'll find a way to forgive you."

"I can't be forgiven. I can't forgive myself. I know it's selfish, Rose. But, if I lose her, I will have lost everything. I can't lose Masen. I couldn't have picked a better mother out of a catalog and she will keep him from me and I wouldn't be able to blame her."

"I'm only keeping this quiet for so long. Mom and Dad have a grandson for God sakes! Your precious Nanna Cullen has a great grandson!"

I hadn't really thought about that and it made my stomach churn. I'd love for Masen to get to know Nanna Cullen the way I did.

"I'll think about it." I finally said. "In the meantime, stay away from Bella." I left and slammed the door behind me, frustrated at myself. My life was falling apart. I was spiraling back towards the awful depression I was in after raping Bella. I knew I needed to tell her, but I didn't want to hurt her. I didn't want to lose her."

**BPOV**

I was in the kitchen serving dinner when Edward came in. He looked like I'd never seen him before. He'd obviously been crying. His eyes were red and swollen. He looked deflated.

I stopped what I was doing and walked around the bar separating the kitchen from the living room. "Edward, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

He didn't say anything, he just pulled me into hug. He was holding me so tight I could hardly breathe. He stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head.

"You're really freaking me out," I said into his chest.

He let me go. "I'm sorry. Let's eat." He walked over to the table.

"Whoa, not so quick. What was that about? What's wrong?"

Masen watched us from his highchair.

Edward walked back over to me. He took a deep breath. "Just some family stuff. It's nothing to be concerned about it. Everything is fine. My sister just knows how to push my buttons. I'm just glad you're here."

_Weird, _I thought. I decided to leave it at that since Masen appeared to be hanging on our every word.

We didn't speak much over dinner. I kept staring at Edward, wondering what was going on in his head. He would occasionally look up at me, and I'd quickly glance down. I hated that he didn't feel comfortable enough with me to share whatever was going on. Part of me still hoped Rose hadn't told him the details of what happened to me. Surely, if that was his problem though, he would just say so.

We put Masen to bed early that night. Edward had pretty much kept to himself and it saddened me. I normally loved our one night of the week together, but tonight was different. He was different. Eventually, I couldn't stare at the TV in the awkward silence any longer.

"I think I'm going to take a bath. Care to join me?" I asked, as I stood from the couch.

He just stared up at me for a moment, unsure of what to say.

"Why are you closing yourself off to me? I'm only trying to help." I didn't wait for his response, I turned and headed back to our bedroom.

I stayed in the bath well over an hour. When I got out, I bathed in my favorite lotion and slipped on one of Edward's t-shirt's. I was surprised to see him already in bed when I exited the bathroom. I left our room to check on Masen before returning. I really wanted to sleep on my old bed in Masen's room, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

I crawled in bed next to Edward and he almost instantly had his arms around me. He breathed me in. "You smell good enough to eat."

"Suck up," I teased.

He laughed. "Bella, I'm sorry. I don't mean to push you away. That is not at all my intention, I just have a lot on my mind."

I nodded my head in understanding. "Just know that I'm here if you ever want to talk about it. I wish you would. I hate seeing you upset."

His lips came crashing down against mine. He seemed hungry for me. I loved the way he wanted me. He finally pulled his lips from my own, only to remove my shirt before his warm lips and tongue danced lazily down my neck and across my bare shoulder.

It tickled and I giggled. "Wow, I should've said that sooner."

He laughed momentarily before his lips found mine again. His fingers slipped inside my panties and started an all out riot between my legs. I could feel his erection pressing into my side and I wanted him inside me.

I strained to move my arm under him and I stroked his hard length. "I want this," I begged against his lips.

I felt him smile as he single handily removed my panties.

The sound he made when he entered me, nearly made me come undone. I loved everything about this man, and I could never get close enough to him. He ever so gently rocked his hips against my own, while kissing every square inch of my body he could reach with his lips. His tongue tangoed with my ear lobe, sending a wave of pleasure straight to my core. I moaned when his tongue left my sweet spot. I opened my eyes to see him hovering over me, his green eyes piercing mine. His hand caressed my cheek.

"Bella, I love you." He gently pressed his lips to mine. He pulled back and our eyes found each other's again. "I'll always love you, I promise," he continued.

My hands ran up his back and cradled his face. "I'll always love you too, Edward. You've made my life more than I ever imagined it would be."

"You promise you'll always love me?" he asked.

"Of course." I pulled his lips down to my own and kissed him. This new emotional Edward was something I was all together unfamiliar with and it sort of scared me. I wanted inside his head so badly, but I didn't want to push him. He had taken such good care of me and Masen, I just wanted to make everything better for him for a change.

We made slow, sweet love for hours. We clung to each other as we slept that night. I never wanted to let him go.

***

Edward surprised me two weeks later when it came time for Rosalie and Emmett's wedding. I knew we were going to attend the small ceremony, but I didn't know I was getting a vacation.

"So, we're staying the whole weekend?" I asked.

"Yes, just the two of us, alone."

"The two of us? What about Masen?"

"Your father is meeting us at the resort this evening. Masen is staying with him for the weekend. We'll meet him half way to Forks on Sunday night to pick him up."

My eyes got huge. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I was excited, but worried too. "I've never left Masen that long," I said quietly.

Edward laughed.

"What? There's nothing funny about that! He's my baby!" I nudged Edward in the side.

He pulled me closer to him and kissed my forehead. "You're father said you'd be like this."

I laughed. "When did you talk to my Dad? That is so weird."

"I have my ways," he grinned. "Needless to say, your father is perfectly capable for caring for Masen for one weekend."

I sighed. "I know, I'll just miss him."

Edward pulled a loose strand of my hair behind my ear. "You need a break. It will be wonderful, I promise."

I smiled and reached up and kissed him. "Thank you, Edward."

"You're welcome."

I packed my bags that evening and made a trip to Alice's house before we left town so I could borrow some of her clothes. The girl had way more than she could ever wear, and she never minded if I borrowed them.

"Bella, come on, we're going to be late!" Edward yelled at me from the door to our apartment. He had already carried some our things to the car and I was still running around Masen's room to make sure he had everything he would need.

"I'm coming!" I yelled. I entered the living room with Masen's favorite blanket and his little guitar.

"Bella? Seriously? He doesn't need the little guitar or the blanket. You've practically got his entire room in my car already."

"But he loves the little guitar." I pleaded.

Edward laughed. "Bella, sweetheart, your father will have him busy with fishing trips and baseball games on the big screen. He'll only be there two days. Put it back in his room."

I sighed and did as he asked. Edward was standing by the front door with Masen in his arms, waiting on me. "Okay, I guess I'm ready," I pouted, and took Masen from Edward.

Edward laughed and shook his head.

We were late, and Charlie met us just before we got to the Resort. He was in his police cruiser, which Masen was thrilled about. We got him all settled in Charlie's car and Edward and I told him goodbye. Masen was so excited about spending the weekend with Charlie that he could've cared less what Edward and I had to say.

"Dad, are you sure you have all the guns and sharp things put away? He's not a baby anymore, he gets into trouble, you have to watch him."

"Bella, I've done this before. I'm not stupid. I didn't let anything hurt you, and I won't let anything hurt him."

I sighed. "Right. Sorry, Dad. Call me when you make it home or if you have any problems."

"I will. We'll be fine. Go enjoy your weekend."

I nodded my head and we went our separate ways.

We arrived at the resort a short while later. It was heavenly. Our room looked out over the Hood Canal and the view was breathtaking. The furnishings were exquisite. I suspected nothing less when it came to Edward.

Edward and I were unpacking a few of our things when we heard pounding on the door. Edward opened it and in came Emmett and Rose. They were both laughing and looked extremely happy. I was happy for them. Rose ran up to me and gave me a big hug. "Bella, I'm so glad you're here. Thank you for coming."

"I wouldn't miss it!"

Emmett started rambling off orders. I could see Edward's lack of enthusiasm.

"So, the deal is, we're having a guy's night at the bar, and you ladies are having a girl's night at the spa."

Rose and I looked at each other and laughed, excited.

"I'm going to get ready. I'll meet you downstairs at the bar in an hour, Edward," Emmett said.

Edward nodded his head. "Bella, come to my room when Edward leaves! You have to see my dress!"

"Okay!"

As soon as they were gone, Edward started complaining.

"This wasn't my idea. I didn't come here to hang out with that idiot," he sighed. "I wanted to spend the evening with you."

I went up to him and kissed his lips quickly. "Aw!" I laughed. "I'm proud of you for not whining in front of them. It's their weekend, Edward. Let them have their fun. Do your duty and go get Emmett drunk and show him a good time before he ties the knot!"

Edward laughed. "Fine, I guess you deserve an evening at the spa."

I nodded my head. "I certainly wouldn't mind! Besides, we'll be reunited afterwards, and we can test out the bed," I grinned at him.

"Mmm, I like the sound of that."

We kissed briefly. "Okay, go get ready!"

While Edward was getting ready to go to the bar with Emmett, I unpacked some more of our things and looked through the resort provided activities book.

"Alright, I'm heading out. I guess I'll see you tonight."

I looked up to see Edward standing near the front door, just outside the bathroom. He looked delicious. He had a nice pair of dark wash jeans on and a black and white pin strip button up shirt, with the sleeves slightly turned up. I bit my bottom lip, suddenly wanting to go with the guys, instead of to the spa. I got up from my perch near the large window and met him at the door.

"You look really nice," I said.

He pressed his lips gently to mine. "Thank you, hopefully we won't be late."

I kissed him again, this time, with more passion. I sucked on his bottom lip suggestively before he pulled away. He was grinning at me. "Behave yourself, Mr. Cullen."

"Fuck Emmett, I want you right now." He pushed me gently against the wall as he kissed down my neck. His cologne smelled intoxicating and it instantly made feel weak in the knees. My hands were in his hair, my right leg hitched around his waist. I needed to tell him to stop, but I didn't want him to.

"Mmm, Edward..."

Edward began lifting my shirt. As much as I didn't want him to stop, he needed to.

"Stop, please," I said, half heartedly. "We can't."

He quickly dropped his hand and his body left mine. He was looking at my strangely.

"What?" I asked. "I didn't mean it in a bad way. I was really enjoying it, but you need to go. We'll get carried away."

He nodded his head. "Of course, I'm sorry." He kissed my cheek.

"What are you apologizing for? You're acting funny." I gave him a questioning look. It's like sometimes he just goes off to another place and has this lost look on his face.

He shook his head. "I'm fine." He smiled, and seemingly checked back into reality. He kissed my lips softly. "I'll see you tonight, okay? Enjoy your spa night."

I nodded my head. He turned towards the door. "I love you," I called after him.

He turned around and smiled at me. "I love you, Bella."

I smiled, content that he was okay.

I headed to Rose's room a few minutes later and she showed me her dress. It was beautiful. It was simple, but elegant. I was certain she would look amazing in it. I had never seen Rosalie more excited about anything the way she was about marrying Emmett and having a baby.

We made our way down to the spa and I was treated with several glasses of wine while Rose had sparkling water. We were at the spa for hours. We had a massage, facial, manicure and pedicure. I was so relaxed and I was worried I'd get back to my room and want to pass out. Not to mention, I had fair bit to drink.

Rose and I were surprised that the guys weren't back yet when we returned to our rooms.

**Edward POV**

Surprisingly, Emmett and I were having a rather good time. As soon as I got to the bar I started throwing back the liquor. I was so thrown off previously when Bella told me to stop. I had a flashback to that night, to what I did to her. I fucking hated myself. I had nearly drank my problems away by the time Emmett met me at the bar. I guess the drinks made the guy seem pretty cool. He was funnier than shit. Stupid, but funny.

"So, what's the deal with you and Bella?" he asked.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Isn't it obvious?" I asked.

Emmett laughed. "Hell yeah it is! She seems like a real nice girl. Rose is really fond of her. I'm not sure when that happened. She hated her when she met her at Thanksgiving."

"Yeah, I don't know what has gotten into Rose lately. She's actually been semi-pleasant."

Emmett laughed, "I wouldn't go that far, man!"

We both laughed. "I think it's the baby thing. She's always wanted to be a mother," I said.

"That's what she says. I wouldn't have believed it unless she told me herself. She doesn't seem like the mommy type."

I wondered if he knew about Rose's past, but I couldn't come up with the correct way to ask without being inappropriate. I certainly didn't want to tell any of Rose's secrets when she knew one about me that would certainly destroy me.

I changed the subject and bought us another round of drinks. There was a large group of women at the bar also, presumably part of a wedding party. It appeared they were also having pre-marital cocktails. I suppose Emmett and I appeared single, and the women flocked to us. Emmett ate the attention up. I suppose if I had been any more sober I would've been uncomfortable with the women hanging on me, but I didn't really care. I was glad Emmett was having a good time. His life was certainly about to change with a wife and baby. One young lady in particular was very fond of Emmett and they were getting a little more comfortable than I would've liked. I stood up to excuse myself to the rest room and I leaned down to Emmett's ear. "Don't forget your marrying my sister tomorrow."

Emmett stood from his bar stool and scoffed. "I know, dude! I'm just fucking around!"

I laughed and continued on to the restroom. I text messaged Bella on my way back to the bar.

_Are you back to the room? Emmett is trashed. So am I. I miss you. Wait for me. - Edward_

_I've been back. I'm tipsy. I'm tired of waiting. I want you. Now. - B_

_Dammit_, I thought to myself. Bella drove me crazy. I just wanted to get out of the bar and be with her. I thought about ditching Emmett, but he was really trashed and I had to make sure he got back to his room, without a female attachment. I had two more drinks before I insisted to Emmett that we had to go back upstairs. The big idiot could hardly walk by the time we left. We eventually made it to his and Rose's room. He gave me a big bear hug and I nearly suffocated.

"Thanks for everything, man. This was great. We're going to be brothers!" he laughed.

I couldn't help but laugh too. "Go to bed, Emmett." I pushed the door open for him and he stumbled into the dark room. As soon as I heard Rose cursing, I knew he'd be fine. I walked back down the hall to my waiting Bella.

I was disappointed to see all the lights off when I entered the room, she was asleep.

I stripped down to my boxers and crawled in bed next to her. I was surprised to learn that she was naked.

***Author's Note: You all are getting this chapter a little earlier than I expected due to the overwhelming amount of nasty comments/emails I've received lately about the subject matter (thus the warning). Hopefully, this will explain where Edward's head is at. To those of you who enjoy reading the story and send pleasant reviews/comments, thank you. :)


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11:

**Bella POV**

I felt Edward's hand on my hip, making its way up my side. I must have fallen asleep while I was waiting on him. I rolled over to face him.

"Hey, you. How was your night?" The smells of alcohol and smoke on him were strong.

"It just got a lot better. I found this really hot naked girl in my bed."

I giggled and began kissing him. I could taste the alcohol on him. "How much did you drink?"

"I don't know. A lot."

"Did you have fun? Emmett's not so bad, is he?"

"Yea, it was alright. Emmett's a decent guy."

I was glad he was finally realizing that. Edward tilted my head up and kissed me. The smell of the alcohol on his breath was suddenly eerily familiar. I quickly pushed him back.

He caressed my cheek in the palm of his hand. "Bella, what's wrong?"

"What did you drink tonight?"

"Scotch, why?"

"I can't deal with that smell. I'm sorry." I felt like I was going to be sick to my stomach. It reminded too much of that night. My assailant must have been drinking scotch.

Edward quickly got out of bed and went to the bathroom.

I sat on the edge bed feeling stupid for even bringing it up. Why was he running to the bathroom? I didn't mean to make him feel bad. I could have sworn I heard him vomit in the bathroom. I got up and quickly put a t-shirt on before I knocked on the bathroom door.

"Edward? Are you okay?"

"Yea, I just had too much to drink. Go back to bed."

I sighed and did as he asked. I heard him turn the shower on a few minutes later.

I fell asleep before he returned to bed. I was extremely disappointed when I woke the following morning and realized I slept through a perfectly good opportunity at some alone time with Edward.

I rolled over to find him staring back at me.

"Good morning, how long have you been awake?"

"Not long." He kissed my cheek. "I'm sorry about last night."

I shook my head. "It's okay. I'm sorry I feel asleep. Are you feeling better?"

He nodded his head. He captured my lips with his. He tasted delicious, much better than last night. I crawled on top of him, straddling his hips. He was so beautiful in the morning. His hair was messier than usual. I traced the features of his face with my fingertips and ran my hands down his chest. I leaned down and kissed just below his earlobe. I swirled my tongue there momentarily. I felt his hands exploring my back and hips. I could feel his growing erection beneath me. I crawled down his body and slipped his boxers off. I straddled him again and let him slip inside me. He felt so good. His fingertips ghosted up my thighs, my stomach, ribs and breasts. It sent a chill through me. He caressed my face in his hands, pulling me down to kiss him.

"I love you, Bella."

I smiled against his lips. "I love you too, Edward."

We made love for hours that morning until we were forced to stop by Emmett and Rose. Rose had been knocking on our door, begging me to help her get ready. I jumped in the shower shortly after she arrived.

**EPOV**

Emmett had returned to his room to shower. Rose was lingering around our room, waiting on Bella to get ready.

"How's Emmett?" I asked her.

"He's fine. Sounds like you guys had a good time last night."

I laughed. "He did."

"You didn't?" she asked.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know. I've had trouble lately dealing with my guilt about what I did to Bella. I had too much to drink last night. I drank scotch. That is what I drank the night it happened. She recognized the smell when I got in last night. It made me sick, literally."

"You have to tell her, Edward. Not this weekend, of course, but when we get back home."

I felt my chest tighten. "She'll leave me. She'll hate me." I looked up at my sister's cold eyes.

"You did this to yourself. What were you thinking, Edward? You could just fall in love with the girl you raped and live happily ever after?"

"Keep your voice down, Rose! Of course I didn't think that. I didn't mean to fall in love with her, it just happened."

I looked up when I heard the bathroom door swing open and Bella emerged in a fluffy white towel, looking angelic as ever. I couldn't help but smile, but she read the trouble on my face before I could hide it. Rose turned to look at her too.

"What's going on?" She came and sat on my lap, wrapping her arm around my neck. "Are you okay?"

I pulled her closer to me, inhaling her fresh scent. "I'm fine, just having a brother/sister moment," I lied. I pleaded to Rose with my eyes over Bella's shoulder.

Rose scoffed. "I'm going back to my room. Bella, join me whenever you're ready." She disappeared out the door.

"What's her problem?" Bella asked.

"I don't know. I guess Emmett is hung over."

"Oh, well, I'm surprised you're feeling as good as you are."

"Me too." I laughed.

Bella and I finished getting ready and went our separate ways. She was helping Rose and I was helping Emmett.

**Bella POV**

"Rose, you look beautiful." Her dress was gorgeous. It was a white satin gown with an empire waste and a lot of beading and detail. It was simple, but elegant.

"Thank you, Bella." There were tears in Rose's eyes as she looked herself over in the mirror. She took a deep breath.

"Are you okay? This is what you want, right?"

Rose nodded her head. "I think so. It's just a big commitment, more so the baby than Emmett. I just wish my parents were here and things were different."

I gave her hug. "Trust me; I understand. When you see your child's face for the first time, you'll regret nothing."

"Do you think you could forgive the person who raped you? Knowing that they gave you such an amazing gift in Masen?"

My voice shook. I hesitated, I wasn't expecting that. "I don't know. I've never really thought about it. It's very strange to see so much of another person in your child, but you don't know who that person is, you just know that it isn't you. You don't know whether to love or to hate them." I felt tears sting my eyes. I missed Masen. Rose sensed my uneasiness and changed the subject.

"I'm really glad you're here, Bella. I'm sorry we got off on the wrong foot initially."

I smiled. "I'm glad I'm here too."

***

Later that evening Rose and Emmett were married in a beautiful little ceremony out on the dock just as the sun was setting. They both looked extremely happy and Edward and I were happy for them. We all went out to dinner together before going our separate ways that night.

Edward and I spent a nice romantic evening together, although he seemed slightly distant.

I talked him into leaving a little early Sunday because I really missed Masen. We ended up driving all the way to Forks and we met Charlie at the diner for dinner before heading back to Seattle.

Masen was exhausted from his busy weekend and was asleep when we finally got home. I was a bit surprised when Edward said he was going to run errands.

"Right now? It's late."

"I know, I just need to pick up a few things." He kissed my forehead. "Don't wait up." He disappeared through the door and I stood frozen in the living room. He hadn't been acting right lately.

Of course I waited up, and waited, and waited. I was laying in bed, crying softly into my pillow when I heard him come in shortly before 1:00 a.m. He changed clothes and crawled in bed, pulling me to his chest. He kissed my cheek and I smelled the alcohol on his breath. I turned to face him. "Edward? Why have you been drinking? Where were you?"

"I just needed a drink."

"You could've had a drink here. Did I do something?"

His eyes were watery. "No, Bella. You didn't do anything. You're perfect. I'm the one who has screwed up."

"What do you mean?" I asked, unsure whether or not I wanted to hear the answer.

He shook his head. "Nothing, never mind."

"Edward, you're scaring me. Is there someone else? You can tell me."

Edward nearly started sobbing and I rolled over to face him and pulled him to me.

"No, Bella. There's no one else. Please don't ever think that. You're all I want."

"Please, tell me what's wrong." I cried. "I want to make it better. Don't shut me out."

"It's just family stuff. I don't want to worry you with it. I'm fine, I promise. I love you. Get some sleep."

I sighed and rolled over away from him. I didn't sleep that night. I couldn't wait for Rose and Emmett to get back from their mini honeymoon. I was convinced Rose would know what was going on with Edward.

Edward and I hardly saw each other that week. We were both working and had class. By the time Friday night rolled around, I was extremely disappointed to get a text from Edward that said he was going to the library and wouldn't be home for dinner.

Rose and Emmett had just gotten back in town and I hated to burden Rose, but I felt like I had to. I knocked on her door and she opened immediately.

"Hey, Bella! Masen, you're getting so big! Come in!"

We stepped inside. "I'm sorry to bother you, Rose."

"Don't be silly, Bella. What's up?"

"Do you know what's going on with, Edward? He's been so distant, and he's drinking a lot. I feel like he's avoiding me, and I don't know why. He says it's family stuff."

Rose immediately avoided my gaze. She knew. She wasn't talking.

"Bella, it's not my place. I'm sorry."

Tears stung my eyes. "Would you mind watching Masen for a little while? I need to go find him."

"Of course. Take your time."

I left Masen with her and took the bus across town to the library. I went to Edward's usual spot. He was reading. I cleared my throat to get his attention.

"Bella, what are you doing here?"

"I came to get you."

He just stared at me.

"I want you to come home. Why are you avoiding me?"

Edward looked down and swallowed noisily. "We can't do this here," he said through watery eyes again.

"Do what?" I asked. "Please, just come home. Talk to me."

He exhaled loudly and stood quickly. He grabbed his things and walked towards the stairs. I followed him and we drove back to our apartment in silence. My stomach was a mess. I felt like I was going to be sick.

When we got in, Edward didn't see Alice or Masen. "Where's Masen?" Edward asked.

"She's with your sister. I'll go get him after we talk."

Edward came up to me and pulled me to him. "Bella, I'm sorry I've been distant. It's not your fault. I'm fine, I promise. We don't need to talk about anything."

I sighed. "Edward, I'm worried about you."

His eyes watered again and my heart ached for him.

"Please, Bella, don't worry about me. I'm fine. Why don't you go get Masen and I'll run you a bath, okay?"

I sighed and nodded my head.

When I arrived at Rose and Emmett's, Masen was asleep.

"Bella, what's wrong? You look like you've been crying," Rose asked.

"I'm just worried about Edward. He won't talk to me."

She averted her eyes again.

I picked up Masen and left without saying goodbye. I knew that she knew what was going on and it upset me that she wouldn't tell me, nobody would tell me.

When I got upstairs to our apartment I put Masen to bed and Edward had a warm bubble bath and a glass of wine waiting on me. I slipped into the warm water and closed my eyes.

A few minutes later I heard a knock on the front door. I could hear Rose's voice, but I couldn't make out what she was saying. I quickly stepped out of the tub, dried off and wrapped myself in the fluffy blue towel that Edward had set out for me. It was warm, he must of put it in the drier. I smiled momentarily at his thoughtfulness. I tip toed through our bedroom and stood just behind our bedroom door, which was just slightly ajar. I listened.

"Get out of here, Rose. She's in the bath. She can't talk to you right now."

"Edward, you make me sick! You have to tell her. I can only keep it from her for so long. She knows that I know. She asks me what's wrong with you all the time. She's the only girlfriend I have, Edward. I don't want her to hate me."

I could hear Edward sobbing. I wanted to run to him and comfort him, but I waited.

"I can't, Rose. I can't."

"Well, if you're not going to, I will."

"No!" he growled.

"Edward, you have to tell her!"

I thought that was my only opportunity, so I took it. I walked out of the bedroom and into the living room. "Tell me what?" I asked.

Edward and Rose both stared at me, frozen. "What is it?" I asked again.

Rose looked to Edward. "Tell her." She turned and left without even looking back at me. Edward sat down on the couch and I sat next to him. He held his head in his hands. I rubbed his back reassuringly. "It's okay, Edward. What is it?"

When he finally turned to look at me, I was surprised to see his tear stained cheeks and blood shot eyes. He took a deep breath.

"Bella, there's something you don't know about me. Something terrible. Please, let me finish before you get mad."

I was going to be mad? Why would I be mad at him? I sat silently, waiting.

He started sobbing, and so did I. I didn't know what was wrong, but I had a really bad feeling about it.

"Bella, I did this to you," he finally choked out.

"Did what? I don't understand."

He was nearly hyperventilating. "It was me, Bella. I raped you."

I gasped. "What? No you didn't, Edward."

"Yes, I did. It was September 25, 2008."

My eyes grew large. Nobody knew that date. Nobody. I couldn't breathe. I didn't understand. I couldn't comprehend what he had just said. A million things rushed through my mind - the ghostly look on his face the first time he saw me on the street, his fascination with Masen, he and Masen's resemblance, his willingness to wait to sleep with me, him being okay with Masen calling him daddy, he was Masen's father.

My whole body shook with the last realization. I stood and backed away from him. The room was spinning around me. My stomach felt like it had flown into throat and I fought back the bile that desperately wanted to escape me.

"Bella, please, hear me out."

I couldn't find words, so he continued.

"I wasn't going to get in to med school. My father would kill me. If I could get into that fraternity, if they were on my med school apps, I would have had a better chance. I was a senior, I was joining late, so I had to go through the worst initiation. You were in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was drunk out of my mind, I had to be. I didn't want to do it. I hesitated for so long. The other guys kept telling me that they were going to use you to show me how it was done. I was afraid if I didn't do it when I had the chance, that they would've done something even worse to you. The guilt I felt afterwards was more than I could bear."

I still couldn't speak. He was talking so quickly, I couldn't take it all in fast enough. I felt all the blood rushing to the surface of my skin. My entire body tingled. I was warm, too warm. He continued.

"I walked the campus for weeks, day and night, looking for you. I eventually dropped out and disappeared for a while before deciding I wanted to go to law school, to prosecute people like me. Then, out of nowhere, there you were out on the street that day. I never forgot your face. Then I saw Masen and I knew. It was like looking in a mirror. I just wanted to see that you were okay. I wanted to help you, but I didn't know how, so I asked you to dinner."

I was violently sick to my stomach. "You took me on a pity date," I whispered, more to myself than to him.

"No, Bella." He rose and came toward me.

I found my voice. "Don't touch me!" I yelled.

He backed away. "I admit, our first date, I just wanted to know that you were okay, that I hadn't ruined you. But damn it, Bella, I fell in love with you that night. You captivated me. I've loved you ever since. I love Masen. I've been so screwed up the past couple weeks because I feel so guilty. It's been eating me alive. Every time we touch, I think about what I did to you. I tried to ignore it in the beginning, I tried to forget what I did. I tried to push it away, but it was always there..."

"Stop. I don't want to hear it. Get out."

"Bella, please."

I couldn't see through the tears pooling in my eyes. I shook my head no. "Leave."

"Bella..." he pleaded.

I felt like I was about to burst. I ran towards him, pushing him with every ounce of might I had. "Get out!" I screamed. He only stumbled back briefly and my towel feel to the floor. I suddenly felt self conscious, like I was standing naked in front of a stranger. I quickly bent over and grabbed my towel and covered myself.

"I'm sorry," he said as he backed up towards the door.

"Yea, I've heard that before, Edward," I said, as I recalled him whispering that in my ear after he raped me. "It meant nothing to me then, and it means nothing to me now. Get out."

The tortured look on his face nearly made my heart ache. Big tears, like giant rain drops, rolled over his perfect cheek bones. You could hear them as they dropped against the leather of his loafers. We stood there for a moment, in silence, only our sobs audible. For a brief second, I almost started to panic, as I wondered if this would be the last time I ever saw him. I swallowed my love and need for him and opened the door. He walked out.

The door closed behind him and I slid down the back of it. I pulled my knees to my bare chest and let the glass shattering sobs escape me. Masen was screaming at the top of his lungs. Our exchange had obviously disturbed his peaceful slumber. I couldn't even pull myself up to go to him. The thought of looking into his Edward-like eyes was too much to bear.

**EPOV**

I couldn't breathe. It felt like my entire life was just blown away by a strong gust of wind. I felt the way I did right after I raped her. Heavy. I slid down the front of our door and sobbed. I could hear her sobbing on the other side. It killed me that I couldn't comfort her, that I couldn't make it better. Masen was screaming so loud that I could hear him outside the apartment. I was angry that she wasn't going to him, but I understood why. After a few minutes I pulled myself up and called Alice on the way down to Rose's apartment.

"Hi, Edward!"

"Hi, Alice. I'm sorry to bother you, but I need a favor."

"Sure, are you okay? You don't sound good."

"No, I'm not. I need you to go check on Bella."

"Okay, is something wrong?" Alice asked, concerned.

"Yes. I'll let her tell you. Please, just go check on her and take care of Masen."

I heard Alice sigh. "Okay, Edward. I'm going now."

I hung up and walked into Rose and Emmett's apartment, which would be where I was staying indefinitely.

*****Author's Note: Hello! I want to seriously thank every one of you for your amazing reviews, comments, and emails! Some of you shared very personal stories. I had hopes of responding to many of the comments, but I've been very busy and have been doing good to just get updates out. I'll hopefully get around to it soon. But, please know, I've read them all and some were very touching. Thank you. Many of you may have realized that Twilighted decided to pull Repentance due to the amount of complaints they were getting due to it being "offensive." *rolls eyes* Don't even get me started. Needless to say, I won't be posting anything there, ever again. The story will probably eventually get pulled from , so if you all don't have the link to my blog, where all my stories are posted, get it from my Twitter at AllOrNothingKR or email me for it. My email addy should be in my bio, but if not, its the same as the penname here and my Twitter - at gmail. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, I know you've been waiting for it. There's much much more to come. Thanks! :)**


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12:

**Bella POV**

I heard someone knocking on the door a while later and assumed it was Edward.

"Go away!" I cried.

"Bella? It's Alice."

I groaned. "It's open." I was too upset to move, so I let her push me as she opened the door. She stepped inside and closed the door and bent down to me.

"Bella, what's wrong? Why is Masen screaming? Why are you in a towel? You're freezing. Get up!" Alice pulled me to my feet and took her coat off, pulling it around me. She led me to the couch and I sat down before she disappeared down the hall to Masen's room.

Once he was quiet, she returned. "Is he okay?" I asked.

Alice nodded her head. "What's going on, Bella?"

"Why are you here, Alice?" It suddenly dawned on me that she came by unannounced.

"Edward asked me to come by. He said I needed to check on you and Masen. He sounded upset. What happened?"

I continued to cry and I couldn't even look at her. I was ashamed and embarrassed. How could I have not known? "He was the one," I whispered softly.

"The one, what? I don't understand."

I turned to look at her. "He is Masen's biological father."

Alice's eyes grew large. "What? That means he..." she hesitated, "raped you?"

I nodded my head.

Alice shook her head. "What?? Edward?? How? Why? He seems so nice, and that doesn't seem like something he would do."

I told her everything he had told me.

"Wow, Bella. I'm so sorry. I'm shocked. I just cannot believe he would do something like that. It does sort of make sense now, though."

"What do you mean, Alice?"

"Remember all the homemade ornaments we made for your Christmas tree?"

I nodded my head.

"Well, Edward seemed to be affected by a lot of the older pictures of you and Masen. He looked at all of them for quite some time. He even got choked up a bit after seeing the one of you and Masen leaving the hospital. He said you didn't look happy."

I sighed, still trying to comprehend everything. "I don't know what to do, Alice. I'm devastated," I cried. Alice pulled me to her and gave me a big hug.

"It's okay, Bella. It will all work out, one way or another. You just need some time to digest everything and decide what you want. It could be worse, Bella."

I scoffed. "What is worse than unknowingly falling in love with your rapist and having his child?!"

"A lot of things could be worse, Bella. You could never know who did it. It could have been some disgusting human being who is still out there doing it to other girls. It could be someone who gets off on hurting women. It could be someone with severe psychological problems who fathered your child. I could go on for days. The point is, Edward is none of those things. He's sorry and although I don't think he went about it the right way, he has tried very hard to make up for what he did, both in his own life, and yours."

I shook my head, not fully ready to hear what she was saying.

"I'm not saying it makes it okay. I'm not telling you to forgive him. I'm just telling you how it is, and that it could be worse."

I nodded my head.

Alice helped me get dressed and we shared a strong drink before she put me to bed. I slept in Masen's room. I couldn't bring myself to sleep in the bed that Edward and I shared.

The entire weekend was a blur. I wasn't even ready to deal with the details of Edward's admission. I had to take over the counter medication just to sleep. I wanted to feel numb, I didn't want to think about it. I was so relieved when Monday morning came and I took Masen to daycare. I didn't go to work; I called in sick.

Later that day I was curled up on the couch reading a book; anything to keep my mind off the previous days' events. I froze when I heard a key turning in the lock on the door. Edward.

He came through the door, and looked surprised to see me. "Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't think you would be here."

"I didn't go to work."

"I just needed to get some clothes and whatnot."

I nodded my head and went back to my book. He walked down the hall. I stared at my book, at the words on the page, but I wasn't reading. I listened and waited for him to return. He did so about 15 minutes later. He was carrying a bag.

"I left some cash on our dresser, for you and Masen, groceries, whatever you need..."

I shook my head. "I don't want it."

He sighed. "Bella, please."

I shook my head again and I felt the warm tears pooling in my eyes. I looked away from him. "I'm so mad at you, Edward!" I screamed as I faced him and let it out. "We were fine before you came into our lives! Yes, it was hard. Yes, I was poor, but we were making it! I was surviving! I didn't need you! You came in and swept me off my feet, knowing what you did to me." I cried. "Now I can't afford this place, I can't go back to where I came from, I can't think straight!" I screamed. "I'm so disgusted with myself. I should've known. I can't believe I've been sleeping with the person who did this to me, the person I hated for so long!"

Despite Edward's best attempts, tears were falling over his cheeks. "I don't know what to say, Bella. I know I'm sorry isn't enough. It kills me to know that what I did is making you feel this way. I love you so much. I want to make everything better for you. I know it will take time, but please, find a way to forgive me. I can't imagine my life without you and Masen in it. I'll turn myself in, I'll go to jail. I'll do anything you want."

I looked away from him, tears poured down my face. "You better start trying to imagine it, Edward. We're not going to be in your life anymore," I said coldly. "Go get your money, and get out. I haven't decided what I'm going to do yet with regard to the legal aspect of it."

Edward didn't fight me. He went back to the bedroom and returned a moment later. "I'll be at Rose's if you need anything. I'm sorry, Bella." He grabbed his bag and left.

I fell apart once he was gone. I could pretend all I wanted in front of him, but inside it was killing me. I couldn't lie to myself, I loved him. It hurt me to see him hurting.

I pushed the thoughts aside and did some cleaning and grocery shopping before going to get Masen from daycare.

I went back to work the following the day and proceeded to get things as back to normal as I could that week. Masen asked about "Daddy" all the time and I did the best I could to cover for Edward. I didn't want Masen to think Edward was a monster. I didn't want to tarnish Masen's impression of Edward. I hadn't decided if I was going to allow Edward to see Masen on a regular basis or not.

The next few days were the hardest. It was harder than the few days following the rape. I kept trying to recall how I dealt with it, how I got through it. I couldn't remember for the life of me. I didn't know what to do. I mostly kept myself busy and tried to avoid my feelings. I thought if I could just forget about Edward, I would be okay. How could I forget? I suddenly saw so much of him in Masen. Their hair, their eyes, their smile. I even cut Masen's hair really short one night, trying to make him look less like his father. I only went into our bedroom to shower and get dressed. I never slept there. I was certain the smell of him remained on the bed linens and I couldn't sleep there.

Over the next few weeks, I still didn't speak to Edward, or see him. I avoided the library like the plague, for fear of running into him. My grades were suffering as a result. A guy in one of my classes was helping me, though. His name was James, he seemed nice.

I dropped one of my classes and took a second job at night as a sever so I could pay the bills on my own. It helped me keep busy and keep my mind off my problems. Alice was wonderful and kept Masen while I worked evenings and went to class with no complaints.

Edward never stopped checking in on me. He would call, but I wouldn't answer. He would send me text messages, telling me he loved me and that he'd wait for me to work through my feelings. I never responded. I wish he would just stop. My mother and Charlie had been calling and I hadn't been answering their calls. I didn't want them to know, I was too ashamed. I would return their calls when I knew they were working or unavailable so I could just leave a message and let them know I was okay.

I was at work one morning when I was surprised to see Rosalie come through the door. I hadn't spoken to her since the night of Edward's admission, and I was a little upset that she hadn't even tried to contact me.

"Hey, Rose. What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see if I could take you to lunch today, my treat."

"Um, yea, I guess that would be okay. Let me find someone to cover the desk and I'll meet you outside in a few minutes."

She nodded her head and went outside. I met her outside a few minutes later and we walked in silence down the street to a local restaurant. We were seated and ordered our lunch before she broke the silence.

"Bella, I want to apologize for not being by to see you. I thought you would be mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you. You're his sister. I understand."

She swallowed loudly. "Bella, he's really torn up. He's worried sick about you. He's very sincere in his regret about what happened."

"I know. It doesn't change anything. You can let him know we are doing just fine."

She looked away and I could see her eyes were beginning to water.

"I'm sorry, Rose. It's nothing against you."

"I just didn't want it to be this way. He loves you. He loves Masen. Masen is my nephew. My parents have a grandson. I'm about to have a baby. Masen will have a cousin. I just wish you could let him back in, and let Masen enjoy his father, who isn't a monster." Rose rolled her eyes and shook her head, almost to herself. "I can't believe I'm even taking up for him. I was so beyond angry, Bella. You have no idea. Edward may be an idiot at times, but he's not a monster, or a career criminal, he made a mistake."

I fought back tears. I hadn't given much thought to Masen having a cousin, or another set of grandparents. I was being selfish.

"I need more time, Rose. I'm not ready. I haven't wrapped my head around it yet. I'm heartbroken. You have no idea how much I loved him. He was like my saving grace, and to find out he was the person who did this, who I hated, who I feared every time it was dark and raining. You have no idea what that's like."

She nodded her head in understanding. "I'm sorry, Bella."

We finished eating our lunch in silence.

"I've got to get back to the office," I said.

Rose stood. "Bella, before you go, I wanted to give you this." She pulled out a small black and white photo from her purse and handed it to me. It was a sonogram photo. "It's a little girl," she said, trying slightly to hide her excitement.

"Rose, she's beautiful. Congratulations!" I hugged her tightly. "I'm sorry I wasn't there."

Rose shook her head. "It was my fault, but I want you to be there from now on. Even if you can't forgive Edward, I still want you to be my friend."

I smiled and hugged her again. "Of course, Rose."

We said goodbye and I headed back to the office.

**EPOV**

I couldn't stand it anymore. It had been two months since I had seen Bella or my son. I went to the library every night that I could, hoping to see her. She was never there. I wanted to give her the space she needed. I didn't want to rush her, but I was dying inside. It was driving me crazy that I didn't know how she was, or how Masen was. I was using Rose as an informant. I knew I was driving my sister nuts. I finally decided I would just show up at our apartment, unannounced.

I knocked on the door, and was surprised when Alice answered.

"Hi, Edward."

"Hey, Alice. Where's Bella? She doesn't have class tonight, does she?

Alice shook her head. "Come in, Edward."

I stepped inside.

"Daddy!!!!" Masen squealed loudly and ran to me, practically crawling up me. I picked him up and held him tightly to me.

"Hey, buddy!" I kissed his forehead. "I've missed you so much." It felt good to be able to show emotion towards Masen and not be fearful that Bella, or anyone else, would think it was strange, because they thought he wasn't mine. Getting the horrible secret off my chest had its advantages and disadvantages.

"Where you go?" Masen asked, wondering where I had been.

I looked to Alice, not knowing what to say.

"Masen, your daddy has been busy at school and work," Alice chimed in.

"You stay home now?" he asked, excited.

"Uh, no. I'm sorry, buddy. I just came by to visit for a few minutes."

Masen pouted and hugged my neck tightly.

We all visited for a few minutes before Alice told Masen it was his bedtime.

"Can I put him to bed, Alice?"

"Of course, Edward."

I carried Masen back to his room and got him changed into his pajamas. We both laid on the bed in the room. I could smell Bella's shampoo and body lotion on the sheets. I looked around the room. Her pajamas were on the foot of the bed. She hadn't been sleeping in our room.

I picked a book from his bookshelf to read to him. I spoke to him before I started.

"Masen, even though I can't be here all the time, you have to remember I always love you, okay?"

Masen nodded his head, but I wasn't sure he understood.

I hugged him and felt my eyes begin to water. I pushed back my emotions and began reading his story. He was sound asleep next to me by the time I finished. I put the book aside and carefully picked him up and put him in his crib.

I rejoined Alice in the living room.

"Thank you, Alice. Thank you so much. I haven't seen him since..."

Alice nodded her head. "I know, Edward."

I sat next to her on the couch. "Where is Bella if she isn't in class?"

Alice took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. "She's at work."

"Work?" I asked confused.

"Edward, she dropped one of her classes and took a second job, so she could pay for everything without your help."

I gasped. "Why? She's so stubborn. Does she even see Masen anymore?"

"Not much, actually. I would never tell her, but I'm exhausted. I wish she would let you help."

"You don't hate me?" I asked, surprised.

Alice shook her head. "I was mad at first. But, I've seen you with Masen and Bella. I know you love them both. People make mistakes, Edward. You made a huge one that had life altering consequences for Bella, but you're trying to fix it. I know you would never intentionally hurt her or Masen."

"I wish she could see that."

"She knows. She's just confused, Edward. She's embarrassed. She doesn't understand her feelings. She loves you, but she doesn't think she should, because of what you did."

I sighed and shook my head. "I don't know what to do, Alice."

"Just give her some more time, Edward. Don't give up on her."

"I'll never give up."

Alice hugged my neck and I hugged her back. It felt good to know that at least one person didn't think I was a monster.

"You better get out of here; she'll be home soon."

I nodded my head and left, but I didn't go far. I stood just around the corner for nearly an hour, waiting on her. I thought she was on the phone at first when I heard her laughing. I peaked around the corner and immediately felt the blood rush to the surface of my skin. James was with her. How did she know him? Why was she with him?

They went inside and I waited a moment for Alice to leave. Once she was on the elevator I went and knocked on the door.

Bella swung the door open quickly, probably expecting it to be Alice. Her face fell when she saw me.

"Yes?" she asked.

"Can I talk to you for a moment?"

"I have company."

James came up behind her and placed his arm around her waist and I nearly threw up in my mouth. "She's busy," he said, glaring at me.

Bella glanced down at his hand on her waist, as if it was unfamiliar to her. "She can speak for herself, James."

Bella looked between the two of us, wondering how we knew each other. "Give me just a minute, James." Bella stepped outside with me and pulled the door closed.

"What the hell are you doing with him?" I asked.

"We're studying for an exam. He's in my class and he works with me at the restaurant. What are you doing here? How do you know him?"

"Bella, he's dangerous. Please listen to me. You need to stay away from him."

"He's been nice to me, Edward."

I wanted to scream. "Bella, his older brother was the president of the fraternity. They think women were only put on Earth to satisfy men's sexual needs. He's a predator. He'll hurt you. I've seen the way he and his brother treat women. Please, Bella, stay away from him. I don't want him near Masen."

Bella rolled her eyes and interrupted me. "You're being a little dramatic, Edward."

"Damn it, Bella! I'm not!" I was nearly screaming. I couldn't stand the fact that she was alone with that scum bag. I took a deep breath to calm myself. "I don't want see you get hurt."

Bella scoffed. "Edward, he hasn't hurt me. You're the one that hurt me. Why are you here? I need to get back inside."

I pulled my wallet from my back pocket. "You don't need to work two jobs. That's ridiculous. You can't possibly have enough time for Masen. Take this." I handed her a large amount of cash. She pushed it back at me.

"Have you been talking to Alice? I don't want your money, Edward."

I growled. "Then let me help. Let Masen stay with me instead of Alice. She's exhausted, Bella. She doesn't even have a life because she's too busy helping you with yours."

I could see the tears pooling in her eyes. She knew it was true.

James opened the door and grabbed Bella's hand. "Let's go. Your time is up, Edward."

I grabbed her other hand. "Bella, I'm just downstairs at Rose's if you need anything. I can be here in a heartbeat." I leaned down and whispered in her ear. "I still love you. I always will."

The pained expression on her face let me know that she hadn't totally given up on us yet. She turned and followed James back inside. I know it was stalkerish of me, but I couldn't leave. I knew how he was. He would hurt her and I would hurt him. I didn't even get to tell her the most important thing about him. I spent hours around the corner, sitting in the hallway like an idiot, listening for any disturbing sounds, but all was quiet. James left shortly before 1:00 a.m. Thankfully, there was no hugging or kissing from what I could see, just a simple, "I'll see you tomorrow," from Bella.

I was relieved and once I knew she was safe, I went back downstairs to Rose's couch.

*****Author's Note: Thank you all for sticking with me and thank you for the reviews! I know many of you have your own ideas about what should and shouldn't happen, and obviously I cannot incorporate all of those ideas, but I hope you all enjoy it anyway! Thank you!*****


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13:

**BPOV**

I was more than a little disturbed by Edward's reaction to James. James didn't really seem like that bad of a guy. He was really helping me in class. I wasn't sure whether or not to believe Edward, or just assume that he didn't want me around any other man. It killed me to see how tormented he was about it. He was right about Masen and Alice. I wasn't spending enough time with Masen and I'm sure Alice was exhausted. I felt horrible, but I didn't know what else to do. I refused to take Edward's money. I dropped the rent off at the office the very next morning.

I was surprised to see an envelope taped to my door when I returned home from work the next evening. I went inside and got Masen dinner before returning to the envelope. I opened it and pulled out a note and my rent check.

_Ms. Swan, _

_Mr. Cullen has paid the rent for the apartment for the next six months; therefore, I am returning your check to you. _

_Thank you, _

_Building Management_

"Ugh! I knew he would do that." I ripped up my check and threw it away. While Masen ate dinner, I went to get ready for my date with James. I was only going on the date for the hell of it. Although James seemed very nice, I had no interest in really seriously dating anyone. As much as I hated to admit it, Edward still owned my heart. I just didn't want him to know it. I wanted to attempt to prove to myself that someone else could make me feel the way he used to. I had to know that Edward wasn't the only person that could love me, or that I could love.

I sent Edward a text. _You didn't have to do that. I can pay the rent. - B_

_You wouldn't have accepted it any other way. Stop acting like you have to do this all by yourself. Masen is my son. I can provide for him, you're being selfish by not letting me. - Edward_

Oh, he made me so mad! _You were pretty fucking selfish when you raped an innocent girl just to get into a stupid fraternity so you wouldn't disappoint daddy. I've got to get ready for my date with James now. Goodbye. -B_

_Damn it, Bella!! Why don't you listen to me? Please tell me you're just saying that to piss me off. He's trouble, Bella. I'm serious. - Edward_

_I'm also serious. He's here. Bye, Edward. - B_

_Bella, you're killing me. I know you hate me, but I still love you. Please be careful. Call me if you need me. I'll be there. - Edward_

I sighed after reading his last text. Maybe he was being serious about James. It was too late now. Alice arrived, and I left with James.

James really wasn't so bad. We actually had a pretty good time. We had a nice dinner and saw a movie and he didn't even try anything. He kissed my cheek when I arrived home and that was it. Edward was totally over reacting. He blew my phone up that night, insisting I let him know when I was home safely. I did so, only because I didn't want him showing up at the apartment.

I think I was more or less separating myself from him because I knew I was so vulnerable. Every time I saw him, I wanted to fall into his arms and for him to tell me everything would be okay, but I knew that was wrong.

I was busy cleaning the apartment later that weekend when there was a light knocking on the door. I was more than surprised to see Edward's mother through the peep hole.

"Oh, God." I said aloud. I quickly ran my fingers through my hair and straightened my shirt before opening the door.

"Hi," I greeted her. "Edward is at Rose's apartment."

She smiled; it looked genuine. "Bella, I'm not here for Edward. I wanted to speak with you."

"Oh. Okay. Come in." I let her in and we sat awkwardly on the couch, as far away from each other as possible. "Can I get you something to drink?" I asked.

"Oh, no thank you. I'm fine."

I smiled, unsure of what to do next. I was glad Masen was down for a nap so he wasn't climbing all over her. She was wearing, what looked to be, a very expensive dress.

Esme took a deep breath. "Bella, Edward told Carlisle and I everything."

I gasped and looked away. She scooted closer to me and grabbed my hand. "Bella, please, don't be embarrassed. We have more in common than you think."

I looked at her questioningly.

"There are some things I wanted to tell you."

I nodded my head, wanting her to go on.

"Shortly after Carlisle and I were married, I was raped at a party. Someone slipped something in my drink. Carlisle found me after the fact. If he hadn't of found me in the condition I was in, I wouldn't have known. I physically felt the aftermath, but fortunately, I couldn't remember it. That's how Rose came along. She's not Carlisle's biological child."

Wow. I was shocked to say the least. That explained a lot, about Rose anyway.

She continued. "Carlisle has always been harder on Edward than he was on Rose. I guess we both were. We just assumed that her father was a low life creep and that she wouldn't have the potential that Edward had. Obviously, we were wrong. I mean, we don't support all of her decisions, but she is my daughter, and I do love her. Once Edward told us everything, it really made me realize that we were really expecting too much of him and we didn't realize how much pressure we placed on him when he was in college. Bella, since the day Rose was conceived, I thought that her father was a disgusting pig-headed monster. I'm sure you've had those same feelings."

I nodded my head.

"I want you to know that Edward is not a monster." She began to cry. "I've never been more disappointed in him in all my life and I feel partially responsible."

I shook my head. "He made his own decision."

"But we were so hard on him. We just wanted the best for him." She shook her head. "I'm sorry. I just came here to tell you that he's not a monster. He made a monumental mistake, but he's terribly sorry. Masen is a beautiful child, Bella. I'm sorry about Thanksgiving. I had no idea. Carlisle and I just always assumed he would be with Tanya. We thought that since the day they were born, it was just how it was. I had no idea what happened between them. Edward never told me. Regardless of what happens between you and Edward, I'd really like you and Masen to be part of our family."

I was crying now too. "I'd like that." I hugged her neck.

"I'm so sorry this happened to you, Bella. You have to know that Edward loves you. I've never heard him speak so highly of another individual in all his life. I just recently found out that Rose and Emmett were married." Her cries grew louder. "I've missed so much of my childrens' lives because of my high standards. It's so stupid, Bella. You cannot be concerned with what others think. You don't want Masen to miss out on time with his father."

I nodded my head. "I know. It's just hard and confusing."

"I can't imagine. But, Bella, look on the bright side. You never have to worry about your son being a monster. Edward has a good heart. Masen will know his father. Rose never got a chance to know hers. However, your situation gives her hope, that maybe her father too, had just made a terrible mistake while under the influence of alcohol, that she isn't the spawn of a monster. I am not condoning anything Edward did, Bella. I think it is disgusting, and I'm so terribly sorry. I think he deserves to be punished, and serve his time like anyone else. Bella, if that will help provide you with closure, please do not hesitate."

I had not given it much thought, because I knew I couldn't do it. For the longest time I wanted my rapist behind bars, so he couldn't hurt other women, but Edward wasn't out to hurt anyone. He was still Masen's father, and I couldn't take him away from Masen. I shook my head at Esme. "I don't think it will help me. I think Edward is serving his time on a daily basis, just living with what he did."

Esme sat there and cried for quite some time, continuously apologizing. We finally pulled ourselves up from the couch.

"Masen is napping, but you're welcome to see him if you'd like."

"Oh, Bella, I'd love to."

We both walked quietly back to Masen's room. He was sound asleep in his crib. Esme teared up. "I don't know why I didn't see it before."

I laughed. "I say that to myself every single day."

Esme turned to me and placed her hand on my arm. "Oh, Bella. You couldn't have known."

"I know, I mean, it's not every day you see a handsome, well dressed guy walking down the street and you automatically assume that he was the one that raped you and fathered your child." I said sarcastically as I rolled my eyes. "I just never dreamed it."

Esme squeezed my hand. "He's beautiful, Bella. He looks just like Edward did." We both admired Masen's shaggy copper colored hair and his fair skin. She turned to face me. "Please consider speaking to him. I miss seeing him happy. He was so happy around you."

I sighed. "I'll think about it." We walked back to the front of the apartment and I thanked her for coming by. Esme told me about some of the non-profit work she did, which included counseling rape victims. She encouraged me to speak to someone, if not her, she would recommend a good friend of hers she works with. Although she said speaking to someone would really help me, I wasn't sure if I was ready for that.

The following week came quickly and it was time for mid-terms. I desperately tried to get myself right in the head and focus on school.

I was completely freaking out. I couldn't get a hold of Alice and I had a mid-term in 20 minutes. I had taken the day off work to study for it, but Alice said she'd be here before I had to leave for class. I paced the floor frantically back and forth. I flipped open my cell phone to start calling people. I noticed I had a missed call and voicemail. I listened to my message.

"_Bella, it's Alice. Sweetie, I'm so sorry. I don't think I'm going to make it there before your class. Jasper is really sick. I think he's got food poisoning or the stomach flu. I don't want Masen to catch anything and I'm afraid to leave Jasper. Can you take him to Rose's? I'm so sorry, I know it's short notice. I thought Jasper would get better. Call me."_

I hung up the phone. "Crap!" I noticed it was on silent, which is why I must have missed her call. I was sort of angry, but at the same time, I knew it wasn't her fault. I called Rose's cell phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Rose. Are you home?"

"No, I haven't left work yet. I'm trying to get some stuff finished up before the weekend."

I sighed. "Do you know if Emmett is home?"

"No, he's working tonight. What's going on?"

"I'm late for one of my mid-term exams. Alice bailed on me, and I don't know what to do with Masen. I can't miss this exam. There are no make-ups. I'll have to retake the class."

"Oh, Bella, I'm sorry. I wouldn't even it make home in an hour if I left right now. I talked to Edward a few minutes ago. He's home, he doesn't work tonight. Call him."

I sighed. "I don't want to," I barely whispered.

"Bella, I know how you feel. I'm on your side. But, Bella, you know he isn't a monster. He would never harm Masen. Ever. Just because you let him see his son, or let him help you out, doesn't mean your giving in to anything. It doesn't mean you are accepting what he did, or that it's okay."

Tears stung my eyes. I didn't want to talk to Edward. Not now. I had to focus on my exam. I couldn't deal with seeing him, and the emotions and pain it caused.

"Bella? Are you crying?"

I sniffled quickly and wiped my eyes. "No, I'm sorry."

Rose sighed. "Bella, call him. Now."

She sounded angry. "Okay, I'll call him." I didn't want to piss Rose off. I needed her in my corner.

I hung up with Rose and took a deep breath before calling Edward.

"Bella?" he answered. "Are you alright?"

"Um, yea. I'm fine. I need a favor."

"What is it?"

"I'm late for class. I have a mid-term and I don't have anyone to watch Masen." I could almost hear his smile on the other end of the phone.

"I'll be right there."

I sighed, relieved. "Okay."

"Oh, and Bella?"

"Yea?"

"Thank you." He hung up. My heart always felt so heavy after talking to him. Part of me felt like I was unrightfully punishing him by keeping him away from Masen, but the other part of me didn't want the person that did this to me anywhere near my son. It was so hard for me to grasp that they were the same person.

"Masen, your daddy is coming to stay with you while I go to class, okay?"

Masen looked up from his highchair with wide eyes and a big grin. "Daddy!"

I couldn't help but smile at his expression. It was then that I realized, not only was I punishing Edward, but I was punishing Masen too.

I walked over to him and kissed his forehead. "I love you. Be good, okay?"

Masen nodded his head and I heard a knock at the door. Masen started hitting his hands on his tray and screaming, "Daddy!"

I grabbed my bag by the door and swung the door open quickly. I couldn't even look him in the eyes. I avoided his stare, and hurried past him. "Thanks," I yelled as I went down the hallway.

"Bella!" he yelled after me.

I turned around, still avoiding his gaze. "Take my car, it will be faster." He threw his keys to me and I just barely caught them.

I couldn't turn down that offer. I was really running late and if I took the bus, I'd never make it in time. "Thanks, Edward."

I was 30 minutes late to class and I was the last one to finish my exam. After the exam was over and I was the last person in the large classroom, I suddenly became very anxious. I had to walk past the library to get to Edward's car. It was dark and raining. I hadn't felt that anxious about the dark rain in a long time. I turned in my exam and exited the classroom. I stood at the large glass doors of the building as I looked out at a deserted campus. It looked so much like that night. I felt my chest tighten and I couldn't breathe. I wanted to call Edward. I just wanted him to be on the phone with me, to be sure I made it to my car. I felt tears pouring over my cheeks before I even realized they were coming. The longer I stood there, the more anxious I got. I was so mad at myself for what I was about to do. I called Edward.

"Edward?"

"Bella? What's wrong? Are you okay? Where are you?"

I hated how he could tell exactly how I was feeling, just by the tone of my voice. "I'm okay. I don't want to talk about it. Will you just stay on the phone with me, until I get to my car?"

He sighed. I knew this hurt him too. "Of course, Bella."

I opened the door and popped open my large umbrella. I was grateful I had on my tennis shoes. I took off running, I couldn't stand to walk the same path I walked so leisurely that night.

I was out of breath by the time I got in my car and slammed the door. I was crying even harder. I couldn't even speak.

"Bella? Are you sure you're okay? Do you want me to come get you?"

"No, no. I'll be okay in a few minutes," I cried.

Edward didn't say anything for a long time, he just listened to my sobs. I eventually couldn't keep it inside anymore. I started screaming at him.

"Do you know how fucked up this is??!!" I yelled at him. "I'm terrified of what you did to me, I'm terrified to walk around this campus in the rain by myself, yet I call you when I'm scared of the very thing you did to me. You did this to me!" I screamed. "Do you know how fucked up that is?! Why do I turn to you?!" I cried.

Edward was silent, except for his muffled cries. "Bella..."

"No. Don't. I don't want to hear it."

I heard Edward take a deep breath, trying to compose himself. I did the same. Once I had regained some composure, I asked, "Do you mind if I use your car to run a few errands before I head back?"

"Of course not. Take all the time you need."

"Okay." I hung up. I drove to the nearest Walgreens to pick up a few things, but I spent the majority of my time trying to collect myself in the parking lot. I ran to the grocery store before finally returning home.

I entered the apartment quietly. I could hear Masen giggling from down the hall, so I softly shut the door and set my groceries on the counter in the kitchen.

"Sting my song!" Masen yelled.

"You want me to sing your song?" Edward asked him.

"Yes!" Masen responded. I could hear the excitement in his response. I heard Edward begin to strum his guitar and my heart fell to the pit of my stomach.

"If I sing your song for you, you promise you'll get in bed? Mommy will be so mad at me if she comes home and you're still up. It's way past your bedtime."

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" I could hear Masen clapping his hands.

Edward continued playing the guitar. The most beautiful sound filled the air. As he began to sing, I stopped breathing.

_I wish you freedom_

_I wish you peace_

_I wish you nights of stars_

_That beckon you to sleep_

_I wish you heartache_

_That leaves you more of a man_

_I wish I could be there_

_But I can't_

_I wish you places_

_That sit so still_

_Where people never ever change_

_and never ever will_

_I wish I could hold you_

_And make you understand_

_I wish I could be there_

_But I can't_

_Be good for your mama_

_Cause she'll need a hand to hold_

_Boy, she loves you_

_More than you'll ever know_

_There are rhymes and there are reasons_

_And times when nothing stayed the same_

_But you know my love still remains_

_I wish you wisdom_

_I wish you years_

_I wish you armies_

_To conquer all your fears_

_I wish you courage for all that life demands_

_I wish I could be there_

_But I can't_

_Be good for your mama_

_Cause she'll need a hand to hold_

_Boy, she loves you_

_More than you'll ever know_

_There are rhymes and there are reasons_

_And times when nothing stayed the same_

_But you know my love still remains_

_I wish we were together_

_I wish I was home_

_I wish there were nights_

_Where I was never alone_

_I know I've said it_

_But I'll say it once again_

_I wish I could be there_

_But I can't_

I could feel my heart beating in my ears. I didn't hear anyone else speak and I assumed Edward had put Masen to bed, perhaps he fell asleep. Tears poured over my cheeks, landing softly on the tile floor in the kitchen. For the life of me, I couldn't understand how this Edward, was the same man that raped me almost three years ago. I couldn't comprehend the feelings I had for him. I loved and hated him at the same time. It was the grandest and deepest form of love, and the most passionate and serious form of hate. I turned around just in time to see him enter the room. I wanted to look away from him, but I couldn't. It was obvious by the surprised look on his face that he didn't know I had come in.

"Did I upset you?" he asked softly.

I continued to cry, and nodded my head.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't know you were here." He came towards me and wrapped his arms around me. For the briefest of moments, I wanted to give in. I wanted to let go, to melt into his embrace, but I couldn't. I wouldn't. I pushed at his chest, trying to free myself from his embrace, but he held firm. I pushed harder. "Let go of me," I cried.

He released me immediately. I was unprepared to see his eyes filled to the brim with warm tears.

"I miss you so much, Bella."

I shook my head at him. "No, Edward. Don't."

He hung his head.

"I think you should go now. Thank you for keeping Masen."

He unenthusiastically nodded his head and began walking towards the door. I followed him.

He turned to me before he opened the door. "Bella, I love you. I'll always be here for you. You don't have to do this on your own. I'll stay on the phone with you while you walk in the dark a million times...just to hear you breathing, just to know that you're okay. I couldn't save you that night; I hurt you." He began to get choked up. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I promise, I'll save you every night for the rest of your life if you would just let me."

I sobbed uncontrollably. I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around his neck and feel him holding me. I wanted him to hold me all night. I stared at his glistening eyes for what seemed like a long time, debating what to do. I finally said nothing and opened the door for him to leave.

***Author's Note: Thanks for reading! I hope you guys liked this chapter, it's one of my favorites, because the song Edward was singing is one of my favorites. If you are unfamiliar with it, it is "Gavin's Song" by Marc Broussard and it is simply beautiful. I hope you all have a great week! Thank you all so much for the reviews and comments, they are (mostly) encouraging. lol ;)


	14. Chapter 14

DISCLAIMER: This story contains sensitive subject matters that may not be appropriate for everyone. If you have a sensitivity to the topic of rape, you shouldn't read this story. It is not meant to condone rape or offend anyone, it is a fictional story. Nobody is making you read it.

CHAPTER 14:

A couple weeks had passed and while Edward and I were on more cordial terms, I wasn't ready to let him back into my life. Rose, and I assumed Edward, kept Masen one evening when I went out with James. There was a local band playing at a bar nearby and he insisted I had to check it out with him. The band was great, but he and I both had too much to drink and we took a cab back to my place. I told him I could get home on my own, but he insisted on making sure I arrived safely. It was dark and raining, so I obliged.

We were standing outside my door. "Well, thank you for everything tonight. I had fun."

"Me too, the night doesn't have to end. Your kid isn't here, right?"

Even though I was more than tipsy, little red flags went off in my head. "No, he's not here, but I need to go get him." I cursed myself for saying those words as soon as they left my mouth. I should've said something different. I had already put my key in the door and James turned the handle, letting himself in.

I walked in behind him and set my purse down near the couch. "Do you want me to call you a cab?" I asked, hinting for him to leave.

He sat down on the couch and yawned. "I'm pretty tired. I might crash on your couch."

I laughed uneasily as he pulled me down next to him and began kissing me. He smelt like smoke and liquor. I pushed him away. "James, stop. You need to go. We're just friends."

James laughed. "I thought we were more than friends, Bella," he said as one of his fingers traced my jaw, down my neck, and between the opening of my button up shirt.

I could see where this was going and I began to panic. "James, no. You need to leave." James didn't even flinch at my words. I took a deep breath, trying not to check out of the situation, and began to think of the best way out of it. He laid me down on the couch, his nasty hands moved all over me. I let him do what he wanted for a moment so he was distracted while I desperately dumped my purse out on the floor next to the couch. I reached around frantically for my phone. I sent Edward a text.

_Help me. James is here. Hurry. - B _ Right as I went to hit send James knocked the phone from my hand and I nearly burst into tears because I wasn't sure if I pushed the button or not. He grabbed both my wrists and held my hands above my head. He held both of my wrists in one hand above me. I could feel him bruising the delicate skin around my wrists.

His mouth was all over me and his free hand went up my shirt. I squirmed beneath him, but I was no match for him. "James, stop. Please." I thought I should try some reverse psychology on him. "James, stop. Let's go to my bed, where it is more comfortable." That got his attention. He let go of my wrists and he began to get up from the couch. As soon as I was able, I ran for the door. I opened it, but before I could exit, he threw me back onto the couch and slammed the door shut.

I felt so stupid for not listening to Edward.

James immediately climbed back on top of me as I screamed. "Shhhh, Bella. You'll like this, I promise. You must have enjoyed it when Edward did it. Did he do it like this?"

He pulled at the button on my jeans and struggled to pull them over my hips with one hand. I pressed myself firmly into the couch, making it even harder for him. I was not going to let this happen to me again. I couldn't. _What did he mean about Edward? How did he know? Was he there?_ I felt sick to my stomach as I struggled with him.

Suddenly, James looked up at me and backhanded me across the face. It stung like nothing I had ever felt before.

"Stop fighting me," he said through gritted teeth. "I'll make this really shitty for you if you don't stop."

I sobbed loudly, and gave into the realization that maybe I wasn't going to find a way out of this. As soon as I had the thought, I pushed it away, refusing to give in. I tried to free one of my legs to knee him in the nuts long enough to get away from him, but his weight on top of me was too much.

There was blood dripping into my eye, blurring my vision. James had a football ring on that must have hit my brow bone.

He forced his hand inside my jeans and I cursed myself again for being so stupid and not listening to Edward. I realized he wasn't trying to hurt me or control my life.

James forcefully pushed his palm between my panties and my jeans, grabbing at me. I screamed loudly, not knowing what else to do, and hoping that someone would hear me. He told me to shut up again before he began sucking on my neck, biting me, hard.

I bit my lip to keep myself from screaming. At that moment, I heard the front door burst open. Edward and Emmett. I couldn't help but feel relieved. I was saved. I was so glad Edward didn't come alone. He and James would've surely killed each other.

James growled at the disruption and Edward pulled him off me, throwing him into the adjacent wall. Emmett took care of James while Edward came to me.

He pulled me into his arms immediately and I clung to him.

"Bella, I told you..." he began.

"I know, Edward," I cried. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

He didn't continue, he just held me.

Emmett got rid of James, threatening to kill him if he ever so much as looked in my direction again. Emmett said he and Rose would keep Masen tonight and give Edward and I some privacy. I thanked him before he left.

Edward finally had to peel me off of him. "Bella, let me look at you. Are you okay?"

I pulled back and couldn't see him very well for my eye. He caressed my opposite cheek. "God, Bella. He could've really hurt you." His fingers traced my jaw, and down my neck. "He bit you," Edward growled. He stood and went to the linen closet down the hall to get a wash cloth. He cleaned the blood from my eye and just above it. I had a small cut just under my right eyebrow. Edward bandaged it up and cleaned the bite on my neck with alcohol. It stung, but I was glad it was cleaning James' disgusting germs from me.

"I want to take a shower," I said quietly.

"Of course, Bella. I'll get one started for you." Edward stood from the couch.

"Edward?"

He turned to look at me. "Yes?"

"Was he there?"

Edward sighed and sat back down next to me on the couch, pulling me to him. "Bella, I'm sorry. I tried to tell you. I wanted to tell you, I just didn't want to upset you. I didn't think you would believe me..."

"I probably wouldn't have," I cried.

Edward kissed my cheek and disappeared into our bedroom and returned a few moments later. He helped me to the bathroom before leaving me alone.

**EPOV**

Hours had passed and Bella still hadn't come out of the shower. I finally went to check on her. I knocked on the bathroom door twice. She didn't answer.

"Bella? I'm coming in."

When she didn't respond, I went inside. I opened the glass door to the stand up shower and she was sitting in a little ball on the floor, the water hitting her. The water was cold and her lips were blue.

"Bella, what are you doing?" I turned the water off, as it had obviously ran cold.

I grabbed a towel and wrapped her in it, pulling her from the shower. "Bella? Your skin is like ice."

"I don't want to feel anything anymore," she mumbled.

"Bella, don't say that." I put her down on our bed and grabbed a long sleeve t-shirt from her dresser and a pair of sweat pants and put them on her. I let her crawl under the covers and pulled them over her, tucking them in at her sides.

"Will you stay?" she whispered.

"Of course, Bella. I'm not going to leave you now."

A weak smile displayed on her lips and she closed her eyes. I kissed her cheek gently. I changed clothes and crawled in bed next to her, wrapping my arms around her. "Is this okay?" I asked.

She nodded her head and I held her tighter, grateful that she was okay. Seeing her lying in the shower, covered in water, and cold, it reminded me of how I left her that night after I had done the unthinkable. I would never forgive myself for what I did to her. Ever. I was grateful that I was a different man today, than I was then, but it didn't make it any easier to deal with. I had always found what I did incredibly difficult to deal with, but it was a million times more difficult to know the girl I did it to. To know that she was beautiful, innocent, and perfect in every way. To know that she gave birth to my child, and loved it and cared for it, despite believing he was the spawn of a monstrous man. It takes an incredible kind of woman to be able to do and accomplish what Bella has done. She deserved none of this and it was all my fault. She deserved to have a normal college experience, to graduate, and fall in love with a respectable man. She deserved to have children when she wanted to, not for them to be forced into her life. Bella speaking startled me from my thoughts.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you. I'm sorry I doubted you."

"It's okay, Bella. You should never apologize to me. I am the one who is forever in debt to you. I'll always be here for you, no matter what."

She entwined her still cold fingers with mine and squeezed my hand before falling asleep.

Whatever transpired between us the night before, was long gone when Bella woke the following morning.

I woke to the sound of her gasping and releasing my hand from hers. I opened my eyes to see her staring back at me, almost frightened.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

She looked around the room momentarily, as if all the events of last night were coming back to her.

She quickly stammered out of bed. "I'm sorry, Edward." She shook her head, looking back at me. "I didn't mean to...we're not..." she stumbled for words. She took a deep breath. "Thank you from the bottom of my heart for coming to my rescue last night, but it doesn't change things between us."

All the air left my lungs at once. All my hopes just hit a concrete wall. "Bella, you're being irrational. Can't we just talk about everything?"

"You don't understand, Edward," she said quietly.

I sat up in bed, leaning towards her. She was standing at the side of the bed. "Bella, make me understand," I begged.

She shook her head and looked away from me, trying to fight back her tears. "I'm not ready, Edward."

I felt crushed. I couldn't push her anymore, not after everything that happened last night. I pulled back the sheets and climbed out of bed. "I guess I'll head back to Rose and Emmett's. Let me know when you're ready for Masen."

I didn't wait for her response. I grabbed a few of my belongings and left the room. I could hear the soft sounds of her bare feet on the hardwood floor, she was following me. I turned to face her when I got to the door. There was nothing but confusion in her eyes. I was surprised when she threw her arms around my neck, and pulled me down to her. My arms instinctively wrapped around her small waist. I inhaled her scent and recalled how much I had missed it, how much I had missed her.

"Thank you for last night, Edward," she whispered. I could tell she was on the verge of tears. "I don't know how you manage to make me feel so safe and so terrified all at the same time."

I let go of her and she pulled away from me. "You're terrified of me?" I asked quietly.

She couldn't keep her tears back any longer. "I'm terrified of everything, Edward. I'm terrified of what I feel for you, despite what you did to me. I'm terrified that you're not the person I thought you were. I'm terrified to lose you. I'm terrified that every time from now on when I look into you're green eyes, or smell alcohol on your breath, that I'll think of that night, and remember that you were the one."

It killed me when she said things like that. The guilt I felt was almost too much to bear. It made me physically ill. I never knew what to say to her. Sorry was not enough. There were no words for my repentance.

She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath, obviously regretting her out pouring. "We'll talk soon, okay? I'll try not to keep you so far away anymore, but I need time, Edward."

I nodded my head.

"If you don't mind, I'd like some time to myself. I'll call you later for Masen."

"Take all the time you need." I leaned down and kissed her forehead. "I love you."

She looked up at me with sad eyes and I had to turn away from her. I left our apartment with a heavy heart, wondering if I'd ever feel like I could breathe again.

**Bella POV**

I spent the entire day curled up in a ball on our bed. Our bed. It smelled like him. I felt guilty for enjoying his scent.

I eventually pulled myself up, showered, and made myself presentable. I went to retrieve Masen and was disappointed to learn that Rose and Edward had taken him for ice cream. Emmett offered to entertain me until they returned, but I declined. I decided I would meet up with Alice for an early dinner.

It was nice to spend time with Alice without Masen around. I told her about everything that happened the night before. Of course, she said she understood how I felt, but thought perhaps I should take it easier on Edward, but I wasn't ready. I was still so hurt.

I was taking a cab home when I received a text from Edward.

_Emmett told me you came for Masen. We're home now. Do you want me to bring him up? - Edward_

I responded immediately. _I'm not home. I'll be there soon. You can bring him at 7:00 p.m. -B_

I arrived home a few minutes later and started some laundry while I waited on Edward and Masen to arrive. I felt like I had been in a fog the past two months and I wanted out of it so badly, but I didn't know how to get out. The doorbell interrupted my thoughts.

I let Edward in and Masen was asleep on his shoulder. "He had a big day," said Edward. Edward carried Masen back to his room and placed him in his crib.

I was standing in the living room waiting on him when he returned. I was torn. I was so lonely. I wanted so badly to tell him to stay, but I couldn't.

"Can we talk?" he asked.

I nodded my head and sat down on the couch. "About what?"

Edward sat next to me. "What are you going to do?"

I assumed he was referring to James. I had given this a little bit of thought. I took a deep breath. "I'm quitting the job at the restaurant. I do need to spend more time with Masen. And, I guess I'll just have to drop the class I have with him. At this rate, I'll never graduate."

"So does that mean you'll let me help you? Financially?"

"You have already helped. You paid the rent. That's more than enough. I don't want anything else."

"Fine, but you're not dropping another class. Not because of me, this is all my fault."

"I don't have a choice, Edward." I began to feel my tears sting my eyes and my throat constrict as I tried to fight them back. "I cannot sit in a classroom with him, knowing that he was there, that he saw everything and what he tried to do last night...I can't," I cried.

Edward sighed. "Bella, I'm so sorry, about everything. You don't deserve any of this. Please, don't let him win."

"It's not about winning, Edward. I wouldn't feel safe. What if he followed me? I would be a nervous wreck. I don't want to live like that anymore!" I cried.

Edward pulled me too him and held me firmly. I inhaled his scent and it relaxed me, but I wasn't sure why. I was still mad at him.

"Let me help," he whispered, pleadingly.

"How?" I asked.

"You only have the class with him on Thursday nights, right?"

I nodded my head.

"I'll let the library know that I'm not available that day. I'll take you to class and I'll pick you up. I'll meet you outside your classroom so you don't ever have to walk alone."

"You would do that?" I asked. I really didn't want to drop that class. I needed it, and I felt like I did pretty good on the mid-term. I'd hate for it all to go to waste.

"Of course, Bella. It's the least I could do."

I sighed and swallowed my pride, agreeing to his offer.

Edward stood and made his way to the door and I followed him. I wished I had I the nerve to ask him to stay, but I couldn't. I shouldn't.

I was following too closely when he stopped and turned around suddenly, almost knocking me over.

He ignored our near mishap and caressed my cheek in the palm of his hand. My breath hitched at his intimate touch, which used to be so familiar.

"Bella, can we really not work this out? I regret what I did to you more than you'll ever know, but at the same time, I don't regret the outcome. I don't regret falling in love with you. I don't regret Masen. When I see him, I'm so grateful. He's so beautiful, innocent and full of life. He has so much of your goodness inside him."

"He is so much like you, though," I whispered.

"He is both of us. He is perfect. I couldn't imagine my son having a better mother. Please don't keep him from me."

"I won't, Edward. I won't anymore. I'm sorry. He needs you."

He kissed my forehead. "Thank you. I'll see you Thursday."

I nodded my head and watched him walk out the door, feeling like he was taking a part of me with him.

***Author's Note: Thanks for reading..hope this chapter didn't upset you all too much! Some of you know, but for those that don't, I have a new fic coming out this summer called What Wicked Games We Play...it's x-rated, adult themed, promiscuous, a little dark, a little haunting, and a lot of fun. So, be on the look out!


	15. Chapter 15

DISCLAIMER: This story contains sensitive subject matters that may not be appropriate for everyone. If you have a sensitivity to the topic of rape, you shouldn't read this story. It is not meant to condone rape or offend anyone, it is a fictional story. Nobody is making you read it.

CHAPTER 15:

Edward, Emmett, Rose and I spoke briefly the following day. We couldn't really come to an agreement about what to do with respect to James. Of course, Emmett wanted to take him to jail himself, but Edward and I had our reservations. He would be free on bond practically the same day and I would still have to endure him through class, and I would have an even bigger target on my back until his court hearing. Edward went on and on about the secrecy amongst the fraternity brothers, all the money they and their families had, all the power. Edward wanted to wait, not forever, but long enough to keep an eye on the fraternity, and the news, long enough to gather several girls, and be believed. So many of the girls that were rapped on campus never even told the authorities. Edward estimated the numbers to be nearing 100 by now, and that was just since he was aware of it. It had been a tradition within the fraternity for years. Rumor was that one of the guys' father's was a crooked cop and helped them out of all the trouble they would get in.

Rose and I decided to make flyers to put around campus encouraging rape victims to report the crime. We also left an email address for people to get in contact with us. Rose and I went to campus at lunch that day and distributed the flyers to young women, as well as posting them on every bulletin board we could find. Edward was, of course, a little concerned. He said if the fraternity found out who was making the flyers, they would come after them. I knew that was a risk we had to take, but Edward and I were determined to stop them, and we thought it would be best to expose the fraternity and bring as many victims to light as we could. Edward insisted when we had power in numbers, and things were working in our favor, we would all go to the police together, Edward would turn himself in. We fought for hours and hours about that. I didn't know what I wanted anymore. I just didn't want him to be removed from Masen's life, but Edward insisted they wouldn't take us seriously any other way. We weren't speaking when we went our separate ways that evening.

Needless to say I felt a little uneasy the next few days. Edward didn't call. He didn't text message me. He was giving me space. I wasn't sure I liked it. I know that is what I said I wanted, but it just didn't feel right. Nothing felt right without him.

It was Thursday afternoon and I was going to be getting off work in about an hour. I'd have to go straight to class. Alice was picking up Masen. I was starting to wonder if Edward remembered what he promised me when I heard my phone chirp. I pulled it out of it's hiding place in my desk drawer.

_I'll pick you up at 5:00, if you still want me to. - Edward_

I exhaled a deep breath I didn't know I was holding. I was relieved. I really wanted to be in class tonight, to get my mid-term exam grade, if nothing else.

_I do. I'll see you then. Thank you. - B_

I was completely unprepared for his next message.

_Please choose your words more carefully. You've just said something I've only dreamt of hearing. _

I wasn't sure what he was talking about until I re-read my message to him. _I do._ I sighed loudly. I used to dream of marrying him. I felt a familiar lump forming in my throat as I began reminiscing, I forced the thoughts away. Why did he have to make things any more awkward than they already were?

_Maybe if you would have chosen your actions more carefully, it wouldn't have to be only a dream. - B_

He responded almost instantly.

_Point well taken, but it doesn't stop me from dreaming. I'll see you soon. I still love you. - Edward_

I sighed and tossed my phone back into the drawer. How could it be possible that I still loved him? I didn't love the person who did this to me. I hated that person, but I loved Edward. I was having such a hard time understanding how they were the same person. For so long, I had thought of the man who did this to me as a monster. A man who didn't have one good bone in his body. A man who saw me as an object, not a person. Edward was none of those things.

Tears stung my eyes in frustration. I was so confused. I tried to busy myself with closing down the office. I checked my email, locked up, and headed outside to wait for Edward.

Edward was pulled up right out front, already waiting on me. I took a deep breath before getting into his car.

I slid into the seat and I couldn't even bring myself to look at him. In a way, not only was I mad about what he did to me that night, but I was mad that he ruined my dream. My dream of marrying him and having a family for Masen.

Edward didn't speak the entire way to campus. I just stared out the window. I think we were both lost in our own pitiful thoughts. He pulled into the roundabout in front of my building and placed the car in park.

"Thanks," I muttered, before trying to get out of the car. The doors were locked.

"Bella?" He gently grabbed my wrist.

I turned to face him. I tried to avoid looking into his eyes, so I stared at his long fingers wrapped gently around my wrist.

"Look at me," he begged.

I reluctantly glanced up at him. His green eyes pierced mine.

"I won't be far. Call me if you need me. I'll be here." Edward sighed and ran his free hand through his hair nervously.

I knew that meant something was wrong. "What's wrong?" I asked.

He hesitated for a moment, looking away from me. "I was just thinking about how proud I was of you, for doing this, for going back to class." Edward let go of my wrist and fidgeted nervously with his jacket zipper, as he looked down. "I'm just suddenly nervous that I'm dropping you off directly in front of the line of fire. If he hurts you, it will be my fault."

"Edward,"

He looked at me, our eyes met. "He can't hurt me in class. I'll be okay. It wouldn't be your fault. I'm making this decision, you just encouraged it."

Edward sighed. "Okay. Be careful. I'll be back at 9:00, unless I hear from you otherwise."

I nodded my head and squeezed his hand. "Thank you."

The only good thing that happened in class was that I aced my mid-term. Everything else was excruciating. I sat in the back of the lecture hall. James was seated below me next to a large black guy with dreads whom I had seen him talk to many times before. It was obvious they were talking about me a lot. They would turn around and look at me while laughing or snickering about something. I tried to ignore them, but it was difficult. Other people in the class knew something was going on and I just prayed that the people seated around them couldn't over hear their conversation.

I was the first one out of my seat when the professor dismissed us. I hurried down the steps of the lecture room and barged through the door. I didn't want James to be able to catch up to me. I was walking so fast, I was nearly running. I turned a corner too sharply and ran into someone. I didn't even have to look up to know it was Edward. It smelt like him, it felt like him.

I sighed, relieved. "I thought you would be outside," I said, out of breath. I pulled on his shirt, dragging him forward with me.

"Why are you running? Are you okay?" Edward was running to catch up to me.

"Yes, let's just go before he catches up."

Edward and I hurried out of the building and once we were in the safety of the dark, we slowed our pace. I was nearly in tears, all of my frustration building up throughout the class. Edward walked next to me with his arm draped over my shoulders, pulling me into him. I wanted to push his arm away, but it made me feel safe, so I didn't.

"It was awful, Edward!" I nearly screamed. "They just talked about me the entire time, made faces at me, and so on. It was like being in high school or something. I hate that he knows! I hate that the entire class probably knows now!"

Edward sighed. "I'm sorry, Bella. I guarantee you he wasn't telling anybody what he attempted to do to you, or what I did. There's a very tight secrecy amongst the fraternity brothers. Nobody speaks of it. Ever. Don't let him get to you. You deserve to be there as much as he does. You just go in there and mind your own business, don't even look in his direction. Once he realizes his immature behavior doesn't get to you anymore, he'll quit with the games."

I thought Edward was right, and we walked in silence the remainder of the way to his car. Just before we reached his car, a light rain started to fall. Edward and I both looked at each other at the same time, an awkward moment passed between us. His eyes were full of sorrow and I decided to keep quite. He opened the passenger door for me and I quickly crawled inside.

When we arrived back to the apartment, Masen was already in bed. Alice greeted us briefly before heading home.

Edward and I stood uncomfortably in the entry way. It was like we were partaking in a staring contest or something. Neither one of us knew what to say. Neither one of us was willing to acknowledge that it was time for him to leave.

Edward finally broke the silence. "Are you sure you will be okay?"

I fidgeted nervously with the hem of my shirt. James knew where I lived, but surely he wouldn't show up here. I wouldn't allow myself to ask him to stay, so I said nothing. I let my body language speak for me.

Edward continued. "You don't have to be alone, Bella. I'm not trying to rush you. I just want to make sure your safe. I would feel more comfortable if I stayed here. I will sleep on the couch and I promise I'll stay out of your way."

I knew I would rest easier knowing Edward was in the apartment with me. That made sense, and boggled my mind, all at the same time. Edward had hurt me in the past, but I knew that he would never hurt me now. If nothing else, I believed that.

"You don't have to sleep on the couch. You can sleep in our room. I've been sleeping in Masen's room."

Edward looked down and exhaled a deep breath. "I cannot sleep in _our_ bed, without you. I'll stay on the couch."

I couldn't argue with that. I nodded my head and disappeared into Masen's room. I was exhausted from the day and I feel asleep quickly.

_I was in a park. It was a cloudy day, but it wasn't raining. I kept feeling jolted, like someone was pushing me, but I couldn't see them. I kept turning my head, looking for the cause. Eventually they were in front of me. James and the guy with the dreadlocks from my class. They were surrounding me. They were laughing and saying things to me, but I couldn't understand them. I couldn't hear. They each took turns pushing me, sometimes groping me and pulling at my clothes. I kept turning in circles, trying to find a way through them. That's when I saw him. Edward. He was sitting on a park bench about 15 feet away. He was sitting with Masen. Masen was older, probably five or so. He was beautiful. He looked just like Edward. His hair had began to curl and I ached to touch it. I felt a strong pull at my waist and it broke me from gazing at Edward. James had removed my belt. He held it in both hands and popped it. They took turns hitting me. I continuously looked for Edward. He just sat on the bench. He looked so carefree. He nonchalantly covered Masen's eyes from seeing what was happening to me. He made it out to be a game of peek-a-boo. "Help me!" I would scream at him, but it was as if he couldn't hear me. I begged for James and his accomplice to stop. I took another strong hit, this one across my face. Everything went black._

I sat up in bed, gasping for air. When my eyes opened and I realized I had been dreaming, I relaxed a little bit, but still had to catch my breath. That dream, like most of my dreams, never made any sense to me. I didn't want to be alone. Usually if I had a bad dream since Edward was gone, I would just get up and make a pot of coffee and stay awake the rest of the night. I remembered that Edward was asleep on the couch. I wondered if I was screaming in my dream.

I crawled off the bed and went to Masen. He was sleeping soundly. I suddenly regretted cutting his hair. I wondered if it would really curl the way it had in my dream. I swept the back of my hand gently across his cheek and I could've sworn a little smile crossed his face. I reached down and kissed his him before leaving the room.

Edward was sound asleep on the couch. He didn't change clothes, he didn't have a pillow or a blanket. His arms were folded across his chest. I went to our room and grabbed a pillow and blanket from the bed. I walked up to the couch, kneeling in front of him. I wanted to make him more comfortable, but I didn't want to wake him. I was startled when his eyes suddenly opened.

"Bella? What are you doing? Are you alright?" he whispered.

I began to cry. I'm not sure why. I missed him. I missed us. I missed feeling carefree. I missed believing that my life was turning around, that everything was going to be okay.

"Bella?" Edward sat up on the couch as he reached for me. "What's wrong, baby?"

My heart ached when he called me baby. I didn't want him to know the real cause of my tears, so I played it off as being part of the dream.

"I just had a bad dream," I said as I wiped the tears from my cheeks.

Edward noticed the pillow and blanket in my lap. "Did you want to lay with me?" he asked.

I shook my head. "No, I just thought you might be more comfortable with these."

"Bella," he reached for my hand. "I would be more comfortable with you."

I took his hand, and joined him on the couch. He grabbed the pillow, placing it behind our heads, and he covered us with the blanket. I was pressed firmly against his chest, and I felt safe. I gripped his t-shirt tightly in my hand. "You wouldn't help me in my dream," I whispered into his chest. "You just watched me get hurt."

He sighed. "Bella, why would you dream something like that? I would never stand by and watch someone hurt you."

"I know. I don't know why I dreamt it. Masen was with you. He was older. He was so beautiful. I wish you could have seen him. He looked just like you." I looked up at Edward. "His hair was curly."

Edward laughed softly. "He would be cute with curly hair."

I agreed, and eventually fell asleep to the rhythmic beating of Edward's heart.

I woke the following morning to the sounds of Masen attempting to sing. I jumped up quickly and rushed into the kitchen to check the time on the stove. I had thirty minutes to get to work.

"Crap!" I yelled. "Get up, Edward! We overslept!" I went into Masen's room to see him standing in his crib, laughing and smiling. His smile made me take a step back, slow down, and smile.

He reached his arms out for me. "Mamma!"

I picked him up and held him tightly for a moment before putting him down. "Masen, go see who is on the couch," I whispered.

Masen's eyes grew large before he ran out into the living room. I followed him.

Edward was awake, but still laying on the couch. "Daddy!" Masen screamed loudly. Edward picked Masen up and they laid on the couch together, Masen's arms secure around Edward's neck. Edward pulled the blanket over them.

"What are you doing?" I asked. "We are running so late. We don't have time for this."

Masen giggled, ignoring me.

"Bella, go ahead and get ready. I don't have to be in class until 10:00 a.m., I can take him to daycare."

I sighed. I wanted to refuse. I wanted to do everything on my own. I had to prove to myself that I didn't need Edward. It was becoming increasingly difficult. Edward and Masen stared back at me with their priceless, hopeful grins, and I couldn't refuse them.

"Okay," I agreed. I retreated down the hall to get in the shower. I heard Edward ask Masen, "What do you want for breakfast big guy? I'll take you anywhere you want!" I smiled as I closed our bedroom door to get ready.

Later that afternoon when I had arrived back to the office after grabbing a bite to eat, I realized I had received an email from Edward on my work email. It's been a long time since he had sent something to my work address. I clicked on the email to read it.

_Bella, _

_I'm sorry to bother you at work, I just wanted to ask you something. Can we please arrange a time, without Masen, to sit down and talk about all the things we haven't been talking about? I think it might help you, and me. Bella, I cannot live without you. I cannot stand seeing you unhappy. I want you to smile again. I want you to be happy. Please, let me help you. I know I've hurt you. I'll do whatever it takes to make it better. I'll answer any questions you may have. I'll be completely honest with you. I just need you to talk to me._

_I love you,_

_Edward_

I sighed and quickly hit reply.

_I don't know what will help me, Edward. You hurt me. You broke me. I'm not sure how to get past that. At the same time, I miss you. I miss us. I miss what I thought we were before. I don't know what is real anymore. _

_We can talk soon. I promise. - B_

*** Author's Note: Sorry this chapter was a little short. More to come next weekend! Thanks for reading...progress will begin to be made soon! 3


	16. Chapter 16

CHAPTER 16:

It's safe to say I avoided Edward for the next several days. I wasn't ready yet. I couldn't really talk about it yet without getting upset and I didn't want to be upset anymore. I just wanted some time to myself without having to think about what Edward did to me.

I decided I wanted to get out of town for a little while to try to clear my head. As soon as I got Masen from daycare Friday night I went home, packed a bag, and left for Forks. With the extra money I was saving from Edward having paid all the rent, I was able to rent a car. I almost had enough saved up so that I could buy my own car. It wouldn't be much, but at least it would be paid for.

I had never told Charlie about what was going on with Edward and I. I couldn't. A part of me, although I wasn't ready to admit it, hoped Edward and I could work through things in the long run. He was Masen's father. He wasn't a bad person. I never thought Masen would know his real father, much less ever have someone step up to be his father figure. I wanted that for him and it was obvious that he craved Edward's attention. If I told Charlie the truth, he would make sure Masen and I never saw Edward again.

I told Charlie I was coming to visit because Edward was going out of town to see his family. I was glad Charlie had to work most of the weekend. I wanted to relax and be alone.

I was laying across the couch watching Cartoons with Masen on Saturday morning when there was a knock at the door.

As I was heading to the door, I saw Jake through the window. This was going to be awkward, I thought.

"Hey, Jake. Charlie isn't here."

"Bella? What are you doing here?"

"I just came to visit for a few days. Charlie is working."

"Oh, I thought he was off today. I brought him some left overs. We had too much last night, dad wanted me to bring them by for him. We try to keep an eye on your old man, make sure he stays fed and all."

I laughed. "Good idea, Jake. I'll leave it for him."

Jacob handed me the bag and just stared at me. There was an awkward moment of silence. I hadn't spoken to him since we broke up my freshman year of college.

"Uh, Bella, I heard about what happened. I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

"It was a long time ago, Jake. We're doing better now," I lied.

"We?" he asked. "You kept the baby?"

"Yes, I did. His name is Masen. He's wonderful."

"Oh, I thought I heard you were giving it up for adoption," Jake said, confused.

"Well, that was the plan, but things changed."

"Wow, that's crazy, Bella. I just didn't really picture you as a mom. How old is he now?"

"He's almost two. He's just inside if you want to meet him."

Jacob hesitated for a moment. "Uh, sure."

I moved out of the doorway and let Jacob inside. We walked through the kitchen and into the living room where Masen was sitting quietly on the couch, engrossed in his cartoon.

"Masen, I want you to meet an old friend of mine."

Masen hardly looked up from his cartoon to acknowledge Jacob.

Jacob awkwardly tried to speak to him, but Masen wasn't interested. Masen usually liked strangers, but he seemed more interested in the TV.

I turned to Jake. "Sorry, I guess he is really into Sesame Street right now."

"He looks sort of like you," Jacob said.

"Really?" I asked surprised. I didn't think he looked like me at all, except for his fair skin and big brown eyes. I always thought his father's features, even before I knew about Edward, over powered my own.

"Yea, he has your eyes. They are beautiful."

Jake never really got over our break up. I broke up with him. We were good friends, but being intimate with him just didn't feel right. It felt like a chore, I liked him as a friend, but the physical chemistry was never there for me.

"Thanks, Jake." I began walking towards the door again. "Well, thanks for bringing some food by for Charlie. I'll make sure he eats it when he gets home."

Jacob nodded his head. "Have you got any plans today?"

"Um, not really. I was just going to hang around here."

"Well, I was going to go surfing in La Push. It's really nice out. You and Masen should come with me."

My initial reaction was to say no. But, the sun was shining, which was rare in Forks, and I missed the beach. Jake and I spent a lot of time there when we were younger. I'd love to take Masen. He's never been to a beach before.

"That's a good idea, Jake! Why don't I just meet you there? I need to get cleaned up a little bit and get Masen ready."

"Okay, sounds good. I'll see ya there, Bells."

I waived as he left. I went inside and changed clothes and explained the beach to Masen. Masen didn't quite believe me when I told him it would be more exciting than Big Bird.

I noticed my cell phone on my nightstand before I walked out of my room. I remembered that Edward had asked me to let him know when I arrived and I forgot to send him a message last night, possibly on purpose. This was supposed to be a break from him. I grabbed my phone and attempted to send him a text message, but became frustrated with the lack of signal. My cell phone rarely worked in Forks. I gave up and threw it on the bed.

I gathered Masen, my camera, a good book, and a few beach towels at the door before scribbling a note to Charlie and leaving it on the kitchen table.

_Dad - we went to First Beach in La Push with Jake. There are left overs for you in the fridge. Don't wait up. Love you - B. _

**EPOV**

I was growing increasingly frustrated with Bella. I had a feeling she was getting out of town to get away from me, so I didn't want to crowd her, but I was worried. She said she would let me know when she got there, and that was last night. I hadn't heard from her yet and she wasn't answering her phone or responding to her text messages.

By the time late afternoon rolled around on Saturday, I decided I'd just give Charlie a call and make sure she got there.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Mr. Swan, it's Edward. I haven't been able to reach Bella on her cell. Is she there?"

"Oh, hey Edward. She was here, but I just got in and there is a note here that says they went to the beach with Jacob. I'm not sure when she'll be back, she told me not to wait up, so it may be late. You want me to have her call you?"

I stumbled for words for a moment. Jacob? Wasn't that the name of Bella's high school boyfriend? I felt myself growing angry, or jealous. I'm not sure which. "Um, no Mr. Swan. I just wanted to make sure they made it safely. I'll try her tomorrow."

"Alright then. Did you make it to Portland? How are your folks?"

I scrambled to make sense of what he was saying, to understand that he had no idea what was going on between Bella and I. I assumed she must have said I was elsewhere this weekend, which is why I didn't accompany her to Forks. "Uh, yes. They're just fine, thank you for asking. I will try to catch Bella tomorrow. Thank you."

I hung up quickly. Bella was with Jacob? Masen was with Jacob? I didn't know the guy, but he looked pretty buff in the photos I remembered from Bella's childhood room. I was confused about how I was feeling. When she was with James, I knew she was doing it to spite me. I was never actually jealous of James because I couldn't get past my concern for Bella's safety and I knew James' true character would eventually show itself.

I didn't know anything about Jacob, other than what he looked like, and that he and Bella used to be good friends and date in high school and college. It wasn't anger I was feeling, no, it was hurt.

I phone Alice. She answered immediately. "Hi, Edward."

"Hi, Alice. I'm sorry to bother you, I have a question."

"Sure, what's up?"

"What do you know about Jake or Jacob?"

"Jake? Jake who?"

"I don't know, whoever Bella dated in high school..."

"Oh, Jacob Black. What do I know about him? Wait, why are you asking?"

I took a deep breath. "Bella is with him."

"What? What do you mean with him? Like, right now?'

"Yes, she went home for the weekend. I called, Charlie told me she left a note that they went to the beach, and she told him not to wait up. Should I be worried?"

Alice stumbled for words, seemingly stunned. "Well, define worried? I mean, she is safe with him, if that is what you mean."

"Uh, no. I mean..." I trailed off, not able to even put the thought into words. "Do you think she would ever go back to him?"

Alice sighed. "Oh, Edward. I don't know anymore. I shouldn't even be talking to you about this. This isn't my place."

"Please, Alice. Please. If you don't tell me something, I'll drive up there myself and find out."

"Edward, don't be irrational. I haven't talked about Jacob with Bella in a long time. They were best friends when they were younger. Jacob has been in love with her since the day he was born. She finally gave him a chance in high school, but it never felt right to her. From what I understood, they never spoke again after she broke up with him her freshman year of college. That's all I know. I'm sure she is just being friendly with him. They used to hang out at the beach all the time, that was there place, I mean..."

Alice tried to retract what she said. "I mean, not their place, they just went there a lot. I don't think you have anything to worry about Edward, not with Bella anyway. I'm sure Jake is probably still head over heels for her. It's sad, really."

I was at a loss for words. I was hurt. "Alice, would this be Masen's first time at the beach?"

She sighed deeply. "As far as I know. I'm sorry, Edward. She isn't even thinking about things like that, you understand that, don't you? She will give Masen every opportunity she can; she never had to consider you being there for his firsts before."

I felt deflated. The woman I loved more than any other being, and my son, were taking their first trip together to the beach, without me. With her ex-boyfriend no less.

I didn't have anything else to say. I needed a drink. "Thanks, Alice."

**Bella POV**

I had the most relaxing and amazing time at the beach. Jake stayed in the water the majority of the time and Masen and I played in the sand, read books and sun bathed. I got some really cute photos of him.

I was exhausted and Masen and I both were a little pink from the sun by the time we arrived back to Forks later that evening.

Masen was asleep and I carried him inside. I could hear the TV on in the living room, but I could hear Charlie snoring over it. I sat my bag down, and noticed my note to Charlie was now on the counter, near the door. I picked it up, and scribbled on the bottom was, _Edward called, told him you were at the beach with Jake. He said he would try you tomorrow. - Dad_

Oh no! "Dad! What the hell!" I screamed.

I heard Charlie shuffle on the couch. I went into the living room, Masen was awake now, and he crawled into Charlie's lap.

"What is it, Bells?"

"Why did you tell Edward I was at the beach with Jake?"

Charlie looked confused. "I don't know, that's what your note said, so that's what I told him."

"Ugh! Way to go, Dad. What else did you say? What did he say?"

Charlie rubbed his eyes. "That was about it, told him you didn't know when you would be back, not to wait up, asked how his folks were, if he made it to Portland, that was it."

I shook my head. "Oh my God, Dad! Don't ever talk to him, please! Just don't answer the phone!"

Charlie looked at me like I had six heads. I took Masen from him and we headed upstairs. My previous text messages had finally come through from Edward, wondering if I had made it safely. I received nothing from him after 4:00 p.m. There was nothing about his phone call with Charlie, or the beach. I had a missed call from Alice about an hour ago.

I used the main line to call her back first. She was calling to tell me Edward had called her about Jake. She said he was upset that I was with Jake, but was more upset about the fact that he missed Masen's first trip to the beach.

My heart broke. It never even crossed my mind. I didn't think about it. I felt awful. There was nothing going on between Jake and I and I certainly didn't want Edward thinking there was. I was so frustrated. I had a such a nice time at the beach, only to get home and have to deal with this crap.

I called Edward as soon as I got off the phone with Alice.

"Hello?" he answered softly.

"Hi, it's me."

"I assume you made it home; thanks for letting me know."

I sighed. "Edward, stop brooding. I'm sorry, my phone doesn't get very good service out here. I forgot to let you know last night and I couldn't get my phone to work this morning."

"Charlie has a land line, Bella."

"I know, I didn't think about it. I was in a hurry. I said I was sorry."

"In a hurry to get to the beach with your ex-boyfriend and my son?"

I could tell he had been drinking, he was being an ass. "How much have you had to drink, Edward?"

Edward laughed. "So now you are turning things around on me?"

I had become extremely angry. Masen was asleep on my bed and I stepped outside my room and closed the door. "I'm not turning anything around on you, Edward. First of all, Masen is _my_ son. I'm the one who busted my ass the first year of his life to keep a roof over his head and milk in his bottle and second, yes I was on my way to the beach with Jacob and Masen, as friends. We are only friends, but even if we weren't it wouldn't matter!" I was screaming and in tears. "You and I are not together anymore, Edward. I can do what I want. I came here to have some time away from you, can't you just understand that? After what you did to me, I need room to breathe!"

Edward didn't say anything for a moment. I think my outburst surprised him. I began to hear muffled sounds through the phone. Was he crying?

"Edward?"

He blew out a deep breath, into the phone. "Bella, I'm sorry. I don't know what else to do! I'm so afraid to lose you. I can't live like this. I feel like I can't breathe when I don't know where you are, when I can't see your smile. I'm sorry if I over-reacted, but something has to change. Please, tell me, is there hope for us, or do I need to move on?"

I didn't know what to say. I had no intentions of being with anyone else, I just couldn't. I imagined that one day Edward and I would be able to work things out, but that day wasn't now. I wasn't ready. "Edward, I don't know," I cried. "There is nobody else, I'm just not ready. Do what you think is best for you."

"You are best for me, Bella."

I sighed. "Then let me work through my feelings, give me time. I'm not ready to forgive you. We can talk when I get home, okay?"

Charlie stepped around the corner at the bottom of the stairs and looked up at me. I could tell by the look on his face that he had heard everything. "Shit," I said.

"What?" Edward asked, confused.

"Edward, I have to go."

"Are you alright?"

"Yes. I'll be home tomorrow." I hung up and starred back at Charlie blankly.

"Isabella Marie Swan, what did he do to you?"

"Nothing, Dad. It's nothing. It's not a big deal," I said as I wiped the tears from my cheeks. "I'm fine."

"Bella, tell me. Why did you lie to me about being together with him?"

I didn't know what to do, or say. I wanted Alice, she would know exactly how to talk her way out of this.

"Dad, I can't talk about it." I turned and went back into my room, closing the door and locking it. I heard Charlie coming up the stairs. I began packing my bag, as well as Masen's. I'm pretty sure it was time for me to go home.

Charlie began knocking on the door. "Bella, don't make me call your mother."

"She doesn't know," I yelled.

"I'll call Alice."

"She won't tell you!"

Masen sat up in my bed and rubbed his eyes, starring at me blankly. He always looked at me with these big sad brown eyes when he knew I was upset.

I felt trapped. I was beginning to panic. I didn't want Charlie to know because I didn't want him to hate Edward. I didn't want him to be disappointed in me. If he knew, what Edward did, and that I didn't realize it until he told me, he would think I was an idiot. I was so confused. He would never understand.

"Did he cheat on you? Did he hurt you? Bella, open this damn door." Charlie kept turning the door knob, as if it would suddenly open.

I heard the key drop to the floor from above the door frame. The door began to open, and I fell to the floor, on my knees, and cried.

Charlie came to me immediately, he sat next to me, and held me. "Bells, what happened?" he said softly. "It's okay, you can tell me."

I cried even harder, this is exactly what it felt like when I came home and told Charlie I had been raped. He held me, just like this, in the center of my room for hours. I had to tell him. I wouldn't be able to hide it forever. I finally pushed Charlie back from me. "Take Masen to your room."

Charlie immediately did as I asked. I heard his door shut, and Masen begin to cry. He would just have to cry. I don't care how young he may be, I didn't want him to see or hear this.

Charlie returned and I looked up at him from the floor, begging with my eyes for his understanding.

"Bella? It can't be that bad. Guys cheat, especially guys your age. You just move on, there will be others, I promise."

I shook my head. "He didn't cheat on me, Dad." I looked down and fidgeted with my shirt in my lap. I took a deep breath and blew it out. "Dad, Edward is Masen's biological father."

I could see Charlie attempting to make sense of what I said. "What do you mean? You've been dating him all this time? You weren't really raped? You just got knocked up?"

My sobs grew louder. "No, Edward was the one who raped me."

"So...you've just been screwing him ever since?"

"Ugh!" I picked up a shoe next to me and launched at it Charlie. "No! Would you just shut up and let me finish!"

Charlie held up his hands in submission.

"I didn't know it was him. He knew I was the girl all a long, from the day we met. He was sorry for what he did and wanted to make it up to me and Masen, but he ended up falling in love with me and I fell in love with him. He confessed a few months ago. We haven't been together since."

When Charlie didn't say anything, I looked up. He looked extremely confused, angry and hurt. "Bella, why didn't you tell me?"

"Because Masen loves him. Edward loves Masen. I didn't want you to hate him," I cried.

Charlie took a deep breath. "Have you called the investigator who was handling your case?"

I shook my head. "No. I don't think I want him to go to jail, Dad."

"That's where he belongs, Bella."

"I know it isn't an excuse, but I believe that he is truly sorry, and he is Masen's father. They have formed a bond, I can't take that away from Masen. I can't explain it all to you right now, I told you that you wouldn't understand!"

Charlie shook his head, he was angry. "My grandson is not going to be living with a rapist."

"It's not like that, Dad! I made him leave after he told me, we haven't been living together."

Charlie turned to leave my room and I gathered my things. I heard him going down the stairs and I opened Charlie's bedroom door to retrieve Masen. Masen was standing just behind the door, crying loudly. I picked him, and our things, up and headed downstairs.

"Bella, you don't have to leave," Charlie said.

"Yes, I do," I said as I opened the door to leave. I hated that Charlie was so disappointed in me, but he didn't understand. He had never seen Masen and Edward together the way that I had. I was angry at Edward for what he did, but he was not a danger to Masen and I.

I closed the door behind me and never looked back.

*****Author's Note: Happy Memorial Day! I hope you all had a good long weekend! There won't be an update next weekend, as I will be on a mini vacation, but possible mid-week next week will be the next one, depending on when I get back in town. Thanks for all the lovely reviews! **


	17. Chapter 17

CHAPTER 17:

I drove through the night until I was home. It took just over three hours, and I made it home by midnight. I just wanted to put Masen to bed, and be alone.

Of course, that wasn't what happened.

I opened the door to the apartment, flipped the light switch on, and saw Edward asleep on the couch. He woke up immediately.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I was just giving Rose and Emmett a break. Are you okay? What happened?"

I didn't respond. I walked past him and down the hall to put Masen to bed. I closed his bedroom door and returned to the living area. I went into the kitchen and poured myself a glass of wine before returning to Edward.

"Bad night?" Edward asked as he sat up on the couch.

I nodded my head. "I hate my life."

"I'm sorry, Bella."

My initial reaction was to say that it wasn't his fault, but it was.

"My dad overheard me talking to you." I looked at Edward and his eyes grew large. "I ended up telling him everything. We sort of got into it and I left."

Edward sighed and hung his head. "He will hate me forever and I can't blame him."

"He doesn't understand everything yet. I mean, he knows what you did, and that you're Masen's father, but he doesn't know why and he doesn't understand that even though you hurt me then, you protect me now..." I trailed off.

Edward looked up at me as I finished speaking. He pulled me into a hug. "Bella, I'm so sorry. If I could take it all back, I would."

"I know, Edward. I'm tired, I'm going to go to bed."

Edward nodded his head. "Do you mind if I stay on the couch?"

I shook my head, got up and headed towards the hallway. I looked back at him. "Edward, I think I need to talk to someone. I think your mom may be right, I cannot work through my feelings on my own."

Edward nodded his head. "I think we both should."

"Okay," I responded and I disappeared down the hallway.

Nearly two months had passed since the weekend Charlie found out about Edward. Charlie would phone occasionally to check on me, but we didn't speak much about it. I knew he was disappointed in me. I was finished with the Spring semester of school and was thrilled to be away from James and Dreadlocks, as I liked to refer to him.

Edward and I had been seeing a counselor that his mother suggested. As of now, we were going separately, but the goal was eventually to have us go together. So far, I didn't think it was helping much, but I knew I hadn't given it enough time yet. I was still just reliving the past year, I wasn't moving forward. Ms. Harding, our counselor, assured me it would begin to feel beneficial soon.

Edward and I still kept our distance. We saw each other even less once school was finished, as he no long had to escort me to class once a week. He picked up Masen twice a week from daycare and kept him until 8:00 p.m. I also allowed him one weekend day every week with him. I didn't mind him spending time with Masen, I just needed to develop a routine about it. Ms. Harding actually suggested it and I liked it. I could mentally prepare myself for having to see Edward at specific times, and he didn't just pop up at my door anymore and throw my mind into a tailspin. Things were just beginning to feel like they were manageable.

I found myself missing Edward more and more. The more is was gone, the more I wanted him around. The more time that passed and the more I was assured that he was the same person I originally fell in love with, and not the confused, immature, desperate man that raped me, the better I felt. I wasn't ready to forgive him, or let him back in, but it was becoming easier to deal with.

While I was at work one afternoon scheduling an appointment for a client, I realized while looking at the calendar, that Masen's second birthday was only a week away. I completely panicked. I had almost forgotten. I called Rose to see if she wanted to grab lunch and plan a party for Masen. She agreed, and we called in Alice for obvious reasons.

Rose insisted we get Esme in on the party planning for financial assistance, if nothing else. I couldn't help but laugh. I eventually agreed.

Two days later, Rose, Alice and Esme were in full force party planning mode. I sent invites via email due to the short notice. Esme, Carlisle and Nanna Cullen were coming. I was actually sort of excited about it. I was glad they would get to spend some time with Masen and see how wonderful he was. I was searching the internet for birthday cake ideas when there was a knock at the door. It must have been Edward with Masen. I was glad he here, I needed to tell him about the party, I hadn't seen him in a few days.

I opened the door to let them in, and as usual, Masen was sound asleep against Edward's shoulder.

"You always wear him out," I teased.

Edward smiled. "He wears me out." Edward headed down the hall and I assumed he was putting Masen to bed. I sat back down on the couch with my laptop to resume my cake search.

Edward sat next to me on the couch a few moments later and I was too lost in what I was doing to react.

"Bella, I didn't even know when his birthday was."

_Shit._ Rose must have told him about the party. His own sister knew when his birthday was and Edward didn't, because I had never told him. "I'm sorry. I was going to tell you about the party tonight. You know I want you to be there."

He nodded his head. "I should've asked you. I should've known. What kind of father doesn't know when his child's birthday is?"

"A father who wasn't there for his birth."

I didn't mean it the way it came out and I immediately tried to retract what I said when Edward gave me a painstaking look. "I mean, you weren't there, you couldn't have known. It's okay."

"There are so many things I missed."

I sighed; I didn't feel like dealing with emotional Edward tonight. I was tired of feeling emotional. I just wanted our son to have a wonderful second birthday.

"Edward, get over it. You did it to yourself. All you can do is move forward. Stop living in the past."

Edward glanced at me quickly, and I realized I just opened a can of worms.

"I could say the same thing to you."

"But you wouldn't..." I warned.

"You're right, I wouldn't." Edward looked away from me and stood to leave. "Where and what time?"

"Saturday, the rooftop deck, at 2:00 p.m. I'm not sure if Rose told you, but your mom, dad and Nana Cullen are coming."

"That will be nice. Are you going to put restrictions on what I can buy him?"

I rolled my eyes at Edward. "No, he deserves to be spoiled."

Edward laughed and let himself out.

By the time the weekend rolled around, I was completely exhausted. My mom had surprised me and flown in the night before Masen's birthday party. I wasn't expecting her to be able to come, but it was nice to see her. Unfortunately, we spent the majority of the evening sharing a bottle of wine while I told her everything about Edward and I. She was completely shocked, but grateful that Masen would have a real father.

I was really worried about how the party would turn out, especially with the majority of the people knowing about Edward and I, and some that didn't.

Just before my mom went to bed, she told me that she had talked to Charlie, and that he was planning on taking off work and coming up tomorrow for the party.

I completely panicked. Charlie told me he couldn't make it because of work, and I was fine with that. I should've known he would come if my mom was here. I was tipsy, and it was late, but I had to worn Edward.

I sent him a text message.

_Are you awake? Can you meet me on the rooftop deck? - B_

He replied immediately. _I'm awake now. What's wrong? Why don't I just come there?"_

_Mom is here. Meet you up there in 5? -B_

_Okay. _

I only had on a pair of pajama shorts and a tank top, but it was warm out, so I didn't care. I was alone when I stepped out on to the rooftop, with the exception of a younger couple off in the corner. The warm breeze felt quite nice, and I was glad I brought my glass of wine with me.

Edward was only a few minutes behind me, and he was wearing a pair of ragged blue jeans and a white t-shirt. He had bare feet, and bed hair. He was beautiful.

"What are you doing, Bella? How much have you had to drink?" He took the wine glass from me and I quickly reclaimed it.

"It doesn't matter how much I've had to drink," I said sternly. "I just had to tell my mother that you raped me, fathered my child, and then made me fall in love with you...I think that deserves a drink."

Edward sighed. "I know what I did, Bella. You don't have to remind me. Why are we here? It's two o'clock in the morning."

"Don't remind you?" I nearly screamed. "I'm reminded every day! Every single time I have to tell the fucked up story that is my life, every time I look at our son, every time I look at you!"

Edward took a deep breath. "Bella, I'm sorry. Calm down, and tell me why we're here."

I sighed and looked at my feet. I felt bad for taking my anger and frustration out on him. "I just found out Charlie is coming to the party tomorrow."

Edward ran his hands through his hair. "So you don't want me to attend now?"

I looked up at him quickly. "Of course not. I want you there. You're his father. He would be devastated if you weren't there."

"But, Bella, I don't want anything to be ruined for Masen. I'm sure Charlie will want a few words with me. I don't want to cause a scene."

I shook my head. "I don't know what to do. I just want everyone to act like adults and make it through the party without upsetting Masen. I just wanted to warn you, so you wouldn't be caught off guard tomorrow."

Edward nodded his head. "Thank you."

I turned to face the city while I sipped my wine. It was a beautiful night. I felt Edward come up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and burring his face in the crook of my neck. I couldn't help but lean back into him. It felt so good to let my guard down for a moment.

He just held me, and neither of us spoke for a long time. I could have almost fallen asleep standing up, leaning against him.

I eventually turned around to face him, his arms still circled my body. I was going to tell him I had to leave, that I would see him tomorrow, but I couldn't make the words come out of my mouth.

Instead, I sat my glass of wine down on the ledge next to me, and my hands cradled his scruffy face. It had been so long since I'd touched him, smelled him, kissed him. Oh God, it had been so long since I had kissed him. I missed him so much. I knew it was wrong, but I had to know if it would feel the same.

My finger tips explored his strong facial features as I leaned up on the ends of my toes. His breath hitched as I moved dangerously closer.

"Bella..." he warned.

"Shhh," I whispered.

He tried to shake his head, but my hands held him still. "Don't do this to me, and then take it all away tomorrow," he whispered against my lips.

My heart ached. What I was about to do was entirely selfish, but I had to know. I slowly moved forward, pressing my lips to his. If he weren't holding me upright, I would've fallen over.

Any hesitation he had quickly disappeared. Our hungry mouths quickly sought entrance to the other. Our tongues danced furiously together, and my hands found their way into Edward's hair. He tasted and smelled so amazing, so familiar, and so safe.

Our lips eventually separated and we both clung to each other like there was nothing left in the world. Tears sprang to my eyes, but I wasn't sure why. Maybe because I knew that I loved him, and I knew it was wrong.

Edward held me firmly to him, and I struggled to lean back enough to whisper in his ear. "Edward, I love you. I'm sorry I'm not ready yet, but I love you. Don't give up on us, not yet."

Edward pulled back to look me in the eyes. His eyes were sparkling in the moonlight. "I won't give up, Bella," he whispered. "You and Masen are the world to me."

A small smile displayed across my face, and I reached up to kiss him on the cheek, unsure if my heart would survive another lip lock. "We should go, I'll see you tomorrow."

Edward nodded his head. "Can I walk you home?"

I smiled shyly. "Of course."

We walked hand in hand back inside the building, and our hands didn't separate until we were at the entrance to our apartment.

Edward's hand caressed my check, and he kissed the top of my head. "Goodnight, Bella."

"Goodnight, Edward." I turned, went inside, and wondered what the hell just happened.

*****Author's Note: Sorry this one was a little shorter than usual, but it's better than nothing, right? Hope you all enjoy...progress will be made soon! As always, thanks for reading and reviewing!**


	18. Chapter 18

CHAPTER 18:

I don't think I slept ten minutes that night. I couldn't stop thinking about Edward and what happened on the roof top deck. I found myself making notes in the middle of the night about things I wanted to talk to the counselor about. I hated what Edward did to me, not just the rape, but keeping it from me for so long, and practically sweeping me off my feet in the process. That was almost harder to deal with than the fact that he rapped me.

I eventually pushed all thoughts of Edward aside as we all began preparing for Masen's birthday the following morning. My mother was erratic. I don't think she actually helped prepare anything. She played with Masen the entire time. Rose, Alice, Esme and I were on the rooftop deck setting things up when my dad arrived. He must have ran into my mom at the apartment and got sent up.

"Hey, Dad!"

Charlie came up to me and gave me a big hug. "Hi, Bells." He kissed my cheek and when I turned back around, everyone was staring at us.

"Oh, Dad, this is Esme and Rosalie."

Esme extended her hand to Charlie. "Hi, I'm Esme Cullen, it's a pleasure to meet you."

Charlie had reached for her hand, but as soon as she said her last name he stopped and looked at me.

I sighed. "This is Edward's mother and sister."

"Did you invite him?" Charlie asked, referring to Edward.

"Of course I did. Masen would be so upset if he wasn't here."

Charlie shook his head in disgust and began walking away.

"Dad!" I yelled at him. "Come back here, right now."

Charlie gave me a surprised look, I didn't usually talk to him like that. He walked back over to us.

"Esme and Rose had nothing to do with what happened between Edward and I. Stop acting like a child by being rude to them."

Esme stepped forward. "Oh, no. Bella, it's okay, really. I understand your father's position completely. Let's just get through the day for Masen, okay?"

We all looked at each other, nodded our heads, and went our separate ways.

I was really stressed out and just wanted to find a place to be alone, but it was turning out to be a rather impossible task.

Within a few hours Masen's birthday party was in full swing. I went back down to the apartment to get Masen's cake, as we didn't want it sitting out in the hot sun. Everyone had already had lunch, grilled hamburgers and hot dogs, courtesy of Charlie and Carlisle. All that was left was cake and presents. I was so exhausted from the lack of sleep the night before that I really couldn't wait for it all to end so I could catch a nap.

I made it back up to the rooftop deck with everything I needed, and as I opened the door to the deck, something came over me.

I looked out towards the party. There were balloons, food, children and adults laughing, music playing, a giant inflatable super man slide, and a table full of presents. Edward was sliding down the inflatable slide with Masen on one side of him and Ally on the other. Ally was a little girl that went to day care with Masen and he was absolutely smitten with her. She was a year older than him, but they loved to play together. I wish things would always stay this simple for him, uncomplicated and innocent.

I was still standing in the doorway, observing the scene in front of me, when I thought back to this time last year. Masen's first birthday was a disgrace. I was working and taking two summer classes. I had a big exam the next day and insisted Masen didn't need a big birthday party. Not to mention I didn't have a dime to spare. Alice didn't speak to me for a week because of it, but I was so insistent to do everything on my own. Masen had one gift, one cup cake, and one candle, and it was just me and him. Tears suddenly filled my eyes when I thought back to how sad our lives used to be.

Nothing that I saw before me would exist, if it weren't for Edward. Absolutely none of it. Masen had so much more, not just material things, but intangible things, like love, and more people to love him. He has a father, another set of grandparents, a great grandparent, uncles and aunts. He has more than I ever imagined him having, and he was happy and beautiful. And he wouldn't be here if it weren't for Edward and what he did to me.

My vision had blurred from the tears building in my eyes and I was so startled to feel someone touch my arm that I nearly dropped everything in my hands.

"Bella? Are you okay? What are you doing?" Edward asked.

I handed a few things off to him and dried my cheeks of the few tears that fled.

The pad of Edward's thumb caught another tear rolling down my cheek. "Bella, what's wrong?" he sounded so sincere, it nearly sent me over the edge into a crying frenzy, but I collected myself.

I shook my head. "Nothing, I'm okay." I reassured him as I tried to walk past him, back towards the party.

He stopped me, as he grabbed my elbow. "Bella, what is it? Please tell me. I'll leave if I'm upsetting you, or if my family is unwanted, we'll leave. I just want you to be happy. I don't want to cause any trouble."

I shook my head as I felt tears threatening again. "No, Edward." I grabbed his free hand and squeezed it as I reached up to whisper in his ear. "These are happy tears. Please stay."

I stepped back so I could see his face, but there was nothing in his eyes but confusion. "We'll talk later, okay? We have a birthday boy to attend to."

Edward seemed to relax, and we both headed back to the party.

Masen ate cake and ice cream until I thought he was going to be sick. He loved everyone singing him happy birthday, so much so, that he insisted we do it three more times. After I nearly had to bathe him to get the cake off his face and fingers, he got to open his presents.

He really got a little bit of everything, I was very pleased. He received things like clothes, books, and learning toys from the moms and moms to be in the group, which would help me out. He got toys, cars, and games from most of the guys in the group. There was one large box left sitting beside the table. It didn't surprise me when Edward pulled Masen from the table to help him open it. Of course, Edward would buy him something bigger than he was. Edward let Masen tear every piece of wrapping paper from the box on his own. Once the paper was gone, Masen studied the cardboard box inquisitively. Nothing on the cardboard gave away what was inside, and Masen didn't know how to get the box opened.

"Are you ready?" Edward asked.

Masen jumped up and down. "Yes! Open, Daddy!"

Edward lifted the cardboard box, and left standing there was a little guitar and stand that mirrored Edward's larger one. It was probably half the size of Edward's, specially made for a child. It wasn't a toy like the one he had with lights and colors, it was the real deal. Masen was silent. His mouth hung open as he walked around it, touched it, smelled it even. It nearly brought tears to my eyes. Everyone was quiet, just watching him take it in.

Edward kneeled down to his eye level. "What do you think? You want to learn how to play?"

Without speaking, a huge smile spread across Masen's face and he threw his little arms around Edward's neck. I broke out of the fog I was in, and grabbed my camera. It made a beautiful picture.

Some time later people began dispersing and heading home. Rose was one of the first to go.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I'm exhausted and hot. We're going to lay down," she said as she placed a hand over her ever growing stomach. "It was a beautiful party. I hope my child will be as beautiful and happy as Masen."

I hugged her neck. "Thank you, for everything." I placed my hand on her belly. "She will be perfect."

Esme and Alice were helping me clean up and Edward and Carlisle were taking things downstairs. I don't know where my mother and father disappeared to.

I was gathering some trash when Carlisle came up to me. "Bella, may I speak to you for a moment?"

"Of course." I stepped away from what I was doing and followed Carlisle away from everyone else who was within earshot. I was a little nervous. Carlisle and I hadn't really spoken since Thanksgiving.

"I know we haven't really talked much, but I really feel like I owe you an apology."

I was quiet and let him continue.

"I am sincerely sorry for the way my family treated you and Masen on Thanksgiving. We obviously didn't take the time to get to know you or Masen, and we had no idea what had transpired between you and Edward."

I took a deep breath and blew it out, remembering what it was like before I knew Edward's secret. I nodded my head in response.

Carlisle grabbed my hand and I looked up, surprised. "Bella, you have made him into something I never was. I in no way condone what he did. In fact, it disgusts me and I still have a hard time even looking at him, but when I see him with Masen, I can't describe the feelings it evokes in me. He is so much more of a father to Masen than I ever was to him. I know it means a lot to him, to do things differently than I did, to be there for his child. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for allowing him to be a part of Masen's life."

I was nearly in tears by the time Carlisle finished. We hugged briefly before continuing to tend to our duties.

By the time everyone had gone home, I was beyond exhausted. I couldn't believe Masen was still up and going. All he wanted was to play with the guitar and Edward. I could tell he was tired, but he wouldn't give in to sleep until he had his music time with Edward. While they played with their guitars, I tried to find places for all of Masen's new editions.

When I was finished, I threw myself against the couch, and closed my eyes. I realized couldn't hear the guitars anymore.

Edward entered the room a moment later. "I'm exhausted," I said.

He smiled and sat down beside me, "Me too."

We sat in silence for a moment before I turned to look at him. I squeezed his hand that was sitting so close to mine. "Thank you."

"For what?" he asked.

"Just for being here, and for everything you got for Masen. He loves his guitar."

Edward squeezed my hand and leaned over and kissed my cheek. At the same time, Charlie and my mother came through the door. I leaned forward to see my dad staring back at me with an evil face. Edward and I nonchalantly released our hands.

"Bella, I cannot deal with his. I've kept my mouth shut all day, but I cannot look at this," he waved his hand towards us.

"Charlie, be quiet. You have no idea what she's been through," my mother started.

Edward stood. "It's no problem. I'll leave. I understand."

I stood. "No, you don't have to."

My mom started bitching at Charlie and they began an all out verbal war.

"What is wrong with you women!" Charlie yelled. "I refuse to sit back and look at the creep that raped my daughter."

Oh God. Charlie was pissed. He was beyond pissed. He was infuriated. His face was red, veins were protruding from his neck and he was eyeing Edward like a hawk.

Edward moved toward the door. Suddenly, Charlie grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pushed him up against the door.

Charlie spoke through gritted teeth. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to kill you and now I can't, because she'd kill me." He motioned towards me.

"Dad, stop! Please!"

"No! I won't stop!" Charlie turned to look at me. "Bella, I may not have seemed like the best father when you were growing up, but to me, you were always this big brown eyed 8 year old girl. You were so innocent and full of life, you had so much going for you. Since the day you came home from college, broken, shattered and pregnant, I swore I'd kill the bastard that did it to you. I spent hours after my shifts at the station, researching criminal records on every kid at that school, only to find nothing..."

If I blinked, tears would spill over my cheeks and on to the floor. "Dad, please. Stop. I don't want to re-live it anymore!" I screamed.

My mom pulled at his arm, to release Edward.

Charlie looked back to Edward. "I swear to God if you ever hurt her again, I will kill you and all the money in the world won't be able to bring you back."

Edward swallowed loudly. "Yes sir."

"Charlie, why don't you drive me back to the airport on your way home. Bella looks exhausted," my mom said. I knew she was just saying that to get him to leave. She would never want to be alone with him if she didn't have to. Of course Charlie jumped at her offer.

"We need to get going, Charlie. Say your goodbyes," my mom demanded.

Edward went back to the couch. I hugged my mom and dad and thanked them for coming. When they were gone, I wanted to collapse. I was so exhausted and embarrassed at Charlie's display.

Edward looked tormented. Although I shouldn't, I felt bad for him.

"Hey," I started.

He looked up at me and I walked over to him. "You want to take a nap with me?"

He almost smiled, he nodded his head, and stood, grabbing my hand. We walked hand in hand into our bedroom. We both laid down on top of the bedding. Edward kept his distance at first, but I quickly curled up next to him with my head on his chest, listening to the beating of his heart. I loved that sound; I missed it. I missed our bed. It was so comfortable. Edward speaking interrupted my peaceful thoughts.

"You can't honestly tell me that this doesn't feel right." His arm wrapped securely around my waist, squeezing gently.

I sighed. "It does feel right, Edward, but it also feels wrong to me. I don't want to get into it right now. I'm exhausted."

"You promised you would talk to me."

"I know, and I will. I didn't sleep at all last night. Please, just let me rest before Masen wakes up."

Edward kissed the top of my head. "I'm sorry. Go to sleep," he whispered. I was asleep almost instantly.

Edward and I spent the next few weeks in some intense counseling sessions. Sometimes they seemed immensely helpful, and at other times, I was so angry when I left that I never wanted to see Edward again. The counselor assured us that some days would be better than others. She was right, but the bad days were tough.

Edward had been staying on the couch more and more often. Rosalie was ready to pop out baby Emmalie at any minute, and Edward swore Rose was possessed.

I was making dinner one evening when he came through the door.

He picked up Masen and joined me in the kitchen. "What's for dinner?"

I laughed. "I didn't know you were coming."

Edward shrugged his shoulders. "I can't deal with the wrath of Rose anymore. Emmett may join us soon as well," he joked. "Were you that moody when you were pregnant with Masen?"

I don't know why that question bothered me, but it did. It _really_ bothered me. I stopped what I was doing, and looked up at him, appalled that he even asked. The counselor wanted me to make a conscious effort to stop throwing things in Edward's face, but I couldn't. I had this sincere desire to make him understand what it was like.

"I was probably ten times as moody as your sister, Edward. You see, I didn't know who my baby's father was, I didn't know where I was going to live, how I was going to feed him, I didn't know anything. I didn't even know if I was keeping him!" Thinking back to that time made me so angry. I felt tears sting my eyes. I hated the thought that I very nearly gave away my son. My sweet boy, that I couldn't imagine living without now.

I could tell by the look on Edward's face that he was a little shocked. He was just making conversation, he wasn't trying to be rude or hurtful.

I took a deep breath and looked back down at the spaghetti sauce I was stirring. "I'm sorry."

Edward kissed my temple. "It's okay. You don't need to apologize. Ever."

I continued making dinner while Edward played with Masen in the living room.

Emmett eventually joined us for dinner, saying he needed time away from being Rose's slave. We had a nice dinner. Masen really enjoyed being around Emmett, he thought he was so funny. He had began to refer to him as "Unky Emm."

Later that evening, after Emmett left, Edward and I put Masen to bed together. We both sat with him as Edward read him a story. Edward always read the stories better than me. He gave all the characters different voices and Masen loved it. I realized at that moment, that I would never get tired of watching the two of them interact.

After we had Masen to sleep, we both sat quietly on the couch.

"So, I don't know if this is the best time to bring this up, but Rose has given me two weeks to be out. There won't be enough space for all of us once the baby comes."

I knew that was coming. "So, what are you saying? You want to move back in?"

"I don't know. I guess I wanted your opinion. I can't really afford the rent on two places. I'll stay on the couch. I'll stay out of your way. I promise."

I sighed. It was so hard to be around him all the time, because he made it so easy for me to just fall back into our routine of being together. I liked having him around, he was a huge help, especially with Masen. I hated that he felt like he had to tip-toe around me, but it was entirely my fault. I was still so conflicted with my emotions, and I didn't want to take it all out on him all the time. School would start back soon, and we would have some space from each other, so I agreed.

"You can come back. We'll make it work."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Thank you, Bella."

We fell asleep together that night on the couch.

*****Author's Note: Hey! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I'm not sure if there will be an update next weekend or not, it depends on how much writing I get done this week. I normally have the story written a few chapters ahead, but I'm pretty much caught up now. However, if you would like some insight into Edward's mind, I did an interview with the fanfiction rebels. You can find it here: fanfictionrebels (dot) blogspot (dot) com. **

**Thank you again for all the great reviews!**


	19. Chapter 19

Things went okay over the next few weeks. Edward and I seemed to do well, except on days that we had to see the counselor. It was just such intense therapy that brought back feelings and emotions I hated. It was hard to just snap out of it when it was over. Edward and I generally didn't speak to each other after counseling. It was just easier that way for us to process things individually. The counselor had encouraged us both to make a decision about what we wanted. We couldn't continue to keep each other in limbo. It was obvious I was hurt and that Edward was sorry. Dragging out the inevitable any longer was just wasting valuable time.

School would be starting back soon, and we would get lost again in our hectic lives. The counselor suggested Edward and I take a weekend and go away, just the two of us, and try to be a normal couple, to see how it felt, to see if it is what we wanted. I didn't really need to get away for the weekend to figure that out, but Edward thought it was a good idea.

Rose and Emmett brought baby Emmalie home last week and they had their hands full. Alice and Jasper agreed to keep Masen for the weekend.

We returned home from dropping off Masen at Alice's and Edward still hadn't told me where we were going.

"I don't even know what to pack," I said to him.

"It will be warm. Bring a swim suit."

I was busy packing my things into my suitcase when Edward came up to me. I looked up at him from the floor, where I was kneeling next to my suitcase. He held his hand out for me to stand up. I took it and stood in front of him. He had a serious look on his face.

"What is it?" I asked.

Both of his hands came to my face, caressing my cheeks. I inhaled sharply, not used to the intimate contact. I wanted to push him away immediately, but I steadied myself, and let his hands remain where they were.

"Will you promise me one thing?"

The serious brooding look on his face tugged at my heart. Sometimes I could be so angry at him, and other times I just wanted to make him feel better and take all his hurt away. "What?" I asked.

"Can we please, just for this weekend, forget about what happened. We both know what happened, we'll both have it hanging over our heads for the rest of our lives. I just want everything to be normal, like a normal couple, like the counselor suggested. I need to know that what we were hasn't been lost, that we are still capable of loving each other."

I attempted to respond, but his lips gently pressed against mine and prevented me from speaking. His kiss, once something so familiar, felt so unknown. He tried to pull away, but I followed him, desperate to find the familiarity I once knew. He was holding back. I broke away just long enough to whisper against his lips, "Kiss me like you mean it."

Before I even got the last word out, his lips were on mine. His arm was tight around my waist, and his right hand was fisted into my hair. Our hungry and desperate mouths got reacquainted and it felt familiar again.

We were both breathless by the time we let each other go. We stared silently at each other for a moment before I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him to me. "I promise. I know I don't make it easy on you. I'll try to do better, I promise. I want it to work, Edward. I do. I love you."

I leaned back enough to see his eyes when I told him I loved him. At first, all I saw was disbelief, and then relief. He pulled me to him, and we stood there, in the middle of our room, clutching on to each other.

I woke up early the following morning to the sound of the alarm going off at 4:00 a.m. I groaned, and felt Edward slip out of bed. I went back to sleep.

Sometime later, he returned, and I felt his fingers brushing across my cheek.

"It's time to get up, baby. I brought you some coffee."

I smiled at his thoughtfulness, and made myself a promise to be sincere in forgetting about everything for the weekend. I stretched and sat up as I sipped my coffee while Edward took our things to his car.

I was still in bed when he returned.

"We have to go. Our flight is in an hour and a half."

"Our flight? We're flying somewhere?"

Edward laughed. "Yes, get out of bed."

I was kind of intrigued now. I jumped out of bed. "Do I have time to shower?"

"If you hurry."

"I can hurry!" I eagerly headed to the bathroom and showered quickly before heading out to the living room where Edward was waiting. We gathered the last of our things and headed out.

We were running late by the time we arrived to the airport. It didn't take me long to determine we were headed to San Diego. I was so excited. I had never been there before.

As soon as I got seated next to him on the plane, I laid my head on his shoulder and fell asleep.

_I was walking through a busy mall. Everyone was blurry and I felt so heavy, like there was a huge weight on my shoulders. I was by myself, with the exception of all the other shoppers. Even with all of the other people around, I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with loneliness. People wouldn't come into view until they were right next to me. I kept seeing little boys pass by me with their parents. All the little boys looked like Masen. Sometimes he would be in a stroller, still an infant. Other times he would be older, walking next to someone, holding their hand. It wasn't me. None of those people were me. I would turn around to try to follow them, but they would disappear back into the blur. I kept walking through the mall, continuously turning and turning, trying to follow the little boys. I felt so heavy. I wasn't sure if I had actually moved at all. Eventually I turned and faced a store. It was one of those family portrait centers. I could see clearly inside. There was a middle aged couple posing for a family portrait with their son. My son. Masen. They were posing for the photograph with Masen. I rushed inside and scooped him up, right from the little bench he was sitting on. He began screaming at the top of his lungs. The two middle aged people began pulling him from me and yelling at me. They kept telling me he wasn't mine. I gave him away. He was theirs now. I didn't understand. I didn't understand why he didn't recognize me, why he didn't want me. He cried for "mama" and reached his arms out towards the middle aged woman. I let him go then. They glared at me disgracefully, and I quickly seemed to be pulled from the store, as if I were floating backwards at a high speed, my arms still outstretched towards Masen. _

"Bella? Bella! Wake up!"

I felt Edward shaking me and I opened my eyes, realizing it was a dream. Everyone seated around us on the plane was staring at me. I was so embarrassed. I didn't even realize I was crying. It took me a minute to process everything. I looked to Edward, apologetically.

He pulled me to him. "It's okay. Are you alright?"

I nodded my head and buried my face in his chest to avoid the stares of those seated around us. I heard a little girl behind us ask her mother what was wrong with me.

I heard Edward sigh. "Even your subconscious won't allow us a weekend of peace," he said.

I felt awful. I couldn't help it though. "I'm sorry, Edward. It wasn't about you, necessarily," I said half heartedly as I looked up at him.

"You don't have apologize to me, Bella." He paused for a moment, and when I didn't say anything, he continued. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I adamantly shook my head no and wiped the tears from my cheeks. "I'm not ruining our weekend and I'm not breaking my promise," I said sternly.

Edward gave me that crooked smile of his that made me fall in love with him. I smiled weakly at him before requesting a cup of coffee from the stewardess. I couldn't risk falling asleep again around all these people.

Edward and I landed in San Diego a couple hours later. Edward had rented a car and we headed out towards our destination. We were actually staying in La Jolla, which was just North of San Diego.

I literally couldn't believe my eyes when we arrived at the La Valencia Hotel. It was breathtaking. The Mediterranean architecture was my favorite.

"Edward, this looks like entirely too much," I said, as I admired the hotel as we pulled up to the valet parking attendant.

"Don't worry about it, Bella. You deserve a relaxing weekend," he said as he grinned at me.

I leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Thank you."

We both exited the vehicle. Edward gave the keys to the valet and we headed inside with our bags to get checked in.

Our room was just as breathtaking as the outside of the hotel. The Mediterranean style continued throughout our room and the lavishly appointed spa-like bathroom. There was a beautiful chandelier above our bed and a large window on one wall looking out over the ocean. The adjacent wall had french doors that opened to a petite balcony. The fresh air was heavenly.

Edward was wrong, I didn't deserve any of this, not after the way I had treated him. My conflicted feelings began to creep back in and I quickly pushed them aside, remembering my promise to him.

We unpacked a few of our things and still had the entire day ahead of us. Edward suggested we go to the San Diego Zoo and I absolutely jumped at the idea. It was a nice day, it wasn't too warm and the zoo was a great place to spend the day. Edward and I made sure to take a lot of pictures for Masen. We both sort of felt bad for enjoying the zoo without him.

After the zoo we went back to our room and while Edward was showering, I snuck out to a little boutique down the street. Edward said we were going to a nice dinner, and I hadn't really brought anything dressy. I wanted to dress up, I wanted to feel whole again. I had let myself go a lot lately and I wanted to undo that tonight. Thoughts of what would happen between Edward and I in that beautiful room after dark plagued my mind. One minute, the thought excited me, and the next it terrified me. There was always one thing I couldn't deny; I loved him. Regardless of how much he hurt me, I knew he never intended to. He gave more to me and Masen than I could've ever wished for and I owed him this one weekend of normalcy to see if our relationship could finally begin to move forward. I cleared my mind, and began the search for the perfect little black dress.

I had been gone entirely too long by the time I arrived back to our room. Edward was pacing back and forth at the foot of the bed, wearing nothing but a white towel around his waist. His hair was still damp, and it was obvious he'd been running his hands through it.

He looked up at me when I entered. "Where have you been?" he asked. "I was worried sick about you."

"I'm sorry. I just went to do some shopping. I didn't mean to be gone so long. I forgot my cell; I would've called."

Edward took a deep breath and blew it out. "At least leave a note or something next time."

I nodded my head. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Edward seemed to shake off his irritation with me and changed the subject. "What did you buy?"

I smiled. "You'll see later. I need to get in the shower."

Edward grinned as I walked past him, toting my shopping bag, to the bathroom.

I don't think I've ever spent as much time in the bathroom as I did that evening. I showered, shaved, lathered myself with lotion, put on my new undergarments, and my new dress. I did my make-up and my hair. I was rather pleased with the way I looked, considering I did it all by myself, without the help of Alice.

I was putting the final touches on my make-up when I heard a knock at the door. "Bella? I don't mean to rush you, but you've been in there a very long time."

I giggled. "I know, I'm almost done," I yelled back to him.

"Good, I'm starving!"

"Sorry, baby. I'll be out in a minute."

I knew that made him smile. I didn't have to physically see it, I just knew. Knowing that he was smiling, made me smile.

I pinned my hair up in a loose bun in the back, and left a few shorter strands loosely curled around my face. I slipped my new heels on, took a deep breath and headed out of the bathroom.

Edward was on the small balcony when I exited the bathroom. He turned around when he heard me enter the room. I stood still, waiting for his reaction. His eyes said it all. This wasn't your typical little black dress. It certainly wasn't a dress I would normally wear.

The dress was made from a black satin material, with a lace material over it. It was sleeveless, with a tube-type top and extremely fitted. It hugged my curves in all the right places. The satin material mostly covered the front of me, with my skin exposed slightly under the lace-only edged hem just above my breasts and the bottom of the dress. The back of the dress was lace only, until you reached the extreme portion of my lower back. The black satin material began again there to cover my derrière, which it just barely did. The dress was dangerously short. It made my already long legs seem even longer. I wore matching black satin pumps with a stiletto heel.

"I'm ready," I said simply.

I think it was safe to say that Edward was speechless.

He stumbled for words momentarily. "What are you trying to do to me?" he finally said, teasingly.

I laughed momentarily, and spun around so he could see the back of the dress.

"You look amazing. You're beautiful, Bella."

I smiled and, for the first time, took in his appearance. He had on a pair of black slacks with dress shoes, a white button up shirt and a black tie worn loosely around his neck. He looked good enough to eat. I noticed an unfamiliar look on his face, he wasn't happy anymore. He looked confused.

"Edward, what's wrong?"

He shook his head. "Nothing, I'm fine."

"I don't believe you. Is this too much? I can put something else on."

He scoffed. "No, Bella. It's not you. You look lovely."

I walked closer to him, tugging gently on his tie. His arms wrapped around me and he buried his face in the crook of my neck. I wrapped my arms around his neck. "What is it, Edward?" I whispered. "Tell me..." I pleaded.

He lifted his head from my shoulder and my heart ached when I saw his face. His face was flushed, his eyes watery. "Edward?"

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "You just amaze me sometimes. Your strength and determination are unbelievable. I just want a million more moments, just like this, when you take my breath away. I don't want to lose you, Bella. I just can't imagine a life without you. You'll always own my heart. Please, just be careful with it."

I was nearly in tears when he finished. I willed myself not to cry and ruin my makeup. I didn't even know what to say to him. I pulled him to me, and we embraced briefly before I became concerned with transferring makeup onto his shirt. "I love you, Edward." I took his hand in mine. "Let's go have a nice dinner."

He nodded his head and followed me to the door.

We went to a really fancy restaurant. Everyone was dressed impeccably. Edward and I were seated at a cozy table for two in the back of the restaurant near a window. The lighting was low and romantic.

We enjoyed a bottle of wine, and an exquisite dinner. It was one of those restaurants where the food arrives in strange shapes on your plate, and the food was tiny, but it was pretty. We shared dessert before we left.

We had walked to the restaurant and were making our way back to the hotel. The air had gotten cooler, but was still comfortable. There was a full moon that lit up the sky.

"Would you like to take a walk on the beach?" Edward asked.

I turned to face him and smiled. "I'd love to."

We walked hand in hand along the beach, our shoes in our free hand. Occasionally the waves would chase us away. Once, we were too busy looking at each other, and we nearly got soaked. Fortunately, my dress was so short that it didn't really bother me, but the bottoms of Edward's pants were soaked. We both laughed and moved away from the shore. Edward surprised me when he let his shoes fall to the sand, and he pulled me to him, embracing me. I let my shoes fall as well, so I could I have a better grip on him.

"Bella, this has been the most exquisite evening. This has simply been one of the best nights of my life." He pulled a lock of my hair behind my ear, sending a chill over my body. "I don't regret telling you. The most amazing feeling ever, is you knowing the truth, and still loving me, still laughing, and smiling. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever met. I love you." He kissed me before I could even respond.

The night felt perfect to me too. I was so glad we decided to take a weekend to ourselves. Standing in the sand, the water at our feet, my lips on his, it all felt so right.

We didn't speak after that. We walked hand in hand back to the hotel, and I was ecstatic, and honestly a little nervous, about the surprise I had waiting for him.

"Wait here for a minute," I asked as we stood outside our door.

Edward gave me a funny look. "Why?" he asked.

"Just do it!" I said, disappearing inside.

Once inside, I went back to my shopping bag and placed a couple of candles around the room. I lit each one with a match. I cracked the door to the balcony, just enough to hear the sound of the ocean. I pulled the curtains closed. I took a deep breath, trying to reassure myself. Ms. Harding, my counselor, told me I had to make a decision, I had to accept what happened to me and move on, or let it control my life for an indefinite amount of time. I still wasn't certain if I could ever forgive Edward, but I knew I loved him. I knew that I wanted him to be part of my life, as well as Masen's. If there were ever to be a perfect night to test the waters, this was it. Everything was out on the table. I wanted to be normal again, I wanted to feel normal. Intimacy was a normal part of normal relationships.

I walked slowly to the door and paused for a moment before opening it. I reassured myself of my decision and opened the door. Edward spun around immediately and I held the door open for him.

I couldn't read his response to the mood I had set. He entered the room and walked around momentarily, admiring the candles. He almost seemed fearful.

He eventually turned to face me. "Bella, what is this?" he asked, as if he didn't know.

I shrugged my shoulders. "You said we could be normal this weekend. Normal couples are usually intimate," I said softly.

I heard him sigh and I wasn't sure what that meant. He closed the gap between us. His left arm snaked around my waist, pulling me to him and his right hand gently caressed my cheek.

"Bella, you don't have to do this. I'll love you no matter what. If I can never make love to you again, I'll still love you. I'll find other ways to show you..." he trailed off. His lips pressed ever so softly against my own, and I felt myself melting in his arms.

"I want to try," I responded. "I want to be normal. I have to accept what happened."

Edward's expression was pained. "I don't want to hurt you anymore, Bella. I don't want you to have horrible memories when I touch you."

I began to loosen his tie and unbutton the first few buttons of his shirt. "You won't hurt me, Edward," I whispered. "This is love, now. It's not desperation, anger, or immaturity. It's love. Show me. Make love to me." I pressed my lips to the crook of his neck, trailing my tongue upwards toward his ear lobe. He smelled incredible, and safe, and like home.

"Bella, I love you," he said finally, giving in and finding my lips with his own.

"I love you," I muttered against his lips. I'm not sure why, but I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I felt relieved. I felt myself relax against him. He gently led me over to the bed.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about being intimate with him again, but I was hell bent and determined. I continuously filled my mind with wonderful memories of Edward and Masen. I refused to let myself remember that night. This was now, and this was different.

Edward was a complete gentleman. He went excruciatingly slow with me. We had been all serious and silent until it came time to take my dress off. Edward found the zipper on my side, but getting it off of me wasn't so easy. We both laughed when he became frustrated with it. I finally helped him and shimmied out of my dress.

I hated to ruin the mood, but it was expensive. "Do you mind if I hang it up?"

Edward grinned at me. "Of course not, I'll just stay here and enjoy the view."

It was then I remembered I had on my new matching undergarments. I had a black lace strapless push up bra and a matching black lace thong. I smiled back at him as I turned, still in my heels, and went across the room to the closet to hang up my dress.

When I turned around, Edward was sitting on the edge of the bed. His tie was gone, and his shirt was untucked and unbuttoned. I slipped my heels off and made my way back over to him. I stood between his legs and his arms wrapped around my waist. He pulled me too him, hugging me, his cheek resting flush below my breasts, on my stomach. He breathed deeply and squeezed me tighter.

"Is this real?" he asked, "Because it feels like a dream."

I smiled, and cradled his head against me. I kissed the top of his head. "It's real, baby."

His breath hitched and he gazed up me, as if he really thought he was dreaming. I leaned down and gently kissed his lips reassuringly. I stepped back and let him stand. I placed my hands inside his open shirt, on his bare chest, and moved them upwards to his shoulders, allowing his shirt to fall to the floor behind him. I removed his pants, and when we were both only left standing in our undergarments, we crawled onto the bed. Edward pulled the covers back for us.

We laid there for quite some time kissing, and savoring each other. The sound of the waves crashing in the background was heavenly. I never wanted it to end. Edward held me close to him as we continued to make love with our lips. It was as if we couldn't get enough of just kissing each other. I guess we had a lot of lost time to make up for. As he kissed me, his fingertips danced along my bare back. It sent a chill over me and I snuggled into him even more.

The entire night was magical. Not once did I have a terrifying memory. Not once. I wasn't afraid, I wasn't worried. I was loved. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts of how much I loved him, and how much I needed him, that the rape never even crossed my mind. We made slow, sweet love for hours. I never felt like I was close enough to him, even when we were one. I never quite realized how much I missed him until now.

We were both exhausted and slightly delirious as we fell asleep when the sun began to rise.

I was the first to wake, shortly after noon the next day. Edward and I were facing each other, as close as possible, our legs tangled together, his left arm draped over my waist. It looked like he was smiling, but his eyes were closed.

"Edward?" I whispered.

No response. He was asleep. His breathing was even, and peaceful. I guess he was just happy. I was probably sleeping with a smile on my face as well. I smiled at the thought, and gently kissed his cheek.

He stirred, yawned, and eventually opened his eyes. "Good morning," I said.

He looked at me, and gently pushed a stray lock of hair behind my ear. "Good morning, beautiful."

It was like falling in love all over again. I couldn't stop smiling. We ordered room service, and spent most of the day in bed being lazy.

We eventually made it out to the pool for a couple of hours, both of us burning due to the lack of sun available in Seattle. We shared a quick dinner at the hotel restaurant before returning to our room for the evening.

We took turns bathing each other in aloe vera before we fell asleep. We were too exhausted and uncomfortable from our sunburns to even think about touching each other.

The next morning, we regretfully headed back home, and back to a cruel reality.

*****Author's Note: I thought you all might enjoy a little fluff in this chapter! Enjoy it while it lasts...things are about to come to screeching halt! ;) **

**Thanks for reading and reviewing! Follow me on Twitter at AllOrNothingKR**


	20. Chapter 20

CHAPTER 20:

I had to work the remainder of the week and Edward kept Masen when he wasn't preparing for class. The Fall semester started the Monday following our mini vacation and Edward and I were dreading being thrown back into our hectic schedules.

The Monday that class started, I worked all day and then went straight class. Edward had to work at the library that night, so Alice was keeping Masen until Edward got home. I went to the library after class to print some things off for my upcoming assignments. I didn't get home until late, and it was dark and quiet when I entered our apartment.

I quietly went back to Masen's room first to check on him, and when I discovered he wasn't in his bed, I began to panic. I quickly made my way across the hall and barged into my bedroom, only to find two sleeping boys in my bed.

I sighed, relieved. I had woken Edward up.

"Hey, where have you been?" Edward asked, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

"I went to the library." I sat down on the edge of the bed, and rubbed Masen's back, and kissed his cheek. "You scared me. I went to check on him and he wasn't in his room."

"I'm sorry. We were reading a story in here. I intended to put him to bed, but I must have fallen asleep."

Masen stirred and grumbled. I picked him up and carried him to his room. Edward was up and out of bed when I returned.

"Have you eaten? Can I fix you something?"

"No, I haven't felt very well today. I think I'll wait until breakfast. How were your classes?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Good, finally getting into the good stuff. How was yours?"

Edward was excited about finally getting into some of his criminal law and psychology courses. "It was boring, regular first day stuff, but seems like it will be fairly in depth."

Edward undressed and got ready for bed. I did the same. It was nice sharing our bed together again. We hadn't been intimate since our weekend getaway, and although I wouldn't have minded, we were both too exhausted to be concerned with intimacy.

We both crawled into bed next to each other. Edward wrapped his arm around my waist and kissed my cheek. "Goodnight, baby. I love you."

I smiled. "Goodnight."

The morning came entirely to quickly and it was simply a repeat of the day before. Except this time, when I arrived in class, I was quickly taken back to a time I didn't want to remember. James was seated in the front row.

I immediately felt sick to my stomach. I reminded myself that I needed to continue contacting some of the girls that responded to the fliers we posted around campus. James was giving me an evil look and I quickly made my way to a seat several rows behind him.

Before class began, I pulled out my cell phone and sent Edward a text message.

_James is in my class. :( What time do you get off work? - B_

_It doesn't matter. I can leave early. I'll pick you up. Don't let him bother you. - Edward_

_Thank you. I love you - B_

I slipped my phone back inside my purse just as class began.

As I suspected, class was dismissed a little earlier than usual because it was the first night. I was worried that Edward wouldn't be here yet, so I took my time gathering my things, waiting for James to leave before me. He didn't.

I eventually decided I would leave ahead of him and hide out in the ladies restroom until Edward arrived.

Just as I was going around the corner outside the classroom, I felt a hand on my shoulder. I was quickly pushed up against the wall and James was in my face.

He held up a crumpled piece of hot pink paper, and I didn't have to read it to know what it was. "Did you have something to do with this?" he asked through gritted teeth.

It was one of the fliers Rose and I had placed around campus over the summer about rape awareness. I shook my head no. James had his hand around my neck, nearly choking me. A couple of girls passed us, noticed something was wrong, but none were brave enough to intervene.

James began spitting threats at me if I talked. I could hardly breathe, his hand was squeezing my neck so tightly, pinning me against the wall. I had my eyes closed, he was practically spitting in my face. I vaguely remember hearing foot steps coming at us quickly, and then, suddenly, I could breathe again.

I coughed momentarily, regulating myself to the sudden availability of oxygen. I opened my eyes and turned to see Edward and James throwing punches at each other. Two professors came out of nearby classrooms and tried to break them up. When neither would budge, one of the professors began to call for security.

"You will pay for this Cullen; I'm not finished with you, or your stupid bitch," James said before he hurried away.

I didn't want to wait around for security to come and explain what this was about. Edward and I quickly made our way out the back of the building, through a fire exit.

We stopped just outside the door to catch our breath. "Are you okay?" Edward asked.

I nodded my head. "Are you?"

Edward nodded his head in response and pulled me to him. I hugged his neck, grateful that he arrived when he did.

We decided to go to the library across town and continue working on contacting some of the other girls who responded to the fliers. We needed to get the police involved, and soon, but we wanted to have as much proof as possible.

We couldn't find a parking space near the library and ended up parking on the street, a few spaces down from my old apartment building. Edward and I walked passed it, not speaking. It looked even more run down than before. There were two men in front of the building casually exchanging money, probably for drugs.

Edward released my hand, and put his arm around my shoulders, pulling me further into him. "Don't stare, Bella."

I pulled my gaze away from the two men on the street and shuddered. I was so grateful Masen and I weren't living there anymore.

Edward and I continued to the library, finding a private study room in the back.

I had already spoken to some girls who claimed they were raped, but we needed to contact the others and set up times to meet with them to see how legitimate they were and if they were willing to go to the police with us.

Edward and I sifted through emails received from some of the girls over the summer. Some were very secretive, not wanting to share many details, and others were very descriptive, even naming their attacker. All of them were scared. All of them were warned not to tell.

Over the next two weeks I met with about a dozen girls who had been raped on campus. Only two of the girls didn't know the identity of their rapist, the other girls knew their rapist and were raped at a frat party, or by a fraternity brother. Of the 12 girls we spoke with, only three had actually reported the rape. Of those three, two of the rapists were still unknown, and the third was cleared of all charges with an alibi and no physical evidence.

Only six of the girls were willing to work with us and go to the police. The other six had obviously been threatened and were too scared, but they found comfort in knowing they weren't the only ones, and it wasn't their fault.

Edward and I nearly had everything together that we thought we needed to go to the police. However, I was still extremely scared. Of the six girls who agreed to go to the police with us, only one identified her rapist as James. I guess I was afraid it wouldn't be enough to get him behind bars. Once he knew what we were up to, he would come after us.

Edward and I decided that, for now, we weren't going to tell the police that he raped me. For now, it was just a group of women who came together, and discovered a common thread amongst their rapists, that they were all likely part of the same fraternity. Edward didn't want it this way. He thought it would be better if we just came out with the truth up front. I wouldn't press charges against him, but I still worried that he would be arrested or taken away from me somehow. I couldn't do this without him. As soon as James found out, he would be after me. I needed Edward.

I was tormented over the next week with our decision to move forward. I was a little surprised when one Tuesday evening before class, I received a new email from a girl claiming she had been raped by a fraternity brother. Her name was Tori, and we agreed to meet after class at the library on campus. She seemed very eager to make contact with me.

James hadn't bothered me the past few weeks in, or after, class. Edward was always there waiting for me. Class let out a few minutes early and I explained to Edward that I had to go meet with the new girl that came forward at the library.

Edward walked me to the library. We stood talking momentarily in the lobby. A girl with curly blonde hair walked past us, and eyed us curiously. She made her way through the stacks and to a table near the back of the library.

"I think that was her. We are supposed to meet back there. I'll be back in a few minutes, okay?"

Edward nodded his head, but had a strange look on his face.

"What?" I asked.

"She looks familiar, but I can't place where I know her from."

"Maybe you had a class with her," I suggested.

"Maybe," he said.

I reached up and kissed his cheek. "Wait for me..." I offered as I made my way out of the lobby.

I walked quickly to the back of the library. I approached the blonde curly haired girl sitting alone at a study table.

"Hey, are you Tori?" I asked.

She looked up at me. She seemed scared. "Yes," she said quietly.

"I'm Bella."

She smiled weakly. "It's nice to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you, too." I started into my next question when she interrupted me.

"Why were talking to him?" she asked suddenly.

I was confused. "Who?" Was she referring to Edward?

"The tall guy in the lobby," she whispered.

"That's my boyfriend. Do you know him?"

Her eyes grew large, and her hand flew to her mouth to stifle her gasp. "He's the one who raped me!" she suddenly cried.

I looked around to see if anyone else had heard her. Did I hear her correctly? The look on her face told me I did. She had to be wrong.

"Are you sure?" I asked. "Maybe he just looks like . . ." I trailed off.

"No, I'm certain. I'd know him anywhere."

I couldn't breathe. The room began to spin. I was hot. She was wrong. She had to be wrong. Edward said she looked familiar. I suddenly felt violently sick to my stomach and I got up and ran to the restroom.

I vomited multiple times. I was grateful the toilet I was hugging had recently been cleaned. I sat there on the floor in the bathroom questioning everything. Did I even really know Edward? By the time I eventually exited the bathroom, Tori was gone.

I was so angry I couldn't see straight. I walked right past Edward in the lobby. He followed after me, grabbing me by the arm just outside the library.

"Bella, what's wrong? Where are you going?"

"Don't touch me!" I screamed at him. He released my arm. He looked hurt and confused. He looked the way I felt.

"Bella, please. I don't understand."

"She said you were the one who raped her," I cried.

Edward's eyes grew large. "What? She's lying. That's not true."

"You said she looked familiar!"

"That doesn't mean I did it! Jesus Christ, Bella! Even if I did, I'd sure as hell remember what she looked like, but I didn't!"

"Why would she say that?"

Edward shook his head. "I don't know. Where did she go? I want to talk to her."

"I don't know. She was gone when I came out of the bathroom."

We walked in silence back to his car. I didn't know what to think. I wanted to believe him, but Tori seemed certain. What if I wasn't the only one Edward had raped? The thought made me sick. We didn't speak on the way home.

We entered the apartment, and Alice could sense the tension between us.

"Bella, are you alright?" Alice asked.

I fell apart. I wasn't alright. There was something neither of them knew. Something I had been denying myself. I felt like I couldn't deal with what was going on in my life anymore. The recent revelation about Edward was the final straw. I felt like I was going to break into a million pieces at any moment.

Alice held me while I cried. "What did you do to her?" she asked of Edward.

"I didn't do anything! She won't listen to me!"

Alice eyed him suspiciously.

"You can sleep on the couch," I called back to him as I began walking to our room.

I heard him sigh. "Damn it, Bella!" he yelled.

I quickly turned around to face him and he continued.

"After all we've been through, you still don't trust me?"

"I don't know what to think anymore, Edward!"

I said my goodbyes to Alice, grateful she wasn't insistent upon knowing what happened between us. I went to our room and closed the door.

We didn't see each other, except in passing, over the next few days.

I finally got a hold of Tori over the weekend. She apologized for leaving unexpectedly, but said she was afraid to be there alone with Edward nearby. She told me everything. She said she was raped almost three years ago, so it would've been around the same time that I was raped. She said it was at a frat party, and she was sure Edward was the one. She said she had never reported it to the police. She said she knew of Edward before the rape, she knew he had a girlfriend named Tanya, which is why she was so surprised that he did it.

When she mentioned Tanya I nearly got sick again. I was devastated. How would she know about Tanya if Edward didn't know her?

Tori wanted to go with us to report the rapes, she wanted details about how many people we had involved and if I thought it was going to work, etc. I told her all I knew. I had been planning to go to the police the following week, but with the new developments with respect to Edward, I wasn't certain.

I told Tori I'd keep in touch with her and let her know for sure.

When I got home that night, Masen was in bed and Edward was studying on the couch.

"Can I make you something to eat, Bella? You look pale, and sickly. Are you alright?"

I suddenly fell apart. I couldn't hold myself together anymore. I fell to my knees and sobbed uncontrollably. Edward immediately came to my side and held me and I tried to push him away.

"She knew you and Tanya were together. How would she know that?" I cried. "She isn't lying! You raped her!"

Edward looked so confused. He ran his hands through his hair. "Bella, I don't know how she knows about Tanya. I must know her from somewhere. I swear on my life, on Masen's life, I did not rape that girl. James has be to be behind this somehow. This is a set up."

I sat in the floor and cried, so much so that I was nearly hyperventilating.

"Bella, please, look at me..."

I looked up at him through my watery eyes.

"Bella, I didn't do this. I promise. Remember what we had, what we have, I love you. I promised I would never lie to you again and I've kept that promise. I did not do this, you have to believe me."

I got up and went to our room without responding to him.

He was gone the following morning when I woke. He stayed gone the entire weekend. The more thought I gave it over the weekend, the more what Edward said made sense. Maybe James was behind this. Tori emailed me awfully late. There weren't any fliers left around campus, James and his guys had removed them all. She was very inquisitive about when we would be going to the police. Maybe she was fishing for information. I was so confused. I shouldn't have gone off on Edward without knowing all the facts. I tried to contact him Sunday night, but he never responded. When Monday morning came and he still hadn't returned, I continued with my regular routine and went to work.

I called Rose on my lunch break and asked if she had heard from him. Apparently he had told her everything and he and Emmett had been on some manhunt for Tori.

He didn't come home Monday night.

I went to work Tuesday and sent him a text message.

_Will you please talk to me? I think you may be right... - B _

_I'm in class. I know I'm right. I'm sorry I haven't been home, this is driving me crazy. I have to find her. I'll pick you up tonight. I love you - Edward _

I sighed. I forgot I had class with James that night. At least I would get to talk to Edward, and apologize. I felt awful, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Something was slightly off putting about Tori and Edward wouldn't have been so eager to tell Rose and Emmett everything if he really did it. They obviously believed he was telling the truth about having nothing to do with Tori.

I left work a little early and arrived on campus earlier than usual. I did some studying in the library before class.

When I left the library to cross the common area to my building, I saw something that left me terrified.

James and Tori. They were sitting on a ledge outside the building our class was in. He had his arm draped over her shoulder and they were kissing. I couldn't breathe. She knew all our plans. She had been telling him all a long. She was his informant. She was using me. She got all the details about me and Edward from James. The entire thing was a set up.

They caught me staring and quickly separated and I ran into class. I set my bag down, and then felt sick again, and went to the restroom. I knew the real reason I felt sick, but I just kept denying it. By the time I returned, class had started, and James was no where to be seen.

I had to wait an excruciating hour and a half before the professor gave us a break and I could retrieve my cell phone. I sent Edward a text message.

_You were right. I saw them together. James knows everything. I'm sorry I didn't believe you. I'm so sorry. - B _

I waited, and waited. He never responded. Class resumed and I sat anxiously staring at the clock. When class ended, I looked at my phone, and Edward still hadn't responded to me. I left class to look for him and he was no where to be found. I called and called his phone and he didn't answer. He was supposed to be watching Masen tonight.

I called Rose.

"Rose, it's Bella. Have you heard from Edward?" I could hear Masen laughing in the background and I was slightly relieved.

"Yea, he left here about an hour ago to pick you up. I told him I'd keep Masen until you guys got back."

I felt sick again. "He's not here. He won't answer his phone. Something is wrong. This isn't like him."

"That's strange. Maybe there is traffic. Maybe his phone is dead. Do you want me to send Emmett to come get you?"

"No, I'm almost to the bus. James wasn't in class tonight."

"Okay, I'm going to try to call Edward, too. Keep me posted."

"Okay, let me know if you get him. Tell him he's in deep shit."

Rose laughed. "Will do!"

Maybe she was right. Maybe he got struck in traffic, or had an accident. Maybe his cell phone was dead. Those were all very logical and possible reasons for him not being here. I wished any of them at all were true; because the truth, I was not prepared to handle.

*****Author's Note: Hey guys! Sorry this update took longer than usual. It's just been one of those weeks! Did everyone see Eclipse? If not, get to it! It's A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! **

**Sorry for the little cliffy with this chapter. And in case it wasn't obvious, and before people freak out on me, Edward didn't rape Tori. **

**Next update in a week or so, I have to work this weekend...(and see Eclipse like 3 more times). **


	21. Chapter 21

CHAPTER 21:

I got home in record time. There was no traffic. No accidents.

The bus stop was about a block away from our building. As I was walking toward the building, two men came out of it that looked strange. They were carrying a large bag and walking fast. As they got closer, I realized it was James and Dreadlocks.

I gasped, and ducked into the nearby alley. I went through the alley and into the parking garage for our building. I went immediately to the elevator in case they saw me, and I noticed Edward's car in the garage.

I swear the elevator wouldn't move fast enough. I had to get off the elevator in the lobby and get on a different elevator that went up higher. I finally got to our floor. The apartment door was unlocked. I quietly pushed it open, and what I saw before me, I will never forget.

I screamed at the top of my lungs. There was blood everywhere. Everywhere. On the walls, the floor, the ceiling even. Edward was in a pool of blood on the floor. I wasn't sure if he was alive or dead. I grabbed my phone and called Rose, I told her to send Emmett and call 911.

I fell to my knees next to Edward and cried out his name. He coughed as if he were choking, and blood dribbled out the side of his mouth. I titled his head to the side so he wouldn't choke on it. His eyes opened slightly.

"Edward, please. Hang on. The paramedics are coming. Who did this? Did James do it?"

Edward nodded his head weakly and I cried. I didn't care that his blood was all over me. I kissed his forehead and smoothed his hair back. "I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry. I believe you. I trust you. I forgive you, for everything. Please don't leave me."

Edward gurgled and didn't respond. There was so much blood I couldn't tell where it was coming from.

There was definitely a large amount of blood coming from his neck. I grabbed a towel from the linen closet and applied pressure the best I could. I sobbed uncontrollably. He didn't know what I knew. He may die and never know.

His eyes were closed, his body still. I leaned down and whispered in his ear, "Edward, please. Don't give up. Don't leave me. Edward, I'm pregnant."

His eyes shot open and he began to cough up a lot of blood. He tried to speak but it wasn't making any sense.

"Key. Gold key. Drawer. To the shoe box."

"What are you talking about, baby? I don't understand..."

He continued mumbling something about a gold key, but I couldn't understand him and I urged him to stay quiet, fearing it would further complicate his situation.

Seconds later Emmett came rushing through the door. He got more towels and cut open Edward's shirt to see where all the blood was coming from. It looked like he had been stabbed, multiple times.

As we attempted to clean Edward up and find out where all his wounds were, I heard sirens outside and it was like music to my ears.

Moments later the paramedics arrived. They worked quickly. They cleared his airway and gave him oxygen before placing his lifeless body on the stretcher and carrying him away.

I fell to pieces in his absence. I sat in the pool of blood he previously laid in, because it was a part of him. I cried and cried and wished the blood was mine instead of his. Emmett repeatedly tried to get me to get up and go with him to the hospital but I was frozen, shocked, and I refused to leave. I refused to go to the hospital and watch him die.

When Emmett realized he wasn't getting through to me, he left. At the time I didn't know where he went. I curled up in a little ball on the floor. To hate blood so much, I sure had it all over me. I didn't care. I was devastated. I knew it would be just my luck. It wasn't enough to find out the man I was in love with raped me and fathered my child. No, he raped me, fathered my child, fell in love with me, admitted the truth, I still loved him, wrongly accused him of something he didn't do, and then he dies, because of me and all the while I was carrying his second child.

The thoughts made me physically ill. I couldn't raise another child. Not without him. I couldn't look at another child's face and see Edward for the rest of my life if he wasn't here. I wouldn't.

Something hitting the floor nearby shook me from my thoughts. I glanced towards the door to see Rose standing there, her purse on the floor, her mouth hanging open.

"Bella, what the fuck happened?"

I cried. "James did it. I don't know exactly what transpired. He's gone, Rose."

"No, he's not!" Rose cried. "Emmett said he was still alive when they took him. Get up and get out of this mess right now! We have to get to the hospital! If anybody can get through to him, it's you!"

I continued to cry, and sat up slowly. I was covered in Edward's blood. The police began to arrive to work the crime scene. Rose took me to the bathroom, stripped me of my clothes, and left me standing under a cold shower. I could hear her going through the drawers in my bedroom. She came back, a bag packed in her hand. She turned the water off and threw a towel at me.

"Dry off and get dressed. Now!"

I did as she demanded, throwing on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I pulled my wet hair up in a bun. When we tried to leave, we were stopped by the police. They wanted a statement from me. Rose insisted we had to get to the hospital. She took charge. I loved for her for that.

She told the police officer if he wanted a statement, he could ride with us to the hospital, and that's what he did.

I told the truth, about everything, from the beginning. I left nothing out. They couldn't press charges on Edward if he wasn't alive. I was sure he was gone. He was so pale and lifeless. I became hysterical every time I imagined his face before they took him away. I had to mentally prepare myself for arriving at the hospital and them telling me he didn't make it.

As soon as I described James and Dreadlocks, the investigator was on the phone with someone, relaying their descriptions. Thank goodness. They had to find to them.

I admired Rose's strength from the backseat of her BMW. She was fierce. She was scared, and worried, but she remained strong. At least one of us had our shit together.

"Where's Masen?" I suddenly asked.

"He's with Emmett. Relax, Bella. Everything is going to be okay."

I sighed and sat back in my seat. Although it was only a few minutes, the ride to the hospital felt like an eternity. There were other investigators there when we arrived. They were first in line to talk to Edward when, and if, he came out of surgery. That pissed me off.

It was a long agonizing night. Edward was in surgery for nearly eight hours. Afterwards, he was placed into a medically induced coma. At least he was alive.

The investigators eventually tired, and went home to their wives and children, promising to return the following afternoon.

Edward's parents and Nanna Cullen had arrived. We had a brief meeting with his surgeon. He had been stabbed four times and suffered some blunt force trauma to his head and knees. Edward's right leg was broken. His intestines had to be reconstructed and tears in his stomach stitched back together. He had a large cut across his neck. The doctor said the knife just barely missed his carotid artery. He had a small amount of bleeding and swelling on his brain, but they thought it would go down. The doctor said it was a waiting game. The next 48 hours were critical. If he survived them, the outlook would be better, but still not good.

I felt light headed. This was entirely too much to deal with.

Nanna Cullen insisted I go back to Rose and Emmett's and rest. I hadn't slept all night. I reluctantly agreed, after I was told there was no chance of seeing Edward for the next several hours. Emmett insisted on coming with me. He had taken Masen to Alice and Jasper's and baby Emmalie was with Emmett's mother. It dawned on me that I knew nothing about Emmett's mother. I made a mental note to ask him about her later. I tried to tell Emmett that he should stay with Rose, but he insisted.

"I'm coming with you, Bella," Emmett said adamantly. He lowered his voice. "If Edward pulls through this, and something happens to you, he would never forgive me."

Who knew Emmett had a softer side? I hugged him tightly, and then agreed that he could come with me.

Emmett drove me back to his apartment. He insisted I could have his and Rose's bed to rest. I declined because I had other ideas.

"Emmett, really. I'll be fine on the couch. Please, you should rest too. You can't just sit here and watch me sleep."

"I guess you're right. I am tired. Yell at me if you need anything, okay?"

"Okay."

Emmett went to his room and closed the door. I laid on the couch with my eyes open for a good hour before I had the nerve to tip toe back to his room. I stood outside his door, listening. He was snoring. Perfect.

I quietly made my way out the front door. I went up to mine and Edward's apartment. I stood outside the door momentarily. My heart raced. I didn't want to see it again, but I needed in there.

I unlocked the door. The smell hit me first. It was a mixture of copper and ammonia. There were little cardboard markers in certain places. I guess those identified evidence. The blood was still there. Everywhere. I tip toed around the room, careful not to step in anything or disturb anything.

Just before I entered the hallway to go to our room, I noticed a bloody baseball bat lying just inside the kitchen with a little marker next to it. I felt my heart sink to the pit of my stomach, imagining the pain Edward must have gone through.

I continued into our bedroom. I was glad it appeared to be as I had left it. I started pulling drawers out everywhere. Edward mentioned something about a gold key and drawer and shoebox before they took him to the hospital. I had to figure out what that meant. I searched through every drawer and came up with nothing.

I was growing frustrated and decided to go back through the drawers more thoroughly. That's when I heard it. I heard a little noise, the sound of metal hitting wood. I was in Edward's sock drawer. I continued moving things around until I found it, a single gold key.

"Okay, now I have a key and no idea what it goes to." I recalled Edward mentioned a shoe box. I was uncertain how a key would go to a shoe box, but I went to our closet to check it out anyway.

Edward and I both had shoeboxes on the top shelf of our closet. I grabbed a step stool and began going through each one of them. Shoes, shoes, and more shoes. I think Edward had more shoes than I did.

It was nearly the last box that caught my attention. It was really heavy. I opened the lid and noticed a metal box inside. I pulled the entire shoe box from the shelf and sat down in the middle of the closet. I lifted the metal locked box from the shoe box. It had a gold lock on the front.

I became slightly nervous about what was inside the box. I couldn't deal with anymore unsuspected secrets from Edward. He told me about it, only after learning that I was pregnant. I concluded there was probably cash inside. Always like Edward to make sure we were taken care of.

I slipped the key inside the lock and turned it. The lock clicked open. I released it, and opened the metal box. There wasn't cash inside, there were papers, a lot of papers.

There was a living will. "Oh no." I glanced at it quickly. He didn't want to be resuscitated or remain on life support for an extended period of time. I felt tears sting my eyes.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I'm selfish. I need you." I tore the living will into tiny pieces, hoping another copy didn't exist anywhere else.

I pulled out the next document, which was folded, with several pages behind it. I opened it up. It was Edward's Last Will & Testament. I sat in the closet and weeped. He knew he was going to die. I wiped my eyes and began reading.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing. He had left everything he owned to me, Masen, and any future children we may have. He even had a trust fund set up for Masen. The entire Cullen family had contributed to it. They all knew about this and I didn't! I began to get angry, but decided it wasn't worth it. Edward didn't tell me because he knew I'd react exactly like this.

Edward even left his inheritance to Masen, and of course his guitar. I laughed at the thought.

I continued skimming the pages. The document was created and signed shortly after Edward and I went on our first date. That made me tear up even more. He knew he loved us that much from the beginning. Everything he had said all along was true.

I sighed. It had nearly been two days since I had seen Masen. I wanted to see him. I missed him.

I placed the documents back inside the box and put them back where I found them, hoping it would be unnecessary to ever have to use them.

I packed a few more things for myself and made Masen a bag. I gathered our stuff and carefully made my way out of the apartment, ignoring the scene in the living room.

I went back to Rose and Emmett's. Emmett was sitting on the couch.

"Where the hell have you been!" he screamed.

I sighed. "Sorry, I couldn't sleep. I had to get some things for Masen and I,"I said as I sat the bags down.

"I want to go to Alice's. I want to see Masen."

Emmett sighed. "Fine." He stood from the couch and grabbed my bags. I followed him out of the apartment.

We made our way to Alice and Jasper's. Alice opened the door and immediately embraced me.

"Bella, I'm so sorry."

I hugged her, hard. She felt like home. "Thank you for keeping Masen. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"It's no problem at all. We will keep him as long as you need. Jasper is becoming quite fond of him."

Alice and I both glanced back into the living room where Jasper and Masen were playing with a book that makes animal sounds. Jasper would imitate the sound the animal made and send Masen into a laughing fit.

It made me smile. I didn't want Masen to know what was going on. I wanted him to remain carefree and happy.

I stepped inside and when Masen realized I was there, he came running to me.

"Mamma!" he yelled.

I kneeled down and opened my arms to him. "Hi, honey. Are you having fun?" I held Masen close. I tried, and failed, to keep my tears at bay. He looked more like Edward every day.

Masen pulled away from me. He lifted his little hand and wiped a single tear from my cheek. "Mamma sad?" he asked.

I shook my head and tried to smile. "I'm okay, baby. You are going to stay with Ms. Alice for a few days. But I'll come by to visit you, okay?"

Masen nodded his head. He knew something wasn't right, but he didn't understand what it was.

We played briefly before I asked to speak to Alice alone. We went back into her and Jasper's spare bedroom, which had become an office.

We sat down on the small couch and I couldn't help but cry.

Alice hugged me. "Oh, Bella. Everything will be okay."

"What if it's not?" I asked.

"You need to stay positive."

I shook my head. "It's so hard."

"I know," Alice responded.

"Alice, there's something you don't know. Nobody does. I haven't told anyone. I told Edward just before they took him, but I don't know if he'll even remember."

Alice looked at me, confused. "Bella, what is it?"

I hung my head and cried. "I'm pregnant."

Alice gasped. "Bella! What? Since when? How?"

"When Edward and I went to San Diego," I cried. "I hadn't been taking the pill since he left. I needed to save the money. It just never crossed my mind. I'm so stupid. I should've known better."

Alice sighed and rubbed my back. "How far along are you?"

"Twelve weeks."

"Why hadn't you told him? Or anyone for that matter?"

I shook my head. "I don't know. I guess I thought it might go away," I half heartedly laughed. "I was going to tell Edward, but then all that stuff happened with Tori and James and I was so mad at him."

I looked up at Alice. "I can't have this baby without him, Alice. I can't." I cried.

"Bella, stop that. You can and you will if you have to. Edward is still here. He's not gone anywhere. There's nothing to be ashamed of Bella. People in monogamous relationships have sex, and they get pregnant. It's the 21st century, it happens to all of us."

That didn't sound like Alice. I looked up at her suspiciously. She was beaming, glowing even.

"Alice!" I screamed.

Alice giggled softly. "Sixteen weeks."

"No way! Oh my God! Congratulations!" I hugged her. "I can't believe you didn't tell me!"

"We haven't told anyone yet. I didn't want to jinx anything, but so far everything is going well."

I cried, I was happy for her.

"We'll get through it together, Bella. You have to give me some pointers. I want to eat everything in sight!"

I laughed and hugged her. It felt good to laugh.

"Thanks for everything Alice. I've got to get back to the hospital."

Alice nodded her head. "Keep me posted, and don't worry about Masen."

We made our back out to the living room. I said goodbye to Jasper and Masen before Alice walked Emmett and I to the door.

Alice gave me another hug. "Bella, I know there's a lot going on, but don't forget to take care of yourself, okay? When is the last time you ate? You look like you haven't slept in days."

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, mom."

Emmett and I got on our way back to the hospital. I felt so much better about everything after speaking to Alice. Up to this point, I was devastated about being pregnant. I realized now, it wasn't going away.

"Emmett, can we stop to get something to eat? I need to eat."

"Sure."

I placed my hand on my stomach, which so far, had only grown slightly. For the first time, I felt connected to the baby, because it was a part of Edward and me. This baby was created out of love, not forcefulness and terror as Masen had been. I shuddered at the thought. I still couldn't comprehend how the man that did that to me, was the same one I was in love with, and the same one that I was desperate to have survive.

My stomach growled loudly, pulling me from my thoughts. Emmett heard it over the radio. "God, Bella! When's the last time you ate? It sounds like there's something living in there!" he teased.

I laughed half heartedly. If only he knew. "I don't know, Emmett. It's been a while. Eating hasn't necessarily been on my high priority list."

"Well it is now!" he said as he turned the car into a fast food place.

We went inside to eat. I didn't think I could handle trying to eat while Emmett drove like maniac.

We ate in silence as I watched toddlers play on the indoor playground. I don't think I ate a third of what I ordered. Seeing a young dad playing with his daughter was enough to make me feel sick.

"I'm not really hungry anymore. Can we just go?" I asked.

Emmett nodded his head, sensing my uneasiness and we left for the hospital.

***Author's Note: Hello! Sorry for the delay with this update, I haven't had time to do any writing lately! Thanks for all the reviews! Follow me on Twitter: AllOrNothingKR


	22. Chapter 22

CHAPTER 22:

When Emmett and I made it back to the hospital, all the same people were still there. Nothing had changed, except we would be allowed to see Edward, only for ten minutes, and only one at a time.

Everyone graciously let me go first.

I wasn't prepared for what I saw. He was lifeless. He was bruised from head to toe. He had a breathing tube down his throat and a million more wires and tubes coming from all over.

I tried not to cry, I really did. I took a deep breath and approached him. I leaned down and gently caressed his cheek. "Hey, baby." I kissed his opposite cheek. "I can't stay long, everyone wants to see you."

I squeezed his hand, and looked at his face, hoping to see any sign that he could hear me. There was nothing. He felt cold. I pulled the blanket over him and tucked it in at his sides.

I leaned down and whispered in his ear. "Edward, I have to go. I love you. Please don't leave me." I kissed his cheek again and reluctantly left the room so the next person could come in.

I fell apart shortly thereafter. He looked terrible, like he was in so much pain. I got the feeling, after leaving his room, that nothing would ever be the same. It didn't matter if he survived, things would never be the same.

Nanna Cullen offered me her time with him, but I declined.

"No, you go ahead. He would want to see you, to know that you're here."

She finally agreed.

Everyone was pretty torn up after seeing him. We wouldn't be allowed to see him again until the following day.

Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, along with Nanna Cullen, got a hotel room near the hospital. Mr. and Mrs. Cullen offered to get me a room as well, but I assured them I could stay with Alice.

Emmett took me back to our building. I told him I could walk to Alice's. He initially refused, but I told him I needed time to think straight, and he eventually agreed. I waited around the corner for about half an hour. When I was sure he would be inside his own apartment, I went back to mine.

I had spoken with an investigator. They completed their investigation and took everything they needed. I could clean up now.

I slowly entered the apartment. It looked different from the last time I was here. All the little evidence markers and the baseball bat were gone. It looked like someone even initially wiped the floor clean, but the stains were still there.

I spent hours scrubbing the floor with water and vinegar. It mostly came clean with the exception of some of the blood that was between the hardwood. The walls were another story. They were splattered with blood. Initially, nothing I did seemed to help. I eventually resorted to my magic eraser and it took the blood off, but also a good layer of paint. I could re-paint.

I was cleaning up in the kitchen when I heard someone come in the door.

"Isabella Marie Swan!"

Alice. Shit.

I stepped out of the kitchen to face her. "What are you doing here? You're supposed to be at my place. Emmett called to make sure you got there okay. I thought I might find you here."

"I'm sorry. I had to clean up. I can't stay with you forever."

"Bella, when is the last time you slept?"

I looked down. I really didn't know. "I'm not sure exactly."

Alice stomped over to me and took the sponge from my hand. She tossed it in the sink. "I'll take care of everything here. You don't worry about it. I'm taking you to my place and you're sleeping the entire night. Do you understand?"

I sighed and nodded my head in understanding. I was exhausted.

I had hoped to sleep. I think I did, at least for a couple of hours. Masen slept in the bed with me. I couldn't stop staring at him, watching him sleep. He was so peaceful and oblivious to what was going on around him. I envied him. He looked so much like his father. I told him about Edward and that he would have a new brother or sister soon. He was asleep, of course, and didn't hear a word I said.

I woke up shortly after 5:00 a.m. after a bad nightmare. I woke Masen too.

Masen sat up at looked at me.

"I'm sorry, honey. Go back to sleep."

"Everything be okay, momma. I know." He kissed my cheek and hugged my neck and it took everything inside me not to fall apart. "Daddy be okay."

I looked at him, confused. How did he know? Did Alice tell him? "What's wrong with Daddy, Masen?"

Masen sighed. "I dunno, Mamma. He said he be okay." Masen rolled over and went back to sleep. He wasn't making any sense.

I got up and made a pot of coffee, waiting for Alice to get up. She eventually did and she assured me that neither she nor Jasper had even mentioned Edward's name.

I suddenly panicked that something had happened to Edward in the middle of the night. What if he passed?

"I've got to get to the hospital."

"Bella, you're over reacting. Maybe Masen just had a weird dream, I'm sure that's hereditary."

I blew her off and dressed quickly. I made my way to the door.

"Bella?"

I turned around to see Alice holding a set of keys in her hand. "Rose left these for you. Edward's car is in the garage."

"Thank you." I hugged her briefly before heading out.

Edward's car was fast. I liked it. I got to the hospital rather quickly. I wasn't allowed in ICU because it wasn't regular visiting hours. I looked in the private waiting room we were all in the day before. Esme was sitting against the wall, asleep. There was nobody else there. She hadn't changed clothes.

I shook her lightly. "Esme?"

Esme startled and sat up straight. "What? Is he okay?" she asked.

"I don't know, I was going to ask you the same thing. I just got here. I thought you were going home."

Her eyes instantly became damp. "I couldn't leave, Bella."

I nodded my head. "Has anything changed?"

Esme shook her head. "They are supposed to be removing the breathing tube this afternoon to see how he does on his own."

I sighed. I guess that was a good thing. "When can we see him again?"

"We can have ten minutes, beginning at 9:00 a.m."

"They are really stingy with time around here."

Esme almost laughed. "They don't want the patients to get excited. If he does okay without the breathing tube, after he wakes up, they may move him out of ICU and to a recovery room."

"Oh, that would be great. We'd never have to leave!"

Esme smiled. "My thoughts exactly."

I smiled weakly at her. "Esme, I'll be here. Why don't you at least go back to the hotel and shower and change. That way you can be back by 9:00 a.m."

Esme looked torn. "I don't know, Bella. I just can't leave him. Imagine if it were Masen, would you be able to leave?"

That was the end of that. "No," I answered honestly.

For some reason, I felt uncomfortable in the room with Esme. I felt like I was keeping something from her. I should tell the Cullens about my pregnancy, but I wasn't ready. I wanted Edward to know first, and actually acknowledge it. I wasn't even sure if he would remember that I told him.

"I'm going to grab some coffee, would you like some?" I asked.

"Oh, that would be wonderful, Bella. Thank you."

I took my time getting the coffee. I ate a blueberry muffin while I sipped my coffee inside the little coffee shop at the hospital. When I finished my muffin, I was still starving. I bought two more and headed back to ICU.

"I brought us some breakfast," I said, as I handed Esme a muffin and coffee. I tore into my muffin immediately. She would surely know something was up if I had eaten two in front of her, they were pretty big.

Esme and I didn't speak much as we ate our breakfast. Nine o' clock was quickly approaching and I sat wondering if anyone else would show up. I secretly hoped they didn't. Esme and I could each have five whole minutes with him.

The clock finally struck 9:00 a.m. I urged Esme to go first, and she agreed. I paced the room nervously.

Esme returned only three minutes later, with tears in her eyes. I hugged her when she came back into the room.

"He just looks like he's in so much pain, Bella."

I suddenly felt terrible. If it wasn't for me, Edward wouldn't be in this position. If I had of listened to him from the beginning about James. I sighed and apologized to Esme before stepping out of the room to go see Edward.

He looked worse than he did the day before. The nurse promised me he was doing better though. His face was more swollen and bruised than I remembered. His left eye was practically swollen shut.

I held his hand and leaned over him. I ghosted my fingers over the only unbruised part of his face. I kissed his cheek. "I'm so sorry, Edward."

I thought I faintly felt his hand move in mine.

I leaned down to him again, whispering in his ear, "Can you hear me, baby?"

His index finger twitched in my hand, and I smiled. I stood straight up to alert the nurse, but realized she was no longer in the room. I wasn't going to find her. I wanted my remaining four minutes.

I continued to hold Edward's hand and I told him that they would only let us see him for a few minutes, twice a day. Otherwise, I never would've left his side. I told him his mom and dad were here, and Nanna Cullen, too. I told him we were all doing okay, including Masen, and that Emmett was keeping a close eye on me. He didn't have anything to worry about. I told him I loved him, and I tried to get him to move his hand again, but he never did. Maybe I imagined it to begin with. I left his room feeling slightly depressed, but hopeful.

I left the hospital after that, knowing I couldn't see him again until 5:00 p.m. I went by Alice's to see Masen. I urged them to go out to lunch together, or something, anything. I felt horrible that they were having to keep Masen. They would have a child of their own soon, and never have alone time. Alice and Jasper went to lunch, while I stayed behind in Alice's apartment and made lunch for Masen.

I was trying to ignore him.

He just kept repeating, "I want to play wit Daddy. Where's daddy?" from the living room as I stood in the nearby kitchen.

He must have said the same thing four or five times before I lost it. "He's not here, Masen!" I screamed at him.

I peeked around the corner to see big tears swelling up in his eyes. I tried to apologize, but when I saw his lip quiver and and his nose crinkle up, I knew my attempts were useless. He cried out at the top of his lungs. He rarely cried like that unless he was in trouble. His sobs were deafening and his face was bright red. I went to him quickly, where he was sitting in the floor, innocently playing before I yelled at him.

I scooped him up and rocked him like a baby, feeling my tears coming on. "I'm sorry, Masen. I didn't mean to yell at you. Shhh, calm down. You're going to make yourself sick."

Nothing seemed to soothe him, and we both sat in the middle of Alice's living room crying our eyes out for entirely too long.

I cried because I yelled at him and he didn't do anything wrong. I cried because his father was in a hospital on his death bed, and it was my fault. I cried because I wasn't sure I even wanted the baby inside of me, I just wanted the one currently in my arms to live a perfect and pain free life. I couldn't possibly love anything more than I loved Masen. I cried because I didn't know how to live without Edward and I didn't know how I would ever be able to tell Masen he was gone, permanently, if it ever came down to it.

Masen eventually cried himself to sleep in my arms. I tried to carry him to the couch so he could take a nap, but my hair was fisted in his tiny fingers and no matter how gently I tried to remove them, he wasn't budging.

"Stay, Momma." he finally whimpered; and so I did. I sat on the couch while he napped in my lap.

I was too exhausted to continue reliving the nightmare of the past couple of days, so I laid my head back against the couch and fell asleep.

We were awoken some time later when Alice and Jasper came through the door laughing.

They got quiet when they realized they had woken us.

"Oh, sorry, Bella."

I shook my head. "I don't know how long I've been out. I need to get up. I need to get back."

Jasper removed a still groggy Masen from my lap. I stood, and kissed Masen's cheek. "I love you, sweet boy."

Masen clung to Jasper's neck, his head and disheveled hair against Jasper's shoulder. Masen looked at me with the saddest eyes I'd ever seen and said, "Miss you, Mama."

I had to turn away from him so I didn't completely lose it. Sometimes, he looked like a spitting image of Edward. What had I done to deserve this? To be living my dream one minute, and shattered and pregnant the next, and then back to a dream and a beautiful life, to this. To feeling like I was on the edge of losing everything.

Alice hugged me, as Jasper carried Masen back down the hallway toward the spare room.

"I'm losing it, Alice," I cried.

Alice soothed me. "It's perfectly okay, Bella. It's okay to lose it."

I sniffled and stood back from her. "Please keep this," I lightly placed my hand over my stomach, "between us."

Alice nodded her head. "Of course, Bella. Don't worry about a thing. Take all the time you need. Having Masen here has been fun for both of us. It's like a test run!"

I nearly laughed, grateful I had such an amazing friend in her. I told her I loved her before heading back to the hospital.

Once I arrived, so had several others. Esme was still there. Now, Carlisle, Nanna Cullen, and Rose had all joined.

"How is he?" I asked.

Carlisle was first to answer. "They removed the breathing tube. He's stable."

I knew Carlisle knew more than he was letting on, he was a doctor for goodness sakes.

"Carlisle, please," I begged. "I need to know the truth." Big tears blurred my vision and I fought desperately to keep them from pouring over. "I can't look at Masen and tell him his daddy will be home soon, if he's never coming home."

Carlisle looked down and away from me. "I don't know, Bella. I just don't know. It's too early to tell. He's still non-responsive, but the fact that he's breathing on his own is a good sign."

I sighed and collapsed on a chair nearby.

I only got to see him for two minutes that evening. Everyone else wanted to see him too. He didn't look that different. I wanted him to wake up so bad. I just wanted to see his green eyes.

I knew I needed to go home that evening. If I wanted to keep my job, I had to be at work the next day.

Emmett insisted on following me. He was out of his car and to my driver's side window before I even got my car in park inside the apartment garage. I rolled down my window.

"What are you doing here? You're not staying here."

"Why not?" I asked. "Rose and Alice cleaned the apartment."

Emmett looked at me like I had four heads. "Bella, he knows where you live. You're not staying here."

Tears stung my eyes and a giant lump formed in my throat. I know it was sort of sick and selfish, but I wanted nothing more than to curl up in _our_ bed, that smelled of Edward, and cry my eyes out. I didn't care if James found me. I deserved whatever punishment he would cast upon me.

I just wanted to feel closer to Edward. I sighed. Maybe I could bargain with him.

"Well, I need to get some clothes. Will you come in with me for a few minutes?"

Emmett huffed and puffed, and finally agreed.

When we entered the apartment, it was sparkling. They even painted. It smelled fresh and clean, and I was suddenly concerned that my bed may not smell like Edward anymore.

"Stay here," I said to Emmett, as I motioned towards the couch. "I may be a few minutes."

I went to our room and quietly closed the door behind me. I collapsed onto our bed and as soon as I inhaled his scent, the waterworks began. I clung to his pillow as I cried, apologizing to it, as if he could hear me.

I guess I stayed in there too long. Emmett knocked lightly, not waiting for my response, and pushed open the door.

I looked up at him and he sighed. "Bella, come on. You can't do this all night. I know this is hard on you, but I have to make sure you're safe and I'd like to get home to my wife and daughter."

I cried even harder. I got up and packed a bag with a few more things and let Emmett follow me to Alice's place.

I spent the night there with Masen. I didn't sleep well at all. I couldn't stop thinking about Edward. I kept wondering if he was okay. What if he woke up and I wasn't there? I tossed and turned all night. At one point, Masen rolled over, facing me, and sighed. He reached his little hands up to my face and closed my eye lids. "Sleep, Mamma," he said softly. I tried, I really did.

I eventually got up earlier than I should have and decided I would go by the hospital before going into work.

I wasn't allowed to see him, but I did get to check in with Esme. Nothing had really changed, but he was still breathing well on his own. They planned on moving him to a recovery room later that afternoon. I guess that was a good thing. I continued on to work, hoping it would be a distraction from everything that was wrong in my life.

***Author's Note: Hey there! Sorry this update was a little late, my real life has been entirely too demanding! Enjoy...progress will be made soon. :) Oh, and thank you all you loyally review every chapter! 3

Follow me on Twitter~ AllOrNothingKR


	23. Chapter 23

CHAPTER 23:

I went to work and was a complete and utter mess the entire time. I hated that my co-workers constantly asked me questions about Edward. If they really gave a damn, they would let me be there with him, and not in the office.

The day was unbelievably slow. As soon as the clock said 4:59 p.m. I was out of there. I rushed to the hospital and naturally went back to the ICU waiting room. Nobody was there. I called Esme and she informed me where they were.

I took the elevator three floors up to the recovery unit, where they had moved Edward earlier in the day. Esme and Carlisle were the only ones in the room. Edward looked a little better, but he was still out of it.

Carlisle said Edward was still breathing on his own and the swelling in his brain had gone down a little bit. He was beginning to bruise all over, but the swelling around his eyes had gone down.

Emse and I agreed to start taking shifts. She would stay with him during the day while I worked and I would spend the night with him. Carlisle convinced the hospital to bring in an additional bed, so I wouldn't have to sleep on a cot or lumpy chair.

It felt strange being alone with Edward after Carlisle and Esme left. I felt the need to do something, to help him, to comfort him in some way, but I didn't know what to do.

I eventually grew tired of staring at him and trying to get him to talk. I called Alice and spoke to her and Masen for a few minutes before deciding to go to bed. It was still a little early, but I was several days behind on sleep.

I climbed into the hospital bed, wishing I was strong enough to push it closer to Edward. I laid on my side, facing him and eventually drifted off to sleep to the rhythmic sound of some nearby beeping machine. I imagined it was Edward's heart.

I woke some time later to the sound of Edward gasping for air and screaming. I climbed out of the bed quickly, losing my footing and falling on my right knee.

"Ouch!" I yelped and struggled to my feet. "Edward? It's okay."

Edward glanced at me quickly, he looked fearful and confused. "Where am I?"

"You're in the hospital. You're safe."

His swollen eyes darted quickly around the room and he brought his hands to his head as if it hurt, and closed his eyes tightly.

I stood close to him and ran my hands through his messy hair. "How do you feel?"

He lowered his hands and looked up at me. "Am I alive?"

"Yes, of course you are."

"I thought you were dead," he said factually.

I shook my head. "No, I'm fine, Edward."

"He said you were dead. He got to you before they came for me. I wanted to die."

"Edward, stop. You're not making any sense. I'm fine; Masen is fine. You're the only one we're worried about."

"Masen? Where is he? Where is James?"

"Masen is with Alice. I don't know where James is."

"I have to find him." Edward threw the blankets off of his lower extremities and attempted to get out of the bed, quickly learning he couldn't move. He had a cast from the top of his right leg to just above his calf.

He looked at his leg. "What is this? I need to go."

"Edward, lay down. Your leg is broken. You are not going anywhere."

Edward suddenly screeched loudly and began gripping his right side. He looked down and held his hand up, it was covered in blood.

I gasped. "Edward, stop. Just lay down and relax. Stop moving!" I went to push the button to call the nurse.

"What happened to me?"

I ignored him and went to the door to meet the nurse.

"He's bleeding from the right side; I don't know where it is coming from."

Two nurses rushed past me, one nearly slipping in the small pool of blood that had formed next to Edward's bed.

Edward became combative, demanding to know what was going on. The nurses pulled up his gown and revealed a large gash in his side, it looked like a few of his stitches had pulled out from his surgery.

Edward started swinging his arms. "What the hell is this? Don't touch me!" he screamed.

I rushed over to him, on the opposite side from the nurses who were dodging his failing arms. I brushed my fingers across his face. "Edward, please, calm down. They're only trying to help you. Please! You're going to hurt yourself even more."

He suddenly relaxed and just stared at me blankly. "You're really pretty." He reached up and touched my cheek. "Who are you?"

Tears immediately pooled in my eyes. Edward was all over the place. He wasn't making any sense. I glanced up at the nurses.

"It happens sometimes with a brain injury. He'll be okay in a few days, don't worry. We have to get him back to the operating room." The two ladies unplugged a few things and began rolling Edward away. He started screaming at me.

"Bella? Bella! Don't leave me!"

"I'll be right here, Edward." I choked out, before he disappeared through doorway.

I broke down once he was gone. He was completely all over the place. He knew me one minute and not the next. After I collected myself, I called Esme and Carlisle and let them know what happened. Carlisle assured me Edward would come through. He was just confused. Once the swelling subsided completely he would be back to his normal self. Esme was on her way before I got off the phone with Carlisle.

I sat and watched as someone came in to clean and disinfect Edward's room. It seemed like Edward had been gone a long time. Esme arrived and Edward still hadn't returned. She demanded answers from the nurses station, but nobody would tell us anything, only that he was still in surgery. They assured us it was nothing serious, that they just had to re-stitch his incision and clean it out.

Esme and I waited and waited. It was shortly before 2:00 a.m. when they rolled Edward back into the room. He was awake. The doctor said they only used a local anesthetic. He advised it would take some time for Edward to remember everything, but he would come around. The doctor and nurses finally left.

Esme went to Edward's side immediately. "How are you feeling?"

Edward sighed. "Disoriented, confused, and in a world of pain. Where is Bella?"

Esme looked up at me. "She's right here, Edward. On your left."

I moved closer to him. His left eye was more swollen than the right, so I assumed I wasn't in his peripheral vision. I set my hand on his bruised arm. "I'm here, Edward."

"Are you okay?" he asked.

I nodded my head.

"Have they caught him?"

I shook my head. "Not yet. Everything is out now, the whole truth. I told them everything."

"Good."

"They said I didn't have to press charges, but they want to speak with you. They want more details about the fraternity. They took my computer as evidence. They are in the process of contacting all the girls as well."

"Where are you staying? Where is Masen?"

"I've either been here or with Alice. Masen is with Alice and Jasper. Alice and Rose cleaned up the apartment, so I'll probably be going back there soon."

Edward's eyes grew large and he gripped my hand tightly. "No!"

"Edward, I can't keep depending on Jasper and Alice. They have their own issues to deal with."

"You are not going back there until James and Laurent are behind bars."

"Who is Laurent?"

"The one you call Dreadlocks."

"Oh. We can talk about it later. You should rest."

Edward sighed. He looked to his mother. "When can I get out of here? Where is Dad? What's my prognosis?"

Esme hesitated. "I don't know when, Edward. Your right leg is broken. You were stabbed four times; you had major surgery. I imagine you will be here for a while. Even then, it will take some time. You will need a lot of physical therapy."

Edward rolled his eyes. "I'm starving."

"You cannot have anything yet, just some ice chips," Esme said.

I reached over to the side table and pulled a few ice chips from the cup and put them against Edward's dry and cracked lips. His tongue slipped out from between his lips, lightly brushing my finger tips and the ice chips were gone.

Esme stepped out to call Carlisle.

I fed Edward some more ice chips. When they were all gone I leaned down and whispered in his ear. "I love you, Edward. I was so worried. I'm sorry I didn't believe you."

I felt Edward's arm come around me and his hand tangle in my hair. He breathed deeply. "Bella, I love you. How long have I been out? I feel like I haven't seen you or touched you in a long time."

"Just a few days." I leaned back and hesitated. "Um, Edward? Do you remember me being there before the ambulance arrived?"

Edward's eyes moved back and forth, as if he were searching his memory. "Vaguely, I think."

"Do you remember anything you told me? Or anything I told you?"

Edward hesitated for a moment before looking up at me. "No, I don't. Should I?"

I shrugged. "No, I was just curious."

I knew I should tell him that I was pregnant, but he seemed too fragile. I wanted to wait until he was more stable.

"Will you bring Masen tomorrow?" he asked.

"Edward, I don't think that's a good idea. I don't want him to see you like this, it might scare him. I don't want him to worry. He has no idea what happened."

"Oh," Edward said, disappointed. "Okay. Will you tell him I miss him?"

"Of course, Edward."

I was holding the left side of his face in the palm of my hand and he turned his head into my hand, nuzzling it.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm so tired." He kissed my palm and closed his eyes. I noticed his skin felt warm, almost feverish.

"It's okay, Edward. Go to sleep. I'll be right here." I kissed his forehead and when I was sure he was asleep, I went to find Esme.

Esme and I spoke briefly. She went back to her hotel and I went back to Edward's room. He was awake when I came in.

"Where were you?" he asked.

"I just stepped out for a minute. Go back to sleep." I climbed back into the bed next to his.

"Will you lay with me?" he asked, his voice laced with desperation.

I sighed. "Edward, I don't think that's a good idea. That's a small bed. I don't think the nurses would like that very much."

"Please, Bella. I need you."

My heart sank. I couldn't say no to him. I got out of the bed I was in and climbed into Edward's bed. It was higher than mine and fairly difficult to get in and out of. He tried to scoot over for me, but he couldn't really move due to the cast on his leg. I laid on my side next to him, practically half on top of him.

"Are you uncomfortable?" he asked.

I was, but I wouldn't tell him so. "No, I'm fine." I looked up and kissed his lips briefly. "Go back to sleep, baby."

Edward smiled and it made me feel better. I'd give anything to keep that smile on his face.

I snuggled in closer to him and fell asleep, listening to the sound of his heart beating again, finally.

I was woken up early the next morning by Carlisle.

"Bella, don't you need to get to work?"

I rubbed my eyes and sat up. "Yea, what time is it?"

"Shortly after 7:00 a.m."

"Where is Esme?" I asked.

"She was going to sleep a little late, so I came down to relieve you."

"Oh, thank you." After glancing at Edward and seeing that he was still sound asleep I crawled out of the bed. I gathered a few of my things and went back to Edward's side before leaving.

"I have to go to work, Edward. I'll be back this evening." I kissed his forehead, expecting him to wake up, but he didn't. "I love you." I sighed and turned to leave when he didn't respond.

I went to work and was actually semi-productive. I wasn't as worried about Edward as I had been previously. I was glad he was coming to and doing better, or so it seemed.

I picked up Masen from daycare and took him to Alice and Jasper's place. I filled them in on Edward's condition and that I thought he was doing better. Masen had a huge temper tantrum before I left because he couldn't go see Edward with me. I felt terrible, but I just didn't want him to see Edward in that condition and I didn't want Masen exposed to all the germs and illness in the hospital. I didn't need two sick boys.

I returned to the hospital and made my way to the recovery floor. Sometimes the place was like a maze. I accidentally went into the wrong room at first, but nobody was in there.

I made my way back to the nurses station and went across to the opposite wing and entered the second room on the left. There was an elderly lady in the bed who sounded like she was hacking up a lung. I shuddered and went back the in the direction I came. I had gotten so turned around. I stood in the middle of the nurses station, near the elevators and retraced my steps. I went back down the right wing and into the second room on the left. I was sure this was Edward's room. The room was empty. I suddenly began to panic. Where was he? Why hadn't anyone called me?

I returned to the nurses station and inquired about him.

"He's back in ICU," the old overweight lady said without even acknowledging my presence.

"Why? What happened?" I asked.

"I don't know. You'll have to ask them." She turned away from me suddenly and went about doing something else on a nearby computer.

I scoffed and headed back to the elevators. My heart was racing. He was doing better I thought. I hurried down to ICU and of course I couldn't see him. I made my way to the general waiting room area where I saw Esme and Carlisle.

"What is going on?" I asked. "Why didn't someone call me!" I nearly screamed.

Esme had been crying. Her eyes were red and puffy. Carlisle stood quickly and came to me, trying to get me to be quiet.

"He took a turn for the worse, Bella." Carlisle said as he put his arm around me.

I shrugged out of his embrace. "What do you mean? He was fine when I left this morning."

"He began to run a very a high fever. They believe he has some sort of infection. They're trying to control it with antibiotics."

I sat down in a nearby chair and crossed my arms. I was furious. I couldn't comprehend what I was hearing. "Why didn't you call me?" I asked through tear filled eyes. "You don't know what it was like going into his room and realizing he wasn't there!"

"I'm sorry, Bella. We weren't thinking."

I sighed and turned away from them, anxiously watching the clock on the wall. Thirty more minutes until visiting time.

I went to see Edward first while Esme and Carlisle waited. He looked about the same, but definitely feverish. He skin was flushed and his hair was damp. Maybe he was sweating and his fever was breaking. I grabbed a notepad nearby and began to fan him with it.

He was groggy but eventually opened his eyes. "Where am I?" he asked.

"You're back in ICU. How do you feel?"

He just groaned, he didn't really respond.

I kissed his cheek. "I'm sorry you're in so much pain."

His eyes opened and he looked straight at me. "I just want to go home, Bella."

My heart broke. "I know you do, baby. You have to get better first."

Edward nodded his head and drifted back to sleep.

I left so Carlisle and Esme could have a few minutes with him.

After they returned to the waiting room, I apologized for getting upset with them earlier and I went to class since there was nothing else I could do.

Over the next week I visited Edward as much as I could. They finally got his temperature under control and moved him back to a recovery room. Things seemed like they were finally starting to progress, albeit slowly, for Edward.

*****Author's Note: Sorry for the slow roll...things will start to move forward in the next chapter! Thanks for all the great reviews! **

**Follow me on Twitter: AllOrNothingKR **


	24. Chapter 24

CHAPTER 24

A few weeks passed and Edward was slowly improving and my baby bump was increasing in size. I swear I was eating everything in site. It wasn't like this with Masen.

Edward insisted I couldn't stay in the apartment anymore since James' whereabouts were still unknown. The police did catch Laurent last week. They actually pulled him over for speeding and then realized there was a warrant for him. He claims he doesn't know where James is and is denying any involvement in what happened to Edward.

From his hospital bed, Edward arranged for us to move. I talked him into a three bedroom apartment, saying that we needed more space. There wasn't a three bedroom available in our building so we moved into the same building as Alice and Jasper. Edward hired movers and I practically didn't lift a finger.

Alice had been on my case about telling Edward I was pregnant. I was definitely beginning to show. Alice had made her big announcement and I didn't want to steal the spotlight from her.

I knew I needed to tell Edward. I was just hoping it wouldn't be while he was in a hospital bed. We had big decisions to make where Edward was concerned. His parents and I weren't exactly seeing eye to eye.

Edward would need a lot of physical therapy. He had lost some of his motor skills and while everything seemed to slowly be coming back together he was still having a lot of problems using his right hand and arm. His leg would be in a full cast for another four weeks and after that, he would need weeks of physical therapy to learn how to use his leg again.

He could hardly do anything for himself and he still had to be careful not to lift anything or do anything strenuous due to his incision from his surgery. He was just beginning to eat solid food again.

The problem was, Edward needed round the clock care. I worked and had class and I wasn't even strong enough to help him that much. But at the same time, I was selfish and I wanted him home.

Esme and Carlisle insisted Edward go back to Portland with them and let Esme care for him until he recovers. I knew that was what is best for Edward, but what about Masen and I?

We only had one more day to decide. Edward was being released from the hospital tomorrow morning.

Edward of course insisted on going home and thinks he can take care of himself.

Esme and Carlisle had stepped out to get something to eat and I was alone with Edward in his room. He wasn't happy, because he knew what he had to do.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I want you home more than anything, but I won't be there enough to take proper care of you."

Edward sighed. "I know. Promise me you will come see me every weekend and bring Masen?"

"I promise." My eyes filled with tears at the thought of only seeing him on the weekends.

"Don't cry, Bella," he said as he brushed the back of my hand with his fingertips. "As soon as I get this cast off, I'll be home."

I wiped at my damp eyes as Esme and Carlisle entered the room. I stood quickly, ready to put my plan into action.

"Can I have a moment with both of you, outside."

Edward looked confused and Esme and Carlisle left the room with me. I talked them into letting me have one night with Edward before he went to Portland. They reluctantly agreed, which meant they would be spending an extra night in Seattle before returning home with Edward.

Edward was so excited when he found out. He hadn't even seen our new apartment and he had only seen Masen two times since this whole nightmare started.

Carlisle had to help me get Edward to our apartment. He was still in a lot of pain and we transported him in a wheelchair. He had a walker and crutches, but his incision was still really tender and he was sore all over. He had pain medication, but he refused to take it.

It was quite the production, but we finally got Edward settled on the couch. As soon as he had everything he needed within arms reach, I went and fetched Masen from Alice and Jasper.

Masen was so excited that he was going to get to see his daddy. I set Masen down as soon as we entered the apartment and he ran to Edward, climbing up on the couch and into Edward's lap. Masen's little arms swung around Edward's neck and I saw Edward flinch in pain.

I immediately went to get Masen. "Masen, you have to be careful, daddy's sick, okay?" I pulled Masen back a little bit, but Edward held on to him tightly with his good arm.

"It's okay, Bella. He's fine."

I took a deep breath and let them get settled on the couch. I had a feeling Masen wasn't going to move for the rest of the night.

I made lunch in the kitchen while Edward read Masen a book on the couch. We all ate on the couch, and Masen made a big mess, but neither of us could complain. It felt good to be together again.

Approximately three minutes after I finished lunch, I got sick. Some smell set me off. I think it may have been the cheese on Masen's sandwich.

"I'll be right back," I said as I got up and ran for the nearest bathroom. I lost all my lunch, but felt infinitely better afterwards.

I returned to the living room after rinsing my mouth out and brushing my teeth.

Edward was looking at me like I wasn't human. "Are you alright?" he asked.

I nodded my head. "Oh, I'm fine. I think I just picked up a little stomach bug from the hospital or something." I tried to play it off, but I wasn't sure Edward was buying it.

Edward, Masen and I spent the entire day watching movies and being lazy. Masen passed out on the couch early and I carried him to bed before returning to the couch with Edward.

"So, how do you like the apartment?" I asked.

Edward looked around. "It's nice, what I can see of it from here," he joked.

"It's much roomier. Masen really likes his room. I got him a big boy bed!"

"Really? No more crib?"

I shook my head. "Nope! He was out growing it, and the new bed still has side rails, so he can't fall out, but he can get in and out on his own."

Edward suddenly looked slightly distant. I ran my fingers through is mess of hair. "Are you okay?" I asked.

Edward nodded his head. "Yea, it's just everything seems so different."

I nodded my head. "Well, it's a new place. You'll get used to it."

"I want to see the rest of it and then can we go to bed?" he asked. I could tell he was exhausted. He was used to sleeping most of the day.

"Of course, Edward." I got up to get his walker. His arm and hand weren't strong enough yet to support himself on crutches.

Edward bitched and moaned about having to use a walker.

"It's only for a little while, Edward. Come on..." I helped him up from the couch and he gasped in pain again. I froze. "Are you okay?"

He exhaled a deep breath and nodded his head, but I didn't believe him. I helped him around the corner to see the kitchen, and then down the hall where we peeked into Masen's room.

"He's really getting big. He's growing up so fast," Edward said.

I agreed with him and we glanced into our room on the right before reaching the end of the hallway where the third and final bedroom was. I slowly and nervously opened the bedroom door and switched on the light.

"Why did you put his crib in here?" Edward asked. "I thought you wanted an extra bedroom for an office?"

I looked up at Edward, trying to tell him without words. He wasn't comprehending.

"Edward, I'm pregnant."

His face was a mirage of emotion, from one extreme to the next. I wasn't sure what he was thinking.

"Are you sure?" he finally asked.

I nodded my head and took his good hand, rubbing it gently over my little baby bump.

Edward gasped. "You've known this all along and you're just now telling me?"

He sounded mad. "Well...I..." I struggled for words. "We were never alone. I wanted to tell you when you got home, not in a hospital room."

Edward pushed the door back quickly, banging it loudly against the wall in a fit of anger as he attempted to storm down the hall at a snails pace. If I wasn't so concerned about his reaction, it would've almost been humorous.

"Edward?" I asked cautiously. "I'm sorry, I just thought..."

He didn't let me finish. He yelled as he entered our bedroom. "I'm so fucking pissed off!" He screamed as he pushed our door back against the wall as well.

I'd never seen Edward like that. I was almost scared. I didn't understand. I thought he would be happy.

I heard Edward collapse on the bed and yell out in pain. I rushed into our bedroom to see him gripping his side near his incision.

"Edward, calm down. Please! You're going to hurt yourself."

Edward laid back on the bed and kicked his walker out of the way with his free leg. I walked up to him and lifted his casted leg on to the bed and helped him scoot up so his head could rest on the pillow. I tried to stop them, but the warm tears slid down my cheeks anyway.

Edward sighed and looked emotionally tormented. After a few minutes he seemed to calm down and relax.

"Bella, I'm sorry."

I just continued to cry. "I didn't know you'd be so upset. I mean, I didn't just make this baby on my own."

Edward glanced up at me quickly. "No, Bella. That's not what I meant!" He pulled at my arm and I sat down on the edge of the bed next to him. "I'm not mad at _you_, baby. I'm pissed off at the situation. I'm pissed off because I finally have the opportunity to be there for you while you're pregnant and to see our child be born, and I'm fucking immobile and I'll be 200 miles away! I never would've agreed to go to Portland if I had known this. How far along are you? Wait, we only even had sex once..."

I nodded my head. "San Diego."

"That means your like, four and a half months along?"

I nodded my head.

"Do you know if it is a boy or girl?"

"No, not yet. I have an appointment in a couple weeks." I could tell by the look on his face that he was scheming some sort of plan.

"My mom will just have to get over it. I'm not going to Portland."

"Edward, it may not be such a bad idea. You need someone that will be around more. You can't take care of Masen like this. You can't even get up on your own and I don't need to be trying to lift you. Masen and I will be okay and we will come visit every weekend. You won't miss anything."

Edward sighed. I could tell he was frustrated. He finally gave in when I told him I didn't need the stress of taking care of him and Masen and keeping up with school and work while I was pregnant. It wouldn't be good for the baby, my sanity, or our relationship.

I eventually helped Edward to the bathroom where we got him ready for bed and changed the bandage where his incision was. I was exhausted by the time we got back in bed. Taking care of Edward in his current condition was definitely a full time job; a full time job that I didn't have time for. I loved Edward and I wanted to take care of him, but it just wasn't feasible in our current situation.

I was lost in my own thoughts when Edward's voice traveled across the pillow in the dark room.

"Bella? Are you awake?" he asked softly.

"Yes," I responded. I opened my eyes and his head was turned in my direction. He looked sad.

"I'm sorry about the way I acted earlier. I shouldn't have gotten so upset. I just had no idea and I just don't really feel like myself yet. I never should have raised my voice at you. I don't know what I was thinking."

I leaned over closer to him and grazed his cheek with the palm of my hand. "It's okay, Edward. You've been through a lot. I understand. I'm just glad your still here."

Edward scoffed. "I've been through a lot?" he asked. "Bella, what I've been through is nothing compared to what I've put you through..."

He attempted to go on, but I cut him off. "Stop, Edward. If I have chosen to forgive you, and I have, then you have to learn to forgive yourself. I'll never forget it. I will never forget the way it made me feel, the way _you_ made me feel, but I don't want to remember it everyday. You were a different person then. I love who you are now. I've chosen to live in the present. I love you, and I love our son and I wouldn't trade either of you for the world. It was a long, hard and painful road that brought us to this point, but I'm glad we made it, and I'm glad we're together."

Edward reached up and cradled my face in his hand. "You're so incredible, you know?"

I smiled shyly and gently brushed his lips with mine.

"I love you, Bella. I love you so much that it is still hard for me to cope with what I did, to know that I hurt someone so badly that I love so much."

I sighed. "Edward, you didn't love me then. You didn't know me. I mean, that doesn't make it okay, I'm just ready to move on."

"It doesn't matter that I didn't know you. You were still you. You were still beautiful, vibrant, innocent and full of life and I took that away from you and I took that away from the people that loved you."

"And I'm trying to get it back, Edward. I'm trying to move on. Let me, please. Being pregnant again has brought back a huge array of emotions. The entire time I was carrying Masen, I felt like I was carrying a monster. I hated being pregnant and I was scared to death. I want it to be different with this baby. Regardless of everything we've been through, this baby was conceived in love and I want to love it. I want to enjoy being pregnant and I want to be present for it from here on out. I admit, I was concerned early on, not knowing if you would live or die. I couldn't do this by myself again. But you're here now and the baby is healthy and moving right along and it is a part of each of us. I refused to feel so many things when I was pregnant with Masen. I want to feel everything with this baby and I don't want to be reminded how we got to this point. We are here, and we love each other, and this baby, and that's all that matters, okay?"

Edward nodded his head and grinned before kissing me. I melted under his kiss. God, how I missed his touch, his lips, his sweet breath.

"I'm going to marry you one day, Bella," he said between kisses.

I gasped, and my heart started racing. I couldn't wait to be his wife; one day.

"Of course, that won't be until I can walk myself down the damn aisle without a freaking walker!" he joked.

I giggled and continued to kiss him. "Marrying you would make me so happy. I love you, Edward."

Neither of us really slept much that night. We laughed, kissed, touched, and talked about our future. We talked about where we would get married, what kind of ring I would want and how our children would be involved in the ceremony. We talked about baby names and how we would decorate his or her room.

In retrospect, that night was perfect. I wish we could get back to that place. Life was hard and punishing in the weeks to follow.

*****Author's Note: Hi everyone! Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter! Don't worry yourselves too much w/ that last sentence in the chapter! There have been a lot of new readers *waves* - welcome to the bandwagon and thank you all again for the reviews! They're great! **

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	25. Chapter 25

CHAPTER 25:

Life felt like a circus lately. Work, school, Masen, Edward, sleep. I wasn't sure I even ate some days. Edward was so demanding. I felt horrible for him. He hated being in Portland. He hated being away from Masen and I. I didn't particularly like it either, but I knew Esme could take better care of him than I could.

Edward had finally given in and taken some of his pain medication, which helped initially. Lately however, it, or the situation all together, had made him moody and angry a lot of the time. His physical condition wasn't progressing as fast as he had hoped and it was really frustrating him. I was concerned he was pushing himself too hard too soon because he wanted to be back home.

He called and text messaged me frequently and I was finding it difficult to keep up with him, Masen and my school work. Edward wanted to talk for hours it seemed like every night and I did miss him and I wanted to talk to him too, but I also had homework and a child to bathe, feed and get to sleep.

I felt like an emotional basket case. If everything else I had to deal with wasn't enough, Alice and Jasper kept randomly showing up at my apartment at various times in the evening.

I had been on the phone with Edward, listening to him complain and trying to make Masen dinner, when I heard a knock at the door. I knew it would be Alice and Jasper. It was then, that it hit me for the first time. Edward had done this. Edward was having them keep an eye on me.

"I'm sorry, Edward, I'll have to call you back. My babysitters are here." I hung up on him, infuriated.

I swung the front door open to see Alice and Jasper standing outside with smiles on their faces. I got theatrical. "I'm alive!" I said loudly. "I'll still be here the next time you just drop by for the hell of it!"

Alice giggled and Jasper looked at her, worried.

"I know Edward has you both keeping an eye on me. I'm fine, really. We have consumed enough of your time. Please, live your own lives and stop worrying about me."

Alice looked taken back and shocked as she gasped and held her hand over her chest. "Bella, Edward may have put us up to this, but he did so for good reason. He isn't here and that creep has never resurfaced. Jasper and I would be concerned even if Edward wasn't paying us."

I felt the heat rush to the surface of my skin. "Paying you?" I screamed.

Alice ducked her head. "Oops."

"I cannot believe him!" I turned around and went back inside the apartment as Alice and Jasper followed. Jasper hung behind Alice like a lost puppy, unsure of what to do.

"Bella, I mean, we tried to refuse him, to refuse the money, but he wouldn't let us."

I shook my head. "I'm capable of taking care of myself. James doesn't know I live here. He is smarter than to ever show his face in this city again. He's not just going to show up here! Even if he did, I have you, Edward, and 911 on speed dial and my cell phone is strapped to my hip." I theatrically motioned to my cell phone that was clipped to the belt on my jeans.

"I'm sorry, Bella. We all just love you and worry about you." Jasper chimed in.

"I appreciate it. I really do, but I've got enough on my plate without having you two stopping by all the time with lame excuses."

Alice and Jasper apologized and I hugged Alice tightly before seeing them both out. "I love you, Alice. I'll be okay."

Alice and Jasper reluctantly left. I knew Edward had been calling while they were over. I felt my phone vibrate on my hip numerous times. I just couldn't believe that he would pay our friends to keep an eye on me!

I got Masen situated at the table before calling Edward.

He answered the phone on the first ring. "What are you talking about babysitters?"

"Edward Cullen! I cannot believe you! What is wrong with you? You've been paying our friends to keep an eye on me behind my back? Do you think I'm completely helpless? Do you think I'm stupid?"

Edward was quiet for a moment before he responded. "No, Bella. I don't think any of that. I think I know first hand how dangerous James is and I know if anything happened to you, I couldn't live with myself. I just needed to know that you were okay."

I sighed. "Is it not enough that we speak practically 24 hours a day, Edward?"

Edward sighed. "I'm sorry. I just want to be there so badly."

"Oh, Edward. You're so pitiful." I sighed, feeling bad for him, but still upset at his antics. "Don't get mad, but I don't think Masen and I are going to come see you this weekend."

"What? Why? Bella, I said I was sorry. It's only because I love you so much. Why can't you understand that?"

"It's not because of that Edward. I have an ultrasound scheduled at 7:00 a.m. on Monday and I have a huge mid-term paper I have to get done this weekend. Besides, next week is Thanksgiving. We'll drive down Wednesday night and stay through the weekend. I already took the time off work."

Edward pouted. "I really wanted to see you both. I was looking forward to it so much."

"I know, baby. It's just a bad weekend."

Edward sighed. "Ultrasound for what?" he asked suddenly.

I nearly laughed. "An ultrasound for our unborn baby!"

Edward scoffed. "I knew that, Bella. I meant, why, what is the purpose?"

"Just to make sure everything is okay, check the size, and determine the sex."

"You'll have to reschedule. I want to be there for that. I need to take you to that appointment."

Here we go. Edward had serious issues with being away. He hated that he couldn't do everything and fix everything. "I'm not rescheduling, Edward. I've put it off long enough. I won't let them tell me the gender. I'll have the technician just write it down and put it in an envelope and I won't open it until we're together, okay?"

Edward sounded so distraught. "You shouldn't have to go to that appointment by yourself. I should be with you."

"It's fine, Edward. Really. Alice is coming with me."

Edward was really quiet. I knew this upset him. He wanted so badly to be a part of this, and so did I, because seeing your unborn child was something words couldn't describe. It just wasn't feasible in our current situation.

"Did she take you to all your appointments with Masen?" he asked somberly.

I took a deep breath, trying not to remember Alice and my father practically having to force me to go to my appointments. "Yes, Alice and my dad took me to most of them."

Edward was quiet, and I knew he was trying to formulate some sort of plan. I made a mental note to call Esme and tell her not to let him talk her into anything crazy. I wanted Edward better, and I wanted him home. I didn't want him worried with road trips and my appointments. Besides, he has physical therapy on Monday mornings and he didn't need to miss it.

"Edward?" I asked, not sure if he was still there. We were both lost in our own thoughts. "Masen's finished with his dinner. I need to get him in the bath. I'll call you before bed, okay?"

"What about you? Have you eaten, Bella?"

Shit. "I had a snack," I lied. "I'm going to make something as soon as I get Masen down. I didn't have time to make anything for myself because I had to entertain my visitors you paid for!" I said sarcastically.

Edward laughed lightly momentarily. "Make sure you eat, and call me. I love you."

I smiled. I couldn't wait for normalcy and routine to return to our strained relationship. "I love you, too."

I hung up and returned to my motherly duties.

I spent the weekend entertaining Masen and trying to finish my mid-term. It dawned on me on Saturday afternoon, when Edward called for the sixth time that day already, that I probably would've gotten more done on my paper if I had of just gone to Portland. At least then Masen and Edward could entertain each other and I could have some peace and quiet.

Edward and I's relationship was very strained. We were both on edge. I won't lie, I was scared about James. I was concerned he could find me. I thought about it every night before I went to sleep. I moved the end table in front of the door every single night after Masen went to sleep. I even went as far as to set two delicate wine glasses on the end table balanced on top of each other so I'd hear them break if someone tried to open the door. I just didn't want Edward to worry about us. It didn't help that I knew the pressure was on. The fraternity had been shut down on campus. They were questioning tons of people, and had 24 hour surveillance on Victoria. Apparently it was worse than we thought, and not only the rapes, they think a lot of the guys were involved in criminal activity, particularly selling drugs that help you stay awake to cram for exams. Not only was I concerned about James finding me, but I was concerned about any of the other fraternity brothers knowing my identity. I'd even thought about quitting school after this semester and giving it some time to let things cool off. I mean, I'd have to anyway with the baby coming.

The closer it got to Monday morning, the sadder I got. I didn't realize how badly I wanted Edward there with me at my doctor's appointment. I was really excited about finding out if it was a boy or girl though, and it killed me that I would have to wait until Wednesday to really find out.

I didn't get much sleep Sunday night so I was up bright and early at 5:00 a.m. on Monday morning.

I had one missed call, which I assumed was Edward. However, I also had a voicemail, and Edward didn't usually leave me a message. He knows that I'll call when I see his missed call.

I ignored it for a moment and jumped in the shower so I could get out before Masen woke up and demanded all of my attention.

Once out of the shower, I put on some decaf coffee and sat down on the couch. I dialed my voicemail to listen to the message.

"Hey, Bella. It's Investigator Lawrence with Seattle PD. I know we haven't talked lately, but there wasn't really much going on with the investigation until now. We found James. Victoria slipped up and met him outside town yesterday afternoon. We took him in for questioning and arrested him. We didn't actually get to question him because he already has an attorney. The Judge set his bail extremely high, but Bella, he bailed out late last night. I don't know where he got the money. The bail was set high because we knew he'd be a flight risk, but his father came through. Unfortunately there isn't much we can do. Right now he's looking at aggravated assault and attempted murder, but the charges are pending until trial. We didn't have any physical evidence to hold him on rape charges. I'm sorry, Bella. Give me a call when you get this message. I've been in contact with your father. We're going to try to get some protection for you."

I sat on the couch shaking. I never even thought this would be a possibility. Laurent couldn't afford his bail and that's why he was sitting in jail all this time. I never dreamt that James had access to that kind of money. I called my dad first.

"Hello?"

"Daddy?" I cried.

Charlie sighed. "Bella, calm down. It's alright."

"What do you mean it's alright? He could be anywhere! He's going to come after me!"

"Calm down, Bella. Let me explain what is going on. They're taking a bit of a different approach now."

"What do you mean?"

"James is. Apparently his father is a bigwig attorney in Seattle. His mother is a doctor. They have more money than they know what to do with. It seems like James is back and with a more cleaned up appearance and demeanor. He may even get back into his classes. I can't be sure, but Investigator Lawrence and I think he will blame everything on Laurent as his defense."

"I think I'm going to be sick," I said as I felt my stomach turn cartwheels.

"I really don't think he would come after you at this point. He obviously thinks he has a decent chance at beating the charges so I don't think he would jeopardize that. He's in no less trouble if you were dead. It wouldn't benefit him at this point. Just lay low for now and in the meantime Investigator Lawrence is trying to get someone to keep an eye on you."

I sighed. "Great. Thanks, Dad. I need to call Edward; I'll talk to you later."

"I love you, Bella. Don't let this upset you. Let me know how your appointment goes."

"Okay." I hung up and sat starting at my phone. I didn't want to call Edward. I didn't want to tell him. He would freak out.

My phone rang again before I could finish my next thought. It was Edward.

"Hello?"

"Bella? Where are you? Are you alright?" he asked, frantic.

"I'm at home. I'm fine."

"I just got a message from Investigator Lawrence..."

I cut him off before he could finish. "I know, I got one too." I tried not to cry, but I couldn't help it. I didn't want to deal with Edward right now. I wanted to stay locked in my apartment for the rest of the day.

Edward went on and on about my safety and that I needed to get Masen and come to Portland. He didn't understand that I couldn't just leave my job and my life behind in Seattle and wait around for James to be tried before a jury. I was scared. I was down right terrified, but I wasn't giving up my life because of it. I worked too damn hard to get where I am to give it all up.

The only thing that finally appeased Edward to let me leave the house was that he would stay on the phone with me the entire time. I know it is ridiculous, but it's the only thing that would calm him down.

I continued to get myself ready and Masen ready. Masen talked to Edward for a little bit while I did what I needed to. Masen was staying with Rose until Alice and I got finished with my appointment.

Alice arrived right on time and she was practically beaming from ear to ear. She could tell by the way I looked that it hadn't been a good morning. My cell phone was laying on the coffee table on speaker phone.

"Bella, what's wrong? No reason to be upset, it's going to be a great day!"

I shook my head, trying to tell her not to ask but it didn't work. Edward chimed in and went through all the morning's events and reiterated why it was so important that Alice and Jasper keep an eye on me.

Alice looked nervous, but ensured Edward they would make certain I was okay.

"So, why don't we leave all that mess behind," Alice started. "I have a surprise for both of you!"

"You do?" I asked. "What is it?"

Alice smiled and pulled her MacBook from her messenger bag and held it up in the air.

"She's holding her MacBook up," I told Edward, who obviously couldn't see what she was doing. "I don't get it, Alice."

Suddenly Edward chimed in. "Oh, Alice! That's a great idea! Skype?" Edward asked.

Alice beamed. "Exactly!"

"Oh!" I said, finally cluing in. Alice brought her MacBook so we could Skype with Edward at the ultrasound. "So, Edward, does this mean we can find out the gender today?" I asked.

"No!" Edward pouted. "I want to be there."

I sighed. I was so anxious to find out if I'd have another little Edward. "Fine," I conceded and we headed out to the appointment.

The technician doing the ultrasound wasn't all that thrilled about our Skype plans but she eventually agreed as long as she wasn't in the shot. Alice set the computer up on this little cart that rolled and angled it just right so that me and the monitor were in view. I could look to my left and see Edward on the screen. It almost felt like he was really there. He looked a little rough although all of the swelling on his face had gone down. Almost all of his bruises were gone now, but he still looked tired and emotionally spent. Not to mention he was in dire need of a haircut. His hair was all over the place. It looked like a bird's nest on his head.

It startled me when Edward started speaking at the same time the technician squirted cold goo all over my lower stomach. "Bella, you've grown a lot. I feel like I haven't seen you in so long."

"This is nothing compared to what I will be like in a few more months," I told him. I looked over to see him completely enthralled and sitting there staring intently with his mouth hanging open.

We heard the heart beat first. I had heard it faintly before but Edward hadn't. The technician turned the volume up loudly so Edward could hear it clearly.

"Wow, that's crazy. It's beating so fast."

"It's beating at a normal rate. He or she has a strong heart beat; it sounds perfect."

The technician switched instruments and turned on the ultrasound monitor. The baby still seemed so tiny. Edward, Alice and I were all mesmerized and stared at the screen in silence as the technician took some measurements and made some notes. I could see it's little fingers and toes. They looked perfect. I never remembered being this excited with Masen. Every time I saw him during an ultrasound I completely panicked and looked away.

The technician jotted something down on a post-it note and put it in an envelope. She sealed it tightly and handed it to me.

"So, you can tell if it is a boy or girl?" I asked.

The technician nodded. "Yes, it's very clear. I got a very good picture."

I looked at Edward and he was absolutely beaming. "Are you sure we can't find out now?" I begged him.

"No! I want to be with you. It's only a few more days."

I sighed and agreed. Alice found out a few weeks ago that she was having a little boy. She had spent a fortune on him ever since. I was so jealous. I wanted to know. I wanted to start planning and thinking of names and all of that fun stuff that I took for granted with Masen.

The technician printed off a couple of photos before my doctor came in to follow up. He was careful not to give anything away as to the gender of the baby. He did say it was a little smaller than it should be, and that I hadn't gained enough weight. I wanted to hit him upside the head for saying that in front of Edward.

Edward gave me a nasty look. He didn't even have to say anything. "I've been eating everything in sight!" I said in my defense, and I did eat a lot, when I had time.

The doctor told me everything else looked perfect and to just put on a little more weight before my next visit. Saying goodbye to Edward on Skype was harder than I thought it would be. It had been well over a week since I'd seen him and I missed him.

"I've got to go to work and then I have class tonight. I'll try to call you in between."

Edward nodded his head. "Okay, I love you. Please be careful and be aware of your surroundings."

"I will. I love you too."

Alice snapped the computer shut and we headed home and I headed back to the busy schedule that I loathed.

***Author's Note: Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! I know some of you must be recommending this story because there are so many new readers every week! :*

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	26. Chapter 26

CHAPTER 26:

I went straight from home to work. It was a busy day. We would be working with the state prosecutor during the trial with James, but I did speak with one of the attorneys at work who was familiar with James' father. He said he rarely looses. He always finds loopholes and that Edward and I likely have a big battle ahead of us.

It was discouraging news to say the least, but as long as Edward and our children were safe, I really didn't care. I mean, don't get me wrong, I wanted him behind bars for a very long time. I just wanted my family to be safe.

I barely remembered to call Edward on the way to class as I was consumed with making sure my mid-term paper was perfect. I called him as I walked across campus to the building. Our discussion ended just as I entered the classroom, and that's when I nearly started screaming.

James was in his usual seat in the front row. He hadn't been in class in nearly two months and now he's just back like nothing happened? I looked from him to the professor, who didn't seem to care, and back again. James definitely looked different. The attorney at work was right, this was going to be hard. James cut all his hair off and had a respectable shorter cut. He was dressed very nicely and looked like a typical college kid. Nobody would ever suspect him of what he did. I was frozen. I couldn't move. I didn't know whether I should run out the door I came in, or go to my seat.

When I finally determined that he couldn't hurt me in front of all of our classmates, I took a seat in the back of the room, farthest from him.

I had to really try to pay attention in class and fortunately it let out a early since we really just had to turn in our mid-terms and then we were on Thanksgiving break.

I made sure I was the last one in the classroom and the door was closed. James left the room and didn't even look in my direction. I rushed to the front of the room before the Professor left.

"Professor Arnold? Can I talk to you for just a second?"

The old man slowly looked my direction. "Sure, Bella. What can I help you with?"

"Well, I was just wondering...you know James hasn't been in class for nearly two months, and now he can just come back and pick up where he left off?"

"Well, Ms. Swan, not that it is any of your business, but James had a family emergency that he told me about nearly two months ago. He's been doing assignments via correspondence."

I couldn't believe what he was saying. "Are you serious? Do you even watch the news? He has had a warrant out for his arrest for the past two months. He's only back because he got caught. He nearly raped me and he tried to kill my boyfriend!" I screamed at him.

The Professor looked at me like I was crazy. "I'm sorry to hear that Ms. Swan. It must be awfully troubling for you to be in the same class with him."

I nodded my head.

"I'll tell you what. I can't very well kick him out of class. His father is a well respected alumni and one of the largest financial contributors. How about I allow you to complete the course via correspondence? We can meet twice a month in my office to go over any questions you might have and I'll email you an audio of my lectures. Will that ease your nerves, Bella?"

I took a deep breath and exhaled it. How could this really be happening? "Yes, that will help me. Thank you."

I turned around and left the room before I broke down into tears. I kept my eyes open and when I got to the exit of the building and saw that it was dark and rainy outside, a million emotions and memories flooded my mind. I had to call Edward.

"Hello?"

"Will you stay on the phone with me until I get to my car?" I said through my tears and uneasy breaths.

"Of course. Bella, what's wrong? Why are you so upset?"

"He's here," I barely choked out. "James. He was in class tonight."

"What?" Edward nearly screamed. "Are you kidding me? How was he not dropped? He hasn't been there in two months!"

"I'll explain later,"I said, concentrating on my footsteps and the faces around me.

"Did he bother you? Did he hurt you?"

"No. He didn't do anything. He didn't even wait for me to leave. He looks all cleaned up now."

I could hear Edward crushing a soda, or beer, can in the palm of his hand and tossing it across the room. He was angry. "Damn it, Bella!" He yelled. I cannot deal with this shit! I cannot deal with being here and you being there. I can't!"

I sighed and got safely into Edward's car. I didn't respond to his yelling. I started the car.

"Don't go straight home. Drive around in circles, make sure nobody is following you. He can't find out where we live."

"Okay," I choked out.

I stayed on the phone with Edward until I got back to our apartment and I assured him that after I spoke with Alice, I would call him back.

I had a nervous breakdown with Alice. I was so emotional lately. I was grateful Masen was already in bed and missed me being emotionally unstable.

Alice insisted on staying the night and then Jasper insisted on staying the night if Alice was staying the night.

I got them settled on the pull out sofa, checked on Masen, and called Edward again before going to bed. It seemed like he would rest easier knowing that Alice and Jasper were here. I knew I certainly would.

Wednesday evening finally arrived without incident and Masen and I were getting our things together to go see Edward. Masen was so excited to get to go see his Daddy. Masen's favorite part of visiting Edward was drawing pictures on Edward's cast. Masen always made sure to bring his markers.

As we headed out in a hurry, I nearly forgot the envelope, containing the sex of the baby, I had stuck on the fridge. I would've been so upset to have left it behind.

In just under three hours we were nearly to Portland, just outside of the secluded Cullen home. I didn't particularly care for driving up the steep terrain to the house nestled on a few sprawling acres cleared out in the middle of the woods. Masen was sound asleep in the back seat. I was on the phone with Edward, talking about nothing specific, when it happened.

I was coming around a sharp curve in the road when I saw a blue car coming towards me. If I wasn't so emotionally unstable, I would've sworn it was James driving the car. I even gasped when I saw him.

"Bella?" Edward asked, but I ignored him. It was like everything was happening in slow motion.

James was looking right at me and he was driving on my side of the road. I tried to steer to the left but he blocked me. I had no choice but to go right. I looked to my right quickly and saw the city hundreds of feet below the steep cliff we were on.

Edward was screaming at me and I couldn't make words come out of my mouth. I was paralyzed in fear. I slammed on the brakes and prepared for the impact if James hit us, but I don't think he did, instead, the car fish tailed and slid off the road to the right. As the car spun around and descended down the incline on the right side of the road, I saw James return to his lane of travel and never look back.

I screamed, fearing that the car would go all the way down the cliff and kill all of us. Just as I looked back at Masen, who was quiet, but with wide, terrified eyes, I felt the impact. It was hard and jolting. We weren't moving anymore. We were still alive and I could see the road about 50 feet ahead of us. I looked through the back windshield. We hit a tree. Thank God. I took a deep a breath and Masen and I began crying at the same time.

I could hear Edward screaming through the phone, but I dropped it upon impact and couldn't find it and was afraid to move because I wasn't sure how stable we were.

"Edward! Stop yelling!" I finally screamed through my tears. "I can't find the phone. I'm afraid to move. We had an accident. I think we're on the side of a cliff. A tree stopped us."

"Where are you?" he yelled.

"Maybe a mile from your house, at the big curve in the road. Someone ran me off the road. I swear it was James."

"Are you okay? Is Masen okay?"

"I think we're okay, just shaken up."

Edward took a deep breath and exhaled it into the phone. "My parents and I are on our way. We're calling the police. Don't move until someone gets there and tells you it's okay."

"Okay," I agreed. I stopped him before he hung up. "Edward? I love you."

"I love you too, baby."

Edward hung up the phone and I tried to get Masen to calm down without much luck. It seemed like hours, but it was likely only minutes before I heard sirens and rescue teams converged on the side of the cliff, trying to figure out a way to get us safely from the car.

I could see Edward and his family at the top of the cliff, near the road. Edward was doing better on his crutches.

I learned early on that I wasn't going to have a problem getting out. The problem was getting Masen out.

They were afraid the car would move too much if I got out first and potentially send it falling down the cliff. I refused to get out first. I wanted Masen to go first. They didn't know how to get him out. Someone would have to pry my door open and I would have to get out so they could get in the backseat. The passenger side door was smashed and partially against the tree. Masen could only get out through my door.

After what seemed like hours of debate, they finally decided they would try to get Masen through the busted back windshield, if they could coax him out of his car seat.

I tried to tell Masen how to undo his safety belt but his little fingers weren't strong enough. Not to mention he was afraid to get out of his car seat.

That plan was scratched. The next plan was to secure the car in some way to prevent it from going down the cliff when we got out. The carefully pried the hood open and put a rope down through the hood and secured it tightly. Four firefighters held the other end of the rope. I wasn't really sure that was going to work, but I was past ready to be out of that car. Not to mention I was starving and I really had to pee.

I struggled to reach back and undo Masen's safety buckle. The car creaked a little bit, but didn't seem like it moved. Once I had the safety buckle undone I had to convince Masen to climb into the front seat with me. He was scared and reluctant but when he heard Edward yelling words of encouragement from the top of the cliff, he obliged.

I felt a million times better once Masen had crawled safely into my lap. I held him tightly to me for a moment before people began yelling at us to get out of the car. The tree was the cracking sound I had heard. It was about to fall over and no longer play door stop to the car.

The firefighters pried the driver's side door open and helped us out quickly. It was a steep and dangerous walk back to the top of the cliff. Masen went up with a firefighter and I was shortly behind him with the help of another firefighter.

I was crying by the time I made it to the top and saw Masen safe in Edward's arms. Edward was leaning against a fire truck with his crutches near by and I practically fell into him.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly as he ran his hands through my hair and I buried my face in his chest.

I nodded my head. "I just want to go home."

"You have to give a statement to the police about what happened, and then we can go." He kissed the top of my head.

I gasped suddenly, realizing my purse, and my beloved envelope was still in the car. I turned around and headed back down the cliff. "Wait!" I screamed.

Edward was yelling after me and a firefighter stopped me from getting any further. "I have to get my purse." I pleaded with him. I'll be damned if I was going to wait any longer to find out the gender of our baby.

The firefighter wouldn't let me go any farther, but one closer to the car was able to reach in through the window and get it and my phone. They secured the car and were going to move it back to the top of the cliff. There were homes along the mountain side below and they didn't want it to do any further damage. I clung to my purse and went back to where the police officers were so I could give my statement. I gave them a description of the car and that I thought it was James driving.

Nearly an hour later we were in the safety of Mr. and Mrs. Cullen's home.

Masen was asleep when we arrived and we put him down in the guest room next to the room Edward was staying in.

When we were finally alone, I broke down and clung to Edward. It felt so good to be in his arms again.

He rubbed my back and soothed me.

"I'm sorry about your car," I cried.

Edward nearly laughed. "It doesn't matter, Bella. You're alive. That's all I care about. Are you sure you feel okay? The baby is okay?"

I nodded my head. "I think so. I think I'm fine. I was just scared." I collected myself a little bit. "Speaking of the baby; are you ready to find out?" I asked.

Edward smiled. "Yes, I'm ready."

I grinned and found the now crumpled envelope in my purse. I slowly tore the seal open and handed it to Edward. "You read it."

"Are you sure?" he asked.

I nodded. "Go ahead!"

Edward slipped the yellow post it note from the envelope and his face lit up. "It's a girl!" he exclaimed.

"Really?" I asked, excited, as I grabbed the paper from his hand to make sure it said that.

"Oh my gosh! We're having a little girl!"

Edward laughed and pulled me into his chest, kissing the top of my head. "I can't wait to meet her. I can't wait to spoil her. She's going to be beautiful. She's going to be just like you."

I leaned up and kissed his jawline because it's all I could reach. "I love you, Edward."

Edward grinned from ear to ear. "I love you." He put his hand over my baby bump, "...and her."

I smiled and leaned up, kissing him briefly before I begged for a nap. He obliged, and held me as I slept.

*****Author's Note: Sorry this chapter was a little short, but there's more coming soon! Again, thank all for the numerous wonderful reviews. And a special thanks to those of you who are recommending the story a lot! Especially on the Twilight Fanfic Addicts Facebook page! Speaking of which, I have a FanFic Facebook page now, as I have to keep it separate from my personal one, but feel free to add me! Just search my email address which is AllOrNothingKR at g mail. 3 **


	27. Chapter 27

CHAPTER 27:

The following morning Edward and I sat down with Masen and told him he was going to have a little sister.

"Like Emmie?" he asked, referring to Rose and Emmett's daughter.

"Yes, just like Emmie," Edward responded.

Masen's eyes grew wide and he smiled. "Where is she?"

"She's in mommy's tummy. She has to grow and she'll be ready to come out in a few months."

Masen looked disgusted and I had to laugh. We showed him the ultrasound pictures. Masen poked and prodded at my baby bump before becoming uninterested and running off to play with his toys. We shared our news with Edward's parents at breakfast.

"I knew it!" Esme beamed.

Carlisle laughed and nodded at Esme.

Edward and I looked at each other suspiciously.

"How did you know?" Edward asked.

"Because it's obvious Bella has gained a little bit of weight and she's got a healthy appetite! I've suspected it for a few weeks now, but I wanted you all to tell us in your own time."

"It's a girl," I said shyly as I passed the ultrasound photos across the table.

Esme and Carlisle looked them over closely and talked about how they couldn't believe they were going to be grandparents of three.

Esme beamed and reached across the table and took my hand. "Edward, Bella, we really are so happy for both of you."

"Thank you. It was a bit of a shock, especially with everything else going on, but we are adjusting."

Esme and Carlisle didn't like to talk about Edward as he relates to the fraternity or James. Edward kept them informed, but it was obvious they felt deep regret and shame for what Edward had done and the people he had associated himself with.

Carlisle changed the subject as we finished breakfast. All I wanted to do anymore was eat and sleep. Carlisle and Esme were going into town to run errands and get groceries for Thanksgiving dinner and they took Masen with them to give Edward and I some time alone.

As soon as they were gone Edward started rambling off plans as we both sat down on the couch.

"So, I was thinking..." he started. "I get the cast off next week and I'm coming back to Seattle."

"What?" I asked, shocked. "What about all your physical therapy? How will you get to your appointments?"

"Emmett said he would help me. He will adjust his schedule around me."

Don't get me wrong, I wanted Edward home. I wanted normalcy in our lives again but I wasn't sure it was right to let someone else interrupt their life for him. "Edward, that's not fair to Rose and the baby. Emmett shouldn't have to rearrange his work schedule to meet your needs."

Edward squeezed his eyes tightly closed and pinched the bridge of his nose while he took a deep breath. He was angry. "Bella, will you please just not fight me on this one thing. Please? For God sakes, I cannot be away from you and Masen any longer. I can't. Please understand."

"I just hate to burden other people with our problems," I said quietly.

"It's not a burden. I offered to keep Emmalie for them one night each weekend until my physical therapy was concluded so they could have a date night."

"Oh, I see." If I were being perfectly honest with myself, I was scared to have Edward back home. I was afraid of him being home alone all day by himself. I feared I would come home to him on the floor, in a pool of blood like I did a couple of months ago. I could never get those images out of my mind and even dreamt about them lately. My nightmares had really been haunting me lately, but I hadn't told Edward about them.

"Don't you want me to come home?" he asked quietly, unsure of himself.

My heart ached. I looked up at him quickly and reached over and grabbed his hand. "Of course I want you home, but I also want what is best for your recovery."

He looked me directly in the eyes and I felt like he could see right through me. "Bella, you and Masen are what is best for my recovery."

"Okay," I agreed. "Come home."

Edward grinned from ear to ear and tenderly brushed his lips against mine. "I promise I won't be a burden. I'll help out as much as I can."

"Edward, you're not a burden to me."

"I know, I just don't want you to feel stressed out about taking care of me, Masen, and yourself."

"I'll be okay."

Edward kissed me again before we laid down on the couch and took a nap.

Emmett, Rosalie and Emmalie arrived later that day along with a few other guests invited by the Cullens, including Nanna Cullen. Rose and I had been helping Esme in the kitchen with Thanksgiving dinner. I noted that there was no help staff here this time. Esme was doing everything on her own. I also definitely took notice that Tanya and her family weren't here. I knew her parents were really close friends of the Cullens and I felt bad that they hadn't invited them because of me.

I caught Esme momentarily alone in the dining room as she was beginning to set the large table.

"Esme, are the Denali's coming? I feel terrible that you feel like you couldn't invite them..." I trailed off.

"Oh, Bella, a lot has changed since last year." Esme looked down and distant for a moment. "They're not welcome here anymore." She changed the subject quickly before I could ask questions. "Could you go grab the cloth napkins from the kitchen?"

"Sure." I went back to the kitchen, slightly confused. I made a mental note to ask Edward about it later. He was sprawled out in the floor in the living room playing with Masen and Emmalie.

About half an hour before dinner was served, I could tell something was up. Edward and the Cullens were acting kind of strange. They would whisper to each other and look at me. I was definitely out of the loop, but I wasn't sure what I was missing.

I heard the door bell ring and I wondered who else was arriving. Carlisle met me in the foyer and put his arm around my shoulder. "Bella, I had a heart to heart with your father about Edward. It's not easy for him, but he's here for you. I hope you don't mind."

My eyes grew wide and instantly filled with tears. "Charlie's here?" I asked.

Carlisle nodded and gently pushed me towards the front door. I swung it open quickly. It had been a while since I'd seen my father. I missed him. I missed the comfortable silence we shared. I missed knowing he was okay in Forks with out me. "Dad!" I beamed.

"Bells!" He gave me a big smile and a hug. I threw my arms around his neck. "I'm so glad you're here." He held me tightly for a moment. Charlie and I didn't always see eye to eye about things, but with the hell I had been through lately, all I wanted was my dad to tell me everything would be okay.

Charlie finally let me go and we turned to go back into the house. We had gathered a crowd in the foyer, all watching our exchange with smiling faces.

"Papa!" Masen screamed and clapped his hands. Edward was holding Masen and he put him down so Masen could go to Charlie. Edward came to me, wrapping his arm around my waist and kissing my forehead. "Happy Thanksgiving, baby." I smiled and buried my face in his chest as I watched Charlie and Masen's exchange. Seeing Charlie again nearly brought Masen, and myself, to tears. I made a mental note to visit Charlie more often.

After the crowd dispersed Charlie and I were alone in the foyer. "You look different, Bells."

Oh. I hadn't told him. I'm sure there would be an announcement at dinner. I decided I should be the one to tell him, now. "Oh, Dad." I took a deep breath. "Please, don't be upset."

Charlie gave me a strange look. "About what?" he asked.

"Dad, I'm pregnant. Edward and I are having another baby."

His eyes grew large and he inhaled a deep breath. Before he could speak, I cut him off. "It's a girl, Dad. I'm having a little girl." I placed my hand over my lower stomach, making the loose fabric of my shirt cling to my baby bump.

Charlie stood there with his mouth gaping open. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was going to. We hadn't told many people. We just told Esme and Carlisle this morning. I only told Edward a few weeks ago. I guess I was just scared."

Much to my surprise, Charlie pulled me towards him and embraced me in a hug. Tears sprung to my eyes and I looked up into his big brown eyes that matched my own. "You're not mad?" I asked.

"Are you happy, Bella?"

I nodded my head furiously.

"Then I'm not mad," he responded.

I squeezed him tightly. "Thanks, Daddy!" I kissed his cheek briefly before bouncing off to find Edward.

I found him and he hobbled into the library with me. "Were you crying?" he asked. "What's wrong?"

I flung my arms around his neck, nearly knocking him over. He backed up to lean against a bookshelf because he still couldn't stand on his own with out the crutches, that had since fallen to the floor. His arms wrapped around me.

"Bella, are you happy or upset? I can't tell. Talk to me."

I giggled and pulled back to look at him. "I told Charlie about the baby. He's not mad. He said if I was happy, then he was happy," I beamed. I was so nervous about telling Charlie. I don't know what Carlisle said to him, but it worked.

Edward smiled wildly and kissed me. "See, you didn't have anything to be worried about."

I grinned up at Edward. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of me. My dad was becoming more accepting of my situation with Edward and Edward was coming home. "I'm so happy," I squealed as I felt more tears spring up in my eyes, "and apparently emotional," I laughed.

Edward laughed too. "I love you."

I kissed him again briefly before we rejoined everyone for dinner.

It was the best Thanksgiving I ever remember having. Ever. Edward and I made our announcement, and with the exception of Emmett, everyone had expected it. Emmett was always on his own little planet. Rose was really excited that we were having a girl. She went on and on about all the things she could give us that Emmalie had grown out of. Everyone laughed and smiled and gave thanks, especially me. So much had changed in the last year and I had trouble letting it all sink in. Last year, this was the most uncomfortable situation I'd ever been in, at this very table. And now, this was my family.

I caught Charlie looking at me frequently and smiling. He didn't want to admit it, but he was excited about having a granddaughter to spoil.

It was hard to watch Charlie leave that night, but he promised he'd be back for Christmas, and he would come baring gifts for both of his grandchildren.

Edward and I had put Masen down early and found ourselves alone and bored in his room. I was so happy and excited I couldn't stand it. I couldn't wait to have him home and to meet our daughter. I refused to let thoughts of James enter my mind. I just wanted to savor the good feelings. Edward and I made a couple of lame attempts at making love that night. It wasn't easy with a full length cast on his leg. He couldn't really move and that cast was horribly uncomfortable against my skin. We eventually managed, and had a few good laughs in the process.

Later that weekend when I was getting our stuff together to leave, we were updated by one of the detectives at the local police department. Apparently a passer by obtained the tag number of the blue car that ran me off the road and provided it to police. It wasn't owned by James. In fact, detectives in Portland spoke with detectives in Seattle who paid James a visit the same night the accident occurred. He was in Seattle, and he had an alibi. They questioned the owner of the vehicle who said he had been in the area on the day of the accident, but wasn't aware he ran anyone off the road. He said he had swerved to miss an animal, but never saw another car.

I didn't buy it. I was so sure it was James. Maybe I am crazy. Either way, I didn't have a way back to Seattle. Edward wanted to go right out and buy another car so I could take it back to Seattle, but the more we talked about it, we decided to wait until he got home. We figured we needed a larger, more family oriented, vehicle since the little one was on the way.

Esme agreed to drive Masen and I back to Seattle. I hated to be such an inconvenience to her, but she said she didn't mind. Edward wanted to come along for the ride, but I knew it wouldn't be comfortable for him sitting like that for so long, so I insisted he stay behind.

"We'll be fine. I promise. You're mom will get us there safely."

Edward sighed and nodded his head. "I get the cast off on Wednesday and I'll be there on Thursday, okay?" He cupped my face in his hands.

I nodded. "Okay."

Edward leaned down and kissed me. It was slow, and sweet and full of need. When he tried to pull away, I followed after him, not quite ready to let him go.

"We better get going, dear. I'd like to be home before dark," Esme interrupted.

I stopped kissing Edward and planted my feet back firmly on the floor. I sighed at the loss of contact.

He kissed me again briefly. "I love you. Be careful. Call me when you get there."

"I will. I love you, too."

Edward said goodbye to Masen and we made our way to the car to head back home.

*****Author's Note: Sorry for the wait between chapters - very hectic real life that seems to never allow me a break. I believe this story is winding down, with probably 2-3 more chapters plus epi's to come. *tear* However, I do have a new story in the works that is owning me and its one I'm really excited about it. So, the 1st chapter of it will be out soon. Thanks again for all the great reviews, things start to move forward in the next chapter. 3 A**


	28. Chapter 28

CHAPTER 28:

Esme got us safely back to Seattle. I was under the impression she was just going to drop of us and get back on her way. I was wrong. She came in with us to see the new place and she went straight to the third bedroom and starting going on and on about how to decorate it.

"Oh, Bella, it's going to be so lovely!"

"I'm not sure I'm into that much pink. I mean, I know it's a girl, but I don't want too much pink."

"Oh, Bella, don't be silly! She will be a little princess! Let's talk about it over lunch." Esme said as she exited the room with Masen in tow.

I turned to follow them down the hall and Esme was standing at the door with her keys in hand and Masen on her hip.

"Grab your purse, darling, let's go."

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"To lunch. I have to make sure you eat and then we're going to the grocery so you two will have everything you need until Edward arrives since you are without a car."

"That's really not necessary. I'm sure we can manage."

"Oh, Bella. You're so exhausting. Just let people help you. Come on!" Esme opened the door and I grabbed my purse and followed after her. Why does everyone think I need help all the time?

Lunch was exhausting, but sort of fun. Esme continued to go on about the baby's room, even going so far as to take out a pen and paper and start drawing a layout. I did at least talk her into lavender as opposed to pink. Esme insisted we paint the walls a nice lavender color and she would stencil some bright colorful flowers on the wall, as well as the baby's name.

Masen insisted we name her Dora, after Dora the Explorer. I laughed and told him to ask his dad about that one.

After lunch, Esme took us grocery shopping and bought far more food than Masen or I could ever consume in one week's time. I didn't argue though. By the time Esme left, Masen was passed out in his bed for a nap and I was asleep as soon as the back of my head hit the couch.

As if on cue, just about the time I fell asleep, the phone rang. I knew it was Edward. I hadn't called him when I got home.

"Hey, baby,"I said groggily.

"Hi, are you home? You didn't call."

"Yes, I'm sorry. You're mother wore me out. She took us to lunch and to buy groceries."

Edward laughed. "Good, she followed instructions perfectly."

"Oh, you put her up to all this? Here I thought she was just being nice."

"She is being nice. She really does love you guys, you know that, don't you?"

"Yes, I suppose. I'm just not used to a motherly figure being around. I mean, my mom was never around when I was growing up. I just did everything for myself. It's just strange that she wants to be a part of everything. I don't even think my mother knows I'm pregnant." I had to laugh after I realized that. I hadn't even spoken to her. I'm sure Charlie would pass the news along.

Edward laughed too. "You should call her before your father does."

"Nah, let him do it. I'm too exhausted to listen to her. Oh, that reminds me. Why weren't the Denali's at Thanksgiving dinner? You're mom said they were no longer welcome?"

"Oh, yea, it's sort of a long story. They basically found out about everything that happened between you and I from the beginning and didn't have nice things to say about either of us. They thought mom should disown me. She told them to go to hell."

I giggled. "Good for her. This Thanksgiving was so different than the last! I really enjoyed it, Edward. It felt like a real family."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it, Bella. Everyone loves you and Masen just as much as I do."

I smiled contently and a yawn slipped out. "Baby, I'm really sleepy. I need to take a nap. I'll call you when I get up, okay?"

"Alright. Did you lock the door after mom left?" I jumped off the couch because I knew I hadn't. It slipped my mind. I lied, "Yes, of course, I did."

"Okay, get some rest. I'll check on you later. I love you."

"I love you too."

I waited to lock the door until he hung up, fearing he would hear it click. I couldn't believe I forgot to lock the door. Being pregnant made me so forgetful. I locked up, checked on Masen, and passed out in my bed.

The next few days were uneventful until Edward arrived home. I took the day off work and Masen and I spent the afternoon baking and decorating a cake that said "Welcome Back Daddy!" Alice, Jasper, Rose, Emmett and Emmalie all came over to eagerly await his return.

He came through the door with his parents and was surprised to see all of us. The cast was gone, but he still wore a partial boot on his foot up to his knee. He hobbled in and I nearly attacked him before he got half way into the apartment. I threw my arms around his neck and his arms circled my waist. I kissed his cheek. "Welcome back. I'm so glad you're home."

He smiled and kissed me again before I felt Masen lunge at our legs trying to crawl his way up Edward's boot.

"Masen, quit! Be careful." I warned as I pulled away and picked Masen up so he could be handed over to Edward.

Edward carried Masen around with him as he greeted everyone. The Cullens stayed for cake and helped get all of Edward's things inside before they headed back out with everyone else. The Cullens were joining Rose and Emmett at their place for dinner. They invited us, but Edward and I declined.

After everyone left, we got Edward settled and had a quiet dinner. For the first time in a long time, we both got to read Masen a bedtime story that night.

It felt good to have Edward home, and it especially felt good to have him next me in our bed again.

Things were unusually quiet in the weeks to follow. I continued working and going to school, with the exception of the class I shared with James. I continued my studies in that class via correspondence. I thought maybe I'd run into James on campus somewhere, but I never did. In fact, I'd never seen him since. Edward and I were settling into a routine. I knew he was wearing Emmett out with his appointments but he was almost finished with his physical therapy.

Edward had been so amazing since he had gotten home. I was gone most of the day and every single night when I'd get home, he would have the apartment sparkling clean and dinner on the table. He tried to help out as much as he could and not burden me. I mean, I didn't think he was a burden, but he seemed to think he was.

Edward was nearly 100% back to normal by the time Christmas rolled around. As soon as Edward was back to his old self, he dove right back into school and work. He got registered for classes for the Spring semester and had a heavy course load. With the help of one of the attorneys I worked with, Edward secured a position at a law firm down the street from the one I worked at. He was going to work full time and go to school full time in the evenings.

I was personally dreading the big switch our schedules were about to take on. I decided not to return to class in the Spring. I had finished my undergrad and still had a ways to go with my graduate classes. I felt like I'd never see Edward any more after the first of the year. I made it a point to really enjoy our time together at Christmas.

We spent Christmas with the Cullens in Portland and Charlie and my mother came as well. It was truly wonderful. Charlie seemed to be coming to terms with Edward and I's situation and he seemed to no longer hold it against him, or at least he acted like he didn't. I'm sure deep down he probably still wants to slit his throat for what he did. I really try not to think about it anymore.

Edward's gift to me was a small vacation before he returned to work and school. To my surprise, the three of us ended up flying back to Jacksonville with my mom. Masen was so amazed by the flight. He got the window seat and stared out the window commenting on the clouds until he finally fell asleep.

It wasn't until we got to my mom's house that I realized we were going somewhere else. Renee was keeping Masen for three days while Edward and I drove to St. Augustine.

He rented a nice little beach house for us, and although it was a little chilly, the scenery was still beautiful. I was a little disappointed that Masen wasn't coming with us, but I soon discovered why.

It was New Year's Eve and Edward and I had been to an early dinner and to a little ice cream parlor before we found ourselves walking down the beach at sunset. Edward set a blanket out for us on the beach just down from where we were staying. I sat between his legs and he had his arms wrapped around me. We watched a beautiful sunset and tried hopelessly to name our future child. Edward wanted to name her after me and I absolutely refused. I wanted to name her something different. I wanted her to have her own identity. We went back and forth for a few minutes and I was still throwing out random names when Edward interrupted me.

"Bella, I didn't bring you here to name the baby," he said suddenly.

I frowned, slightly taken back by his sudden unwillingness to continue the conversation.

"Oh," I said, not knowing what else to say.

He chuckled lightly and I looked back at him over my shoulder and I nudged him. "What? What's you're problem?"

Edward laughed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that to come out so harsh. Bella, I brought you here to do something else."

"Oh, well what is it?" I asked as I turned back to look at the waves and vivid colors painting the sky.

Edward sighed and squeezed me tighter. "Bella, I want to talk to you about something. I know you don't like this topic, but please, hear me out until I finish, okay?"

That made me a little bit uncomfortable. I was afraid to look back at him. "Okay," I said.

"Will you turn around and look at me?" he asked softly.

I sighed. I was pretty damn comfortable where I was and now I wouldn't be able to see the sunset. I got up and turned to face him, sitting on my knees, between his legs. "Okay, what is it?" I asked anxiously.

Edward ran a nervous hand through his hair and took a deep breath before blowing it out. He was really making me nervous. He never looked this anxious and I knew the topic I didn't want to hear about was the night he...I couldn't even say it to myself anymore. It didn't matter anymore. It still hurt. The thoughts still terrified me, but it was in the past. Edward was a different person now, but the way he was acting made me feel like he was about to drop a bomb on me that I wasn't prepared for.

"Bella, when I..."

I interrupted him. "Wait!" I said suddenly, holding my hand up. "Are you about to tell me something I don't want to hear? Something that will hurt me?"

He just stared at me, open mouthed.

I couldn't even look him in the eye. I averted my gaze and looked down at the blanket beneath us. "Please, don't," I whispered. "I can't...I don't want to know if it it's going to hurt me."

Suddenly, Edward looked deflated and his hand came up, his palm caressed my cheek and urged me to look up at him. I obliged and when our eyes met, he continued.

"Bella, I'm not going to hurt you, at least I sure as hell don't think I am. I just don't want you to interrupt until I finish."

I let out a strangled laugh. "I guess I already messed up."

Edward laughed too. "It's okay. Just hear me out?"

I nodded my head, still anxious, and waited for him to continue.

Edward swallowed loudly and ran his hand through his hair again. I wished he would stop, he was making me a nervous wreck. A million obscene thoughts were flooding my mind. I didn't understand what he was trying to tell me and it was frustrating me to see him so unusually anxious.

He took a deep breath and looked up at me again with questioning eyes. "Don't interrupt?" he asked.

I scoffed. "I said I wouldn't...hurry up! You're making me nervous and I have to pee!"

Edward laughed loudly. "Okay..." he began. His expression turned serious. "I don't care what you say, or how many times you tell me to forget, I will never, ever, forgive myself for what I did to you that night."

I sighed and looked away. I didn't want to hear this. It hurt too much, but I tried to keep quiet, because I promised I would.

He tilted my chin back up towards him. "The image of your innocent face never left the backs of my eyelids. I wanted so badly to undo that night. Every single fucking day. Even now, every day."

I pleaded with him with my eyes, to understand it would never be undone. He shot me a warning glance, so I stayed quiet and let him continue.

"When I first met you, on the street outside your place in Seattle, I knew who you were the moment I laid eyes on you. I knew Masen was mine. You were upset and frustrated and you looked miserable and I knew it was all my fault, but you kept your cool and carried on. I promised myself that day that I'd make sure you and Masen were okay. I'd find a way to make your life easier, even if you didn't want my help. I wanted to make it up to you so badly. Not to make my own guilt any less easier to deal with, but because you deserved it. Because you raised a child that any other reasonable person would've handed off to the first decent set of parents that came into an adoption agency. I loved Masen from the instant I realized he was my flesh and blood. I know it sounds crazy, but I was so grateful to you, that you kept him and even though your situation at the time wasn't ideal, you were doing your best and it was so much more than anyone would've expected of you."

I didn't know why he was doing this, why he was bringing back all these old memories. He was hurting me and he said he wouldn't. Tears filled my eyes and I had to look away from him.

He wiped the tears that fell over my cheeks and urged me to look at him.

"I promise I'm not trying to hurt you, just hear me out, please?"

I nodded my head, encouraging him to go on, hoping this was somehow making him feel better.

"I never meant to fall in love with you. It was never my intention. I had resigned myself to a lonely existence because that is what I deserved. I just wanted to know you were okay and that our son was okay and provided for. It just happened so fast. Everything you did, every smile, every hurdle you climbed over, it took my breath away. You were stronger than me and had such a passion to move forward and I was still stuck in the past. I fell in love with you...and I fell so hard. I never should've let our relationship move forward, to being intimate, without telling you first, but I knew you'd leave. Looking back, I know how selfish I was. It terrified me every time we touched, that you'd realize who I was. But you were persistent, and beautiful, and I wanted to love you and not lose you."

He reached for my shaking hands and took them in his.

"The last year and a half with you and Masen, has been the best time of my life. I know we've been through excruciating highs and lows and we've beaten all the odds stacked against us. I know that as long as you and I are together, we can make it through anything. I know we have a lot of changes coming our way in the next year and more hurdles to get over, but Bella, you're the most incredible woman I've ever met and I wouldn't want to go on this journey with anyone else. Next year is going to be hard for both of us, but I want you to know how committed to you and to our family, I am."

I was such a baby. I could hardly see him for all the tears in my eyes. I blinked once and they poured over on to my cheeks. I sniffed and he brought his hand to my face, gently brushing away the tears so I could see him clearly. He leaned in and kissed my lips, slowly and gently, before pulling back just a tiny bit and our eyes met. His thumb moved back and forth across my cheek as he whispered against my lips, "Bella, will you make me the luckiest man in the world, and marry me?"

I shot back from him and gasped, my eyes wide. I just wasn't expecting it. Tears blurred my vision again as I lunged forward and hugged his neck tightly, feeling his arms come around my waist.

"Edward!" I screamed. "You scared me to death, I thought you were going to tell me something terrible!"

Edward laughed. "Is that a yes or no?" he asked.

I laughed and nudged him as I pulled back to look at him. "Of course it's a yes! There's no one else in the world I'd rather spend the rest of my life with."

We both grinned wildly at each other. Edward pulled a ring from his pocket and slid it gracefully onto my ring finger and the waterworks started again. It was beautiful. It was simple. It was perfect. It was me.

"Do you like it?" he asked as I stared breathlessly at it. It was a simple platinum band with a moderately sized marquis diamond that absolutely sparkled. It wasn't too much, or too flashy, it was just perfect.

"Oh, Edward." I looked up at him. "I love it. I love you."

He smiled and our lips crashed upon each other as we fell back on to the blanket, smiling and giddy, like two teenagers in love.

*****Author's Note: Thanks for reading and for all the awesome reviews! I'm sure you guys enjoyed this drama free chapter! When I update the next chapter, I'll also be posting a preview of my new story - Elusive Reality. It's all human B/E. I don't even know how to briefly describe what it's about - you just have to read it. I'm looking forward to getting more of it written (the first several chaps are done), and while I really love the story and it has an interesting story line, it doesn't have as controversial subject matter as Repentance does, so you don't have to worry about that. ;) **


	29. Chapter 29

CHAPTER 29:

Edward and I returned home refreshed and ready to face the challenges that lay ahead for us. I guess we just weren't expecting quite so many all at once.

I felt like I rarely saw Edward anymore. He was usually gone in the morning before I pulled myself out of bed and I was in bed before he returned in the evenings. He was trying so hard to be the best he could be, at everything. I knew he had still been working with the state prosecutor with respect to James and a trial was set about six months out. Edward worked constantly at his new job. He felt it was important to do well and to make good contacts because he says the legal world is all about who you know and not what you know. He did research for big litigation cases his firm was working on. When he wasn't at school or work, he was at the library working on one or the other. Edward was insistent that his trust fund wouldn't support us forever and he wanted to be able to make a good living and provide our children with the same kind of support when they were older.

It was refreshing not to have to worry about school anymore. I just went to work, occasionally saw Edward at lunch, came home and entertained Masen. I never quite realized how much I missed Masen until I realized how much time I hadn't been spending with him. I was really grateful to have a couple of months of bonding time with him before the baby arrived and changed everything.

I was growing at an alarming rate and I officially no longer felt anywhere near attractive. Edward hadn't touched me in weeks, and I wasn't sure if it was because I disgusted him or if he was just too exhausted to care.

Edward and I had planned to meet for lunch one afternoon on our lunch hour and I was eagerly awaiting the clock to strike 1:00 p.m. when I received his email.

_Bella, _

_I'm sorry I can't make it today. I have to cover a business lunch with a client for one of the other guys that is stuck in court. I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you. I love you._

_Edward _

I sighed and deleted his email, almost instantly feeling tears sting my eyes. I wished them away and called Rose to see if she wanted to grab lunch instead. She eagerly agreed, advising she'd need a drink also because she had been having a terrible day. That made two of us.

We met at a little boutique restaurant near Rose's office. Rose got there before I did and as I walked towards her she immediately jumped up and came towards me.

"Hey, let's go some where else!" she said, hurrying me back the direction I came from.

"Why?" I asked confused as I looked passed her.

That's when I understood. Edward's business lunch was there and apparently it consisted of only him and a really attractive young blonde lady who was dressed to kill and had legs for miles. I immediately felt sick. "Oh, I see," I told her. "Yea, we should go some where else."

It was obvious they were there on business, based on the amount of documents spread across their table, but it didn't make it hurt any less. I missed Edward and there was no way in hell I could sit in such close proximity to him while he was having lunch with her. It was obvious he saw us and as we turned to leave he excused himself from the table and came towards us.

"Bella, wait a second!" He called to us as he made his way to the front of the restaurant where we were.

I turned to face him, trying to smile.

"You don't have to leave because of me," he said.

Rose interjected. "Yeah we do. We are not watching you have lunch with legs over there," she said, nodding her head in the direction of the blonde.

"Who?" Edward asked confused.

I laughed. "Don't worry about it, Edward. We'll go somewhere else. Go finish your lunch."

"I don't understand."

Rose sighed. "Oh for God sakes, Edward. You weren't born yesterday. That woman is really attractive and she's scheming a way into your wallet and your pants as we speak."

Edward turned to look at the woman who was just looking over some documents and eating her lunch. He turned back to face us. "Okay, yeah, you two do need to go somewhere else. Her husband just died! She's not trying to get in my pants. I'm working on her deceased husband's estate!"

Rose laughed. "She probably killed him for the money."

I couldn't help but giggle at Rose and Edward ushered us outside. There was no doubt the lady was very attractive, but even as unattractive as I felt, I really didn't think I had anything to worry about with Edward.

Rose walked ahead of me a bit on her cell phone as Edward and I said goodbye.

He held my face in his hands and kissed my lips briefly. "I'm sorry I had to cancel. I love you."

I nodded my head in understanding and sighed as he stepped away. When I didn't say anything in response to him he asked if I was alright.

"I'm okay. I just miss you and I'm starting to feel like a single mom again."

Edward's face changed from one of concern to torment and he came to me, wrapping his arms around me. "Bella, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I know I've been busy, but this is important. I'll try to get home earlier tonight, okay?"

I nodded my head, knowing in my heart it wouldn't happen.

He told me he loved me again before disappearing back inside the restaurant.

He didn't get home early that night. However, he did send a beautiful bouquet of flowers to my office just before I left work. They looked really nice on my desk. I chose to tell my co-workers they were "just because" flowers, instead of "I'm sorry I fucked up again," flowers.

I decided that night that two could play at this game. Not that it was a game, I knew Edward was working hard and had a lot of ground to make up for all the time he missed in class when he was recovering, but I missed him so much it hurt.

When 8:00 p.m. came around and Edward still wasn't home, I pulled Masen out of his pajamas and told him we were going out for ice cream. He was thrilled, of course. I actually did a little bit of shopping for the baby before we went for ice cream so we ended up being out pretty late.

"Masen, what kind of ice cream do you think sissy will like?" I asked as we peered over the glass counter into the freezer full of colorful selections.

I felt my phone vibrating on my hip and I knew Edward must have gotten home. I didn't answer. He could worry about us for a little while.

"Sissy wants dat one!" Masen screamed excitedly and pointed to the cotton candy ice cream. The thought of cotton candy nearly made me sick.

"Sissy says it's too sweet." I responded. Since Edward and I had yet to name our future daughter, she was just sissy to Masen.

Masen frowned and studied the rest of flavors before he landed on mint chocolate chip.

"That sounds good. I bet she'll like that."

Masen nodded his head enthusiastically and insisted he wanted mint chocolate chip too.

We enjoyed our ice cream and then headed back home. By the time we got back, Masen was sound asleep in the back of the car and it was after 10:00 p.m.

I carried my bags and Masen into the building and up to our apartment. I put the key in the door and just a second later it swung open.

"Where the hell have you been?" Edward said loudly.

I was slightly taken back by his attitude, so I didn't respond to him, and walked past him to put Masen in bed.

When I returned to the living room, I could tell Edward was fuming. I almost felt bad. I wouldn't normally upset him on purpose, but I was almost eight months pregnant and I couldn't predict my own behavior anymore. He hadn't even changed out of his work clothes. He still had his nice dress slacks on and his white button up shirt. The first few buttons were undone, exposing his chest, and his tie hung loosely around his neck. Damn it, he was beautiful. I had to stay focused.

"Well?" he asked, still waiting for a response.

"Well what?" I asked. "You just expect us to be here when you finally decide to come home? I'm tired of sitting around this apartment waiting for you. Masen and I went out alone. I lost track of time, it's not a big deal."

"It's not a big deal, Bella?" It's not a fucking big deal?" he screamed louder now. He rarely raised his voice to me and I was really starting to regret my decision to piss him off. He continued, "It is a fucking big deal when the guy who tried to rape my wife and kill me is out walking around on the street somewhere!"

"Wife?" I asked. "Getting a little ahead of yourself, aren't you?"

"Uh!" Edward threw his hand over his face and tried to not to grin, embarrassed. "I just think of you that way, you know what I mean," he said softly.

I was silent. I guess it made him nervous.

"I mean, that's still the plan isn't it?" he asked.

My eyes met his quickly and I nodded my head.

He sighed, relieved, and I felt bad for making him so upset. "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking about James when I went out. I'm just not going to lock myself inside this apartment all night and wait for you to come home. It's not fair to me or Masen."

"That's fine. I don't expect you to wait on me, but for god sakes, answer your damn phone when I call."

He approached me then, wrapping his arms around my enormous waist and pulled me to him. "I'm sorry; I was worried sick about you."

I sighed. He looked and smelled entirely too good to stay mad at him. "I'm sorry, too. Oh, and my flowers were really pretty. Thank you."

I looked up at him with full intent to kiss him, but the look on his face made me stop. "What?" I asked, confused by his look.

"Flowers?" he asked.

"Yeah, the flowers you sent today..."

"I didn't send you any flowers," he said seriously.

"Then who did?" I asked, not believing him.

"I don't know. You tell me! I did not send you flowers. I probably should have, but I didn't."

Now I was confused.

"Who was the card from?" he asked.

"There wasn't one. I just assumed they were from you. I got them just a couple hours after I saw you at lunch."

"Do you remember who the florist was that delivered them?"

"No, I wasn't paying attention. I was too excited that you thought of me, but you really didn't." I pretended to pout.

Edward laughed and kissed me. "I take back what I said earlier, don't leave the house without me."

I didn't feel like protesting at that point. The mystery flowers freaked me out.

"And I'm always thinking about you...always," he added.

"Will you come to bed with me?" I asked softly against his lips. His routine was normally to stay up studying, long after I had gone to bed, alone.

"I was going to study..." he trailed soft little kisses across my jaw and down my neck. "But I've missed you like crazy and I'm relieved you came home safely and I really just want to be wherever you are."

I smiled as his lips founds mine again and we began to make our way back to our bedroom.

We spent the next few hours re-familiarizing our selves with each other and catching up. I missed everything about Edward so much. "Will you please just give me one night a week, like this? Just us."

"I'll give you anything, Bella," he whispered softly against my neck. "I'll give you two nights, but the second includes Masen."

"Promise?" I asked.

"I promise," he kissed my bare shoulder and pulled the covers more tightly around us. "I love you."

I smiled at the words I felt like I hadn't heard, with as much meaning, in so long. "I love you, too."

"And I promise to call every damn florist in this city tomorrow to find out who sent you those flowers," he mumbled, more to himself, than to me. I squeezed his hand before drifting off to sleep.

*****Author's Note: Hi! Welcome new readers, there was a mini influx of you this week! Thank you for the reviews! I think there will still be a few more chapters to go, although honestly I haven't written anything past this one : /**

**I just posted the Prologue to my newest story...Elusive Reality. It's on , my blog, and I'll probably post it on another website in the coming weeks, although I haven't decided which one. It's all human Bella/Edward - Drama/Crime/Romance. **

**Summary:**

**After the death of her father, Bella is sentenced to a life of solitude. This is her story in which she attempts to find out what really happened, who she was, and what was just a figment of her imagination, including her whirlwind romance with Edward Cullen.**

**~Check out the Prologue to the new story - the first chapter will be up in the next few days! You should be able to link to it, or my blog, from my profile page. **

**3 - Thanks for reading/reviewing!**

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**I'm also on Facebook - AllOrNothingKR at gmail dot com**


	30. Chapter 30

CHAPTER 30:

Edward kept his promises, both of them. He made sure to make time for Masen and I at least two nights a week and he also called every florist in town trying to find out who sent me the flowers.

I had a sinking feeling that James sent the flowers. I have no idea why he would do that or if he was keeping an eye on me, or what. I have no idea, I just cannot imagine who else could have sent them.

Edward tracked down the flower shop that delivered the flowers but all they could tell him was that the person asked to remain anonymous. Edward made a personal trip to the florist across town to question the lady that took the order. Edward sweet talked the young girl into giving him a description of the guy that purchased the flowers, but all she remembered was that he was tall, attractive and had dark brown hair.

Edward kept up with my every move ever since. I couldn't help the creepy feeling sometimes that James was keeping an eye on us. I was just grateful that he hadn't bothered us anymore. Edward drove me nuts about the guy who sent the flowers. He didn't fit the description of James, but I'm sure James must have put someone up to it. Edward sounded jealous, and I couldn't help but laugh at him.

"Seriously, Edward? Are we really having this conversation? I am the size of a hot air balloon and you think I have a secret admirer?"

"You are not and I would secretly admire you if I weren't already publicly admiring you."

I laughed. "Oh, Edward. You're so hopeless. I'm sure this is exactly what he wanted to happen. He's just trying to piss us off. Stop falling for his tricks."

Edward sighed. "I guess you're right. I just can't stand living in the same city as him, knowing that he is out there somewhere."

"I know, I feel the same way. I really don't think he will try anything before the trial. He would just be too stupid to get in trouble right now."

"Yea, but he's smart enough to get someone to cause trouble in his place. That is what I'm concerned about, like the guy that ran you off the road."

I took a deep breath. I didn't like the memories his comment conjured up. "I swear it was him, Edward. I know they said it wasn't, but I swear it was, unless I'm just completely crazy."

"I believe you." Edward leaned down and placed a soft kiss on my lips. "I've got to get going. Please let me know if you decide to go somewhere. I worry about you two," he said as he placed a hand on my stomach.

I sat up from my position on the couch and kissed him again. "I think we may go to the park, but I promise I'll text you and let you know. Try to get some studying done, don't worry about us." Edward was going to the library to work on a paper for class and Masen and I were probably going to go to the park when he got up from his nap. So far, it had been a lazy Saturday morning and I was dying to get out of the apartment.

Edward told me he loved me before he disappeared out the door, books in tow.

I got Masen up from his nap. He threw a small tempter tantrum when he realized Edward was gone. The fact that I told him we were going to the park and playground made up for it though. Rosalie and Emmalie came with us as well. I was glad she agreed to come with us because I didn't feel like I could keep up with Masen on the playground. I could walk for about ten minutes and feel exhausted.

Rose ran a few laps around the track at the park, as she still felt like she had baby weight on her, but she looked thinner than she did before she was pregnant. While Rose ran, I pushed Masen on the swings as Emmalie slept in her stroller next to me.

By the time Rose came back, I was beat, and Masen was ready to move on to the slides and seesaws.

I decided to keep an eye on Emmalie while I took a break on a nearby bench, while Rose ran around with Masen. I brought a book with me, so I started reading it while the sun washed over me. The sun felt so good on my skin. The weather was perfect. It would've been chilly without the warmth of the sun.

I don't know how long I had been lost in my book. Emmalie started crying at exactly the same time Rose started yelling my name from across the playground.

"Bella!"

I stood up from the bench so I could see her better. I knew almost instantly something was wrong. She looked panicked. I didn't see Masen anywhere. I grabbed Emmalie and went over to Rose, she met us half way, out of breath.

"I can't find him anywhere, Bella!" she breathed. "I've looked everywhere, it's like he just vanished."

I felt my heart drop into the pit of my stomach and I had to put Emmalie back in her stroller before I dropped her.

Rose kept rambling on about Masen being in line to go down the slide, but he never came down it and she couldn't find him. I tuned her out. I couldn't hear anything but the humming noise of children laughing and playing, none of them matching the sound of my sweet boy's laughter.

The playground was huge, and parts were like a maze. He could be anywhere. Rose was starting to freak out.

"Calm down. Maybe you just over looked him, or he's hiding," I tried to reassure her, and myself.

Rose was bent over, her hands resting on her knees, trying to catch her breath. "I've looked everywhere, Bella."

"Well, look again!" I screamed.

I stomped off in the direction of the slide she said he was last at. I looked everywhere. I crawled through every little tunnel, nearly getting myself stuck. I looked inside every tire swing, underneath ever slide or bridge, everywhere. We yelled his name for nearly an hour. We asked every adult on that playground if they had seen him. Finally, we ran into a lady on the other side of the playground that remembered seeing a little boy in a red t-shirt.

"Well he was playing with this little black puppy and the man, I assumed it was his father, took them both back to the car. They got in a gold car, right over there." She pointed to a nearby parking lot.

"Are you sure it was him? He's about two and a half years old, he has copper colored hair, and big brown eyes."

"I'm fairly certain. You don't see that kind of hair very often, he has beautiful hair, and such a unique color."

I felt my knees begin to shake, as if she could read my mind, Rose came up behind me to help support me. We sat down on a nearby bench and I completely lost it. I felt like my insides had been ripped out. I could hear Rose on the phone with the police but I just couldn't comprehend what was happening. All I could think about was the fact that I had to tell Edward I had lost our son.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. The police are on their way. I'm going to catch that lady before she leaves so she can describe the car to the police."

I nodded my head, not really listening to her. I pulled out my cell phone and called Edward.

He answered quietly on the third ring. "Hi, baby."

"Edward..." I cried.

I could hear the chair scoot out from under him when he heard my shaking voice.

"What's wrong? Where are you?"

I couldn't even speak. I couldn't make the words come out of my mouth. I cried hysterically. I could hear the sounds of him gathering his things into his bag as he was trying to get out of the library so he could talk.

"Bella, what happened? Where are you?"

"At...at the...at the park," I said between sobs.

"Bella, calm down, take a deep breath. I'm on my way, what happened? Where is Rose?"

I just continued to cry. I couldn't get horrible images out of my mind. I couldn't help but imagine where Masen was and who he was with and what they were doing to him. I heard police sirens in the distance. Edward must have heard them too.

"Bella, what the fuck is going on!" he yelled.

"Masen is gone!" I finally screamed. "Somebody took him! We can't find him..."

There was silence on the other end of the phone. My sobs grew louder. "I'm sorry," I cried.

"I'll be there in ten minutes," he said solemnly before the line went dead.

Before Edward arrived at the park, the police and Emmett arrived. Emmett took Emmalie to his mother's house. Rose was beside herself with guilt, but ultimately it was my fault. He was my son. I should've been watching him. The lady that saw him leave in the gold car was a big help. She described everything she saw to the police.

Edward, being as smart as he was, arrived about 15 minutes later. He stopped by the apartment to get a recent photo of Masen to provide to the police. I couldn't even look at Edward when he arrived. I felt sick to my stomach.

He spoke to Rose instead of me.

"Edward, I'm so sorry. He was there one minute and just gone the next. I was supposed to be watching him, it's not Bella's fault."

Edward dismissed her apology. "Why don't you take her home, she looks exhausted," he said, referring to me.

I looked up at them both. "I'm not leaving."

Edward dismissed us both, knowing he couldn't win with me, not about this. He went to talk to the officers. They had an amber alert out for Masen and had passed along the description of the vehicle to every officer on duty. They felt certain they would at least be able to locate the vehicle in a couple of hours since they had a good description of it and they got it quickly. They alerted the Washington State Patrol as well, incase they were attempting to leave the state.

"Bella, let's go home. There's nothing else we can do here." Edward said, as he knelt down in front of me, trying to see my face.

I continued to hide from him, unable to look him in the eye. I shook my head no. "I'm not going home without him."

Edward sighed. "They're doing everything they can. Whoever took him isn't just going to bring him back to the park, Bella. He's not here. He's not coming back here. Your feet and hands are swollen," he said as he pulled my hands away from my face and looked at my palms. "You're dirty, too. When is the last time you ate or had something to drink?"

I glanced down at my hands. I was covered in dirt from running all over the playground looking for Masen. "I had breakfast."

"It's almost 5:00 o' clock, Bella. I know you're upset, I am too. I'm sick about it, but you can't neglect one child because you're worrying about another..."

I burst in to tears when he said that. I just wanted my little boy back. I didn't care about anything else in the world except seeing his smiling face again, but I was starving. I knew I was. My stomach had been growling loudly for hours now and the baby was kicking up a storm. I didn't deserve to be a mother. I was obviously terrible at it. Edward pulled me towards him and I buried my face in the crook of his neck and just cried.

I don't know how long we stayed like that. It felt like a while, until my stomach betrayed me again, growling so loudly even Edward could hear.

"Please, let me take you home. The lead investigating officer has both of our phone numbers and I have his."

"Okay," I reluctantly agreed.

Every time my phone would ring, I'd jump and expect it to be an officer calling to tell us something or give us some news, but apparently the word was out about Masen and anyone that ever knew Edward or I was blowing up our phones wanting to know what was going on. It was completely nerve wracking. If I wasn't pregnant, I would've been well through a bottle of wine by now.

Edward got me something to eat on the way back to the apartment. I picked at it in the car as he drove us back across town, but I just felt too sick to eat. I forced a few bites of my sandwich down, more for the baby than for me.

I threw the remains of my sandwich back into the bag. "I just can't eat right now."

Edward sighed, but didn't push me further about it.

We got home and the sun had nearly disappeared from the sky. "I should've put a jacket on him this morning, it's going to be cold tonight."

Edward helped me out of the car and we rode in silence in the elevator. We stepped out on to our floor and Edward opened the door and went in. I stood in the hallway.

"I can't," I said.

"Come on, Bella," Edward held out his hand to me, so I would come inside.

"I just can't admit to myself that I'm coming home without him. He's out there somewhere, he needs us."

Edward took a deep breath. "Bella, come inside. Whether you are out in the hallway or in here is not going to change the fact that he needs us."

I sighed and took his hand to go inside. It was quiet in the apartment without him. It just felt empty without him there and not knowing where he was. Edward excused himself to the bathroom and I sat down on the couch to start going through all the missed calls on my phone. My dad had called, as well as Alice and Edward's parents.

I called my dad back first. I told him everything, but he already seemed aware of most of the details. He was swearing he would kill anyone that laid a hand on Masen when I thought I heard strange sounds from the bathroom.

I pulled the phone away from ear and confirmed my thoughts. It sounded like Edward was throwing up. "Dad, I have to go. I'll call you back in a minute."

I dropped the phone and went through our bedroom to the bathroom. Sure enough, Edward was hugging the toilet like it was his best friend.

"Edward?"

Edward flushed the toilet and looked up at me. He looked flushed and pale all at the same time.

"Are you okay?"

Edward began to stand up. "Yea, I'm okay. It's just my nerves I think."

Edward rinsed his mouth out at the sink.

"Don't make yourself sick, trying to be strong for me or nice to me. Yell at me, scream at me...let it out! I lost our son! It's okay to be mad at me."

Edward leaned on the bathroom counter for support and hung his head. When he looked back up at me his eyes were red with tears just waiting to pour over the edge and my heart broke for him.

"I'm not mad at you, Bella. It's not your fault. It's nobody's fault. This isn't some random act. Somebody wanted him, was looking for him. If it wasn't today, it would've been the next day. James is connected to this somehow, he's trying to get back at us. I just can't handle the thoughts of what he might do to him. It just makes me sick."

I pulled Edward to me. "I know," I tried to fight back the tears that were stinging my eyes. "Edward, I can't do this. If he doesn't come home, if I can never see that little face again, I quit. I give up. I can't live without him. I can't overcome any more obstacles. I'm not strong enough," I cried.

"Yes you are. You're the strongest woman I know."

I started to disagree with him when we both heard his phone ringing in the living room. Edward was first out of the bathroom to get it and I followed behind him.

He picked his phone up from the coffee table. "Edward Cullen," he answered. My heart started to race. He only answers the phone like that if he doesn't recognize the number.

"Yes." Edward pulled the phone from his ear and put it on speaker phone so I could hear.

"We have him. He's safe. No word yet on the suspect. We're still looking for him. We found the car, abandoned, in an industrial park outside of town."

I felt like I could breathe for the first time in hours.

"Is he okay?" Edward asked.

"He doesn't have a scratch on him. He was found at Pike's Place Market, watching the guys throw fish. There is a female officer escorting him to a nearby deli for a snack. She will meet you guys down there. I'll give you guys some time to catch up and I'll be back in touch tomorrow with some more details. We are following a couple of strong leads, but it's a lot to go into right now, so let us do our job and we'll be in touch."

"Okay, thank you."

Edward hung up and I nearly tackled him. "Thank God," he said. "I don't understand it, but I don't care. Let's go!"

I grabbed Edward's hand and followed him out of the apartment. He drove like a crazy man and we made it to the market in about ten minutes.

Masen and a few police officers were sitting just outside the deli. Masen looked surprised to see us.

"Mamma! Daddy!" Masen slipped off the bench and ran towards us. I planted myself on the sidewalk and squeezed him until he told me I was hurting him. I ran my hands through his mess of copper hair and kissed him until he told me to stop.

Edward attempted to get more details from the officer but she was pretty tight lipped. She stated he was dropped off at a toy store down the street and that he wandered down to see the fish throwers. One of the employees there called the police since they couldn't find his parents when they were ready to close.

News crews began to arrive to Pike Place and Edward and I took Masen home. We didn't want to be on the news. We wanted to remain as low key as possible.

Masen talked about the fish the entire way home. We couldn't get him to shut up about them.

"Who did you leave the park with?"

"I was helping find puppy dog."

"You were helping him find his dog? What did you do after that?"

"Went and got happy meal and den we saw the fish! They throw dem really far!"

Edward and I looked at each other. This didn't make any sense. Who kidnaps a child, takes him to McDonald's and drops him off at a fish market? Edward and I didn't get it, but we knew that Masen had quite the adventure and he seemed perfectly happy and unaffected, and for that, we were grateful.

*****Author's Note: Sorry for the delay w/ this update...real life has been crazy hectic! It may seem like the story is sort of going in circles here, but answers are on the way...and they may not be the ones you were expecting. :) Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! If you haven't already, also check out my newest story - Elusive Reality!**

**Twitter: AllOrNothingKR**

**Facebook: Allornothingkr at gmail (dot) com**


	31. Chapter 31

CHAPTER 31:

More than a week passed before the police actually shared anything concrete with us. When we questioned them previously they told us they couldn't release any more information or it could jeopardize their investigation.

They initially showed us a photograph of the abandoned car. It was really old, and gold in color. It meant nothing to Edward or I. We had never seen it before. The police said there were no tags on it. They believed it may have been purchased from a junk yard or auto auction, but they were still checking into that.

That same week, the police had us come in to the station to review some surveillance video. There was video of the person dropping Masen off at Pike Place. The guy just pulled up to the curb, got out with Masen, led him into the toy store and then ran out and took off. The video quality was grainy at best, but I had no idea who the guy was. He was tall and appeared to have dark hair, although he was wearing a baseball cap.

I shook my head. "I don't know who that is."

"I've never seen him before," Edward chimed in.

"Are you sure? Look closer." The officer zoomed in on the gentleman's face but it still meant nothing to us.

We both shook our heads.

"What about friends, family, co-workers? You've never seen this guy before?"

Edward and I both said no.

"You know what? You should call that girl at the florist and have her look at this," Edward said.

"Oh, that's a good idea," I offered.

"What girl at the florist?" the officer asked.

"Some guy, described as attractive, tall, and having dark hair, anonymously sent Bella flowers to her office a couple of weeks ago. One of the girls there, I think her name is Tina, she saw the guy. I wonder if it is the same person."

"That would be really weird," I said.

Edward gave the investigating officer the name, address and phone number of the florist and he said he would follow up with the girl and get back to us. In the meantime, they were still going to be trying to find out where the car came from and if the buyer could be tracked down.

Edward was insistent that I should know the guy from somewhere, otherwise, how would he recognize me, or know where I worked or lived? It just didn't add up. He was driving me crazy about it.

Masen was screaming at the top of his lungs because I took his little guitar away because he needed to finish his dinner. Edward was on my case, and I was about to lose it.

"Edward, I don't know! I've never seen him!"

"What about in any of your classes? Think back, do you remember anyone that looked like him in any of your classes? Has he ever come into your office?"

I dropped the dish I was washing loudly in the sink. "Edward! I told you! I don't know who he is! I have never seen him before. Quit interrogating me! I'm so sick of this!" I stormed out of the kitchen and went to our bedroom and slammed the door. Masen instantly stopped crying and said, "Momma mad!" and then he laughed like it was the funniest thing he'd ever seen.

I sat on the edge of the bed and let the tears flow. I was so uncomfortable. I was huge and hot and I always felt disgusting. I was so beyond ready to have this baby out of me. I was angry that I didn't even feel like I had really gotten to enjoy being pregnant with her because there was always something going on. I just wanted one relaxing evening where I didn't have to feel the pressure of screwing up or keeping myself and my children safe.

Edward knocked on the door a few minutes later.

"Go away!" I yelled back to him.

He slowly opened the door and I looked around for the nearest object I could launch at him, but didn't find anything, and even if I did I wouldn't be able to bend over my enormous stomach to pick it up.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't meant to upset you. Can I come in?" he asked as he stepped through the door.

"You're already in," I responded.

He sighed. "Bella, I really didn't mean to upset you. Why are you crying?"

He sat down next to me on the bed and started rubbing circles on my back. It felt good. "I'm just frustrated. If I knew who the hell was doing this, I would tell you. I'm just so tired of always being on edge and I'm exhausted. I just want it all to stop," I cried, "and our baby still doesn't have a freaking name!"

Edward tried to hide his laugh. He pulled me close to himself and hugged me. "I'm sorry I questioned you too much, it's frustrating to me too. You don't know what it's like to have to walk out of here every morning not knowing if you'll be here when I get back."

I sniffled but didn't really respond.

"And we can talk about the baby's name tonight, I promise. We really do need to get started on it, we only have a few weeks left."

"Thank God," I mumbled. I was so ready to have her out, and I really wanted to see what she would look like.

"Why don't you lay down for a bit. I'll make sure Masen finishes his dinner, okay?"

I nodded my head and crawled back up on the bed. As soon as my head hit the pillow, it felt like heaven. Edward pulled a blanket over me and kissed my cheek.

Later that night after I woke up from my much needed nap, Edward had cleaned the entire apartment, did two loads of laundry, and bathed Masen. He looked exhausted.

"I really appreciate you doing all this. It takes a load off my shoulders," I said as I sat down on the couch.

"That was my intention, Bella."

"You poor thing, you look exhausted, though," I teased.

He scoffed. "That's hard work. Our child is a hand full, plus trying to keep him out of danger and doing all the housework. I thought law school was tough."

I giggled. "Yea, try doing it all like that every day, with a full time job, and an unwanted 40 pounds on your stomach."

Edward looked at me seriously. "I really don't know how you do it. And what do you mean by unwanted 40 pounds? She's wanted..." he said as he rubbed my overgrown stomach.

"Of course she's wanted. I didn't account for her 6 pounds. Those are in addition to the 40 I've gained that are unwanted."

"Oh, please! Bella you have not gained 40 pounds." Edward said as he pulled me closer to him on the couch and kissed my cheek. I swatted him away. I didn't like to be touched lately.

"I have easily gained 40 pounds," I said seriously.

"No way," he countered. "Unless most of them are there," he said pointing at my chest.

I laughed. "I wish!"

Edward tried to kiss me again. I pushed him away.

"What's wrong with you? Are you still mad at me?" he asked.

I shook my head. "Edward, I'm not mad at you. I just need space. I'm horribly pregnant and feeling very unattractive and I just don't want to be touched."

The hurt look on his face made my insides ache. "I'm sorry," I said.

He looked away for a moment, his mouth hanging open, as if choosing his words, then he looked back. His eyes were burning holes into mine. "I wish you could see yourself the way I see you."

I sighed. I didn't want to ask how he saw me. I didn't care. Nothing he said would change how gross I felt and how ready I was to meet our daughter and have her on the outside of my body. Truth be told, I was anxious about her birth. I felt safer knowing if someone were after me I could out run them, or hide or something. But, with my belly as large as it was, there was no hiding me. There was no out running the person after me or Masen. I just wanted her here. I wanted her tangible and safe in my arms. I just wanted to know she was real and healthy. I wanted to smell that new baby smell, and count all her little toes and fingers and see whose smile she had. Hopefully, Edward's. I was lost in my thoughts when he spoke again.

"You're so beautiful. Even your additional 46 pounds you insist you have hidden somewhere."

I scoffed and rolled my eyes at him.

"Bella, I get that you don't feel like you normally do, but don't be such a downer. I love seeing you pregnant. It fascinates me."

I cocked my eyebrow up at him, in question.

"I never got to see you before, with Masen. I always wondered what you looked like while you were pregnant. There were so many things I missed out on. I'm just enjoying the experience I never thought I'd have, of seeing my child grow inside the woman that takes my breath away every single day. So, yes, it hurts me when you don't want me to touch you, or kiss you. You're beautiful. You're breathtaking. Yes, your body is rapidly changing, but only to accommodate our baby girl. Don't be so hard on yourself."

He words touched me. "I'm sorry. I'm selfish. I should've known what it meant to you."

He leaned over and kissed my cheek. "I love you, always."

I cracked a small smile and pulled him to me. "Want to name our baby girl now?" I asked and pulled back to look at him.

His perfect crooked smile I loved so much danced across his face and his eyes lit up. He reminded me of Masen getting excited about something. He jumped to his feet and went to our bedroom and returned with a baby name book.

We sat closely together on the couch, sifting through the book until nearly midnight, before we decided. I was so glad she finally had a name.

***Author's Note: Sorry this chapter was a shorty. There are at least 2 to 3 more chapters and then the epilogue. Thanks for all the reviews! I promise a longer chapter next weekend! 3

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR

Facebook: AllOrNothingKR at gmail (dot) com


	32. Chapter 32

CHAPTER 32:

Nearly two weeks passed without even a minor disturbance in our lives. Everything was quiet.

The police insisted they had a lot of new information, but couldn't provide any of it to us. It drove Edward mad, especially because we learned the girl at the flower shop positively identified the guy that took Masen as the same person. They found out who purchased the car from an auto auction a few weeks before the weekend Masen was taken from the playground. That was all they would really tell us. They just kept saying the investigation was still pending and keeping their resources safe and secure was important. They couldn't give us anymore information for risk of jeopardizing their investigation. They insisted we were not in any immediate danger and they would alert us if they learned differently.

Edward even tried to get Charlie involved. Edward wouldn't willingly call my dad as often as he had. It seemed as if they finally found some common ground, they both wanted Masen and I safe. Edward and Charlie worked together to see if they could find out any more information, but even Charlie was kept out of the loop. He tried to call in some favors, but everything was very hush hush. Charlie suspected they knew who the guy was and were just waiting to catch him in the act, or do some sort of sting operation, set him up. Charlie couldn't understand why else everything was kept so quiet.

Edward didn't like that.

"Catch him in the act? Catch him in the act of what? Taking our fucking children again? Or running Bella off the road? That's bullshit! If they know who he is, why isn't he behind bars?"

Charlie was on speaker phone. Masen was in is room playing, at my request. I silently rubbed Edward's arm, trying to calm him.

"It's just a thought, a theory, Edward. I don't know for sure. I just know that normally when they're quiet like this, there is something else going on that we don't know about. They seem fairly confident in what they're doing. The lead investigator assured me that Bella was in no danger, and neither is Masen."

"That's it? That's all we get?" Edward asked.

"I'm afraid so," Charlie responded.

I sighed, uneasy.

"Charlie, do you trust him? Do you believe Bella's safe?"

I turned away from Edward and grinned. I loved that he called my dad Charlie now instead of "Officer Sawn, or Mr. Sawn, or Sir."

"I do trust him, Edward. I went to the academy with his younger brother. They're good people. They just need to keep whatever they're doing quiet right now. It will all come out in due time. As soon as I find anything else out, you all will be the first to know."

Edward inhaled a deep breath and blew it out. "Okay."

"Now, how's my girl doing?"

I smiled. "You're on speaker phone, Dad. I'm good."

"You eating your vegetables and watching your caffeine intake?"

"Yes sir!" I teased. "Edward keeps me on track."

"Now, when is she coming again? I need to make sure I can get off work."

I laughed. "Approximately two weeks. But you never know. Masen was a little late. I hope she's not late. But, I mean, as soon as I think something's up, I'll call you. I can't really just plan it though."

Edward and Charlie laughed. "I know, Bella. Is your mom coming up?"

Edward and I looked to each other. I knew my dad was hoping to see her. "I don't think so, Dad."

"What? Why not? She was there for Masen."

"I know, but it's different now. I want this to be an experience for Edward, Masen and I, not Mom, Alice and me."

Charlie was quiet for a moment.

"I mean, you know, she would just worry me to death and always be in my space and stay entirely too long."

Charlie and Edward laughed again. "I guess you're right, Bells. You're going to let her come see the kid aren't you?"

"Of course, Dad. I just want to get adjusted first, and besides, Edward's parents are coming up and staying a few days too, so between them and you, I'm sure we'll be fine. I just know if mom were here, she'd want to be in the room when she's born and she'd make a big fuss and want to hold her all the time and it's different this time. I'm not a scared little girl having a baby for the first time against my will. We created her, and we want to bring into the world and be the first ones to enjoy her. I'm sorry if that's selfish."

"No, I understand, this is different, Bella. You're becoming such a smart young woman."

I smiled. "Thanks, Dad."

Edward and I said our goodbyes to my father. We were both smiling after we hung up the phone. Edward moved closer to me. His fingertips lingered gently on my cheek, as if he was contemplating something.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked.

I smiled. "Edward, you don't have to ask me." Our lips met before I finished my sentence. I enjoyed our kiss more than I thought I would. We were both smiling when we finally separated. "I love you." We said it at the same time and we both laughed. Edward kissed my forehead and my belly before going to retrieve Masen for dinner.

The following week I was completely miserable. My back hurt, my head hurt, I ached all over. I walked around our apartment endlessly until Edward finally took a break from studying to watch Masen so I could go for a walk outside. I waddled down the street while on the phone with Edward, it's the only way he would let me go by myself. If I walked enough, maybe she would come a little early.

I finally turned around to head back to the apartment. It was a nice 70 degrees outside, but I was starting to get warm.

"I didn't realize how far I had walked," I said, out of breath, after I turned around to head back.

"You want me to come pick you up?" Edward asked.

"No, no. I need to walk. You could run me a warm bath though."

"Okay, I can do that."

By the time I made it back to the apartment, I was completely uncomfortable and crabby. Edward had my bath ready to go and he was working on dinner. He was going to be one hell of a husband one day.

Edward helped me into the bath and left me alone to tend to dinner.

I guess I fell asleep. I was exhausted. A sharp pain in my side, shot around my stomach and went low around my waist. That pain felt familiar to me. I smiled to myself, hoping it was a contraction and I eagerly waited for the next one.

Edward popped his head in, I didn't even notice. "Dinner's almost ready."

I glanced up at him. "Okay, help me?"

Edward entered the bathroom and grabbed a big towel. "What were you smiling about when I came in here?"

"What?" I asked, as he helped me out of the tub.

"You had this big grin on your face before you knew I was here."

I laughed. "No, I didn't." I didn't want to tell him, or alarm him, or get him excited. It could've been nothing and until I was discerning a pattern, I wasn't going to worry him with it.

He knew I was lying.

"Liar," he said to me as he wrapped the towel around me.

"She had the hiccups. It made me smile."

"You can feel her hiccup?"

"Of course. She's stopped now though," I said, as I placed a hand on my belly. In fact she had been fairly active earlier on in the day and I hadn't really felt her that much lately. I prayed she was settling down like a good little girl, getting ready to make her grand appearance.

Edward left me to get dressed.

At dinner, I took the first bite of Edward's homemade lasagna and I gasped audibly.

"Is it that bad?" he asked.

My face contorted in pain. I shook my head and exhaled a deep breath. "I just had a cramp in my back. The lasagna is good."

"Is it a contraction?"

"I don't think so," I said as I checked the clock on the wall behind him.

He dropped it and we continued eating, mostly in silence. I didn't feel well. I wasn't really that hungry but I didn't want to tell Edward that. His lasagna was good, so I forced myself to eat everything on my plate and I regretted it afterwards.

I had one or two more contractions before we went to bed that night, but there was really no pattern emerging and I fell asleep that night to Edward massaging my back. I don't think I'd been that relaxed in weeks.

I woke up early the next morning. Edward was shaving in the bathroom. He had to work.

I laid in bed, listening to him humming some song while he was shaving. It was cute.

I started to fell achy, like a contraction was coming on. It got stronger and sharper until I couldn't stifle my cry.

Edward came out of the bathroom, half of his face still covered in shaving cream. "What's wrong?" he asked.

I wasn't able to speak yet. I tried to focus on my breathing until it passed. When the intensity started to lessen, I took a deep breath and blew it out. I couldn't hide it anymore. "That was definitely a contraction," I breathed.

Edward disappeared quickly back into the bathroom. I heard the water running and a moment later he reappeared, his face whipped clean, only the left side freshly shaven. I laughed at him. "What are you doing?"

"What am I doing? What are you doing? Don't we need to go to the hospital?"

He was so funny. "Well, probably, eventually. I need to see how far apart they are. There's no sense in me sitting at the hospital waiting when I could be here. Labor can last a long time Edward. I was in labor with Masen for nearly 14 hours.

"That is a long time. But shouldn't you be hooked up to a machine or something? I would just feel better if we were at the hospital."

"Well, we're not going anywhere until you shave the other side of your face."

"Oh, right," he said as he ran the palm of his hand along his face.

"And while you're doing that, will you run a bath for me and shave my legs?" I asked sweetly.

He laughed. "Are you sure we have time for all that?"

"I'm pretty sure. And you should call the office and tell them you won't be there, and call your parents, give them a heads up."

"Oh, right. The office, that's a good idea."

I watched Edward shuffle around me nervously. While he started my bath, I made a few phone calls and made sure I had everything I needed packed in my overnight bag. I made my way to the baby's room and went through everything meticulously, making sure it was perfect for her. I moved the little bassinet we had been keeping in her room into our room so it was one less thing I had to worry about when she was home.

I felt another contraction coming on, so I laid down on the bed momentarily to ride it out.

"Your bath is getting cold," Edward warned as he stepped into the bedroom from the bathroom. I raised a finger to him, telling him I'd be there in a minute. He could see the pain on my face.

"Are you okay? Do we need to go?"

I waited a moment to compose myself and looked at the clock. "No, stop pestering me. They're still 45 minutes apart. When they're closer to ten minutes apart, we'll go. It could be a while. Chill out."

"Oh, okay." Edward went back to the bathroom and helped me in the tub. When I was finished I sat on the edge, partially covered with a towel, while he shaved my legs. It's only the second time I'd convinced him to do it, more out of necessity than laziness. This time he even put lotion on for me.

"Thank you, baby. You're so good at that."

Edward laughed and I kissed his cheek.

Edward let me relax while he made Masen and I breakfast. I woke Masen up early and we had some mommy/son time before breakfast. I was sort of sad that he wasn't going to be my baby anymore, but I was excited to meet his sister, too.

Edward took Masen to daycare and we arranged for Rosalie to pick him up. She was keeping him while we were at the hospital. Edward made her swear she wouldn't lose him or misplace him or let anyone take him. I nudged him when he said that, I know he was trying to be funny, but I'm sure she felt guilty enough as it was.

Edward and I did a few things around the house while we kept an eye on my contractions. Finally, at about 3:00 that afternoon, they were nearly fifteen minutes apart and I was getting to the point that the pain was unbearable so we went ahead to the hospital.

I got checked in and changed into my lovely hospital gown. We got settled in the room and I got hooked up to the monitor. The baby's heart beat was strong and steady. They confirmed she was in position and examined me. I was nearly seven centimeters dilated. I got my epidural almost immediately. I thought Edward was going to pass out. When I looked up at him, after the epidural was administered, his face was ghostly white.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

He hesitated for a moment. "Yea, I'm okay."

I sighed. "You better be. It hasn't even started yet. You have to be conscious through the entire thing!"

Edward laughed. "I will be."

He seemed to relax then and I tried to get some rest while my epidural kicked in.

I woke a few hours later, extremely uncomfortable. There was so much pressure and need to push. I wanted her out.

When I groaned audibly in pain, Edward turned to look at me from his spot in the chair next to me. He was engrossed in some television program.

"It hurts," I whined. "I want to push. Will you get the nurse?"

"She was just in checking on you a few minutes ago. She said your contractions were really close together. She just went to call the doctor. I was just going to let you sleep. You looked peaceful."

I was clammy and sweaty and I ached all over. "I'm hot," I complained.

Edward went and got me a cold cloth he smoothed along the skin of my forehead, cheeks, and neck. It felt good.

The doctor came in a few minutes later. Without asking he just lifted up my sheet and examined me. Edward looked slightly alarmed and it almost made me laugh. "Well, the nurse was right. You're ready to go." The doctor rambled off some orders to the nurse and she hurried out of the room.

"Are you serious? I can start pushing?"

"In just a few minutes," he responded.

I smiled, excited. I can't believe I slept through the boring part. I must have been really tired.

Two more nurses and the doctor returned a moment later. The doctor was wearing scrubs and gloves now. A nurse readied the area where the baby would be taken to be checked out and cleaned up.

Edward held one knee back while I pushed and a nurse held the other.

After pushing several times, I was completely exhausted and in a world of pain.

"Just a little more, Bella. I can see her head. Reach down and feel."

Before I could even let go of Edward to lower my hand, Edward's head dipped between my legs. "Whoa," he said, "Look, Bella."

I reached my hand down and sat up to look in the mirror that was placed behind the doctor. Her head was crowing. Thank God. It would be over soon. I rested for just a moment before I started pushing again.

Thirty minutes later, I felt a huge weight lifted off of me and I heard the contents of my insides spilling out onto the floor.

I was so relieved I instantly started crying, and then I heard her crying and I cried even more.

I opened my eyes as the doctor put her on my stomach for a moment while the nurses attempted to clean her and Edward cut the cord. He looked so proud and happy. I was so grateful he got to be a part of this.

I didn't even get a good look at her through my tears, before the nurse swept her away. I couldn't even recall what she looked like and it made me frantic. Her cry was muffled and not as strong as I thought it should be.

Edward was at my side telling me how amazing I was and I urged him to go check on her.

I was so exhausted I couldn't even keep my eyes open long enough to allow them to follow him across the room.

I vaguely remember hearing them cleaning out her airway and hearing her cry louder.

The next thing I remembered was Edward saying my name.

"Bella. Bella...look at her. She's perfect."

Edward was holding our little girl, swaddled in white, with a little hat on her head. I instantly pulled it off, to see her hair. It was dark, but full and wild.

We both laughed, and I cried. She looked like Edward, but with my hair. She had his lips and his animated eyes. I took her from him and she looked at me in wonder.

I talked to her until I didn't feel safe holding her anymore. I felt sick to my stomach and tired. Edward accompanied her to the nursery for all her little tests and I fell asleep.

*****Author's Note: Hi! We finally have a baby! The details will be in the next chapter. ****_***Thank you to whomever nominated Repentance for the Sparkleteers Rare Gem Award*****_** Thank you all for reading and reviewing! I hope all you Americans had a good Thanksgiving and Black Friday! If you haven't already - please check out my new story - Elusive Reality. It's on my blog and . **

**Twitter: AllOrNothingKR**

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	33. Chapter 33

CHAPTER 33:

On Monday night at 10:36 p.m., Molly Claire Cullen entered the world. She weighed six pounds and eight ounces. She had a head full of chocolate brown hair and her daddy's crooked smile. I picked Molly and Edward picked Claire, after his grandmother.

Shortly before midnight, on the same night, an evil man lost his life. James was murdered at his parents' home in Seattle shortly after Molly was born.

Charlie waited to tell us until the day after we were home from the hospital. He waited until Edward's parents returned to their hotel for the evening.

"Thanks for coming, Dad. We really appreciate it."

"Yeah, you've been a big help," Edward chimed in. Charlie helped keep Masen entertained while we tended to Molly's needs.

Charlie turned away from the door. "I'm not going just yet. I needed to talk to you two about something."

Edward and I looked at each other and then at Masen, who was avidly playing with a little fishing game that Charlie had bought for him.

Charlie gave us both a look that said whatever it was he wanted to talk about shouldn't be around Masen.

Edward and Charlie convinced Masen it was his bedtime. Edward let Charlie read him his bedtime story.

I waited for Molly to finish her bottle before I changed her diaper again and put her down in the bassinet in our room. I carried her monitor with me. I couldn't stand to not be in the same room with her.

Charlie emerged a few minutes later.

"Well, I've got some news that might shock you guys," Charlie said, facing us as we sat down on the couch.

Edward grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Bella, uh, shortly after Molly was born, James was murdered at his parent's home here in Seattle. He's dead."

I gasped. "What?"

Edward stood quickly. "Who did it? Why?"

"They won't tell me yet. I'm not sure they know. What I do know, is having Molly that night was the best possible thing you could've done."

"Why?" We both asked in unison.

"Because you were their first suspect," Charlie said, looking at Edward. "You're the one with the most motive."

I clutched on to Edward and he stood there speechless. "But, I'm not anymore, right? I mean, they know it couldn't have been me."

"Right. They came here to question you. They were surprised to find me and Masen here. I told them where you were and they confirmed it with the hospital. They know more than they're letting on. I just don't know all the answers yet."

I didn't know whether to celebrate or cry. As much I wanted to kill James for what he did to Edward and I, nobody deserved to die. "What happened?" I asked.

"He was shot, three times in the head at point blank range. He never had a chance."

I took a deep breath. "I'm so confused. Who would want James dead? And what about the guy that took Masen? How does he fit into this?"

"I don't know, Bella. I'm still looking into it. I'm not going back to Forks yet. I'm staying here a few more days, to get more answers. In the meantime though, I got you this."

He pulled a small handgun from his bag.

"Dad, no. Absolutely not. I don't want it."

Edward stepped up and reached out for the gun. Charlie started showing him how to use it.

"Hello!" I screamed. They both acted like I wasn't there. "I said no!"

"Bella, it's for your own protection. You don't know what these people are capable of."

I was fuming. "I know that I don't need to operate a gun and I don't want a gun in my house. We have children!"

Edward and Charlie were looking at each other, trying to come up with a way around what I wanted.

"I said no," I stated firmly. "Both of you disgust me. Masen is too young and too curious to have that in this house."

"Bella, we can keep it somewhere safe, locked up even," Edward added.

"Oh, yeah? A lot of good that does us when someone comes in here and puts a gun to our heads. Hey, Mr. Bad guy, can you hold on a minute while I go get my gun out of the safe? Yea. Fucking. Right."

Edward's eyes got big. He knows I'm serious if I'm cursing. "Bella, I would just feel so much better knowing you have this when you're here alone."

"Uh! Don't you get it? I'm accident prone. I will shoot myself in the head and not even realize it! I don't want that thing in my house! So help me God if you think you're keeping that thing, you can go sleep somewhere else."

"Bella..." Edward pleaded.

I turned my back on both of them, and then decided against it. I should make sure it leaves with my dad and that Edward just doesn't hide it somewhere.

Edward caught on to what I was doing and reluctantly handed it back to my dad. I saw my Charlie out and nearly lost it when he was gone.

I didn't know what to think or do. I didn't know whether to be sad or angry or happy. James was still somebody's son. Somebody cared about him and they lost him. Images of coming home and finding Edward nearly dead flashed behind my eyes. It scared me. Who would've killed James? I thought he was behind all this. Who was the guy that had Masen? So many unanswered questions and it really made me nervous now that James was gone.

I nearly jumped out of my shoes when I felt Edward touch me. I gasped.

"I'm sorry," he said. "Where did you go? You completely spaced out."

I shook my head and took a deep breath. "I was just thinking."

"I'm sorry about the gun. It's gone, okay? Don't be mad at me. It was your dad's idea."

I nudged him playfully, but I guess he was right. It just irritated me that he was all for it, without even considering my clumsiness and the fact that we have children in the house that would think it was a brand new toy.

I finally let down my guard and turned to him. Edward opened his arms and I went to him, nuzzling my face into his chest. "Edward, I'm scared."

"Don't be, Bella." He soothingly rubbed my back. "Everything is fine. He had his chance with us. If he wanted to hurt us, he had Masen. He could've...he didn't."

I took a deep breath. "I don't know."

Edward kissed my forehead. "Let's get some sleep before Molly gets hungry again."

I made sure the door was locked, twice, before crawling into bed with Edward.

Between Molly and my imagination running wild, I didn't close my eyes once.

Over the next few weeks we learned more about what was going on with James and the person who had been interfering with our lives lately. His name was Christopher Stallings. We had never met him before. He had a lengthy criminal record but mostly petty crimes and possession of drugs.

It took several days for the investigating officer to put all the pieces together. They had an informant working for them. It turns out Christopher Stallings had previously shared a jail cell with Laurent. Stallings was let out early on good behavior. Laurent had a bone to pick with James because James wouldn't bail him out of jail. Laurent couldn't put up the money himself. James was blaming Edward's beating on Laurent. James was using Laurent as his defense in preparing for the trial.

Initially Laurent had given Stallings a few hundred bucks to try to scare us and make us and the police think that James was behind it. Laurent wanted James back behind bars. When the car accident didn't work and James was still a free man, Laurent requested that Christopher take Masen and dispose of him. He wanted James to take the blame.

Fortunately for us, Christopher couldn't go through with it. Christopher had a son when he was 16 that he never got see due to his criminal history. He may have been a bad man, but he couldn't bring himself to harm a child. Laurent grew more and more frustrated as the trial grew closer and James was setting him up to be behind bars for the rest of his life. With Christopher out of the picture, Laurent hired someone to take out James, and in exchange, Laurent set up the hit man with his drug dealer who would supply him with drugs in exchange for the murder.

The murderer hadn't been caught yet. Laurent wasn't talking. Laurent told police he didn't know the guy's name, only that someone else in the prison set it up for him. Police were still looking into that and trying to track down James' killer, but in the meantime, James was off the streets and Laurent's motive for hurting us was gone.

Finally, we had the answers we had been searching for. James was gone, and he couldn't hurt us anymore. There was no lengthy trial that we would have to sit through. Laurent accepted a plea bargain for the assault and attempted murder charges for what happened to Edward. The charges were dropped to aggravated assault only, and Laurent would spend a minimum of five years in prison. Laurent would also stand trial for the murder of James. He was facing life in prison for that crime. Eventually, his hit man sold him out in exchange for a reduced sentence.

For the first time in months, Edward and I could rest easy and enjoy our beautiful children.

***Author's Note:

Hi all! Hope you enjoyed this chapter...because it is the last one. I know a lot happened and a lot of answers came out! Don't worry, there's an epilogue to follow - it will likely be posted on Christmas weekend. Thank you again for all the reviews!

Check out my newest story - Elusive Reality - it's on my blog and .

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR

Facebook: AllOrNothingKR at gmail (dot) com.

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	34. Chapter 34

EPILOGUE

Edward and I married when Molly was six months old. We had a small ceremony at the Edgewater Hotel in Seattle. We only invited our closest family and friends. I never imagined a wedding with so many babies. Alice and Jasper named their son Jackson Alexander Whitlock. He was part of the wedding. Jackson was carried by Jasper, who was a best man and Alice carried Molly. Emmalie was a flower girl. Fortunately, there were no temper-tantrums and everyone was surprisingly well behaved. Of course, Jackson and Molly slept through most of the ceremony, only waking when people started clapping at the end.

My dress was strapless and fairly simple, but elegant at the same time. I wore my hair mostly down and wavy with only a small portion pinned back. Edward looked handsome as ever and when the doors opened and I started down the aisle, he was the only one I saw. We recited our vows and Edward promised me and our children the world. I already felt like I had it all.

Our wedding day was perfect. Our wedding photos were perfect. Our children were perfect. The day couldn't have gone any better. It was a perfect start to our forever.

The following year, after Edward and I married, we moved to Portland, Oregon to be closer to his parents and to get out of the city. Edward finished up law school and was preparing to take the BAR exam. He already had an Associate position lined up at the DA's office in Portland.

I was still finishing up my PhD, but in the meantime, I was teaching a class of second graders at a local elementary school. Most days I really enjoyed my job. Although we left Seattle to get a fresh start and move away from bad memories, somehow, a little piece seemed to follow us, but I didn't mind.

I knew it on the first day when I looked over my roll sheet for my new second grade class. Cooper Stallings. Cooper was a lanky brown haired boy that grossly resembled Christopher Stallings. Although they had similarities, Cooper didn't quite have his father's good looks. Cooper was thin and had big glasses. He stuttered sometimes and didn't always look clean.

I confirmed that he was Christopher Stallings' estranged son by speaking with his rather young mother at parent teacher conferences. Cooper and I had a really good relationship. He got picked on a lot for being quirky, but I always stood up for him and took care of him. I didn't like the fact that his father took my son, but I appreciated the fact that he didn't have the heart to harm him and returned him to me safely. The least I could do was protect his son in return.

I wasn't sure what Cooper's home life was like, but I imagined it could be better. I think his mother struggled a lot, but she was doing the best she could. Cooper often only came to lunch with a peanut butter sandwich. On those days, I would buy extra lunch and tell him I was too full to finish, so he could have my left overs. His eyes always lit up. Cooper was my favorite student.

Eventually, Edward and I moved to a moderately sized home just outside of Portland. It was the first home either of us owned and we were so proud of it. Edward painted and did things around the house on the weekends while I decorated and worked on the curb appeal.

Molly was a quickly growing toddler. She was so beautiful. She was the apple of her daddy's eye and anything she wanted, she got. Edward treated her like a princess. I got the greatest joy from watching them interact together.

Edward had been out with Molly for their daddy/daughter time one Saturday afternoon while Masen and I had been to his soccer practice. We returned home shortly before Edward and Molly and were getting ready for dinner when Edward and Molly came bounding through the door, excitement apparent in Molly's little voice.

"Momma! Masen! See what Daddy got me!" I could hear her bouncing towards us in the kitchen.

Masen jumped down from his bar stool at the kitchen island and ran towards the foyer.

"Oh my gosh! No way!"

"It's not just for you, Molly. It's for everyone," Edward corrected.

I didn't hear Molly's response. I came around the corner to a foyer full of giggles and slobbery wet faces. A puppy. A little chocolate colored fluffy puppy.

I gave Edward a questioning look and signaled for him to come to the kitchen while the kids played with the puppy.

"Edward! A puppy is a big deal. We're supposed to discuss things like that!"

"I know, babe, but you should've seen her face light up when she saw him! I promise I'll help take care of him. Come on, it won't hurt to teach Masen some responsibility too. It will be a good thing, I promise."

I sighed. "She has you wrapped around her little finger so tight..."

Edward smiled. "I can't help it."

He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on my lips. Just as I was beginning to not want to let him go, we heard Molly scream and Masen laugh.

We both ran into the foyer. Molly started crying.

"What happened?" I asked.

Masen was laughing so hard he could hardly speak. "He pooped on her!"

Molly stood in the foyer in all her three year old glory with a dark brown watery stain on the front of her pretty pink shirt.

Edward burst into laughter.

I hit him in the arm. "Don't laugh at her! Clean her up!"

Edward continued to laugh as he tended to Molly.

"Masen, why don't you take the puppy out back."

Masen ran off through the back of the house with the little brown fur ball following closely behind him.

A few months later, Edward returned home from a stressful day at work. I could tell he was in a bad mood, but he tried not to let it show.

I was making dinner while Masen played with Bear in the backyard. Molly was coloring at the kitchen table. Since the day she got pooped on by the puppy, she wanted nothing to do with it. Bear was officially Masen's and Molly got a kitten. Some days, it felt like a zoo around our house.

"Edward, you okay?" I asked as he moved around me in silence, attempting to help with dinner.

Edward nodded his head. "Had an interesting day. I'm supposed to give you this," he handed me a folded piece of paper from a yellow legal pad.

"What is it?" I asked as I opened it up.

"I prosecuted Christopher Stallings today. Drug possession, again."

I read the scrawled messy script on the page.

_Miss Bella, _

_I got to see my son last month. He told me all about you and all you done for him. I'm real sorry for the trouble I caused you and your family. I know I'm not the best person, and I get in a lot of trouble, but I love my boy. Thank you for watching out for him._

_Chris_

"Wow, that is interesting."

Edward nodded his head. "I don't get why he just won't clean himself up and get some help. He doesn't seem like that bad of a guy, but he's always doing stupid stuff."

"It's all he's ever known," I sighed. "I just hope Cooper doesn't end up like him."

Edward placed a hand on my hip and pulled me to him. His lips brushed across mine. "With people like you in his life, he won't end up like his father."

I smiled up at Edward as Molly yelled, "Ewww!" from across the kitchen. She thought kissing was gross. Edward told her it was and that she should never do it. She believed him.

Edward and I laughed before separating to finish up dinner.

Edward and I had been through a lot together. We dealt with some things that felt bigger than us and out of our control. There were many days that I thought I couldn't do it anymore. I felt like I'd never have the life I thought I would.

Although I never planned on a marriage, a house with a big fenced back yard, and 2.5 children by the time I was 30, I was damn glad it turned out the way it did. Even if it all started out rocky, Edward and I had a beautiful family and a lot to be grateful for. Not a day goes by that I don't feel lucky to have him in my life. He caused me a lot of pain and hurt in the beginning, but he saved me in the end and gave me a life and a family that I never imagined could be so perfect.

***I know I promised this forever ago, but unforeseen circumstances got in the way. I'm truly sorry. I hope you all enjoyed the story overall. I know it isn't for everyone. Thanks for hanging in there with me and thank you for the reviews. 3

Of course, don't forget to check out my next story - Elusive Reality - on FF and my blog.

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR

Facebook: AllOrNothingKR at gmail (dot) com


	35. Sequel

**So, this obviously isn't a chapter update, but I just wanted those of you who enjoyed Repentance to be aware that the sequel, Aftermath, is up on fan fiction now. I posted the Preface today and will try to update weekly. **

**Thanks & Enjoy & Review :)**

**TwitteR: AllOrNothingKR**


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